Memorial Day. A day when we are to memorialize those who paid the greatest price while serving our country. And plenty of people do it right—they lay wreaths on graves and look at the flag and watch a lot of Discovery History channel programming. They take cake to elderly relatives who fought in WWII and lost buddies named “Bugsy” and “Flagstaff” and “Flappy.”
But plenty of people do it wrong, or they don’t do anything at all.
So what’s the best way to spend Memorial Day? Let’s take a look.
6. Binge Watching Stuff. With the advent of streaming services like Netflix and Amazon Prime, it’s all too easy to get sucked into endless hours of television programming. Never heard of the BBC period drama “The Queen’s Bunions?” Well, holy shit what’s wrong with you? It’s all that really shitty guy named Nathaniel in Client Retentions talks about. Now you can watch the COMPLETE SERIES on Hulu and be friends with Nate. (But don’t call him Nate. He’s WAY too fucking fancy for that.) But seriously, if you’re going to binge watch television on Memorial Day, at least try and make it somewhat topical. You know, Band of Brothers, or Vietnam: In Color or whatever.
5. Read a Book. Nobody reads books anymore, but books are fucking fantastic. Unfortunately, I don’t read a lot of books related to armed conflicts, so I can’t help you out there. (Feel free to ad suggestions in the comments, though!) Maybe… Johnny Tremain? Shit, I really don’t know war books.
4. “The Lake.” Going to “The Lake” is SUCH a huge thing, right? When you’re young and sans familia, you go to the lake and throw beaded necklaces at titties. When you have a family, you pawn the kids off on Mimi and Baw-Baw and then you go to the lake and awkwardly flirt with your friend’s wife while he flirts with yours and you think about how fucking wild it’d be to have some sort of swap and then you squash that idea because whoa, shit, you’re not THAT kind of guy, right? (You’re not, I promise.) There’s a sweet spot of going to “The Lake” where you vacation with family and someone rents a pontoon boat and all of the kids are there and they go ape-shit at the prospect of tubing or water-skiing or whatever, but I don’t know when you technically hit that point. If you’re there, have a fun Memorial Day weekend!
3. Going to a Cookout with Family. This is usually at an uncle’s house, and probably an uncle you don’t see that often. (Likely due to his casual racism and lack of any social graces.) Everyone is there; your aunt who wants to tell you all about how well your cousin Chris is doing in his work-release program, your other cousin who is strongly considering buying a motorcycle, a thousand small children who will punch you indiscriminately in the balls as they swig Mountain Dew from their sippy-cups. Family cookouts are the worst, and are only salvaged by beer (BYOB, though!), the prospect of charred meat and your Aunt Linda’s impossibly delicious potato casserole.
2. Going to a Cookout with Friends. This is like the family one, but better because you actually CHOOSE your friends, right? So you’re probably likely to get along with them better? And the food is probably better because everyone knows ONE asshole foodie who wants to smoke a whole, buried pig and there’s at least one jerk who is really into craft beer and he brought enough for everyone.
1. Going to the Graveyard. I mean, if you’re serious about celebrating the holiday the way it’s SUPPOSED to be celebrated, then you probably need to go hang out at the graveyard and say respectful things and leave flowers. (Preferably on the grave of someone you know.) After all, a LOT of people gave their lives for this country, all so we could ogle tits at “The Lake” and eat deviled eggs until we puke up our Small Batch Session IPAs. Paying some respect wouldn’t be the worst way to spend your time.
To, without any exception, every family of every reader of this website, whose family members have served in the Armed Forces, and, especially, to those who have suffered the loss of a loved one in some far away land, I salute you and yours and thank you for your service.
“It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us — that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion — that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain — that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom — and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.”
God Bless You And Yours On This Memorial Day.
I love you dad.
great post chuck!
instead maybe young lefty and the rest of his millennial friends should
learn the true meaning of memorial day.
Your article is a disgrace to the meaning of the one day of the year
where we pay tribute to those who sacrificed so lefty could write his
bullshit!
God bless and pray for our fallen heros.
And lefty…we go leave flowers and flags on the veterans we didn’t
know along with those we loved and admired. They gave theirs lives
for this nation too…and even though we might not know their names
or their origins….we honor them too.
You’re a fuc***g schmuck.
God bless you too Harley.
Thank you for your tribute.
This article, in no way, insulted, or, diminished, in my opinion, those soldiers, sailors and marines, who fought and died in conflicts, that, on this Memorial Day, we, honor, and, miss, so, so, so, much.
Again, Harley, Brandon’s article, is, in no way, a disgrace.
Thanks, Chuck. I didn’t really see it that way either? I don’t think he actually read it. Can’t say that I’m surprised. Oh well.
Nicely said, Chuck. We are forever in their debt.
God Bless You Brandon.
Hidden in hollows and behind clumps of rank brambles were large tents, dimly lighted with candles, but looking comfortable. The kind of comfort they supplied was indicated by pairs of men entering and reappearing, bearing litters; by low moans from within and by long rows of dead with covered faces outside. These tents were constantly receiving the wounded, yet were never full; they were continually ejecting the dead, yet were never empty. It was as if the helpless had been carried in and murdered, that they might not hamper those whose business it was to fall to-morrow. Ambrose Bierce at Shiloh
Take the time to read this Ambrose Bierce story and reflect on the horror of war.
http://www.online-literature.com/bierce/992/
And read two-time Medal of Honor winner, Gen. Smedley Butler’s War Is A Racket.
http://www.ratical.org/ratville/CAH/warisaracket.html
Thanks for the links. Bierce actually came to mind when I was writing this. I’m not terribly familiar with a majority of his catalogue, though.
Orphan, I never said that it wasn’t a “fantasy and a trick of fame”.
But they are still dead.
“Only the dead have seen the end of war.”
― Plato