Author Archives: Kelly Urich

Starbeams: Miley Beams

  Miley Cyrus cancelled her Tuesday night concert at Sprint Center due to an allergic reaction to antibiotics.  Actually, it was the antibiotics that had an allergic reaction to HER!      ******* I guess this is what happens when … Continue reading

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Starbeams: Weather Channel Love, Royal Bust & Cool Crest

The Royals have been a great symbol for Kansas City this season.  They’ve been completely shot on the road.                                           … Continue reading

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Starbeams: Sebelius Escape, Chimpanzee Escape, Bed, Bath & Blasphemy

Former Kansas governor Kathleen Sebelius resigned from her post as Health & Human Services Director following the Obamacare rollout debacle.  She plans to spend the next several months figuring out how to navigate JOB.COM.               … Continue reading

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Starbeams: Left-Handed Sex, Letterman Retirement, American Restaurant’s 40th & Prom Night

The American Restaurant is about to celebrate 40 years of being Kansas City’s Five-Star restaurant.  I’ve stopped there several times but I still can’t find the drive-thru.                           … Continue reading

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Starbeams: BKS Snubs Streetcar, Missing Tip & Hocky Mask Love

In a surprise move, Brookside opposed plans to bring Kansas City streetcars down the Trolley Trail.  Brookside residents say they refuse to be spotted riding in anything less than a Volvo.                   … Continue reading

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Starbeams: Mizzou Loses Meth Crown, Wolf Turns 66 & the Branson Triangle

Missouri is no longer #1 for meth busts as Indiana has taken the top spot in the nation.  That completely screws up my bracket because I had Tennessee #1. ******* CNN stud and my secret man-crush Wolf Blitzer turned 66 … Continue reading

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Starbeams: KISS, Buttcoin, Westboro Baptist & Because You Care

Westboro Baptist Church founder and community activist Fred Phelps has died.  He was just placed in an eternal gay-pride parade escorted by former Marines.                                 … Continue reading

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Starbeams: Saving Indian Springs, Acid test, Barry Bonds ‘Juiced’ & Quaked

I’ve decided that I’m cool with saving KCI. Then again, I’m also a proponent of bringing back Indian Springs Mall.  ******* A 12-story office complex has been proposed for the area just north of Seventh Church of Christ, Scientist.  That … Continue reading

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Starbeams: Misery in Missouri, Boulevard Beer Fest, Mc Millennial Meals

Missouri ranks “8th Most Miserable” on the new Gallup Miserable State Index.  Those MUCK FIZZOU shirts must really be starting to work. ******* Burns and McDonnell is considering a $130 million office addition on Ward Parkway.  They’re currently searching for … Continue reading

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Starbeams: KCI Pat Downs, Skater Envy & Mirror, Mirror

Eight airlines that service KCI are working with the city to update the airport and make it more convenient.  Am I the only person pushing for a self-service airport security section?  Since I’ve been married, I’ve gotten good at giving … Continue reading

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Starbeams: White Out in Black History Month & Valentine’s Day Sex

I think everyone in Kansas City agrees,  we’ve seen way too much white for this to be black history month. ******* A bionic hand has been developed in Denmark that can actually feel textures.  That does it.  I’m changing my … Continue reading

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Starbeams: Chiefs Grow Best Grass, Kansas Rep Bikini Shot & Paula Deen White Out

Hey Colorado,  you may have Peyton Manning, but we have George Toma.  And nobody grows grass like George. ******* The number of Monarch Butterflies migrating from Mexico to the United States has dropped rapidly in recent years and may disappear … Continue reading

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Starbeams: I Funkhouser, Kelly’s ’85 Dodge, Kelly’s Wedding Vows & X Box

A St. Louis lawmaker introduced a bill that would close Missouri retail stores on Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas so people can be with their families on those days.  Heck, if it wasn’t for retail, I’d have no excuse to get … Continue reading

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Starbeams: Kellen Winslow Goes Pee Wee, Mike Shanin, Mary O’Halloran & MLK Day

Ellen DeGeneres was voted America’s Favorite TV personality, followed by Mark Harmon.  Yet, another slap in the face for Mike Shanin and Mary O’Halloran. *******  I spent Martin Luther King Jr. Day watching white guys on ESPN bicker over Richard … Continue reading

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Starbeams: KMBC Weather Wonk Exodus, Bieber Bust & Spitzer Divorce

Overland Park based Sprint just unveiled a flexible smart phone.  The LG G Flex goes for $299 and has LTE data.  This is great news for anyone who upsets Naomi Campbell. ******* Meteorologist Lisa Teachman is leaving KMBC 9, less than … Continue reading

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Starbeams: Branson Airport Faux Pas, French Plumbing, A-Rod to Chiefs

In defense of the pilot who landed at the wrong airport in Branson…I don’t know how many times I’ve driven home and pulled into the wrong driveway. *******  Construction workers replaced a broken pipe that was placed under concrete downtown … Continue reading

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Starbeams: Hauling Ass in Missouri & Woman Who Had Three Hour Orgasm

The Missouri legislature is debating whether or not to raise the rural speed limit to 75 mph.  How long does it take to drive from St. Charles County to Jefferson County, Missouri at 75 mph?  It’s simple METH! ******* Kansas … Continue reading

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Starbeams:Fat Chiefs Fans, Roofing KCI, Lorde Knows & Kelly’s Mom

Opponents of the new KCI one-building terminal got enough signatures to force a public vote on the matter.  I, for one, am hoping they keep the current airport design and cover it with a giant rolling roof. ******* Pray that the Chiefs beat Indy for the … Continue reading

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Starbeams: Chiefs ‘Party Starters,’ Peeing Calvin, Phillip Phillips & Kelly’s Marraige

THIS JUST IN:  Chiefs coach Andy Reid has decided not to rest his Party Starters fork this weekend. ******* Bill Gates is helping develop a smart phone that will be powered by URINE.  I’m hoping for a car that can … Continue reading

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Starbeams: Mom Posts Topless Pics, Erin Andrews, AIG, Mike Huckabee & Chinese Doctors

A Wentzville, Mo mother was arrested for posting topless photos of her daughter in a hot tub.  On the bright side, she has been offered the tour manager position for Miley Cyrus.    ******* The FDA is warning ADHD medication … Continue reading

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