Author Archives: Kelly Urich

Star beams: Tom Brady Hot Air, Billy Wear & Drone Gate

A locker room attendant is a person of interest in the Deflate Gate controversy.  The guy says he thinks the media is blowing this way under proportion. ******* New England quarterback Tom Brady‘s kids say they’re afraid to play in … Continue reading

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Starbeams: Smoke Em If You Got Em, Sprint, Google, Lawrence & JC Penney

What a great year for people in Seattle to celebrate getting another BOWL!                                                       … Continue reading

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Starbeams: Hallmark’s R-Rated Crayons, Emanuel Cleaver Broke & Peyton’s Retirement

A weekend hacking incident involving its Facebook page has Crayola apologizing to upset kids and parents.  Hackers took control of the company’s social media web page and posted dozens of links to R-rated sites along with sexual jokes.  Crayola is … Continue reading

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Starbeams: Mad Bum, Frack ‘Em, Red Light Refund & Shuttlecock Love

I can’t tell if I’m shaking because of the temperature or the FRACKING EARTHQUAKES.                                                     … Continue reading

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Star beams: UPS Drivers Top Alex Smith, Chiefs Put Out Call to Sung Woo Lee & Hillary Alerts

Chiefs quarterback Alex Smith has what my wife calls the “Kelly Urich Syndrome.”  He has trouble going deep.                                ******* Why is it the Chiefs can’t … Continue reading

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Starbeams: Kathie Lee Fingers Cosby, Sprint-NASCAR Divorce, New AMC Movie Deal

Kathie Lee Gifford says Bill Cosby once tried to kiss her.  I’m going to defend Bill on this one.  HE must have been drunk.                                 … Continue reading

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Star beams: ‘Spirit in the Sky’ Day, Cheap Gas & a Tale of Two Bills

Royals designated hitter Billy Butler accepted an offer from the Oakland A’s.  He’ll be selling hot dogs in section 320.                                         … Continue reading

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Starbeams: iPhones in Iran, Chiefs in London, Meth in Church

Clark Hunt admits the Chiefs game in London next year goes a long way toward hosting a Super Bowl at Arrowhead.  But no matter how many games they play in London, they’ll never be Royals.             … Continue reading

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Starbeams: Botched Anthem, Rob Lowe, Steve Perry & Kristen Stewart

Hey Aaron Lewis!  I’m watching a movie on Netflix and it’s so gallantly streaming!                   ******* The Earth’s magnetic field may flip in the next 50 years.  Scientists say it should coincide … Continue reading

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Star beams: Kansas City & San Francisco Are the Same

San Francisco and Kansas City are basically the same city. They have the Golden Gate Bridge.  We have the Kit Bond Bridge. They have Alcatraz, we have Leavenworth. They have Steve Perry.  We have Perry Lake. They have Rice-A-Roni.  We … Continue reading

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Starbeams: Christopher Columbus, Christopher Elbow, Joe Montana

Happy Christopher Columbus Day.  Time to party like it’s 1499!                                            ******* I’m hoping the Royals play the Giants so … Continue reading

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Starbeams: No Sex in the City, Steroids, Vaginal Orgasms & MTV

Everyone’s holding “Party Like It’s 1985” signs around town. For me, that means sitting around the house watching MTV with no hope of any sex.                                   … Continue reading

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Starbeams: Chiefs Blind Goodell, Sporting Crashes Capitol & Bring back Boone

Sporting Kansas City got to meet President Obama in the White House Wednesday afternoon.  They achieved this incredible feat by sneaking over the White House fence.                             … Continue reading

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Starbeams: Ray Rice, Harassment KC Style & Chiefs ‘Wonderland’

What Ray Rice did in that elevator was wrong on so many levels.  But am I the only one who thinks the elevator company deserves credit for the door not closing on her head?     ******* Kansas City, Missouri is considering a … Continue reading

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Starbeams: Death of Joan Rivers & Free Speech, Red Friday, David Lawrence Naked

Ten years from now there will be no comics like Joan Rivers because the world will be so politically correct, our vocabulary will be reduced to 50 words that don’t offend people.                   … Continue reading

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Starbeams: Lenexa Roundabouts, Goo Goo Dolls & Sofia Vergara

Little Known Fact:  The movie “Maze Runner” was filmed in the endless string of traffic circles in Lenexa. ******* White students are now a minority in U.S. public schools.  This means Mexican restaurants can finally start charging money for chips. … Continue reading

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Starbeams: Katy Perry @ Sprint, Byron’s British Replaces Jack Henry, Grandpa Rock?

The protests in Missouri are getting pretty violent.  I’ve never seen so many people upset about losing a Frozen Custard store.                                       … Continue reading

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Starbeams: Foo’s Fighters vs Brookside & Missouri vs Missour-uh

A suspicious looking package stopped downtown traffic near 13th and Holmes this afternoon.  That’s the last time I take Viagra with lunch.                                     … Continue reading

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Starbeams: Dumb Ways to Say ‘Missouri,” Virgin Kid Corral & Robin Williams

  I’m traveling to Ferguson, Missouri this weekend to protest…Governor Jay Nixon saying Missouruh, instead of Missouri.                                               … Continue reading

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Starbeams: Loni Does 69, Jeff Gordon & Amtrak Do 43, Sprint Flounders

The good news!  Sprint is about to name a new C.E.O. The bad:  It’s that Royals fan from South Korea.                                         … Continue reading

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