Paul Wilson: The Weak in Review; Midterms

REFFEREE-KILLEDRound one…

Attention Royals & Chiefs Officials – No More Bad Calls

Police in rural Brazil detained one man and were seeking two others in the slaying of a soccer referee who was killed by spectators after he stabbed a player to death mid-match Monday.

The 20-year-old referee, Otavio Jordao da Silva, kicked Josemir Santos Abreu, 31, out of the game in the small town of Centro do Meio. Abreu threw Silva to the ground and as he tried to get back up, Silva pulled a knife and stabbed Abreu in the chest; he died on the way to the hospital.

Players and spectators then rushed Silva, tying him up by his arms and legs, hit him over the head with a spike and then broke a bottle on his face. One of the suspects then took the knife that had been used to stab Abreu and stabbed the referee in the neck.

This comes under the International Soccer Rules, Section 103.2 – Turn About is Fair Play, but they took it one step too far.

Another suspect then used a sickle and cut off Silva’s arms, legs and head, which he placed on a spike in the middle of the field. The story added that the attackers may have been on drugs at the time; that’s a relief, at least there was a valid reason.

p27406509-11USDA Hare Brained Moment of the Week

Marty Hahne, who goes by the stage name “Marty the Magician,” has done magic for years in the Ozarks. One of his favorite tricks is the old standby pulling a rabbit out of his hat. (This is different than Harley pulling stories out of his ass) His illusion has been derailed as our federal government, via the United States Department of Agriculture is mandating he provide an emergency disaster plan.

Easter surpriseFor the rabbit.

I’ll give you a moment to contemplate that.

“I have yearly license fees, we have to go to the vet once a year, I had to read a rule book 111 pages long, go through surprise inspections, and submit travel plans to the USDA if I am on the road longer than 48 hours,” explained Hahne. “It’s unnecessary and ridiculous.”

But this week, it got worse. The USDA, in compliance with the Animal Welfare Act, outlined an eight-page letter detailing demands for the rabbit disaster plan.

“I thought that it was hilarious at first and then I looked it over a little more carefully and I thought this is going to be a ton of work and they are really serious about this,” said Hahne.

“They want site analysis, hazard analysis, what I’ll do during the disaster, steps I’ll take afterwards. If I have a pet sitter, the pet sitter should be informed and trained on the plans. So it’s very serious.”

Hahne must identify emergencies seen frequently, emergencies that could happen during shows, outline specific tasks during an emergency, establish a clear chain of command, identify materials and resources, and ensure all employees are trained on the plan. Even though it’s just Hahne and his single disappearing rabbit, he comes under the same guidelines as a circus owner with 50 animals.

He’s lucky enough to have an acquaintance that specializes in addressing governmental red tape and she’s offered to write the plan for him, pro bono. She estimates to address each USDA question the plan, the way it needs to be to addressed to their satisfaction, the end product will be 60 pages and must be kept with Hahne at all times.

 

Porta Potty with a View!

Port-a-Potty_Suspect-300x225A Tulsa man was jailed Monday on a Peeping Tom complaint. No news here, happens every day, right? No, not like this, Kenneth Enslow seems to have broken new ground.

A Sand Springs water park guest had taken her 7-year-old daughter to the bathroom and noticed a man looking up at her from inside the toilet and called the cops. The local constable arrived and, sure enough, found Enslow still inside the septic tank beneath a women’s bathroom.

Tulsa County Sheriff’s Maj. Shannon Clark said, “He went in there, climbed down in the septic and was looking up at the people utilizing that facility,” Clark said.

I assume each of you have put two and two together and surmised the outcome from his efforts as you surely know what “utilizing the facility” means.

Enslow, who was covered in human waste, was pulled from the septic tank by members of the Keystone Fire Department, who sprayed him off with a fire hose and then transported him to a hospital for evaluation, according to a sheriff’s report.

Evaluation? I don’t need any more facts, I can “evaluate” that from here.

Enslow told police that a woman hit him in the head with a tire iron and dumped him in the toilet, according to the report, but Clark said: “There were no injuries consistent with that.” He remains in jail on this charge and another felony warrant from 1998.

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19 Responses to Paul Wilson: The Weak in Review; Midterms

  1. Bob in Eudora says:

    Paul, whatever became of the man boy rapist pianist whose daddy sells BMW’s?

  2. paulwilsonkc says:

    Hey, Bob, so far nothing but extensions and scheduling hearings. The next one is the 19th and Ill be there. I’m not done, it’s just stalling before it winds up in full swing.

