Hearne: Feeling Bored, Like Butter on a Pancake? Visit Kansas

Don’t look now but the Great State of Kansas is on a trajectory to nail the distinction of being most boring state in the nation…

While that may not exactly be a shocker to people from places like New York, LA, Chicago or Hawaii, it’s not exactly a spirit lifter for folks from Lawrence, Topeka or Wichita.

Because not only did Kansas not fare well in WalletHub’s recent Most Fun States in America 2017, it staggered into a lowly 43rd place behind New Jersey.

Yep, beat out by New Jersey for crying out loud.

The twin categories that spelled doom for the Jayhawks:

Entertainment and recreation and nightlife.

Which unfortunately makes perfect sense.

Anybody ever confuse Kansas with a vacation destination?

Hey, but don’t take WalletHub’s word for it!

A few years back Kansas made Gawker’s Worst 50 States.

“The geographic center of the U.S. is a flatland with few surprises,” Gawker sniped.

Kansas good points were few and far between; as in two.

KU – “one of the best college towns” and K-State – “apparently a good place to retire young.”

Duly noted.

Now Gawker’s bad points.

“What’s the matter with Kansas? A whole hell of a lot. “ Gawker dissed. “There’s lots of religious nuttery. And then even more religious nuttery.

“Some folks in the state don’t think too much of reproductive rights. It’s flat as hell, its amusement parks are abandoned, and it’s full of tornadoes. The Kansas part of Kansas City is boring, including those snobby jerks in Overland Park. And while Dorothy might be from Kansas, the state isn’t very nice to her friends.”

There were a few highlights but you had to look pretty hard for ‘em.

Example:  Did you known the ICEE was invented in Barnes, Kansas? Or that Barnes, Kansas even existed?  Or that White Castle started out in Wichita? Yup.

However if you’re fishing for compliments or flattering assessments about Kansas, you best steer clear of Ask Reddit.

“I’ve lived here my whole life and personally hate it,” one commenter writes.

Adds another, “I’ve never lived there, but my Dad did. When he was discharged from the Navy, he got off the ship in San Francisco and never went back to Kansas, if that tells you anything.”

As for tourism, Kansas was “literally the worst part of my drive from Dallas to Denver,” adds another.

There’s more

Take areavibes which placed Kansas at No. 3 on its list of 10 Most Boring States in America.

If you’ve ever driven across Kansas on your way to your actual final destination, you get it – this place is practically empty,” it writes. “But it isn’t just the low population density and long (long) stretches of farm land that can put you to sleep.

“More than half of the families in Kansas tied the knot and a third of homes have kids at home. Both factors indicate that a large majority of the people of Kansas are content with a night at home, pouring over homework.

‘And most midwesterners know, the ‘more fun’ Kansas City is actually in Missouri.”

Great even Kansas clean-cut ways and family values are coming under fire.

A websuite called The Top Tens placed Kansas at No. 6, right behind Arkansas in its Most Useless States in the USA.

“Drive through Kansas on I-70. That is all I need to say,” Top Tens begins. “What is in Kansas? Seriously…It is a very backward state…the population is fearful of new ideas and diversity. It’s like stepping back in time…Too flat I feel like I am butter on a pancake.”

There you have it a new tourism slogan for the Sunflower State; “Visit Kansas and feel like butter on a pancake.”

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14 Responses to Hearne: Feeling Bored, Like Butter on a Pancake? Visit Kansas

  1. The Word says:

    Ah, so all WalletHub’s article is the annual, “Lets bash middle America or fly over country.” Yawn.

  2. Phaedrus says:

    Why the hell would you go through Kansas on your way from Dallas to Denver?? It’s also odd they mention White Castle instead of Pizza Hut. That could have moved us up a couple of notches.

  3. Kerouac says:

    “Kansas was “literally the worst part of my drive from Dallas to Denver”

    – until ‘Texas’ arrived at Sports Authority Field/Mile High to discover his Cowboys were actually playing a home game vs Denver that week…

    “not only did Kansas not fare well in WalletHub’s recent Most Fun States in America 2017, it staggered into a lowly 43rd place behind New Jersey.”

    – a state that doesn’t trust you to pump your own car/truck gas (New Jersey & Oregon examples, both ‘blue’ states), suggests that the typical liberal media bias & nanny state mentality prevails; thanks… choice between the trois, Kerouac chooses Kansas.

    “I’ve never lived there, but my Dad did. When he was discharged from the Navy, he got off the ship in San Francisco and never went back to Kansas, if that tells you anything.”

    – home is where the heart is? A post Navy overnight stop Tenderloin become residence (as a name change to ‘Nancy’?)

    “If you’ve ever driven across Kansas on your way to your actual final destination, you get it – this place is practically empty”

    – this also describes Utah on I 70… ditto US 50 in Nevada; unless you’re a Mormon the one or a gambler the other, you’re screwed either way (come to think of it you still may be, nod polygamy & prostitution.)

