Paul Wilson: Weak in Review – Putin’s Folly, Zimmerman Stand’s His Ground, Insane Clown & Bill Murray Waxes Patriotic

BfuTg7BCMAAhsVLIt’s been a slo week…

Snow’s kept the Darwinians inside, but for your consideration, I offer the following  from the all the news that’s not.

2014 #SochiProblems

If you want some great reading, add #SochiProblems to your Twitter feed; apparently Russia needs Mitt Romney to come and fix the glitches:

  • My hotel doesn’t have a lobby yet but at least they got the room decor spot on (picture of Putin on night stand)
  • Hearing about #SochiProblems leads me to believe that this will be the FIRST HUNGER GAMES! or at least Thirst Games – dangerous face water? (sink full of yellow water pictured)
  • My room has no furniture, no water, no curtains; at least 3 out of 4 lights don’t work.
  • I have a dictionary of Russian curse words. Please let me know if you need me to look up anything
  • Colleague lost hotel room key. Hotel did not have copy. So instead of giving a new key, they removed the whole door.
  • I am now in possession of three light bulbs. Will trade for a door handle. This offer is real.

This reminded me of the joke about the Russian who ordered his first new car.

The salesman said, “Congratulations! Your new car will arrive three years from today!” The customer asked, “Morning or afternoon?” to which the salesmen responded, “Why?”

And the customer replied, “The plumber is coming in the morning.”

george-zimmerman-dmx-celebrity-boxing-match-fight-2014.jpg?w=658&h=395For Tonight’s MAIN EVENT

The opponent in the yellow trunks threatens to bust a cap in someone’s ass; in the blue trunks, there’s an opponent who really has! Guess which one’s really shot someone. Is it the thug rapper; or the bat shit crazy, fat half Peruvian dude?

That’s right, it’s our friend we love to hate, George “Kel Tec” Zimmerman. He’s been gone too long and we’re so glad to have him back.

No contract has been signed, his people are negotiating with rapper DMX to fight him.

“DMX has promised to beat his ass,” DMX spokesman Domenick Nati told CNN Wednesday. D – I call him “D” because we’re tight – I’ll buy front row seats to this, but two tips from your friend and well-coiffed Scribe; First, check Georgey-boys pockets. Second, don’t fight him in Florida, the boy loves that Stand Your Ground law. And third if you get on top of him, you’re a dead man!

Zimmerman told Radar Online the celebrity boxing match was his idea, even prior to the “incident.”

If I remember, there’s a dead black kid somewhere in that “incident.”

paul walkerWant to see something you’ll never forget?

Get to Kaiser, MO between the 6th and 9th of August for Insane Clown Posse‘s “Gathering.” In case you’re not familiar with their fans or what a Juggalo is, I offer this from the Urban Dictionary:

For the most part, an uneducated, pathetic excuse for a human being who listens to the group ICP. People you see wearing “hatchet-man” accessories. They should not be allowed to reproduce, because that is too cruel to future generations. ICP isn’t rap, it isn’t metal, it isn’t rap/metal, and it isn’t horrorpop. There is only one way to properly categorize ICP; unnecessarily and unartfully offensive and obnoxious noise. The juggalo is stupid enough to think that ICP is music.

Take a case of Faygo (carbonated urine that comes from gay clowns) and you’ll have  some friends for life.

late-show-20th-anniversaryI love me some Bill Murray

My son got to hang out with him in Austin, at SXSW a couple years back; Murray’s just an all-round interesting guy in my book. It just came across my desk that Bill he’d been on Squawk Box a year ago, but it’s well worth wrapping up this piece of garbage with some of his words.

“I think we ought to be personally responsible,” Murray said, “I think if you can take care of yourself, and then maybe try to take care of someone else, that’s sort of how you’re supposed to live.

“I think there’s only so many people that can take care of themselves, and can take care of other people. And the rest of the people … they’re useful in terms of compost for the whole planet, you know.”

Murray said the United States is a “pioneer country,” but that many seen to have forgotten the discipline early Americans needed just to survive.

“Occasionally, it seeps in that they came in wagons from Illinois to Oregon or whatever. That they came in wagons and the wheels broke.”

Murray added that this image leads to thoughts such as, “Gee, that must have been hard for those women to push that wagon up that mountain and (so) that’s what they had to do. There was no option but to do it yourself, to have your own responsibility.”

Murray’s comments seem to imply that people should wean themselves off government aid and he criticized both parties for their partisan bickering.

“They spend all their time just trying to destroy the other guy, not to work together, but to humble and humiliate the other so that they can’t have success.

“It’s not working to serve anyone anymore,” he added. “I don’t want to sound like a Rotarian, but if you’re not some sort of common good, and you’re only servicing your sort of partisan alliance, you’re part of what’s destructive, you’re destroying something.”

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8 Responses to Paul Wilson: Weak in Review – Putin’s Folly, Zimmerman Stand’s His Ground, Insane Clown & Bill Murray Waxes Patriotic

  1. chuck says:

    I am stealing that joke.

    Just lettin ya know.

    🙂

  2. balbonis moleskine says:

    So those Juggalo tickets are $180 bucks a pop! Holy moly that’s a lot of money for an anthropological examination of group antisocial behavior.

    I propose that Hearne buys you two tickets and I sell faygo and make sure you don’t get murdered by clowns with hatchets.

    • paulwilsonkc says:

      Balbo, to do that event with YOU….I’ll buy the effing tickets and start practicing my anti social behavior today! Maybe we should consult Harley as I’m sure, in some way, he’s got an angle on this; either having invented Juggalos, gave ICP their name or wrote the business plan and funded the start up of Faygo. You know it’s in there somewhere.
      I found the earlier comment in a prior story hilarious; I start the “Weak” stories on Monday and add as items pop up; what’s the chance on any given Wednesday, someone jokingly suggest I get shipped off to a Gathering?
      Hey, thanks for adding your always interesting take.

      • hot harley says:

        okay7 Wilson…thanks for the ink….was feeling kind of
        depressed you didn’t include me in your recent
        stories…needed the lift.
        no I don’t know icp…didn’t see them….except onsom
        late night show and figured if they can make millions
        we take you/me/glaze/hearne and chuck….get some clown
        outfits…do some lip synching…call our selves
        INSANE CLOWN BLOGGERS….and we’ll never have
        to really work again.
        thanks…still goo to know you’re one of my de33siples!!!!!!!!!

      • the dude says:

        Like I said before wilsun- you, lots of white and black shoe polish on yer mug, a suitcase full of meth and a 55 gallon drum of Faygo at the juggalo gathering. Where could you possibly go wrong?

        • paulwilsonkc says:

          Im already on it; I issued a formal expense check request from Admin, as soon as its approved Im buying a 10 person tent at Bass Pro and getting packed. Harley knows the East Side crowd, he’ll be my go-to guy for the meth. My position in the KC Metro hotel and lodging community already has the wholesale hook up for the faygo, diet and regular. Im one jugallete from bliss!

    • admin says:

      Excellent idea, balbonis…

      I can just see you two clowns down there fitting right in.

      Not so sure about the part where I saddle up.

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