Hearne: What Do Dwight Sutherland, Leslie Brett, Starsky & Hutch Have In Common?

It’s not easy dodging those “woke” bullets…

Take Dwight Sutherland of Sutherland Lumber fame, who was minding his own business two weeks back at a quaint Westwood coffee klatch just off the Country Club Plaza.

“I was at Hi Hat Coffee  on State Line talking with a friend about the Chiefs – and there’s no mask requirement there – and a guy comes up to me and says, ‘I’m going to splatter your brains all over the wall – he said it twice – he was a young guy in his 20s or 30s and looked like the kind of guy you would see in Westport.

“I didn’t say anything to him, but I went outside to try and get the license number on his car. And he saw  me and figured out what I was doing, so he started backing up State Line really fast so I couldn’t get a look art his license plate. And he’s driving 40 miles an hour – like Starsky & Hutch – and peeling his tires. He made so much noise that George Brett‘s wife came out of her flower shop next-door and said, ‘What in the hell’s going on?’ ”

The bottom line:

“This is the kind of stuff that goes on these days,” Sutherland says. “Because the inmates are running the asylum and this guy is absolutely ‘woke’ to the max. You know, if you don’t do exactly what they say, you’re an anti vaxer or a Trump insurrectionist or terrorist.”

So much for not wearing a mask in public…

“So I said to him, ‘Look, I’m socially distanced and I’m double vaccinated and my friend told him we were talking about the Chiefs, not him. ‘We weren’t talking about you’ – he thought we were talking about him.”

” ‘You’re breathing down my neck,’ ” the guy said. ” ‘You’re trying to give me herpes – I ought to splatter your brains all over that wall.’

Not that the dude wasn’t weird enough already, Sutherland says.

“The other thing is, he bought a large coffee, which was $2.72. And he stood there for 10 minutes and counted out 272 pennies. Then the girl said, ‘Do you want anything to eat?’ And he said, ‘I’ll have to think about that.’ ”

The moral of Dwight’s story?

“The moral of the story is that suburbanites are going crazy,” Dwight says. “It’s more dogmatic than ever now – they’ve gone totalitarian. I mean, the first time somebody assaulted me about a year ago, the police didn’t do anything about it.”

That’s when somebody kept driving by Sutherland’s home in Mission Hills at night and stealing his Trump for President and other Republican yard signs. After two weeks straight, Sutherland decided to dress in all black, stake out his yard with a tennis racket, and try and catch them.

As luck would have it, Sutherland ended up cornering an out-of-work actor from Westport who crashed his car into the 60-something attorney, requiring several days of hospitalization.

The Mission Hills cop who took Sutherland’s police report said he wanted to press charges, but was taken off the case, Sutherland says. Which is pretty much the last he heard of things.

“Not only did the police not do anything about it,” he says. “The Star and the police made it sound like I’d staged the whole thing. Like I was another Jussie Smollett.

“You know, Proud Boys founder Enrique Tarrio isa black Cuban – American and he’s doing five months for burning a Black Lives Matter flag. And this guy took out 15 yards signs of mine and nothing happened .They even know who he is. You know, is it too much to ask to put up a yard sign and not have it torn up?”

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2 Responses to Hearne: What Do Dwight Sutherland, Leslie Brett, Starsky & Hutch Have In Common?

  1. Pingback: what is a coffee klatch? – Coffee Tea Room

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