Hearne: Local Women Lament Pending Passing KC’s Finest ‘Ladies Room’ @ Halls Plaza

Halls Plaza Department StoreA moment of silence please for the ladies room at Halls Plaza

That’s right, while upscale, elite shoppers are bemoaning the pending passing of Kansas City’s finest department store, women from all walks of life are dreading the loss of Kansas City’s finest-by-far women’s restroom.

“I overheard some gals talking about it in a restaurant,” says Theater League honcho Mark Edelman. “One said that’s what she’ll miss the most about the store– she’d walk all the way from  the West side – Better Cheddar, Anthropologie or whatever stores are over there – just to use the Halls powder room.”True Story.

“I love it,” says a local woman who asked not to be named. “For one thing, it’s private. Instead of stalls, they have separate bathrooms so you can go in there and do what you want to do in private. Everyone wants to go poop in Halls.”

“It’s wonderful!” adds another.  “Best in the city. Check it out, it’s huge, with individual rooms with personal sinks, pretty decor and a sitting area – a large sitting room with pretty things and a perfume and other goodies display case.  Sinks are included in the individual rooms..everything there you need.”

No lie, says Roger the Plumber.

Best Bathroom“It’s the nicest ladies room in town by far,” he says. “You know, to me the most important part of a restroom is you want it to be clean and they have the cleanest restroom in town. And they put in the nicest Kohler one-piece toilets that you could buy. They retail for around $1,500 each, very high end. And they never clog because because they still use the old technology of 3.5 gallon flushing instead of the federally mandate 1.6 gallons today. They’re grandfathered.

“They put in marble counter tops – back before the granite and marble craze really took hold – and the faucets are high end, very luxurious. And they have individual rooms with with lots of hooks to hang your purse and coat on a solid door and a lock on the inside so no one can barge in on you. And the rooms are soundproofed to a higher level and the doors are probably solid oak with high end doorknobs.”

And how exactly is it that Roger’s so familiar with the women only sanctuary.

“I’ve been in the mens room there and one day when the coast was clear, my wife Diane let me peek into the ladies room,” he says. “I made it in there quick, got in and then got out. I hear stories about women walking several blocks extra just to go to the bathroom there.”

inez-buttThe second swankest ladies lavatory in KC?

“The WestChase Grill in Leawood – the old 40 Sardines – was pretty nice, but they’re closed now,” Roger says. “They had a fabulous bathroom. But there’s nothing in the league of Halls Plaza. Everything else is generic.”

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7 Responses to Hearne: Local Women Lament Pending Passing KC’s Finest ‘Ladies Room’ @ Halls Plaza

  1. the dude says:

    Uh huh, sure man, quick peek. Yeah.

  2. smartman says:

    Nice to know that KC’s diva’s and doyenne’s had a soundproof room to grunt in while grinding out that 16oz KC Strip from the Capital Grill or perhaps moaning in ecstacy while massaging the man in the boat.

    Surely, over all the years Hall’s has been on the Plaza some blue hair or platinum blonde took their boy toy or girlfriend in for a little boom-boom-mammasan.

    I would be deeply disappointed in KC’s upper crust if said accomodations had not been properly utilized for lowbrow behavior.

    Shocked there were no bidets.

    • harley says:

      smartman…i hate you (or i at least try to)…but you are one funny
      mf’er sometimes…where do you get this stuff?
      Make up with glaze and maybe he’ll let you open for jj “dynomite”:
      walker down at stanfords Despite all our commentary battles
      you do put up some funny stuff!!!!!!!
      I was having a tough day…came here…read your comments and
      i laughed….as wilsun and super dave would say ” + 1000000000000″

    • Super Dave says:

      Glazer be along soon telling us we are losers because he has done the wild boom boom thing at Halls.

  3. PB says:

    Man, if I’d have known that, I would have snuck in layed a load a cable for those prissy debs to discover.

  4. paulwilsonkc says:

    1st world problems.

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