Tag Archives: Kelly Urich

Starbeams: Snakebit in Lenexa, Top 5 Ways to Spot a Joco Rattlesnake

Fifteen  year-old Roy Christiansen had quite a surprise while walking down a sidewalk in Lenexa when a rattlesnake bit his leg!  He received 11 vials of anti-venom and spent two days at Children’s Mercy Hospital.
Experts say snakes are attracted to rodents being attracted to our lawn sprinklers during this hot, dry summer.

The Top 5 Ways to Spot a Johnson County Rattlesnake:

#5.  It hibernates in Fiji.

#4.  Natural environment includes traffic islands.

Continue reading

Posted in home | Tagged | Comments Off

Starbeams: Burrito Bonanza, American Idol Exit, (Almost) Free Hugs & Royal Ripoff

People camped out for the opening of Freebirds World Burrito in Mission. Folks were in line Tuesday night for the Thursday morning opening.  Most of the people in line thought they were camping out for a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert.

*******

Steven Tyler is exiting as judge of American Idol. He says he finally ran out of rhymes that were cool in 1970.

Continue reading

Posted in home | Tagged | Comments Off

Starbeams: Did D Bowe Fumble? Hot Weather Meets TV Hottie, Everybody Yahoo & Aretha

The 3 p.m. deadline for Dwayne Bowe to sign with the Chiefs NFL passed with no word on whether or not a long-term deal had been reached.  Dwayne tried to reach a deal, but it slipped through his hands.

*******

Triple digit heat returns to Kansas City this week.  The weather has made me hot, sticky and out of breath – and that’s just from watching Karli Ritter on Fox 4.

Continue reading

Posted in home | Tagged | Comments Off

Starbeams: KC Boos, Tom Cruise Divorce, Katy Perry’s Boobs & Donald Rumsfeld to Dole

Many national viewers were surprised to see Kansas City fans booing Robinson Cano at the Home Run Derby Monday.  What they don’t realize is, for 20 years Kauffman Stadium has had a monopoly on booing.

*******

The booing continued on the red carpet on the Country Club Plaza.  Unfortunately, Sacha Baron Cohen wasn’t able to attend the event.

*******

Billy Butler is having a blast during his first All-Star appearance.  Mainly because Royal bacon blue hot dogs are free to the players.

Continue reading

Posted in home | Tagged | Comments Off

Starbeams: Royals 1st Inning Stretch, Foreplay in San Diego & Romney Tops Obama in Ks.

 

Security is ready for the All-Star Game.  For example, several guards will be placed near the exits of Kauffman Stadium to keep Royals fans from leaving after the traditional first inning exit.

*******

A San Diego fireworks show accidentally launched its 20-minute set of fireworks in 15 seconds.  What a coincidence? This happens to me during foreplay!

Continue reading

Posted in Starbeams | Tagged | Comments Off

Starbeams: Fox Anchor Gets Rouses Kelly, Royals Fans on Hot Seat & Bazooka’s Makeover

Erin Andrews said she hopes her move to Fox Sports will help her grow as a journalist.  She’s always helped me grow as a viewer.

 

*******

 

Little known fact: New Mexican President, Enrique Pena Nieto is one letter away from having the initials ESPN.

Continue reading

Posted in Starbeams | Tagged | Comments Off

Starbeams: Anderson Cooper Comes Out, Tom & Katie Split, Michigan DUIs, Joco Sex

 

CNN’s Anderson Cooper finally admitted….he really is Ellen DeGeneres.

*******

It was sad to hear about Katie and Tom but will their daughter Suri keep her job as the voice that screws up my iPhone?

Continue reading

Posted in Starbeams | Tagged | Comments Off

Starbeams: Janet Jackson Super Stunt, George Toma, Microsoft @ Oak Park & Bruce Chen

A federal judge finally threw out the Janet Jackson Super Bowl wardrobe malfunction case.  Thanks for the timely response, replied no one who worked for CBS after 2004.

*******

Former groundskeeper George Toma will become the 25th member of the Royals Hall of Fame at a ceremony planned for August 31st at the K.  Unfortunately, George had the team’s highest On Base Percentage from 1986-1995.

Continue reading

Posted in Starbeams | Tagged | Comments Off

Starbeams: It Was So Hot in Kansas City Yesterday That…

It was so hot….

******* The All-Star Game has been moved to the Crown Center Ice Terrace.

******* I saw Larry Moore in a tank top.

******* The Humane Society is upset because I left my dog inside the HOUSE.

Continue reading

Posted in Starbeams | Tagged | Comments Off

Starbeams: Turtle Sex, Snakes on a Plain, Fat Cops in Mission & Getting ‘Faced’

Scientists found a fossil of two turtles having sex that’s 47 million years old. Completely related, I once made out in a Shell station.   

*******

Residents of Crimson Ridge development in western Shawnee were shocked to learn the park that backs up to their property will become home to imported snakes as part of a conservation area.  The good news; people jogging through the park will easily surpass their target pulse rate.

*******

The nation of Pakistan is cracking down on obese policemen.  Or as we call them here in Mission, policemen.

Continue reading

Posted in Starbeams | Tagged | Comments Off

Starbeams: Cordish Plan Down the Sewer, DMV Days, New Math & Chocolate Love

The Cordish Co. is planning a $70 million downtown project with a 23-story tower as the centerpiece.  They also want a 25 year tax break.  Thankfully, our $3.6 billion crumbling sewage problem is well-funded, so the timing’s perfect.

