Paul Wilson: Zanyish Zimmerman Zooms Back into the News

AP_george_zimmerman_verdict_reaction_jt_130714_16x9_992September 11th was the last time I wrote about our Boy George…

In that story I asked, “Has George Zimmerman been so scarred by the Trayvon Martin incident that he will be forever marked in society and so psychologically damaged as a person that he may never find his center or any version of normality? Is this the course of his life from here on; living under the microscope of the media?”

The reason for my 9/11 story was his soon to be ex-wife had called 911 over a domestic incident. At that point he was accused of pulling a gun on both her and his father in law.

As of Monday this week, Zimmerman’s graced the news again, and why? He allegedly found his gun yet again and allegedly pointed it at his girlfriend after allegedly choking her. That’s a lot of “allegedlies,” but this is George Zimmerman we’re talking about.

So what’s the real news story here?

Zimmerman has a girlfriend!

Or had a girlfriend.

At some point the Zimmerman saga is going to become the story of OJ Simpson and his love life, pre-prison, of course. I assume it’s very different now, but I digress. We’re talking about George Zimmerman; what’s the level of expectation these girls have going into a relationship with him anyway?

This is not the guy you take home to Mom –  innocent or guilty – he’s got some Louis Vuitton steamer trunk sized baggage.

Samantha Scheibe

Samantha Scheibe

The story starts as most Zimmerman stories do, with no shortage of ambiguous facts. Samantha Scheibe, his girlfriend, told deputies it all started with an argument when she asked Zimmerman to leave her house and he began packing his belongings, including a shotgun and an assault rifle. Scheibe decided to lend a hand, putting his things in her living room and outside. Her “help” – in her version of the story – irritated Zimmerman and we all know you don’t want to do that.

At this point, according to the police report, he took his trusty shotgun out of its case.

This story suffers the same problems all the other Zimmerman incidents do, but she decided to stand her ground (see what I did there?) and call 911.

Point; Zimmerman’s girlfriend said she was “in fear for her life” because he mentioned suicide and said he “had nothing to lose.”

Counterpoint; Zimmerman’s public defenders said he didn’t appear to be suicidal. “He doesn’t appear to be a danger to himself or a danger to anybody else,” public defender Daniel Megaro said.

Point; Scheibe called 911 and accused Zimmerman of pointing a gun at her, smashing a coffee table and then pushing her outside.

Counterpoint; Zimmerman called 911 as well, denying pointing a gun at her and blaming her for the broken table.

Point; Scheibe is heard telling Zimmerman on a 911 call “Get out of my house.” Scheibe told deputies he pushed her out of the house when she got close to the door. 

Counterpoint; Zimmerman asked his girlfriend to leave while he finished packing but he smashed a pair of her sunglasses as she walked toward the front door.

See the trend here?

These stories always have “zimmerlarities.”

In the end, the cops believed her and Zimmerman was charged with aggravated assault, third-degree felony, battery and criminal mischief, both misdemeanors. Judge Fredric Schott said “Zimmerman’s previous brushes with the law weren’t a factor in the conditions he was imposing.”

The Judge then went on to set Zimmerman’s bond at $9,000, ordering him to stay away from Scheibe’s house, get rid of his guns, wear an ankle bracelet and stay in Florida.

All Floridians expressed a collective sigh of relief; I’m just positive they all want to make sure Zimmerman stays in the Sun Shine State. Since Anita Bryant went to her great reward, what’s Florida without George?


samantha scheibe

Back to my question of September 11th — is this guy a certifiable wing nut or is he clearly so scarred by the events of the past he simply doesn’t stand a chance?

“I would think it would be difficult for George Zimmerman to get a job in central Florida,” said public defender Jeff Dowdy. “I’m not so sure he can stay out of the legal system long enough to maintain a job, regardless of where it is.”

Defense attorneys said after the hearing that they expect Zimmerman to be out of jail on Wednesday, and they’re confident he’ll eventually be acquitted.

