Leftridge: The Kansas City Royals Are Going to Kill Me

cuetoKCThe Royals went out and got Johnny Cueto and Ben Zobrist which is exactly what I hoped they’d do, so I know now that the acquisitions have to be huge mistakes because I’m never right about shit like this. They gave up some good arms in the process, but like the old adage about making omelets and breaking eggs goes, in order to lead a gift horse to water, you need to teach him to fish, first.

WILL pitcher Sean Manaea (given up for Zobrist) be inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame as a member of the New York Yankees? (Because, haha, it’s not like the Oakland A’s will KEEP him or anything.) Probably. Is it worth it if the Royals win just the second World Series Championship in franchise history? Maybe, yeah.

But that’s the thing: with this season’s astonishing success, I–along with everyone else in Kansas City, really– have just accepted the postseason as a foregone conclusion. And that’s beginning to make me worry.

See, the thing is, you’ve still only got two really quality starters. Cueto is a legitimate ace, and Edinson Volquez could be a number two starter on any team. But beyond that, you’re left with a lot of inconsistency and question marks.

Danny-DuffyWhat if Danny Duffy’s most recent start is more indicative of his reality than the previous six? He looked pretty awful before heading to the DL but came back strong. Now, he’s back to vintage Duffy. (Meaning: the first-half of ’15 Duffy, and everything before ’14 Duffy. You know, flashes of dominance tempered with extended bursts of disappointment.)

Speaking of, Yordano Ventura is even worse than Duffy in that regard. His highs are higher, but his lows are lower. His irregularity was so maddening that he was hours away from a bus ride to Omaha before receiving a pardon from the governor. He came back with a gem but then subsequently shit the bed against Toronto on Saturday. What if he can’t get it together?

Last and certainly least, the rotation is rounded out by Jeremy Guthrie. While Guthrie seems like a “really cool guy” or whatever, statistically speaking he is one of– if not the— worst starter in the major leagues. Opposing batters are hitting .315/.365/.484 off of him this season. That is miserable. Guthrie is old and tired and, quite honestly, not fit to be a starter in the major leagues at this juncture.

So I mean, again– when/will Duffy and/or Ventura find a semblance of consistency, and what in ever-loving hell is Guthrie still doing in this rotation?

And my concerns don’t stop there.

While Zobrist was a tremendous addition, you’ve got the league’s worst second baseman starting on a daily basis, a catcher who appears to be rapidly declining at the plate before our very eyes, and a third baseman who went INSANE in the first half of the season reverting to form.

When Alex Gordon returns, how long will it be before he returns to form? He’s definitely the kind of guy who’ll rush things, so it would only reason that he comes back at less than 100%.

Lorenzo Cain is one of the best center fielders in baseball, but is he really the kind of guy capable of carrying a whole offense?

Eric Hosmer has spent the month on fire, but he’s not a stranger to these spurts; how long will it be before he’s swinging at pitches a foot or more outside of the strike zone and dejectedly shaking his rat-tail on his trip back to the dugout?

Why does the everyday right fielder have as many home runs as Nori Aoki, the guy he replaced? And why is it more than half the amount of David DeJesus? (And no, I’m not insane—I don’t want DeJesus back. It is a little discouraging, though, to know that Aoki is batting .312/.375/.380 while his replacement is at a cool .244/.278/.313.)

Kansas City Royals designated hitter Kendrys Morales (25) hits a two-run double during the eighth inning of a baseball game against the Oakland Athletics at Kauffman Stadium in Kansas City, Mo., Sunday, April 19, 2015. The Royals defeated the Athletics 4-2. (AP Photo/Orlin Wagner)

Kansas City Royals designated hitter Kendrys Morales (25) hits a two-run double during the eighth inning of a baseball game against the Oakland Athletics at Kauffman Stadium in Kansas City, Mo., Sunday, April 19, 2015. The Royals defeated the Athletics 4-2. (AP Photo/Orlin Wagner)

I mean, I trust Kendrys Morales, but anything beyond him feels like Oscar Pistorius firing blindly into a dark bathroom. (Too soon? Probably too soon. Hearne—kill the Pistorius quip.)

