Hearne: IKEA Hit With Swedish Meatball Horse Meat Scandal

mister-edI’m no expert on horse meat…

But I’ve dished up my fair share of dog food over the years and I did just happen to try the “famous” IKEA Swedish Meatballs last week in Orange County. The ones the Star‘s Joyce Smith raved about.

Fifteen of em, to be exact.

So why did I consume 15 ultra bland meatballs if they weren’t really any good? Good question. You might say I was as hungry as a horse.

Not hungry enough to eat a horse mind you, but then that’s not how they were described on the menu. Continue reading

Posted in Hearne_Christopher | 13 Comments

New Jack City: Get Outta Town, Leave the Storms Behind & Save

The+Great+Escape+Wallpaper+www.gameswallpapersatoz.blogspot.com3It’s the middle of winter…

When should I book my summer vacation? That’s one of the more frequently asked questions I always get.

I’ve been an independent travel agent for over 20 years now. First with Abbey Road Travel and for the past dozen years or so with Shelton Travel Service.
And the standard questions from travelers haven’t changed much.

In this column I’ll try to address what’s on most people’s minds. You know, and try and keep it clean. Continue reading

Posted in Jack Poessiger | 12 Comments

Mancow: Communist Party Presents ‘The Oscars’

images-1I can’t stand the phoney baloney Oscars

Hollywood jerks.

What’s happened to our wonderful country?

Poisoned by rap music, socialists and underachievers. Awful, terrible.

By the way, see if you notice the same thing I’m noticing. Everything is about women. Even the ads. Men are just props or are treated as such.

Continue reading

Posted in Mancow | 25 Comments

Mancow: The Plan to Disarm America

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This “KILLER COP” story has so many holes…

He’s in a cabin almost across the street from the police station that’s been running the search for him?  Fifty cops in hiding?

Aren’t they COPS?

Continue reading

Posted in Mancow | 6 Comments

Starbeams: The Top 5 Signs You Know it’s Going to be a Long Winter…

Philippines Dog ShowThe Top 5 signs you know it’s going to be a long winter…

#5.  You have to send your Chihuahua outside wearing snorkel gear.

#4.  Snow’s too deep to see the Global Warming bumper stickers in Westport.

#3.  KC Mayor Sly James get into a Twitter war with Punxsutawney Phil. Continue reading

Posted in Starbeams | 2 Comments

Leftridge: So You’ve Ended Up in Jail (Helpful Hints for Surviving Incarceration)

Houston Criminal Lawyer admires the new Jail CzarI’ve been to jail. I’m not proud of it, nor do I want to talk about it. It wasn’t a Jim Varney-esque adventure full of hilarity and penal-stereotypes, but it wasn’t scary, either. (Shankings are primarily reserved for MSNBC’s “Lock Up,” apparently.)

It was mostly boring and uneventful, but it sure was a shitty way to spend a weekend, for certain. And while I’d love to be able to tell you how to STAY out of jail, I can’t. It happens to the best of us.

One moment, you’re “innocently” trespassing at a private lake with some friends, drinking and cavorting, and the next thing you know, you’re being given tickets for said trespassing offense. Only YOU’RE being held, Brandon, because your psychopath cousin once got pulled over in North Kansas City for speeding/drinking and driving/in a car with expired tags, and he gave them YOUR name instead of his… he said that he was Brandon Leftridge, goddamnit, and no, he didn’t have his license but he knew his social security number, by God (having memorized yours while he was living with you after his own parents gave up on him because he was kicked out of regular-kid-school for cutting another student’s throat with a box-cutter).

Sometimes, this shit just happens. You can’t help it.

