The BOW-WOWS, My BOTTOM OF THE BARREL Scraps of 2012:
# 2—By all rights Taylor Kitsch in BATTLESHIP should have hit an iceberg and sunk during the film’s first reel. It would’ve save all of us a lot of time and grief, not to mention the cost of the gas to get to the theater.
# 3—Speaking of Kitsch, take the movie JOHN CARTER. The tag line for this flop stated: “Lost in our world, found in another.” I don’t know about that but this costly disaster sure shook up Disney’s front office,
# 4—DREDD. Dreadful. Per the film’s tag line: “Judgement is coming.” It didn’t come soon enough for me.
# 5—WANDERLUST. Universal gave birth to this Paul Rudd/Jennifer Aniston turkey, first slated for a 2011 release but pulled before its initial run at the last minute. My take? They should’ve filmed additional footage—then shelved it forever.
# 7—Pay it forward. Pay it backward. In CLOUD ATLAS everything is connected—except for me and the millions of moviegoers who stayed away in droves. (Note to Tom Hanks: It’s been a long so-so stretch. Maybe it’s time to reconsider future projects.)
# 8—THE WATCH which underwent a title change from its original NEIGHBORHOOD WATCH moniker following Florida’s infamous hoodie killing.
Which didn’t help the Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn, Jonah Hill comedy no matter which title was attached.
# 9—WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOU’RE EXPECTING. Obviously not much as proven out here by the likes of Cameron Diaz, Jennifer Lopez, Elizabeth Banks, Anna Kendrick, Dennis Quaid and Chris Rock. Just a awful chick flick.
First Runner Up Bonus Title: ALEX CROSS with Tyler Perry as the homicide detective title character. Where was Madea when we needed her?
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And as I always close these annual lists I ask you to: “Just keep repeating, it’s only a movie. Only a movie. Only a movie. Take as much as you can!”
Happy New Year Everyone!