So I’m gathering my thoughts after a week on the road when Craig calls…
“Are you into tennis and the French Open?” the Scribe queried.
Before I could even fathom the motivation for the question – let alone come up with something clever or coherent to say – I found myself knee deep in a phone filibuster about world’s No. 1 tennis player, complete with play-by-play of a televised match between two dudes named Novak Djokovic and Richard Gasket.
By the time I realize I’ve been kidnapped, I more-or-less learn that Craig’s tennis playing nephew is thinking about going pro. And that maybe he barely lost to one of the aforementioned dudes and could be Kansas City’s next Tom Watson.
Hold it – please stop – I begged…
This was the most boring, one-sided conversations I’ve had like ever.
By all means, please write about it, I suggested, but spare me the hay ride.
Kidding, I then asked Craig how he’d like it if I called him out of the blue and started blathering about something like curling?
You remember curling, that’s one of those sports they used to show on ESPN in the channel’s early years. Before they figured out how to make Paul Wilson happy by going 24/7 with mainstream sports on like 10 channels.
But wait, I stand corrected.
Turns out ESPN still covers curling, it just doesn’t stand out as much as when they only had one channel.
That said, being ever resourceful, I found an even better sport to bore Craig with: rock skipping.
That’s right sports fans, a rock skipping record was set and champs were crowned this past weekend in Polson, Montana.
So now I’m feeding rock skipping stats to Glazer but he doesn’t miss a beat.
“I used to be an excellent rock skipper when I was a kid,” he says. “I think my record was like 14 skips.”
Fourteen skips, huh?
That’s funny, because the new “record” for an adult is like 17 skips.
Hey , I think I may have discovered a new passion; “rock skipping fever.”
“The stones were flat, but the stakes couldn’t have been higher Saturday at the water’s edge for the inaugural Flathead Lake Rock Skipping Championship,” Ravalli Republic reported.
Organizer Kevin Avison told the newspaper he spent years coming up with the contest.
“I mean, everybody is a rock skipping expert,” Alison said. “I think everyone thinks they are a legend in their own mind.”
Kinda like the Craig.
How many skips did Glazer do again?
“I don’t know, maybe it was only 8 or 9,” he hedged.
Not into rock skipping or French tennis?
Well, sports are sports – and just like the “Game Day” festivities at Arrowhead – Flathead Lake’s throw down was loaded with pomp and circumstance.
“Following a rules briefing at the Cove Deli, a stone’s throw away from the water, the competitors were lead in a parade down to Riverside Park by bagpipers, who performed the national anthems of Canada and the United States to officially open the championship,” the Republic reports.
The BYO rocks event allowed each adult six attempts – and kids 12 and under four – but “most of the kids didn’t get a low enough angle on their stones, and the rocks knifed into the water after a few skips across the lake,” the Republic reports.
“Bret Richardson emerged victorious in the men’s category on Saturday with a skip count of 17. Until next year at least, he is the state’s reigning record holder.”
The Scribe in his Rock Skipping Youth
Like most sporting contests, the event was not without controversy.
Given the subjective nature of what constitutes a “skip,” participants were allowed to keep their own count, then sort it out with other competitors later.
My take on all of this?
What makes sports interesting is largely based on developing an acquired taste.
People who don’t watch much baseball think baseball is boring – ditto for soccer. Log rolling, curling? Hey, some folks swear by it. Who are we to judge?
Many people find American football exciting.
Even though you have to kill nearly four hours to watch one hour of actual play.
Craig’s gonna mesmerize you guys with his tennis column later today and you’ll be all over the French Open. And maybe next Memorial Day I’ll con Matt Donnelly into heading up to Flathead Lake and covering the second annual rock skipping contest.
Who knows, maybe the Glaze and/or his nephew will enter.
After all, Craig’s only three skips or so shy and of becoming KC’s next Tom Watson.
The only reason any sport is popular or watched is if you can bet money on it.
If nobody bet on American football it would have died a painless death long, long ago.
The above “Craig poolside picture” is proof Tom Seleck and Geraldo Rivera had a love child. I’d always heard the rumors but discounted them as Internet hogwash.
Huh, I was thinking more Seleck and Englebert Humperdink.
Scary….
Craig reminds me of Uncle Rico. Anyone know how far he can throw a football?
glaze playing tennis….oh sure!
but did you know espn covered the world champion of rock paper scissor live
from las vegas…….and the miniature golf tour with 50k prizes?
With 10 channels, why wouldn’t ESPN cover rock, paper, scissors?
Have they started covering pocket pool yet?
hahhararley why do you hate freedom and success’ afforded by freedom so much?
WEll Hearne I was going to write about KANSAS CITIES NEWEST SUPER STAR JACK SOCK THE TENNIS MONSTER … finally a national no international star..from KC. It’s likely Jack will become a dominate tennis star rated as high as number one in the next couple years..winning majors like the French Open which he lost today to Roger Nadal. But looked great and won a set. No my nephew Jake didn’t ever beat Sock just won a game against him, then Jake was a Junior, Sock a senior in high school, Jake was 5’7″ then and 125 pounds today a sophomore at Creighton and a full ride with grades and tennis he is 6’2″ and growing, he is on the tennis team and very, very good, not a Jack Sock but nobody is today other than Jack.
Jake is gonna be a doctor not a pro tennis player…but he might have the goods, who knows, great kid. A billion times better than me…how did he do that?
Socks is starting to become a singles player to reckon with. I thought he was just going to ride the doubles train but it looks like he might have the goods to potentially win singles hardware.
And he lost to Rafael Nadal, not Roger.
You did write it and job well done…
But blathering away out of context about professional tennis and your nephew caught me kinda flat footed
Whats up with the last photo? What does Freddie Mercury have to do with this article?
Well, it’s like this Mark…
Mercury didn’t really die. That was all an Elvis-like cover up.
He had a little cosmetic surgery – a nip here, a tuck there – and took over a local comedy club. Keep that under your hat if you don’t mind.
Delusions of reality in monumental proportions.
CG’s claim of 14 skips was disallowed by the International Rock Skipping Commission –
citing use of PEDs including steroids, HGH, cocaine,and meth, along with a disputed 9 skip over-count.
Nonetheless, a vanity-piece book has been ghost-written, and movies bids have been sought for “the Dip of Skip”.
That was funny. Hah. It was.
thks.. we’re just yappin’ here at you, CG — not really hatin’ — just for laughs —
we KCC yappers oughtta all show up at your place for open-mic nite.. (as long as you don’t take it personal…)
BTW, KC Confidential is in negotiations with Craig to represent Kansas City and Lawrence next Memorial Day in the second coming of the skip off.
I’ve asked Craig to start identifying and saving his skipping stones now so he’ll have a full arsenal when the big day arrives.
He’s thinking it over.
Stay tuned!
The big question is will the event be drug tested or will PEDs be allowed?
If he’s going to represent us, I think Craig should consult with a physicist to determine the ideal shape of a skipping rock. He should then get to work shaping and polishing rocks. Otherwise, he’d probably just embarrass our fine city.
HOW MUCH DOES IT PAY? Hah. OK, I’ll do it for a trophy or 50 bucks. What the hell. Harley can be my second.
cg,just a friendly reminder, the rocks,the skips,the whole operation remains under strict federal security clearance guidelines.you are fully aware of your importance to our mission.thank you for your service ,stay ready and ever vigilant…