Hearne: Won’t Be @ Craig’s Funeral

I think he’ll understand…

But I’ll conducting my mourning in private – outside of my sharing with you here.

Some people need to go to church to harvest their religion. Some don’t.

I think it’s fair to say that over the past 10 years few folks – outside of Craig Glazer‘s brothers (and unofficial brother Bill Nigro) spent more time with the King of Sting than I.

Most of it was over the phone – Craig had a great need to share – and as those of us who let him into our lives however many times a day or week understand that.He would call at all hours of the day or night, blathering on and on and on about sports, politics, somebody-done-somebody-wrong, strippers (or “hot chicks”) and the price he paid for bedding them and having to listen to their boring stories. And that took quite a bit of time to get off his chest.

Put plainly, Craig was very needy

There were times I’d be driving along listening to Craig – and something else would require my attention – so I’d mute the phone for a minute or five, only to come back and hear Craig still chugging along on whatever the topic.

And while it could be tedious at times, there was something addictive about it.

All things considered though, it was personal.

And I’m not up for group therapy right now.

So with all due respect, I’m moving on sans the fanfare.

I will tell you that if anything approaching an afterlife exists, Craig is smiling now. Cuz he’d totally be thrilled that he went out with such a large and proper bang (media/news-wise).

But for what it’s worth, I’m not convinced he thought it was his time to go.

Sure he drank, smoked like a chimney and refused to take care of himself or eat right given his physical condition of the past few years. Anybody who knew Craig knows that there was no telling him anything – no convincing him of something he didn’t want to be convinced of.

So it was Craig who set himself on this final course.

And he was in great pain at the end and scared that his mortality might finally have caught up to him – which of course it had.

In other words, turns out, he was human just like the rest of us.

Sure didn’t seem that way when he was alive though, did it?

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38 Responses to Hearne: Won’t Be @ Craig’s Funeral

  1. Stomper says:

    H.C.; your title here has provoked a thought or two about Craig. As you and your regular readers know, Craig was a “Tribesman”, as am I. “Tribesman” is meant as an affectionate description that Jews use to label themselves. Among the Tribe, attendance at a funeral is considered Mitzvah, a good deed that almost approaches a religious duty. As we like to say, it’s the favor that cannot be repaid.

    Your attention to his life, demise, and death here are both appreciated and expected. For a long time, KCC and Craig Glazer were synonymous. I did not comment much on his offerings on gambling or his other focuses as I didn’t think I was informed enough to offer an opinion but that didn’t seem to stop many others. Probably was often deserved but he sure took more than his share of abuse.

  2. J. Springer says:

    Why would there be a funeral — he was an atheist.

  3. Super Dave says:

    Can sure tell you didn’t write Craigs obituary.

  4. Eric Haynes says:

    It’s always a very respectful thing to go to a friends funeral and say at least a few kind words.

  5. Bob says:

    I find it amazing it appears he was broke at the end of his life. Dying at Research Hospital (St. Luke’s and KU Med were literally blocks from his condo) and moving from his fancy Plaza condo to a cheap apartment and not having any friends to drive him to the hospital in the end.

    Cult of Personality only goes so far in the end.

    Interesting dude for sure. This ending might make for a better movie that’ll never be made.

    • admin says:

      Well, you heave a point, Bob…

      The condo in Fairway was basically repossessed and he’d moved to a one bedroom apartment on the Plaza with the help of some friends. The downtown club had blown taps, but he was living on Social Security for the most part.

      He did get $10,000 from the movie people in July and had a lawsuit – heretofore unreported – that could have yielded seven figures.

      But it was a sad end

      • Guy Who Says What Others Think says:

        Sad, but entirely predictable to anyone that had been paying attention.

        Guys that live like Glazer did, seldom die in their late 80’s surrounded by their children and grandchildren. They die almost utterly alone, and all the whores, hangers on, fellow blow snorters, etc that they bragged about having around, are nowhere to be found. They left him when he no longer provided them with any financial benefits. They were empty, soulless relationships without any real affection or respect.

        Hearne, did he really go out with a bang? Seems to me he went out with a whimper. It’s not like he died in a burning car crash in his Lotus, while being serviced by some stripper with all the plastic surgery he paid for.

      • bob says:

        Well, he had fun in his life. A dirty secret about dying… almost nobody goes out on their own terms.

  6. admin says:

    What I actually meant about Craig going out with a bang was the publicity that he got in the media…he would have LOVED that and probably been saddened were it not to have been so widespread.
    You know, game over, mission accomplished.