  3. chuck says:

    Every couple of years there is a story about some guy diving into a port a pottie so he can get a better look at paperwork, maybe it’s the same government workers inflicting agony on that magician.

    “Excuse me mam, you have some more paperwork yet to do!”

    And, every single time the cops come to pull the guy out of the porta pottie, you always read the same thing about the cops using a hose to wash him down.

    “Grab the hose Jeff, we gotta porta pottie plunger!”

    “G*DA*MIT can’t the K9 guys go this time!!”

    “The dogs won’t get out of the car, get the hose!”

    For starters, this is a hell of a poorly planned crime. You WILL be noticed, probably by some chick like Rachel Jeantel who 2 to 4 hours ago ingested Mexican food from an 6.95 “All U Can Eat” buffet in a sketchy part of town where food inspectors were last seen during the Eisenhower administration. The prospects for success are as dim as the view. Once the porta pottie door is closed and Rachel comes in for a landing, your gonna need night vision goggles to…, well, anyway…

    I think I will skip breakfast and get to work early.

    • paulwilsonkc says:

      Ahhhh, don’t let it do that to you! I’m on my patio, eggs w cheese and coffee on a gorgeous 73 degree morning. I could reread this story while eating a Hershey bar for gods sake.
      Paper work? Maybe he was looking for the TPS Report.
      You need to toughen up some; I’m having breakfast on the patio while talking to Hearne; that’s far more difficult to maintain an appetite.

    • Orphan of the Road says:

      Consider a 180# pig produces twice to six times the waste as a 180# person. Figure the cubic feet of poo times the per-cent of hydrogen sulfide and factor in a cannibal-hob or ten, that is pretty much your Smithfield pork.

      But feel good in knowing your meat consumption means you don’t have to visit the doctor for antibiotics. Just eat another steak or chicken or pork chop.

      That factory hog produces as much scat as He-Should-Not-Be-Named.

  4. mike says:

    All the stuff that magician is going through is just a hare excessive. Too bad he can’t make the regulations disappear!

  5. smartman says:

    Woweewow! The government has more interest in how a magician takes care of his rabbit than how people raise their children.

    And we lost our #1 obesity ranking to Mexico this week.

    We are starting to lose our edge.

    • paulwilsonkc says:

      Smarty; I saw that story and it made me mad; let’s all meet at a Mexican buffet and take back what’s rightfully OURS!

      • the dude says:

        Damn right wilsun! I ain’t about to let some damn Messicans take that well deserved crown of obesity from us Uhmuricans without a fight! I’ll be there with my stretchy pants on and extra sweatpants incase I soil my stretchy pants while shoveling mass amounts of greasy food to my pie hole.

        Vivuh Uhmuricuh!!! Aye Yai Yai!

    • Super Dave says:

      They eating better with all the money being sent home from workers in the family here.

  6. Orphan of the Road says:

    USDA, a leisure-service of Monsanto and Smithfield, has helped make what was once the breadbasket of the world into a corn-and-soybean ghetto in the Heartland. Compared to today’s agricultural policies, Green Acres was a documentary.

    Next the EPA will demand an environmental impact study of each performance.

    Scat stories, something harley can sink his teeth into.

    I used to coach kids in a semi-sacred game. No, not football but what the natives call the little brother of war, lacrosse.

    Originally the goals were up to five-miles apart, the sticks’ netting was made from twisted, dried bat wings and the “ball” was a human skull. There were no out-0f-bounds and women and children would beat players with sticks if they thought they were playing soft.

    Soccer ref got off easy when you compare it to women calling you out as a sissy.

    • paulwilsonkc says:

      “USDA, a leisure-service of Monsanto and Smithfield, has helped make what was once the breadbasket of the world into a corn-and-soybean ghetto in the Heartland. Compared to today’s agricultural policies, Green Acres was a documentary.”

      +100 kind of BRILLIANT!

      • Orphan of the Road says:

        Feeding cattle chicken dropping, composted for that “oaky” taste, and not telling the customer is fine. But country of origin and labeling of GMOs/non-GMOs would not be fair to the producer.

        The new farm bill allows farmers to continue to farm the government coffers, banking on the platitude of the Family Farmer to carry the day.

        Those Big Time Operators got New Paint Disease as well as being hooked on government cheese.

        • the dude says:

          Welfare for corporations = OK.
          Food stamps for starving working poor people = stealing.

          Doesn’t sound very christian to me.

  7. paulwilsonkc says:

    Aaron, I’d need more to go on than that.
    Thanks, though.

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