Hearne: Columbia, Mo. – Not That it Sucks, But Scribe Says He Wouldn’t Wanna Live There

455375813_640It’d be a nice place to do biz but he really wouldn’t want to live there…

So says comedy impresario turned scribe Craig Glazer of Columbia, Missouri.¬†It’s been a while since the Glaze graced the home of the Missouri Tigers with his presence, but from what he’s seen, heard and understands, it’s one of the last places on earth he’d realistically consider settling down in. You know, outside of war torn or impoverished places, dog patches and / or loser cities like my former home-away-from-home last year, Topeka.

So in response to everybody’s “favorite” comments section harpy, Harley, Glazer weighed in on some of the preceived differences between Lawrence, Kansas (home of KU and 30 minutes to an hour from KC) and Columbia¬†(home of the MU football team.

“Lawrence is kind of a Yellow Brick Road city,” Glazer says. “Columbia is drab and dark. The things in Lawrence are cool, everything there is cutting edge. People say KU is the UCLA of the Midwest. It’s more erudite and it’s a little snobbish in a way, but let’s put it this way, Lawrence is a more interesting city.”

The flip said of that equation:

“I haven’t been to Columbia in a while, but I’ve had fun there and my dad went to school there. But there were a lot more schleppers – the people there were more pedestrian – the WalMart and K Mart look. You don’t see that at KU. Again, I haven’t been to Columbia lately, but it was hardly a garden spot.”

6275080433_f78310a546_zWhich brings us to location, location, location…

“Lawrence is like 30 minutes or less from The Legends and 45 minutes to an hour from Kansas City” Glazer says. “But Columbia is like two hours from Kansas City and two hours from St. Louis. So you’re kind of stuck there.”

5498030813_c5b3e5b480Now let’s get down to business…

If Glazer had to uproot his club, which town would he hit, Lawrence or Columbia?

“That’s an interesting question,” he says. “Probably from what I know it would be Columbia. Because from what I know, Columbia is more of a party town and the school and overall population is bigger. And with a comedy club you want that mobile, go out, daredevil mentality. KU people seem to play it safer, whereas MU is wilder, but I think Lawrence could be good too.”

Back to you, Mr. H?

 

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30 Responses to Hearne: Columbia, Mo. – Not That it Sucks, But Scribe Says He Wouldn’t Wanna Live There

  1. mike t. says:

    ohboyohboyohboy!!! hearne’s starting a border war!!! yahoooo!!!

    • mike t. says:

      btw… i once interviewed for a job in columbia. didn’t get the offer, but after thinking about it decided i would have hated it there, being a Jayhawk and all. figured i’d be vilified wherever i went and would have had my house burned down should i fly the ku flag. (this was before mu left for the sec. not that it would matter that much even today.)

      • admin says:

        One of my yet unrealized goals here in LA (Lawrence) is to find the bar or bars MU football fans go to watch the games.

        Everyone I ask acts disgusted and says with disdain that no such place exists, but come on. Tigers are people too.

        The guy across the street from me drives to KC for his job every day (bad for the earth…he has an SUV).

        There has to be a place. Applebees, maybe.

        Little help?

        • harley says:

          see hearne…if you askd the tiger expert youd
          find out that brookside/Westport/810 zone/downtown
          etc offer us tiger fans a respite from the thousands
          of Jayhawk sweater wearers who for 10 months out of
          the year keep their gear in the closet.
          with the resurgence of mu …we’re seeing some
          great things.
          I know of many kids from blue valley who chose
          to go to mu next year. why…ku is fading…
          even with out of state tuition…these b.v. student
          s are going to mu for the great educationand the
          upscale fast growing university.
          TRUTH IS THAT KU IS FALTERING…
          AND I DO LOOK FORWARD TO THE
          LOSERS OF LAWRNECE TO EDUCATE US
          ON THE ADVANCES AND NEW EXCITING THINGS
          GOING ON IN LAWRNCE (and you can’t include
          the fact that hearne and his new bride moved there
          upping the annual income for the city with
          hearne’s trust fund!!!!!!)

        • Bob says:

          Hearne –

          I’ve seen you ask this before and I’ll give you the answer…. Lawrence is not a place college educated people go to live because there are no jobs outside of education and healthcare for people with college degrees. A Mizzou grad would not live in Lawrence because if they are staying in the area for a job they are going to live in the KC area where jobs are. If I were you, I’d call the Mizzou Alumni Association and ask them how many members live in Lawrence. I’d bet it is under 50 with a median age of 50. Thus, no bars for Mizzou fans and definitely no bars that cater to Mizzou fans.