  7. Ursula Haverbeck says:

    Craig Glazer was a self-aggrandizing piece of Jew Slime. A cocaine dealer who snitched-out his competition and tried to frame two people in a fake bust to make points with the KBI. No one found Craig Glazer more interesting than Craig Glazer.

  8. This is not my real name. says:

    ^^Nice people don’t point out that other people are Jews. What was the point? More to the point, what label should we apply to you? Bitch, comes to mind.

  9. I still question that Craig’s even really dead. Yeah, like Jim Morrison, right? At the funeral, if that box be a rockin’, don’t go a knockin’.

    • admin says:

      If Craig could have pulled it off and then lingered around long enough to watch how things played out, he would.

      That said, I think he caught up to Elvis and Aretha…not expecting any Craig sitings.

      Although getting one’s head around him not being on the scene is definitely a challenge.

    • The first 3 letters of “funeral” spell “fun”….

  10. Goose13 says:

    I’m not one to attack the departed. They can’t defend themselves. Craig was a character, with lots of flaws. That what made him who he was. Like it or not. When Chris Tucker came into town, I went to go see him at Stanford’s. Talked to Craig, he was very polite to our group of people. Years before I delivered pop to Stanford’s. Also very polite and professional. Only two dealings I had with him, and he was nice. Did he do break the law? Hell, Yes. If I had a daughter, would I trust her with him? Hell, No. But he brought life to this town that is much needed. He loved his nephews, and my thoughts go to them. Those boys have the weight of being a Glazer on their shoulders. I think they are already strong enough to handle it I hope. I don’t know if Craig was strong enough to handle being Stan’s son. That is a lot of weight to have on your shoulder’s. Let him rest in peace.

    • admin says:

      Well said, Goose…

      But don’/t forget, what made Craig tick – made him the happiest – was seeing his name in print, being on television or the radio. And while he got a little think skinned on a couple things here and there – his hair, whether he was a snitch or not – he was all about being in the limelight. That first…everything else a distant second.

      So fear not about his resting, Craig’s peace if you will was almost the exact opposite of most people’s.

  11. Snappietom says:

    Was it a rug or was the guy bald? Bad deal for him, the guy runs out of cash, then checks out at Research

    • admin says:

      I think it was stuck on there pretty good…not sure all the different ways these things work but maybe stitched on or something?

      The was one of the few things he didn’t like talking about in public, so I tried to edit comments to that effect.

  12. Guy Who Says What Others Think says:

    Went and saw Joey Diaz at the Improv a couple weeks back. It was sold out on the Thursday night I went. Impressive for a Thursday night when the Chiefs first pre season game was on. Diaz had the crowd rolling in the aisles. One dude was laughing so hard, he went into a coughing fit and nearly passed out. Going to go see Bert Kriescher when he comes to town. These are the acts that Glazer could no longer book and a big reason why his club was an utter failure over the past 5 years.

    • admin says:

      He did seem to kind of peter out in terms of comics the past several years…didn’t help that he was behind the 8 ball financially and unable to stay in one place much longer than a year

  13. Candace Sloop says:

    Wonder if Craig’s father was at the graveside services? Stan and Lori moved out of KC and even sold Stan’s son’s baby pictures!!!! WTF> what father would do that??? Prayers go out to Jake and Alex!!!! To Stan karma!!!

  14. Maybelline says:

    With your most popular writer gone, the Star failure old news, and your best sockpuppets buried with Craig….I hate to say it…but you may want to consider shuttering this place. You had a good run and got what you wanted to say out there. The last 12 months worth of visits have been pretty much occasional rehash and a nice movie review.

    I’d either start posting more content or just close it down. Better to let it burn out. You’ve given everybody the scoop for decades. You deserve a break.

    • admin says:

      Hmmm, Craig as my “most popular” writer…okay….

      How about most prolific?

      It’s been hectic for me – full-time job, listing and selling my house in LA, then tasking my first vaca in over three years, then moving back to KC and starting a new job but hold it!

      Think cup half full!

      I would far prefer you take a more optimistic stance and bet on the come.

      As the smoke clears, count on a comeback!

      Don’t be so glum

  15. Arte says:

    A rug? I didn’t know that. That’s some Bill Self or John Holt quality there.

    • admin says:

      Maybe…

      All I know for sure is that was one of the only two things he was super thin skinned about. His “hair” and whether he was a snitch or not.

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