When I was a kid, my parents told me to avoid religion and politics as conversational topics in most social settings… In those days religious beliefs and partisan affiliation were often family traditions, so family gatherings, where people were likely to agree, was the one exception to this rule.
In this era, when schools and universities have been so successful in indoctrinating the young in political correctness, these clashes at the dinner table, between the generations, are inevitable. As a result, over the last 10 years, there have been dozens of articles with titles like;“How to Deal With Racist Relatives at Your Holiday Dinner.”
Very few of these recommend ignoring old Uncle Joe and steering the topic to, say, football. No, we’re now encouraged to call our uncle a bigot and a fool for: 1) voting for Trump (previously it was voting for Bush), 2) telling ethnic jokes, 3) being transphobic, i.e. not supporting “gender affirming health care,” 4) questioning climate change, and 5) doubting St.Fauci.
Now scholarly journals like Teen Vogue recommend screaming at Uncle Joe that he’s an “effing” moron and racist, then storming out of the house.
How this is going to persuade him and other less enlightened family members to see the error of their ways is not clear.
I’ll confess that I’ve had my own fill of Uncle Joes.
One said to me about the MLK holiday; “Some nigger had a dream and I can’t get my garbage picked up.”
In these situations, the better play is to give the slightest smile at the offender-like you’re amused by his repártee, then wink at the others at the table to let them know you’re not buying into his idiocy.
In a similar situation, two weeks later an identical nit-wit called me to get my advice on year-end charitable giving. I was able to talk him into writing a big check to a foundation supporting charter schools in the inner city. I was also able to get him to write an even bigger check to a local counseling center helping women victims of sexual assault. I doubt I would have been able to get this done had I called him out for some of the ugly, racist, and misogynist “jokes” he liked to tell.
Which strategy was better?
Ms. Self-Righteous Indignation’s, or yours truly, the Old Cynic’s?
Besides, the real troglodyte racists (not just those who fail to display a BLM sign) have largely died off. At least most of them I’ve known.
The bigger problem nowadays-as far as preserving family harmony over the holidays – is Woke Aunt Karen. (I give full credit to the black community for coining the term “Karen,” denoting a shrewish, opinionated, officious white woman of a certain age. No cultural appropriation here!)You know the type-the aging boomer woman, for whom it is always April 1970, the “Cambodia Spring.”“Tin soldiers and Nixon coming…Four dead in Oh-High-Oh.”Crosby, Stills and Nash.
Here are only a few of the nuggets dear Aunt Karen has shared with us over the years:
“All organized religions” (What about “disorganized” religions? Never mind!) “are based on ignorance and fear.”
“Nature is my God!”
“The world would be a lot better place if humanity just died off and disappeared.”
“Whatever else I do in my life I’ll always be morally superior to you because, unlike you, I chose not to have children and thus haven’t polluted the earth and used up scarce resources.”
Then, later, “Who is going to look after me now that I’m getting old?”
Not withstanding her fervent commitment to the environment, Aunt Karen drives the largest gas guzzling cars and trucks she can buy. She also charters private jets two or three times a year for cross country trips – each of which generates more carbon in a day than the average American family does in a year.
Karen also says she can’t be bothered with recycling. She also throws out any food she prepares, but which is not consumed at a meal. (“I don’t eat leftovers.”)
“People who insist on so-called gun rights are acting out of a sense of sexual inadequacy.”
“I don’t care that this state doesn’t allow concealed carry. By God, I’m going to carry a pistol in my purse to protect myself!”
“Traditional morality is rigid, arbitrary and judgmental. It is an artificial construct based on what advances the self-interest of the patriarchy”
(SeeReligion as Fraud above.)
“There is no such thing as absolute good and absolute evil. The terms are relative, only reflecting what is socially useful at a point in time.”
“Racism is evil. Sexism is evil. Homophobia is evil. Capitalism is evil. America is a force for evil.”
“Throughout history American business has exploited workers and consumers here at home and throughout the world.” Aunt Karen’s income is derived from inherited wealth, invested in stocks and bonds of American corporations.
Regarding the recent spike in gas prices, Karen told us: “Americans have been spoiled by cheap energy…Besides, it doesn’t really affect me, though I did notice how much aviation fuel had gone up when I chartered a private jet recently.”
“The Canadian truckers are thugs. They should be arrested, jailed, and their property seized! By protesting COVID restrictions they’re no better than the MAGA types.”