So what can you do while you’re there? Well, you can always perform a song for the warden and hope for early release… except, you know, this is jail and not prison, and you’re not Elvis (or Leadbelly) and there really isn’t a warden. Continue reading

Posted in Brandon Leftridge | Tagged , , , | 54 Comments

Jack Goes Confidential: ‘SNITCH’ Turns The Rock Into Actor

Driver (Dwayne Johnson) paces furiously in his cell as he awaits releaseHats off to Dwayne Johnson, he’s evolved into an actor…

Oh sure he’s made movies before. But in SNITCH he goes beyond just walking through an action flick. He actually and believably ACTS!

That’s not to say that this movie—which he also co-produced—conquers any new territory, but it works. Continue reading

Posted in Jack Poessiger | 6 Comments

Hearne: Can Olathe’s Garmin Survive Changing Times?

siri_proFunny how distance can often lend some perspective…

I’ve just spent the past week running around half lost in Southern California in a rental Chevrolet Cruze. In Newport Beach and San Diego to be specific.  And since you guys are undoubtedly trapped at home gazing out at snowdrifts (as the hapless Scribe lamented to me yesterday), I’m more than happy to share my warm weather findings with you.

You can’t spend two days building snowmen and sucking down hot chocolate anyway, right? Continue reading

Posted in Hearne_Christopher | 3 Comments

Hearne: Orange County ‘IKEA’ Disappoints – Next Stop Merriam

IKEA buildingPop quiz: What’s the English word for IKEA?

There isn’t one.

It’s an acronym for the name of the company’s founder Ingvar Kamprad, his farm and the town he grew up.

But after touring a 10 year-old IKEA store in Orange County Wednesday, it means three things to me – cheap, Cheap, CHEAP! Continue reading

Posted in Hearne_Christopher | 13 Comments

Leftridge: Snowed In? Lots of Free Firewood on Craigslist

CLOfficeIf you’re anything like me—and honestly, there are worse ways to be, I promise—you’re pretty much an abject failure when it comes to gift giving. Oh sure, you have moments of brilliance—something someone was pining for, or something intensely personal that made the gift one of the all-time greats—but those magical moments are few and far between.

My gift giving is mostly composed of, “oh, hey, I saw you watching an episode of Green Acres that one time when it was 3 am and we were drunk, and I KNOW you said it was an awful show, but anyway, I REMEMBERED that, right? And I think I thought you were just saying what you wanted me to hear, and that you ACTUALLY like the show, so anyway… here’s the complete collection on VHS. I ordered it from eBay from a guy in Vancouver. And I’m sorry the tapes themselves reek like American Spirits and guinea pig urine… he was the only seller who had the COMPLETE collection.

It’s even worse when it’s Valentine’s Day, a terrible Hallmark-generated holiday-bot engineered for the sole purpose of making you look like an asshole, no matter how hard you try.

Chocolates and flowers are boring, and an expensive meal is shat out shortly after consumption, leaving little in the way of long-term memory making. And though this year’s V-Day is safely in the rearview—are the flowers still living, even?—I want you to know that there ARE options. In fact, Craigslist is TEEMING with solutions sure to melt your lover’s panties… and when they DO get melted? Don’t worry… I’m sure you can find some that are “gently used” for a reasonable pittance.

Let’s see what you COULD have given (for free!!!), shall we? Continue reading

Posted in Brandon Leftridge | Tagged , , | 12 Comments

Donnelly: Bonnaroo Scores With Lineup, Fails With Cutesy Way of Announcing It

On Tuesday Bonnaroo unleashed its 2013 lineup in the most annoying way humanly possible.

If you were thinking that it somehow must have involved Weird Al Yankovic, give yourself a gold star.  I mean, there’s annoying, and then there’s Amish-Paradise-annoying.

Instead of simply releasing all the bands at a set time – or even trickling them out little by little ala Kanrocksas – some marketing genius (who is probably now unemployed judging from the almost instantaneous online backlash) talked the Bonnaroo people into airing a two hour-long webcast.