          • Bob says:

            And to add, there are no Iowa St., Nebraska, Oklahoma, WSU, etc…. bars in Lawrence. A couple places sort of cater to KSU fans on gamedays, but they don’t advertise it.

  2. harley says:

    well well well….hearne picks the guy who has been proven to
    be wrong more than anyone on this site. Glaze doesn’t know shit
    about sports and he hasn’t been in Columbia in years!
    So hearne relies on him to give us a report on Columbia which
    shows how stupid hearne is.
    The truth is that Columbia doesn’t need glaze. If glaze has been
    to Columbia…he’d know they have their own comedy club…
    one that would rival any of his previous locations. In fact
    th club in Columbia bring in some bigger talent than glaze
    brings in (this finney guy as an example).
    But forget that…look at the average income/average house cost…
    Lawrence has a few areas of wealth…but nothing like Columbia.
    Lawrence is nothing compared to Columbia and the shlepper
    glaze if he had any brains would not make statements like
    he did.
    I invite glaze and hearne to come with us to Columbia…see the
    money…the cleanliness…and especially the campus.
    Drive thru Lawrence and all you have are old worn out
    housing developments…old worn out neighbrohoods…
    and a downtown that looks worse than kc in the 80’s!
    Columbia (rated one of thetop cities in America by USA today
    and rand McNally)…along with Jefferson city (rated most beautifl
    city in America)…offer cleanliness…the fastest growing university
    in the nation…a sports fan base that ranks in the top 20 of colleges
    in the nation…along with more money in just 2 families than
    all of Lawrence.
    Lawrence has it’s charm (if you like berkenstocks and tye dyed
    shirts)…its also got that beautfil Haskell campus where the
    facilities look worse htan those anywhere in kc.
    Glaze doesn’t know beauty…he knows hookers and comedy…of which
    Columbia has nothing to do with. Ah …the golden girls…the greek
    system…just walk down the street and see the beauty of the city
    and the campus that has blossomend over the last 7 years.
    Glaze puts his foot in his mouth again..and hearne helps him do it.
    Did you think that Columbia has incredible facilities…brings in some
    huge concerts (some even bigger than sprint)….it has
    more doctors per capita than almost any other city (and a huge
    medical foundation)…but to glaze that’s not important because he
    s into hookers and hookas!
    what about the city itself..home to the richest family in the world!!!!!!!
    but glaze doesn’t take that into account because he’s used to the
    Wyandotte county crap over there at the legends.
    Oh and glaze…you use the legends as a point…give me a fucking
    break dude…how many stores there are not paying a cent in taxes..
    uh…how many are behind on rent????
    Columbia has 120,000people…Is becoming a major research
    and devleopement site for the nation.
    The parks…the lakes…the location between 2 cities….
    for glaze to make more stupid statements like this about Columbia
    being “dark”…that’s because he wears sunglasses at night (hahaha)…
    next time hearne…use your head for once. How stupid to get
    references from a guy who hasn’t been there for years.
    as far as comedy clubs…forget Columbia glaze…theres already
    one doing well there…you wouldn’t have a chance with the
    minor talent you promote…one month does not make a year…
    and Columbia is beautfil…go there….maybe save your money and
    take the greyhound there…that’s your style.
    but most importantly…another example of glaze anch hearne
    trying to stick their foot in their mouths again and succeeding.
    Lawrence? without the one month that people outside that town
    focus on college bball its just another broke down..dirty..
    old style…worn out…nothing exciting city on a major highway.
    Funny…no one talked about Lawrence and anything new and
    exciting going on there.
    Oh…I forgot…they stormed the field when Charlie won his first
    conference game!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahaha!
    once self leaves (and its imminent..i know whats happening)…
    Lawrence will be the same town that was destroyed a long time
    ago…and just another little gas stop on the highway to nowhere (except
    Topeka) for the few people who call Lawrence home.
    Its nasty…and dirty. Iwas there a month ago….and lets be
    real…the entertainment/nightlife/dining is best described as
    non existent!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
    thanks guys…I look forward to onev of the many ku/Lawrence
    people to outline the imporovements/changes/advances being made
    in Lawrence..come on hearne lets hear them…!
    you could write them all on a matchbook cover!!!!!!!!!! hahahaha
    luv ya glaze but you’re out of your league again. Stick to comedy.
    SPORTS…POLITICS…ECONOMICS….and knowing about what
    makes a city tick (and its not the whores and sluts at the bars at night)…
    is NOT YOUR FORTE.
    as far as hearne…he strikes out again.
    As I said before..if you need to know anything about anything..
    backed with facts and data contact me at law4life1000@yahoo.com.
    Until then hearne…stick to smashing the kc star and doing trradeouts
    with all your advertisers.
    your friend forever
    Harley