An odd side comment to the news conference; Seminole County Sheriff’s Office Chief Deputy Dennis Lemma said Scheibe wasn’t pregnant. I don’t know why that was a topic, but we can all rest assured that Zimmerman’s not yet reproduced and there won’t be any little Zimmermans running around Florida come August.

In his closing remarks, Lemma added that Zimmerman was compliant and unarmed when deputies came to the house.

Isn’t that always the case with this guy? He’s just Mr. Compliant.
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13 Responses to Paul Wilson: Zanyish Zimmerman Zooms Back into the News

  1. the dude says:

    This cat just has a permanent stench about him and all he will attract to him after his circus trial is trash and detrius. Just like OJ this guy is doomed.

  2. Orphan of the Road says:

    Gosh, who saw THIS coming?

  3. Kevin says:

    The only thing I find shocking or surprising about any of this is that a goober like Zimmerman can pull that quality of tail!

    • the dude says:

      Not all that tough to pull down mental defects that are attractive, Glazer could probably chime in on this.

      • Greg Clazer says:

        You think you are a real funny guy, dont you? I have probably had more hot looking girls in the last week than you have had in your entire life, in spite of having 6 different venereal diseases. You are just a loser who wishes you could be me, but dont have the courage, talent, or looks. not many do. If you have some kind of problem with me, meat me in front of Stanfords tonight for a hell in the cell cage match and well see who the better man is. I dont think you have the balls to show up. Nobody ever does, because they know they will get and old fashioned roid/coke fueled ass whipping.

        • paulwilsonkc says:

          I’ll hold the newspaper in the photo! Please, please, please?

        • the dude says:

          And I counter your lame sexual advance with a request for change of venue of Teh-Brawl-to-end-all-brawlz to the NE corner of 20th and Brooklyn at 8:01 in the PM 2-nite. You’ll know me by the gleam in my eye and the onion in my beltbuckle.

          Be there or be a puss-puss.

          • Greg Clazer says:

            It sounds like you are too chicken to meat me in front of Stanfords. I new it. The only thing you have ever beaten in you’re life is your monkey. I am going to call you The Dud from now on.

  4. paulwilsonkc says:

    To: George Zimmerman
    From: Jeff Dowdy Law
    Subject: Love the beard!

    Hey George,

    First off, really digging that beard. Keeps your look fresh, which is super important right now as we try and rebuild your image. Speaking of, just had a couple quick things re: what’s been going on recently:

    For starters, kudos on having a girlfriend! That’s great, man! The whole murdering a helpless teenager thing could be a turnoff for a lot of women but hey, power of the beard, right? Speaking of your GF, I heard things maybe haven’t been going so well lately? And that you pointed a shotgun at her face during an argument? I know relationships are tough but, going forward, maybe try and avoid settling your misunderstandings by aiming a loaded shotgun at the other person’s face. Just thinking it would be a shame to lose all the good will you must be getting for that slick new beard. You look like George Clooney!

    Anyway, really sorry it isn’t working out with you and your gal. Women, right? But hey, don’t sweat it, man. With a beard like that? You’re gonna be beating the ladies away with a stick (just for clarification, please do not actually beat any women with sticks).

    Hey, I heard you just posted bond for your latest domestic dispute charge – noyce! I know you’re dying to get back out there and let those chin whiskers work their magic, but maybe take a few nights to just chill out at home, huh? I actually made a quick list of things you might want to generally avoid for a while, if possible:

    places where other people live or go
    pointy things
    sharp things (especially razors because that beard is lookin’ fierce!)
    yelling “I am invincible!”
    yelling/talking/speaking in general
    being seen
    doing anything
    reminding people that you exist
    or even thinking about getting rid of that beard! (for real, it looks super sharp on you)

    Anyway, I’ve got a pretty big day of dodging rocks being thrown at me because I’m your lawyer so I’d better get going. Remember what I said, huh? And try and keep that chin up so people can see that beautiful beard! (seriously though, as your lawyer I advise that you do not let anyone see your face ever again).

    All the best,


    P.S. – Have a great Thanksgiving! (do not have a great Thanksgiving)

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