*******

Summer is officially here.  June 21 is the longest day of the year….unless you’re at a Kansas DMV.  Then it’s even longer.

Continue reading

Posted in Starbeams | Tagged | Comments Off

Starbeams: Retro Radio ‘Release’ Week, McCartney Does Bieber & Boulevard’s ‘Love Child’

New albums have been released this week from Neneh Cherry, Richard Marx, Smashing Pumpkins, Fiona Apple, Jimmy Buffett and Lita Ford.  I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to crank up ZZ99!

*******

Paul McCartney turned 70 this week.  He is the only 70 year-old I know who can pull off the Justin Bieber hairdo.

Continue reading

Posted in Starbeams | Tagged | Comments Off

Starbeams: The Top 5 Ways to Spot a Kansas City Terrorist

Federal officials have arrested a Kansas City businessman for allegedly being part of an al-Qaida terror cell.

Top 5 Ways to Spot a Kansas City Terrorist:

#5. He gripes about having to drive 45 minutes north of town just so he can fly an airplane into a building.

#4. Drives around town all day looking for something worthy of blowing up.

#3. Lives in a cave called Hunt Subtropolis.

Continue reading

Posted in Starbeams | Tagged | 2 Comments

Starbeams: KCI, Why? Rockville’s Horses, Madonna Goes Senile & Royals Wave Brewers

A plan to replace Terminal A at KCI with one giant and modernized terminal has been presented to city officials. Terminals B and C could be turned into office space. Still no word on when they plan to build a terminal near where people live.

*******

The city of Rockville, Missouri is embracing the prospect of a horse slaughtering plant being located in their town.  One hundred and fifty people packed a city council meeting this week to voice their support for the idea.  You might say they’re sticking together like glue.

Continue reading

Posted in Starbeams | Tagged | 1 Comment

Starbeams: Prometheus Syndrome, China Syndrome, Crown Center Ban & Joco Hooters

A kid had a seizure during a gory scene in the movie "Prometheus". I had mine when I paid $12 for a combo.

*******

Apple debuted the MacBook Pro, which has a retina display.  If you stick your eye to the screen you can see a starving underage Chinese factory worker.

Continue reading

Posted in Starbeams | Tagged | Comments Off

Starbeams: Kardashian’s Lambo, Missie B’s ‘Flame Challenge’ & Death by ‘Silent Meditation’

More than half of Americans 65 and older now use the Internet. And most of them also believe me when I tell them I need $ to get out of a Mexican prison.

*******

Kim Kardashian just bought Kanye West a $750,000 Lamborghini. I just saved 15% on my car insurance. You tell me who’s winning?

*******

A quantum physicist from Truman High won the World Flame Challenge. I won the same honor at Missie B’s in the ’90s. Is this a public forum?

Continue reading

Posted in Starbeams | Tagged | 2 Comments

Starbeams: Mayan Calendar & Dow, NYC Legal Pot, Money vs. Happiness, Royals & Mila

The Dow jumped 286 points Wednesday. Then again, my Mayan calendar predicted this would happen.

*******

New York City may decriminalize small amounts of marijuana. But don’t even think about a 16 oz Coca Cola!?

*******

Pippa Middleton will release her first book in October. Every magazine article I read about her turns into a pop-up!

*******

A survey finds it takes an income of at least $50-to-60,000 a year to be happy. Looks like I need to make more meth.

Continue reading

Posted in Starbeams | Tagged | Comments Off

Starbeams: Kansas City Garners Yet Another ‘Fat’ Award & End of the World

How did Kansas City rank among the Worst Dressed Cities in the U.S?  Travel and Leisure magazine just named us the WORST-DRESSED people in the U.S.

#1.)  Anchorage, Alaska
#2.)  Salt Lake City, Utah
#3.)  Baltimore, Maryland
#4.)  Orlando, Florida
#5.)  San Antonio, Texas
#6.)  Dallas/Fort Worth, Texas
#7.)  Atlanta, Georgia
#8.)  Portland, Maine
#9.)  Phoenix/Scottsdale, Arizona
#10.)  Kansas City, Missouri

We only made the top ten because they don’t make stylish clothing in our size.

Continue reading

Posted in Starbeams | Tagged | 7 Comments

Starbeams: George Brett Tweets for Lost Do, Kim Kardashian as Minnie Mouse

George Brett turned to Twitter to help find his lost dog Wednesday morning. And 10,000 Twitter followers were frantically searching for a dog that refused to sign autographs.

*******

A raccoon was stranded for hours atop a tall pole in the Northland Tuesday. A maintenance worker
was able to knock the raccoon from the top and its nasty fall to the ground was caught on video.
Residents believe the pole-sitting raccoon is not sick, but it’s not wellllllll.

Continue reading

Posted in Starbeams | Tagged | Comments Off

Starbeams: KCPD Radar Love, Obama Does Joplin, Chinese Take Over AMC & Dilly

A 24 year-old Kansas City man has been arrested for allegedly pointing a laser at a KCPD helicopter. Apparently, he became upset when they wouldn’t tell him the location of the rebel base.

*******

President Obama spoke to graduating students in Joplin Monday night.  Several residents of Jasper county said it was the first time they had met someone from Kenya.

Continue reading

Posted in Starbeams | Tagged | 4 Comments