My point being, AGHHHH. This team is driving me absolutely insane. I feel like they’re destined to either win the World Series and make Kansas City explode into an orgiastic frenzy of Boulevard-fueled looting and ritual blood-letting, or they’ll slip quietly back into second (or third!!!) place, the weight of the knowledge that they mortgaged their future making them slowly sink into a hobo-piss filled Brush Creek.

So, I guess what I’m saying is “GO ROYALS.”

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20 Responses to Leftridge: The Kansas City Royals Are Going to Kill Me

  1. harley says:

    YOur new name lefty will officially be “GLAZE JR”. Have n’t seen a pic of you
    but at your age I’m sure you’re not shooting roids and have real hair (remember
    glaze told us about his hair…which to me is no big deal…because really
    who wants to be bald and look old except chuckles).
    So now you carry the official title of GLAZE JR.
    The royals split a series with a decent team and you freak out and go crazy
    over the slightestproblems. don’t forget oneguy hit 3 homers in 2days.
    just like glaze you change your mind like chuckles changes his underwear…
    every 6 days.
    its a long season…lots of up and downs….good days and baddays.
    deetroit and Indians have thrown in the towel already with fire sales
    and the royals still have a pretty good lead.
    So go see glazes DR. FEELGOOD OR the guy who killed michale Jackson
    andget some anti anxiety pills. Cueto will be fine…gordo gets back for his
    swan song in kc before his 130 million contract with st. Louis or los angeles….
    the royals pitching gets back on track becase they have so many pitchers they
    are getting off track by not pitching every 5 days….take some deep breaths….
    and relax. We’re in bro…maybe a tough raod back to the world series but
    august and September are always crazy days in royalville and spend time
    with the new baby cause it will calm ya down….and relax….we could have
    home field advantage in playoff and for sure in world series.
    Then most importantly….call glaze…jump in his lotus (do those things hole d
    2 people ) drive out to royals stadium and drive fast thru the parking lot
    kiosks and pay nothing for parking or use wislons handicap parking sticker.
    Then put on a hat lke x factor from the chiefs and repeat after me…
    If the looney squad isn’t called to take you to the nut house…and if the
    Lenexa police don’t chase youdown for expired tags…keep
    because if you remember in 2014 it worked with glaze to get us
    to world series…but now with you as GLAZE JR. it will work twice as
    good and everythingwill be okay!
    listen to my advice.
    your friend

    • You left out “Gay Boy Scout Leader”.

      By the way, congrats, you are now legal in a tent, all night long with 12 year old boys. Big day for ya.

      • harley says:

        what a sick mf er.
        Will you show up on the subway guys cell phone.
        I think you will.
        Noone else said anything about sex with young boys
        except you.
        Maybe is just you have so much extra time you love the
        picks of Jason from subway.
        good luck..hope the cops catch the filthy disgusting crap
        you post.
        My computer guys will follow you….and we’ll be watching
        when you take the perp walk.
        good luck your sick mf’er!!!!!!!!!!!

        • NAMBLA says:

          Thanks for the donation Harley. It is much appreciated. As to your request that you be allowed to give a speech at this year’s convention in San Francisco, we would ask that you submit a copy of the speech in advance, sans typos and misspellings, then, Scouts Honor, we will proceed.

        • paulwilsonkc says:

          That’s funny, you threatened to take me to “fedural cort” when your computers got hacked. But it’s ok for you “computer guys” to follow someone else?
          More Harley Logic.

          • Paugl!…….! He did
            it!! …..haha” …Harley has haccked into my Kompuder!!

            I noticced rig
            ht away when m
            y Spell Check quit…… working and th
            e search enjines shuot down prevemnnting me
            from …….!!!
            doing anny “Research”.

          • harley says:

            he’s back…and he’s gone bonkers.
            My computer never got hacked…hearne gave you my ip address and you followed it to
            some wrong address.
            just like when your fat asss got stuk under the
            dashboard chasing the jewel thief…
            glad you’re back. Now I’ve got another
            one to tear up on kcc.
            You are a funnyguy!
            I look forward to more facts and stats that
            will continue to prove you wrong.
            have a great day.
            thought you drowned in that baby pool you
            put in back of the section 8 house. hahahaha!
            welcome back…..

        • paulwilsonkc says:

          Oh g-d, Dorus. Eye think heshacked into mind two! Ewe no he’s capable of
          Cuz he’s the pinakle of a bidness titun
          Who can call sumbody
          Half there
          hole lifes terned upsidedown.
          Power vocabolarry
          Leaves me in constint feer.
          Do ewe no iny IT peoples who can get me viruses protections sew he can’t due this two me agin?