“Why would I give my housekeeper, my hair stylist, my gardener, my dog sitter,or anyone else who works for me a bonus at Christmas? I pay them for their services the rest of the year, don’t I?”
I should add that as far as I know Aunt Karen does not donate to any charities for the less fortunate. The 1,200 young German women assaulted on New Years Eve by Moslem men in Cologne in 2016.
“It’s their own fault for dressing provocatively! They justhave to change their culture mores to reflect diversity!”
“With all our arrogance of power, our much-vaunted technology and expensive weapons systems” – (Why weapons systems? Why not just weapons? I, guess it’s like saying ‘systemic’ or ‘structural’, showing how sophisticated you are by using pretentious language.)
“We deserved to be defeated by simple Third World peasants in Vietnam, Iraq, and Afghanistan.”
“The whole problem in Vietnam, Iraq, Afghanistan, Cuba, Nicaragua, etc. is that we were ignorant of those country’s history and culture.”
Karen clearly implies by this that she is knowledgeable. In fact, Karen is knowledgeable about these things; and our Cold War paranoia, our misguided patriotism, our McCarthyism, our heritage of militarism, and our legacy of racism. She watched MASH, All In The Family and The West Wing!
“As leader of the so-called ‘Free World’; we have consistently failed to learn THE LESSONS OF HISTORY.”
Aunt Karen never bothers to say what these are. Nor do the geopolitical experts she relies upon, e.g. Joy Behar, Jimmie Kimmel and Steve Colbert.
“There is no such thing as liberal media bias. After all, media outlets are owned by corporations. As everyone knows,“ (a sure tell that something dubious is about to follow, as I know from listening to dishonest lawyers and lazy judges for decades).
“All corporations are conservative. Therefore,corporate media cannot be liberal.” Favorite Syllogism No. 1. (Syllogism meaning ‘subtle,’ ‘specious,’ or ‘tricky’ reasoning.)
“Blacks cannot be racist, because in order to be racist you have to have power. Since blacks have no power in America today, by definition they cannot be racist.“Favorite Syllogism No. 2. This pronouncement was made at the time our Congressman, our Mayor and the President were all black – so so much for black people having no power.
“It’s just classist, sexist, thinking to insist that ‘Honey Boo Boo’ is not as worthwhile as War And Peace. How many millions enjoy the reality TV show versus an elitist few who enjoy Tolstoy’s novel? Why must we privilege something from the so-called Canon of Dead White European males over Art that speaks to The People?”
At this point Aunt Karen tears up, her voice goes tremulous, moved by her passion and the sweep of her intellect.The George Floyd protests represent a peak life experience for Aunt Karen. The sanctimony and hectoring go full bore, e.g.
“This is all the result of the militarization of the police…every black father has to have The Talk with his son, telling him that police are just looking for an excuse to kill him as an unarmed young black man.” I agree with Karen here.Every father, (black, white, brown, or yellow) should have a conversation with his son, telling him not to mouth off to the police or fight the police. End of story!
Aunt Karen commented on the vandalism and destruction of two hundred historical monuments and war memorials as part of the George Floyd protests: “Who cares? They are all bad pieces of art anyhow!”
“All countries rise and fall and this one is clearly on the decline. Why should itmatter to me? I don’t have children.”“Why shouldn’t North Korea have nuclear weapons? As a small, poor, non-aligned Third World nation they don’t have the right to defend themselves? Or is that limited to rich, white countries?”
“I hate what this country has become. We’re thinking about leaving for Canada to avoid all the Republicans who have destroyed it.”
I think you get the picture.
In fact, this is just a fraction of the Woke Speak I’ve had to endure at family gatherings for 50 years. Any attempt to reply to these talking points is met with “I don’t want to argue.”
If you insist on rebutting any of this P.C. boiler plate, she bursts into tears, says she feels threatened, and vows she will never be in your presence again.Who is more at fault? Old Uncle Joe, from rural Missouri, who doesn’t know he’s being offensive?
Or Woke Aunt Karen, who deliberately goes to great lengths to bait people, knowing her views are anathema but also knowing you can’t even respond without being accused of “triggering her.”
The Stoic Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius said it best; “When you wake up in the morning, tell yourself: The people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous, and surly. They are like this because they can’t tell good from evil.” Book II,§2, Meditations.
Walk it off, big guy! It’s only pain!
