Leftridge: Tales from the Tweet: Mizzou’s Misery, Crennel Cans Self & Sheik Speaks

Welcome back to an all new, all-election version of Tales from the Tweet!

Just kidding, not really.

I’m tired of the incessant political talk. I mean, I get that it’s important, and I understand why we must all educate ourselves/rock the vote/riot if our candidate isn’t elected, but Jumpin’ Jesus on a pogo-stick does all of the backstabbing and infighting and misleading verbiage and ham-fisted rhetoric get completely exhausting.

Either my guy won, or your guy won or OUR guy won, right?

Can’t we all just except that neither guy would have changed the world? Haven’t they all been some slight variation of one another basically for forever?

You know what else never seems to change?

CHIEFS FOOOOOOOTBAAAALLLL!

They’ve been a blight on our community for (what feels like) a million years, and despite recent changes, this shows no sign of deviating.

@KrisKetz (KMBC 9 anchor)

“Romeo Crennel out as Chiefs DC; Stanford Routt cut.”

Deadspin said it best with their headline “Chiefs Head Coach Romeo Crennel Fires Defensive Coordinator Romeo Crennel.” Yet another laughingstock move in what has become a hilarious abomination of a season. It’s scary, really, how historically bad this team is. Thank GOD we cut Routt, though; NOW WE’RE GOING UNDEFEATED FOR THE REST OF THE SEASON, KIDS!!!

‏@getnickwright (Houston broadcaster, still tweets a lot about the Chiefs)

“Guys, in a league with Blaine Gabbert as a starting QB, the Kansas City #Chiefs are going to have the #1 pick.”

He’s right. And this is depressing. Depressing not because watching the Chiefs is worse than getting hit in the balls with a sledgehammer, but because next year’s consensus number one quarterback—USC’s Matt Barkley—doesn’t look nearly as sure-thing as Andrew Luck or RG3 did coming out of college. Plus… I just don’t trust USC quarterbacks. Call me crazy.

 

So the Chiefs are bad, but you know who else is bad? MIZZOU in the SEC. Especially QB James Franklin. ESPECIALLYIER this past Saturday, against the then 7th ranked Florida Gators. With a punchless Gator offensive only putting up 14 points, the Tigers had multiple attempts to make a statement, but this all collapsed when it turned out that Franklin was their quarterback.

‏@AschoffESPN (Edward Aschoff, ESPN.com’s SEC correspondent)

“Who was James Franklin throwing that to?? Yuck #MIZZvsUF”

@bobfescoe (610 am)

James Franklin is KILLING #mizzou today”

Michael Haney ‏@Haney1075  (“107.5 The Game’s mid-day iron man” Columbia, SC)

“I’m guessing James Franklin didn’t win his girlfriend any prizes at the fair. Brutal accuracy.”

But you know what, guys? You know who’s sick of all this Franklin-bashing? TJ Moe, that’s who!

‏@TJMoe28 (Mizzou WR)

“I’ve heard enough of everyone bashing my QB. If you’re going to support this team, support James. He is not the reason for our struggles.”

Well Teej, it’s cute that you say that—very diplomatic and whatnot—but, well, he kinda sorta is the reason for your struggles. A big part, at least.

 

It’s a good thing we’ve got HOT SHTOVE NEWSH (that’s my Sean Connery, by the way) to distract us from all of this terrible local football (K-State being the grand exception, of course). The Royals hit the ground running this off season, first with Alex Gordon’s second consecutive Gold Glove, then with a trade to shore up their abysmal starting pitching.

  ‏@Ken_Rosenthal (FOX MLB)

Source: #Royals acquire Ervin Santana from #Angels. Return not yet known.”

Actually, the return was career minor league reliever Brandon Sisk. Great move, huh? Santana’s had moderate success for years, is still relatively young and a DEFINITE upgrade over almost everyone else in the rotation last year, right? Not so fast:

‏@Buster_ESPN (Buster Olney, ESPN)

“Ervin Santana is the highest-paid KC player, at $13m. Average fastball velocity, last five seasons: 2008: 94.8, 92.5, 92.4, 92.7, 91.7.”

Awesome. Just… awesome. Thanks, Buster, you toad-faced bootlicker.

Look, on the outset, I still really like the deal. Perhaps the trade rejuvenates something dormant deep within the one-time “not-quite-an-ace-but-has-the-potential-to-be-one-sort-of.” As previously stated, he’s a definite upgrade over almost everyone other than Jeremy Guthrie, and the Royals didn’t have to give up, well, much of ANYTHING to get him. The biggest takeaway, though, is that he can’t be it—if he’s the major off season acquisition, let’s just cancel 2013 now.

