However in the few moments of calm amidst 5,000 people wandering through my little gallery, I started piecing together a story in my head.
All the men I’ve heard about the past two weeks that just need to turn in their man cards and get it over with. I offer the following sad excuses for your consideration:
Olathe resident Donna Limbaugh was sitting on her porch, reading the newspaper with a 6 pound Yorkshire sitting at her feet, when neighbor Carl Henrichson walked by taking his cancer stricken Lab for a walk. Precious, the 6 year old Yorkie, bolted and decided to chase the Lab.
Henrichson, according to Limbaugh, drop kicked the dog 4 feet into the air. When it came down, Donna said, “He put his foot on “Precious” and then he raised the other foot so that he actually stood on her. It reminded me of if you were going to step on a bug.”
Henrichson claimed it was “self-defense” and the Olathe police agreed, writing Limbaugh tickets for having an unlicensed, unleashed and now dead dog.
Carl, this dog was the size of a half-gallon of milk, you dolt. Turn it in, you’re no longer a man.
Newhouse’s cat bit and scratched his fiancée and the best solution douche bag Newhouse could come up with was to place the cat in an animal carrier and hold it under Lake Waukomis, thrashing away until it drowned, while a neighbor and two kids watched.
Eric Zahnd, Platte County Prosecutor, said he found Newhouse’s method of killing the animal “disheartening” but oddly enough, there are no laws against killing your own animal any way you see fit in Platte County.
Zahnd has gotten over 1,200 emails asking for Newhouse to be arrested.
Newhouse is now famous, in a Harley kind of way; Google “Thomas Newhouse drowned cat” and the first 8 pages are full of nothing but this story.
If cats truly have 9 lives, hopefully this one will come back to stuff Newhouse and Henrichson in a carrier while some big dude holds it under water.
Simon’s having a baby…..with his best friend’s wife!
There are certain boundaries you don’t cross; one of them is doing your best friend’s wife.
That’s right; this obnoxious turd is expecting a baby with New York socialite Lauren Silverman, who is still married to his bestie, real estate mogul Andrew Silverman. But not-to-worry, she plans to leave her troubled marriage to be with baby-daddy.
Just when you thought the Kardashians cornered the market on bad taste, I give you Cowell.
Filner has gone up, or down, depending on how you look at it, on sexual harassment charges, after groping and licking the faces of female city employees.
Why did he do it? Simple, it’s not his fault; the city of San Diego failed to provide him with state-required sexual harassment training. He just didn’t know you couldn’t lick girl’s faces or grope their boobulas!
His attorney wrote, “While, to paraphrase Bob Dylan, many might argue that ‘you don’t need a weatherperson to tell you which way the wind blows, Filner may not be facing a lawsuit today if he had undergone the classes.”
How stupid do you think the people of San Diego are, Filner? My friend Chris Merrrill at Voice of Merrill is having a hay day with this guy! Stream KOGO on I-Heart and listen to Merrill dismember this guy. He’s funny and gives you something decent to listen to late afternoons in this vast talk show wasteland we live in here in KC!
The man who abducted 3 women in Ohio, beats and raped them for 10 years, finally got his day in court. And his apology to his victims was what?
He and his victims “lived in harmony.”
It wasn’t his fault, he’s “addicted to porn.”
The girls “weren’t virgins” when he took them. See? It’s better already.
And get this; he wasn’t even a “wife beater”… until he married his wife. I’ll give you a moment to let the true humor of that statement sink in.
He’s the “victim.” Despite years of physical and emotional torture, he claimed the sex with his three victims was “consensual.”
Have fun with that life + 1,000 years sentence. Even in protective custody, I say he will be “released” in less than 24 months, if you get my drift.
Your well-coiffed scribe asks you to go out today and be men of purpose.