  2. CG says:

    CG some real concerns Lefty. True. Yes the Royals have won their first title, division title in 30 years. They are kinda streaky. All your worries are valid. I do think a team that leads from start to finish can get a bit complacent and especially one that has not been in this boat, well, forever. It’s all about post season and with this poor performance against the Blue Jays, yep its a worry.

    Its gonna be which Royals team shows up! The pitching has been really overall better than the hitting in streaks. The team seems to hit together or go cold together. Soooo…we aren’t gonna know til we get in the playoffs. The Royals are very good, no question. Elite? We’ll see soon. Nobody can predict what October brings. Not now.

    The Royals best teams in the post season with Brett didn’t get there. Their 90 game winner in 85 did. You just never know.

    • harley says:

      glaze what do you think about rusty. I know what the players arevsaying.
      give us your “expert’ opinion.

  3. Jim a.k.a. BWH says:

    Lefty, I’m right there with you, brother. Until the Royals’ magic number is ZERO, I’m not counting on anything. 2014 A’s, anyone?

    I actually think they will win the AL Central, but it is anything but a forgone conclusion. Just playing .500 baseball is going to make it nearly impossible for anyone to catch them. But, that certainly isn’t a given.

    Sure have enjoyed the season and the style of baseball they play, though. Let’s hope it continues.

    • No, you’re right. It is unlikely that they’ll miss the playoffs, statistically speaking. I just worry what they’ll do when they get there. But then again, strange things happen in the playoffs… you know, like last year, even.

  4. the dude says:

    ‘but like the old adage about making omelets and breaking eggs goes, in order to lead a gift horse to water, you need to teach him to fish, first.’

    I see you are learning, grasshopper.

  5. harley says:

    here u go glaze..another fair weather fan.
    don’t come to the stadium…you’re a jinx.
    just stay in joco and worry about your possee of women.
    the onlyconcernsthe royals have is too many pitchers n relieveers who
    need a schedule. Ned could get better at recognizing the time to
    bring in relievers.
    let starters go 6….7th innings have killed our starters….in 7th bring
    in the hdh or take some starters and see their first time an opposing
    tjeam sees them they do real well as pitchers.
    if ned tookcueto out after 6 we win that game. And it was important
    to get a win for the guy in his first outing …
    rusty knows more than yost forgot….it won’t be talent…this post
    season comes down to the manager and how he navigates the
    talent he has th ru the rest of the season. Stats point that out.

  6. Paul says:

    Don’t worry so much, Brandon. The boys are comfortably in first with the rest of the division fading. The playoffs are a crap shoot. It’s getting there that matters. The Royals showed that last year. Sure, the Blue Jays took three of four, but who among us would trade the Royals as they stand today for the Jays and their uphill battle to make the postseason?

  7. harley says:

    not an uphill battle to make the playoffs. Yost shoud let rusty take over
    the major calls and the setting up of the relievers and the spacing of the
    If you watched after the game rusty is usually charting the game stats.
    If rusty is listened to ….if they listen to rusty and how to position the’outfield and who to bring in after the starters wear out..if yost takes rusty’s advice and
    uses his starters and relivers the right way….the stats willtell yost that the
    third time uour starter pitch to an opponent they get killed.
    you have 6 or 7starters on this team….they don’t have to be bullpen… pitchers that
    have great era’s the first time a batter faces them…use them effectively based on
    rusty’s stats and philosophy and kc wins the world series. This crap about 100 pitches is as old as hearn and glaze…..wathcthe stats…very few hitters do much of anything
    the first time they face a royals pitcher.
    We’re one smart coach away from a world series but will yost let rusty take over
    the major decision or will yost still think he knows what best to do with his
    outfielders and pitchers.
    sorry yost….don’t hog the decisions and you can still wear a world series ring.

  8. harley says:

    yost…that’s what go you run out of milwauke.
    we luv ya and what you do…but you need to delegate to thosecoaches who
    know how to run this club.
    don’t worry ned…you too will get a w.s. ring if you listen to Harley!

  9. Kerouac says:

    ‘Wait till next year’

    Part 2016

    Verse 31



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