‏@Royals_Report (Bob Dutton, grizzled Royals beat writer for the KC Star)

“#Royals GM Dayton Moore says “we’re not done” after acquiring Ervin Santana from Angels.”

Okay, WHEW. All I know is that his “we’re not done” comment better not be one of Moore’s attempts to be huggable and loved.

Bulldog Bob Fescoe, your thoughts on the trade?

@bobfescoe

“Besides cheese, what is the one topping u HAVE to have on ur burger?”

Okay, well, that wasn’t what I ASKED, really, and I’m a little dismayed that you use the internet vernacular of a 14 year old girl, but I guess I’d go with bacon. Or maybe grilled onions. Tough question! But what about this trade again?

‏@bobfescoe

“Why is it when I want to watch seinfeld its never on?”

Oh, Jesus—whatever. Forget I said anything. You’re clearly on drugs.

Iron Sheik, take us away!

‏@the_ironsheik (former WWE superstar, crazy person)

“Andre never gave 1 fuck about the fans or anybody but himself. he fat fuck and freak and he shit his pants in ring all the time.”

I’ll assume he’s talking about Andre the Giant. This makes me sad… and a little grossed out. Nicely done, Sheikie.

 

You can follow ME on Twitter, @StanfordWhistle. I promise I RARELY talk about shitting my pants—rarely.

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7 Responses to Leftridge: Tales from the Tweet: Mizzou’s Misery, Crennel Cans Self & Sheik Speaks

  1. Jim says:

    Was I the only one that read the Sean Connery imitation out loud to see how it sounded? Phonetic spelling was right on the money, Lefty. Nice.

  2. Kerouac says:

    “(watching the Chiefs is) worse than getting hit in the balls with a sledgehammer”

    – is that worse than watching Cassel try to play QB? I’ll take that on faith a matched / intact pair mine at ease…

    “I just don’t trust USC quarterbacks. Call me crazy.”

    – Pioli would, but then he’s ‘special’ (in an Olympic sorta way)…

    “next year’s consensus number one quarterback—USC’s Matt Barkley—doesn’t look nearly as sure-thing as Andrew Luck or RG3 did coming out of college.”

    – Pete Beathard was the last USC QB drafted #1 – by the Chiefs – in 1964. He went on to take his team to the AFL Championship Game & another post season berth 2 out of his first 3 years as starting QB… alas, was for/as a Houston Oiler and not a KC Chief.

    ~

    Here’s how Kerouac sees it: I’ve compromised my own expectations the Chiefs (and so should everyone.)

    So they get the #1 overall pick & the best is Barkley?

    Take him.

    Don’t worry, just be happy (ooo, ooo ooo ooo-ooo, ooo-ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo…)

    How much worse could it be drafting one more BUST at #1? It’s become a tradition: after having seen Pioli draft Ty ‘INaction’ Jackson, Eric ‘dinkle’ Berry, Jonathan ‘has POEtential’ Baldwin & Dontari ‘not Dak or Atari’ Poe – where else is there to go but UP?

    Even a mediocre Barkley in hand will be worth more than a Cassel & Quinn in the bush/huddle. Barkley will have to really work at it to be as bad as those two ‘QB’s’. And really, it doesn’t matter who the Chiefs/Pioli pick… they never get it right.

    Marty Schottenmheimer (who liberated this from another source) said “luck is the residue of design.” Here in KC however, we spell it r- e- s- i- g- n- a- t- i- o- n.

    • Brandon Leftridge says:

      “Even a mediocre Barkley in hand will be worth more than a Cassel & Quinn in the bush/huddle.”

      Completely agree. And someone has to EVENTUALLY break the Sanchez/Leinert/Palmer/Cassel tradition, I’d assume. Maybe.

  3. Paulwilsonkc says:

    Lefty, where is your ALWAYS RIGHT 100% of the time Harley on this story? The PERFECT ONE stated so many times I was sick of it that all of us angry white losers would get to watch Mizzoooo be the SEC POWERHOUSE while we are stuck here at home with maximum suckage teams? Where IS HE? What you wrote must be all LIES because by his own words, He’s ALWAYS RIGHT, ALWAYS, and in case we didn’t know what ALWAYS means he adds ALWAYS 100% OF THE TIME.
    But when he’s WRONG….it’s either the sound of crickets, a personal attack, or, like I just commented on the 300 point DOW DROP after the reelection of his personal lord and savior, Obama….he just screams you’re wrong. (Doesn’t matter it’s leading ALL the news stories, it doesn’t fit his paradigm of ALWAYS RIGHT 100% of the time ALWAYS, ALWAYS)

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