  3. harley says:

    and another thing hearne and glaze..
    Columbia is ranked #2 cities to live according to money magazine.
    ALSO…AND I KNOW EDUCATION IS NOT IMPORTANT TO
    such intelligent gentlemen like yourself…but
    COLUMBIA IS THE 13TH HIGHEST EDUCATED CITY IN
    THE FREAKING NATION….THE ENTIRE NATION…
    of course for hearne and glaze that’s not important…after
    all I think both of them flunked out of school! hahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. the dude says:

    ‘People say KU is the UCLA of the Midwest’.
    Oh Glazer, you crack me up sometimes, your unintentional LULZ keeps me entertained and tuned in.
    Look, NOBODY says this about Awrence of Kansabia except for maybe you.
    If anything KU is more like the Kentucky of the Midwest.
    Good at bassetball but nothing else.

    • Bob says:

      I’ve lived in Lawrence or Kansas City for 20 years. I’ve never ever heard “UCLA of the Midwest.” I’ve heard “Harvard of the Midwest” but damn near every main state university says that.

  5. PB says:

    Actually, Columbia does suck.

  6. Guy Who Says What Others Think says:

    Not sure of the point of this blog entry? Is it to illustrate how dumb someone can look making judgements about a city they admittedly “haven’t been to in awhile”?

    • Mysterious J says:

      Lazy author tapping a guy who loves the sound of his own voice?

      • admin says:

        Et tu, MJ?

        Well, I’ve been there quite recently and if Craig’s perspective varied wildly from my own, I’d have tempered it some. But he is the Scribe, c’mon!

        Here’s the deal…

        Both Lawrence and Columbia have grown in recent years – like the last 20 – however the core parts of the town and schools remain largely intact. Nobody cares much about the burbs when thinking about visiting a city.

        Do people come to KC so they can hang in South Johnson County? Western Shawnee?

        Maybe…if you’re visiting the inlaws or the ‘rents

  7. Zak says:

    Columbia has a lot better looking girls. Ku girls are to natural. Hairy arms and legs.

    • admin says:

      I dunno about the better looking girls thing.

      There were some very attractive women when I covered the Mizzou calendar scene a few years back

  8. CG says:

    You guys are going overboard..Hearne loves his home in KU land and asked me what I thought…I said, “haven’t been to Columbia in years” thats in there isn’t it…he says it hasn’t changed much, who knows…get a grip.

  9. BB says:

    You guys sound like complete idiots arguing over this. Wow..really.

  10. Orphan of the Road says:

    Being the county seat of Boone County brings in the brown-suited lawyers, skip tracers, government employees too.

    KU has been called Snob Hill (while KSU gets to be Silo Tech) since before Roy Roberts was running KC.

    Is there a song written about the party life in Lawrence as there is about MU’s long and storied history of party hardy? Plus White Eyes came out of Columbia (Hearne, Craig, your elders can clue you in to them).

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cqp_VsJY-yg

  11. Rich says:

    I wouldn’t live in either town. Problem solved.

  12. BB says:

    You guys are still idiots lol.

  13. Hearne says:

    Me? I wouldn’t say that I love Lawrence.

    It’s a nice town and all and has its charm – while being close to KC – which is really coming into its own. So that’s something.

    Actually, as Matt Donnelly has pointed out, I look at Lawrence through tempered eyes these days. The KU basketball worship here is far too over-the-top for my taste. Not quite enough to tempt me into moving to Columbia…back to KC maybe.

    People in Lawrence need to re-purpose themselves and find meaning to their lives outside of a mostly meaningless sports team made up of almost nobody who either is from this state or plans to remain here unless they run out of options and decide to play big fish in small pond the rest of their lives. And there are plenty of those people floating around from what I can tell.

  14. CG says:

    P.S. Chiefs are done. No identity…just wanted to make sure you all saw this…Denver beats us, SD beats us again, Oakland will be uphill on the road, maybe their only other win…Washington likely beats us and well 10-6

  15. Hot Carl says:

    Columbia is a dumpster fire on par with the picture you used of Glaze for this article. Glaze, I seriously doubt you could get laid in a morgue.

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