And yes, of course, it was hosted by Weird Al.  Who by the way looks exactly like he did in 1991… Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Hearne: Travel Agency Head Has Close Call, Faces Frigid Temps

images-1When it comes to post work partying, timing is everything…

At least that was the case for Shelton Travel head honcho Mark Ebbitts. That after Ebbitts narrowly missed having a front row seat for Tuesdays explosion at J.J.’s restaurant just west of the Country Club Plaza.

“Mark was lucky to get out,” says KCC movie man Jack Poessiger, who doubles as a travel dude at Shelton. “He usually goes across the street for a drink after work and I often go with him. We close at 5:30 p.m.” Continue reading

Posted in Hearne_Christopher | 8 Comments

Hearne: Kanrocksas Poised to Unleash Lineup Next Week

fun-fun-band-26871490-600-399It’s pretty calm out here in LA right now…

Unlike back in KC where explosions and looming concert announcements are rocking the Cowtown. For now let’s skitter past the untimely departure of heralded Plaza eatery J.J.’s and move on to more positive news.

Word on the street is that Kanrocksas is poised to announce its lineup a week from tomorrow. Continue reading

Posted in Hearne_Christopher | 7 Comments

Leftidge: TV Time: House of Cards, a Busy Show About Morning BBQ, Politics

HOCAre you watching House of Cards on Netflix? Because I’m not. Well, not ACTIVELY, I suppose. See, I watched the first two episodes, and for some reason—I’m just not FEELING it, and I’m not entirely sure why.

The acting is impeccable. Kevin Spacey stars as Francis “Frank” Underwood, chicken-fried Democratic congressman and House Majority Whip. He’s ruthless and dedicated and all of the things a complex political character should be. His wife is a cool, calculated environmental activist played by Robin Wright. Rising beauty Kate Mara is Zoe Barnes, a greenhorn Washington Herald reporter whose inexperience has nothing to do with naivety; she only needs a source, who she finds in Underwood. He’s totally pissed off because he was passed over for the Secretary of State position that he was promised, and, much like the morning plate of ribs he devours at the end of the first episode, he commits himself to methodically dismantling those who have wronged him.

Deceit! Betrayal! Morning BBQ!

These are all things that make for interesting viewing, but in spite of this—and the aforementioned outstanding acting—it’s just not doing it for me. Continue reading

Posted in Brandon Leftridge, Entertainment | Tagged , , , | 5 Comments

Leftridge: Where to Eat in the Crossroads (When You’re Not Being Robbed)

crossroadsDue to my lofty social status, charming personality and dashing good looks, I’m often being asked for my take on things. You know, “hey Brendan, you’re 18-34, super-hip and ultra-cultured. You live in a cool part of town, too, and probably pay a ridiculous amount to do so. Where do you like to eat? I’d like to eat there, too! I like your jacket. It makes you look great!

I usually thank this person, say something like, “you betcha!” and then point at my ear buds before smiling and walking away. It’s not that I don’t love hearing the accolades or fear sharing my opinion, it’s that I don’t like talking to people in real life. (Plus: it’s the Crossroads, and apparently there’s a rash of crime going around. How do I know you’re not trying to steal my Air Jordans?)

But it’s different on the internet.

So if you’ve ever wondered where I like to eat without the hindrance of travelling more than half-a-mile from my front door—or, if you’ve never heard of me but are still looking for the five best restaurants in the Crossroads Art District, I’ve compiled a list.

I like to call it, “The Five Best Places to Eat That Are Within Less-Than-A-Mile of My House.” I think it’s pretty catchy.

Let’s have a looksee! Continue reading

Posted in Brandon Leftridge | Tagged , , , , | 15 Comments

New Jack City: Oscar Race Hits High Gear

The-Master-Philip-Seymour-HoffmanFinally the suspense is back at the Oscars!

Sunday night’s 85th annual edition of Hollywood’s annual love fest is tighter than many of the stretched faces that’ll be on parade. We haven’t seen a slugfest like this in years.

