Author Archives: Kelly Urich

Star beams: Kansas City & San Francisco Are the Same

San Francisco and Kansas City are basically the same city. They have the Golden Gate Bridge.  We have the Kit Bond Bridge. They have Alcatraz, we have Leavenworth. They have Steve Perry.  We have Perry Lake. They have Rice-A-Roni.  We … Continue reading

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Starbeams: Christopher Columbus, Christopher Elbow, Joe Montana

Happy Christopher Columbus Day.  Time to party like it’s 1499!                                            ******* I’m hoping the Royals play the Giants so … Continue reading

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Starbeams: No Sex in the City, Steroids, Vaginal Orgasms & MTV

Everyone’s holding “Party Like It’s 1985” signs around town. For me, that means sitting around the house watching MTV with no hope of any sex.                                   … Continue reading

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Starbeams: Chiefs Blind Goodell, Sporting Crashes Capitol & Bring back Boone

Sporting Kansas City got to meet President Obama in the White House Wednesday afternoon.  They achieved this incredible feat by sneaking over the White House fence.                             … Continue reading

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Starbeams: Ray Rice, Harassment KC Style & Chiefs ‘Wonderland’

What Ray Rice did in that elevator was wrong on so many levels.  But am I the only one who thinks the elevator company deserves credit for the door not closing on her head?     ******* Kansas City, Missouri is considering a … Continue reading

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Starbeams: Death of Joan Rivers & Free Speech, Red Friday, David Lawrence Naked

Ten years from now there will be no comics like Joan Rivers because the world will be so politically correct, our vocabulary will be reduced to 50 words that don’t offend people.                   … Continue reading

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Starbeams: Lenexa Roundabouts, Goo Goo Dolls & Sofia Vergara

Little Known Fact:  The movie “Maze Runner” was filmed in the endless string of traffic circles in Lenexa. ******* White students are now a minority in U.S. public schools.  This means Mexican restaurants can finally start charging money for chips. … Continue reading

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Starbeams: Katy Perry @ Sprint, Byron’s British Replaces Jack Henry, Grandpa Rock?

The protests in Missouri are getting pretty violent.  I’ve never seen so many people upset about losing a Frozen Custard store.                                       … Continue reading

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Starbeams: Foo’s Fighters vs Brookside & Missouri vs Missour-uh

A suspicious looking package stopped downtown traffic near 13th and Holmes this afternoon.  That’s the last time I take Viagra with lunch.                                     … Continue reading

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Starbeams: Dumb Ways to Say ‘Missouri,” Virgin Kid Corral & Robin Williams

  I’m traveling to Ferguson, Missouri this weekend to protest…Governor Jay Nixon saying Missouruh, instead of Missouri.                                               … Continue reading

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Starbeams: Loni Does 69, Jeff Gordon & Amtrak Do 43, Sprint Flounders

The good news!  Sprint is about to name a new C.E.O. The bad:  It’s that Royals fan from South Korea.                                         … Continue reading

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Starbeams: ‘Slawgate’ @ The Uptown & Timberlake Upstages Prez

I think we all learned about one pressing issue facing the nation from President Obama during his visit to Kansas City:  If you want slaw, never show up late to Arthur Bryant’s.                     … Continue reading

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Starbeams: Obama @ The Uptown Wednesday, Fox 4 Fox Kerri Stowell Takes a Fall

  President Obama will be at the Uptown in Kansas City this Wednesday. His staff has yet to inform him the Uptown is not a golf course.                           … Continue reading

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Starbeams: Earthquakes in Kansas, Hot Redheads Shortage & Shoot to Kill

The number of earthquakes in Kansas is on the rise but experts aren’t sure why.  One guess is because Kansas offers better incentives than Missouri.                               … Continue reading

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Starbeams: KC to Get VP Convention, World Cup, Sting, Affordable Starbucks?

So, let me get this straight.  You can lose in the World Cup and still advance?  How can we get the Chiefs and Royals into that league?                           … Continue reading

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Starbeams: Steaking Out the Plaza, Joe Montana & Prostitutes @ World Cup

M & S Grill on the plaza will be replaced by a Morton’s Steakhouse Grill.  FINALLY!  A steakhouse in Kansas City!                                       … Continue reading

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Starbeams: O.J. Simpson, Peyton Manning, KCPL Building & ‘Believin’

We are coming up on the 20th anniversary of the OJ Simpson event.  Thankfully, my kids hear about a slow, white bronco and they think of Peyton Manning.                         … Continue reading

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Starbeams: Adios Arsenio, Aging Beavers, Rodman to Rescue & Marino

Now that Arsenio Hall‘s show has been cancelled, I have no idea where I’m going to steal content for this blog.                                       … Continue reading

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Starbeams: Jack Henry, KCPD Madness, The UN, Gas & Kim and Kanye

Jack Henry is closing its doors on the Plaza after 83 years of dressing Kansas Citians. Eighty-three years is quite a run.  A lot of us can remember when Jack Henry was the weatherman on WDAF.  Or was that Dan … Continue reading

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Starbeams: The George Brett Diet, Rep Convention Update & Most Wanted

Now that I’ve legally changed my name to George Brett, I can get a restaurant reservation anywhere! ******* Kansas City is still in the running to host the Republican National Convention.  We are up against Dallas, Cleveland and Denver.  If … Continue reading

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