Attention Royals & Chiefs Officials – No More Bad Calls
Police in rural Brazil detained one man and were seeking two others in the slaying of a soccer referee who was killed by spectators after he stabbed a player to death mid-match Monday.
The 20-year-old referee, Otavio Jordao da Silva, kicked Josemir Santos Abreu, 31, out of the game in the small town of Centro do Meio. Abreu threw Silva to the ground and as he tried to get back up, Silva pulled a knife and stabbed Abreu in the chest; he died on the way to the hospital.
Players and spectators then rushed Silva, tying him up by his arms and legs, hit him over the head with a spike and then broke a bottle on his face. One of the suspects then took the knife that had been used to stab Abreu and stabbed the referee in the neck.
This comes under the International Soccer Rules, Section 103.2 – Turn About is Fair Play, but they took it one step too far.
Another suspect then used a sickle and cut off Silva’s arms, legs and head, which he placed on a spike in the middle of the field. The story added that the attackers may have been on drugs at the time; that’s a relief, at least there was a valid reason.
Marty Hahne, who goes by the stage name “Marty the Magician,” has done magic for years in the Ozarks. One of his favorite tricks is the old standby pulling a rabbit out of his hat. (This is different than Harley pulling stories out of his ass) His illusion has been derailed as our federal government, via the United States Department of Agriculture is mandating he provide an emergency disaster plan.
I’ll give you a moment to contemplate that.
“I have yearly license fees, we have to go to the vet once a year, I had to read a rule book 111 pages long, go through surprise inspections, and submit travel plans to the USDA if I am on the road longer than 48 hours,” explained Hahne. “It’s unnecessary and ridiculous.”
But this week, it got worse. The USDA, in compliance with the Animal Welfare Act, outlined an eight-page letter detailing demands for the rabbit disaster plan.
“I thought that it was hilarious at first and then I looked it over a little more carefully and I thought this is going to be a ton of work and they are really serious about this,” said Hahne.
“They want site analysis, hazard analysis, what I’ll do during the disaster, steps I’ll take afterwards. If I have a pet sitter, the pet sitter should be informed and trained on the plans. So it’s very serious.”
Hahne must identify emergencies seen frequently, emergencies that could happen during shows, outline specific tasks during an emergency, establish a clear chain of command, identify materials and resources, and ensure all employees are trained on the plan. Even though it’s just Hahne and his single disappearing rabbit, he comes under the same guidelines as a circus owner with 50 animals.
He’s lucky enough to have an acquaintance that specializes in addressing governmental red tape and she’s offered to write the plan for him, pro bono. She estimates to address each USDA question the plan, the way it needs to be to addressed to their satisfaction, the end product will be 60 pages and must be kept with Hahne at all times.
Porta Potty with a View!
A Sand Springs water park guest had taken her 7-year-old daughter to the bathroom and noticed a man looking up at her from inside the toilet and called the cops. The local constable arrived and, sure enough, found Enslow still inside the septic tank beneath a women’s bathroom.
Tulsa County Sheriff’s Maj. Shannon Clark said, “He went in there, climbed down in the septic and was looking up at the people utilizing that facility,” Clark said.
I assume each of you have put two and two together and surmised the outcome from his efforts as you surely know what “utilizing the facility” means.
Enslow, who was covered in human waste, was pulled from the septic tank by members of the Keystone Fire Department, who sprayed him off with a fire hose and then transported him to a hospital for evaluation, according to a sheriff’s report.
Evaluation? I don’t need any more facts, I can “evaluate” that from here.
Enslow told police that a woman hit him in the head with a tire iron and dumped him in the toilet, according to the report, but Clark said: “There were no injuries consistent with that.” He remains in jail on this charge and another felony warrant from 1998.