Like in the BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR category, Phillip Seymour Hoffman‘s THE MASTER is running a tight race with Tommy Lee Jones in LINCOLN.
I’m putting my chips on Jones. Continue reading

Posted in Jack Poessiger | Comments Off on New Jack City: Oscar Race Hits High Gear

Sounds Good: Bonnaroo, Country Mice@Replay, North Mississippi All-Stars@Knuckleheads, Toro Y Moi@Granada, UUVVWWZ@Bottleneck

Mega-fest Bonnaroo, held annually in Tennessee, is announcing their lineup today, Tuesday, February 19th at noon CST.

Rumors circulating have tabbed Sir Paul McCartney as one of the big headliners, with a little less chatter mentioning The Rolling Stones.  While I wouldn’t personally be moved to plunk down my $175 to see either of these acts on their own, this is the kind of big swing that Kanrocksas needs.

And Bonnaroo always throws in newer artists that inevitably blow up, which over the years has given the festival a reliable reputation as a sure thing to music fans looking for a new story to tell their friends about seeing a band “in the little tent by the food court.”

That happens to be how I stumbled across My Morning Jacket a decade ago.

It’s a blueprint for what Kanrocksas organizers should be trying to do.

To the picks! Continue reading

Posted in Matthew_Donnelly | 3 Comments

Hearne: Cops Bust ‘Coffee Wonk’ for Fake Pot (Again), Day in Court Next Week

IMG_2027It’s not easy being Micah Riggs

Far from it. Once upon a time – four years ago – the owner of Coffee Wonk near 35th and Broadway in Kansas City – was the owner of a thriving business, selling coffee, pastries and a smoking substance known as K2 – a form of what loosely is known as synthetic pot.

That was then. Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments

Whinery: Due Process for Christopher Dorner

0212-not-chris-dorner-facebook-3Its been five days since, depending on how you look at things, law enforcement decided to play judge, jury and executioner with Mr. Christopher Dorner…

The way I look at it- he was “Waco’d”

Who Cares? Continue reading

Posted in David Scott Whinery | 12 Comments

Leftridge: Bob Davis Ends 16-Year Reign of Terror

2013_crop_exactHere’s a hypothetical scenario.

Bottom of the 9th. Royals trailing the White Sox by 5 runs. One out. Lorenzo Cain on first. Eric Hosmer, who’d had the day off, is pinch-hitting. He watches the first pitch sail high for ball one. After knocking the dirt from his cleats, he steps back into the box and settles. The next pitch is low and outside, but Hosmer hacks. The end of the bat catches the ball—barely—and he lofts a long, lazy gimmee to the left-fielder, who makes the routine catch and tosses it back to the infield. Two outs.

Now here’s how this same hypothetical scenario sounded when hypothetically called by (former!!) Royals’ announcer Bob Davis.

Bottom of the… ninth? Ninth. Two outs. Lamaar Cain on first with a chance to score the winning run. Or tie it. Eric Hosmand at the plate. Hosmand takes the first pitch low and inside, strike one. The Orioles closer Brantley goes into the wind-up, and here’s the pitch. Hosmand rockets ones—it’s deep!—THIS ONE’S GOT LEGS!—IF ONLY THE WIND WILL CARRY IT—IT COULD BE!!—annnnd the left fielder Huxtable MAKES the catch, and that’s your ballgame, folks! WOW. WHAT an ending—Aaron Hostler really gave Brantley a jolt there, but the Royals come up short… oh, MY mistake—Butler’s coming up with a chance to win it.

Now quite obviously, this is an exaggeration. But the thing is, it’s not all that far from the truth and that is why I am ecstatic that the 16 year Royals’ broadcasting vet recently announced that he was hanging up his Royal blue microphone. (He will, however, continue broadcasting for KU Jayhawks basketball.) Continue reading

Posted in Brandon Leftridge, Sports | Tagged , , , | 13 Comments