    “More than half of the families in Kansas tied the knot, and a third of homes have kids at home. Both factors indicate that a large majority of the people of Kansas are content with a night at home, pouring over homework.”

    – midwestern values disappoint progressives once more… Salute!

    “But it isn’t just the low population density and long (long) stretches of farm land that can put you to sleep.”

    – change the descript from ‘farm land’ to ‘desert’ & the same applies to Arizona & New Mexico, as well those earlier referenced utopias Utah and Nevada…

    “I’ve lived here my whole life and personally hate it,” one commenter writes.”

    – or put another…

    Patient: “Dr. it hurts when I move my arm this way”
    Doctor: ‘ Then don’t move your arm that way’.

    Kerouac loves to poke fun (see my body of work re: the Kansas City fraudroyals/swiss chiefs, which state & side the river immaterial) much as the next flip quipper – but – re: Kansas, nod the old adage – love it or leave it (that oughta win back some local fandom who swore off my irreverence.)

    🙂

  4. Guy Who Says What Others Think says:

    The only thing bad about driving to Colorado is the 7 hour drive through Kansas. Just brutal.

  5. CG says:

    Frist off there is tons to do in KC, the rest of our state is really dull, true. Problem: Our citizens just don’t go out to nightclubs much anymore except Saturday Nights and we do have two major entertainment districts, Westport which is busy and P & L busy on late night weekends and whenever there are special events or shows at Sprint…Plaza has dropped off as a night time spot, Brookside/Waldo is still running but slower, OP is well family city and only the restaurants and family spots work…KU land is for KU…and so on…we have lots to do here but people don’t take advantage and we have a small going out population in a large land mass with maybe 2 million people and no tourists…so yeah its a bit sleepy..we do have the Royals, Chiefs, Soccer, theaters with music, comedy and other entertainment by the truck load…

    To be fair the go out crowds in most cities are just way down…DUI’S, fear of violence, online entertainment, social media has taken over nationwide, so on…so its not just here. Hey its not Vegas!

    If you wan to find things to do in KC they are out there, you just have to use them…we are a city of ‘Wild wings, Bar-BQ and sports…’ way it is…family city…for the most part.

    • CG says:

      P.S. folks tried to fire up this town…Casino’s too many, 3 am liquor spots….the list is endless, older folks don’t go out and the younger ones didn’t grow up with night life…in the 70’s-9o’s KC was rocking. Not now.

  6. Guy Who Says What Others Think says:

    CG…the article was about Kansas, and almost none of the things you mention as being fun to do (Royals, Chiefs, Westport, P&L, The Plaza, Brookside, Waldo) are in Kansas. They’re ALL IN MISSOURI. Which I think was the overall point?

    • CG says:

      Boy you are right! KANSAS DOES SUCK, HAH.

    • Richard Cranium says:

      Please don’t beat up on him. He mashed buttons with his fists, and produced words that ended up in a “sentence” form. Through his drug addled mind, he was making very valid points. Some times you just have to give slower people a leg up.

      “You’re doing good kid. Keep up the good work”…..then pat him on his head.

    • miket. says:

      guy… i would maybe cut him a bit of slack since it’s very clear cg struggles with chronic, irreparable Obviousnesslostitis. it’s a sad thing.

  7. Shawnster says:

    Kansas is as big and backward as the article states. There is absolutely no reason to ever go there for anything. The religious hypocrisy that promulgates through that waste of space is just the icing on the cake. Anyone with an interest in arts, culture, education, entertainment, fine dining, tolerance, diversity and an IQ above 60, would do best to avoid that place like the plague.

  8. Frank says:

    You call yourself a journalist, Hearne? No respectable journalist trolling the state of Kansas (or any other state) would be complete without the obligatory reference to a Thrillist article written by some no-name freelance writer from St. Louis or Omaha that’s titled “Top 10 reasons Kansas sucks”. I believe it’s right under the articles titled “Top 10 reasons Illinois sucks” and “Top 10 reasons Michigan sucks” And they all contain 3rd grade or under reasons for hating whatever is being hated at the moment along with comments from 3rd graders in the comments section who give a shi* about the 3rd grade troll job.

  9. Frank says:

    During the election, a majority of the comments in here would have you believe that most of the commenters were angry, white, conservatives that loved Trump and the conservative way. But all this bashing on Kansas (rightfully so as far as the conservative/religious nutbaggery goes) because it doesn’t have all the gambling, boozing, and other liberal enjoyments of its neighbor just goes to show that pretty much EVERYONE is a liberal, at least as far as their own personal life goes. If we could just get everyone to live their liberal lifestyle and leave everyone else the fu** alone to live that same liberal lifestyle, we’d be set.

  10. Frank says:

    Of course, all you conservatives who like the liberal lifestyle of your neighbor can have it back IF THE VOTE IS RIGHT. And by right, I don’t mean conservative.

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