Hearne: Nosebleed Local Comedy Ripoffs Abound

Screen Shot 2016-06-24 at 12.45.35 PMTalk about really bad entertainment deals…

Allow me to let you guys in on a little secret; standup comedy sucks in giant arenas and stadiums. It really does.

The intimacy and immediacy of a comedy club environment – Stanford’s in Overland Park our the Improv up north for instance – is lost in venues much bigger than say the Uptown Theatre.

Because even at the Midland – with around a 3,000 capacity – even the better, upper level seats are just too far from the stage to make a legitimate connection. To see both the comic’s expressions and the people in the crowd up close that they invariably pick on.

Meaning, you’re basically paying big bucks to drive to downtown Kansas City, go through the hassle and expense of parking (and/or possibly getting a ticket or your car broken into), just to watch it on some so-so giant screen.

Trust me, I’ve done it and it’s a distant, far cry from the vibe you get – even with lesser, up-and-coming comics – in a nightclub atmosphere.

It’s a money grab.

That’s right, a year or two back you could have caught Amy Schumer up close and personal at Stanford’s for like 20 bucks and had an incredible, intimate experience. Probably even met her.

Now flash forward to November 3rd at Sprint Center where $39 nosebleed seats are actually gonna cost you $53 with the service charges added.

imagesWant a halfway decent seat?

Get ready then to choke out $130 each for the $109 tickets.

And that doesn’t take into account the scalping prices on Stubhub and other ticket broker websites.

Want 6th row center seats to Martin Lawrence at Sprint on July 30th?

Get ready to shell out $245 each.

How about Louis C.K. at Sprint July 7th?

How does $260 each for first row, lower level, side seats sound? Or 85 bucks each for upper level nosebleeds?

Seriously guys, you’re better off watching the Netflix specials and going instead to a nice restaurant, a concert in the Crossroads or Uptown or live theater at the Music Hall or KC Rep.

Ah, but people want the real deal, the live experience.

Unfortunately they won’t know what they’ll be missing until they get there and then it’ll be too late.

Consider yourselves warned.

http://www.mb-kc.com/
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35 Responses to Hearne: Nosebleed Local Comedy Ripoffs Abound

  1. Harley the One (there is only one "The Greatest"!) says:

    come on hearne….one gasbag telling us how great standfords is is enough.
    your opinion really means nothing.
    they will sell those seats and each of those top name comedians willwalk
    away w ith big money.
    If people want to see big time comedy they’ll go to midland or sprint.
    Unfortunately glaza can’t compete with the big houses. So he brings in
    comedians who in fact may be funnier than those high priced ones in the
    big venues.
    But glaza can’t compete with eddy from the munsters.
    but he can bring in some up and comers and some really outstanding talent.
    we wish him luck.
    Harley

    • admin says:

      I’m not honking Craig’s horn, I’m explaining that comedy is by far and away best in a small club setting. The Improv even.

      It’s still pretty good at a venue the size of the Uptown, but even at the Midland you lose a ton of the effect by being so far away from the stage and the comic.

      And at Sprint, it’s a joke (pun intended).

      Seriously, save you money unless you can afford to shell out big bucks for up close seats. However few of them there are.

      It’s a money grab.

      • Harley the One (there is only one "The Greatest"!) says:

        yes you are honking glaza’ horn. Now let mehonk your
        …southy…wislon…glazas ……kerowackjob….and chucklets
        the white supremacist and digger….
        NEW WASHINGTON POST POLL HAS HILLARY UP
        12 POINTS IN THEIR POLL RELEASED TODAY.
        So all those old worn out dudes can take their boy dumpster
        and put him where the sun don’t shine.
        Hopefully they don’t steal the nomination from the cheat
        and lying pos dumpster at theconvention because as
        Harley predicted a year ago….a landslide is coming!
        And glaza makes himself the fool again….and everyone
        knows it.
        Maybe he’ll have a little piece in his series about his
        prediction…..even jr. is embarrassed by them………
        AND AGAIN ALL YOU LOSERS….I SAY IT
        AGAIN…………HARLEY REIGNS SUPREME.
        NOW CHUCKLES ….YOU CAN RESUME DIGGING…NOTHING
        NEW TO REPORT!

  2. Richard Cranium says:

    Shill Shill Shill Shill. Pander Pander Pander Pander. “Here at the talk about ourselves blog, we take on the REAL burning topics. Like how I was right 8 months ago, and how my crooked, felon of an associate has the best failing business in KC”

    Why do I keep trying this place?

  3. Frank says:

    What I really liked about this article was the sincere way you thought you were letting us in on a secret. “Allow me to let you guys in on a little secret”. Priceless! Intimate environments are better for stand-up comedy. Who woulda thunk it. Oh, wait, Hearne would have. Hey hearne, psst, I hear some grandma has a relatively current secret about the Olive Garden. Apparently they serve bread sticks and pasta and it’s not that bad for a chain restaurant. Maybe you should check that out and give us peons the lowdown.

    • Harley the One (there is only one "The Greatest"!) says:

      hey frank….you’re funny! Maybe you should do open mike at
      glazas comedy shop. Even Harley likes your sense of humor.
      But the pay isn’t too good. All the salsa and chips you can eat!
      Glaza…frank could be the next Eddy Munster!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • the dude says:

      Pssst. Let me let you in on a little secret. Fiat 500s are the new Yugos.

      • admin says:

        C’mon, dude!

        I’m out on my Fiat, but my daughter still drives a new 2015. Been to Tucson and back, more than 30,000 miles with nary a single problem!

        • Harley the One (there is only one "The Greatest"!) says:

          yeah but your head had to stick out the sun roof
          and you had to eat lots of bugs on your trip! (lol)

  4. KCMonarch says:

    But sometimes you want to go out and see comedy without having to deal with some old dude with bad hair creeping on your date.

  5. CFPCowboy says:

    Ain’t economics great? You are on the money. Yeah, there sre concerts we wanted to see, but based on the cost of tickets versus netflix, hbo, and Apple, we chose the latter, especially now days, when the 60 and 70 year olds attempt to sing on key. It’s just not the same seeing Carrot Top from the top row, as it misses the up close experience,of watermellon. You are on the money

  6. whitten pell says:

    you don’t know what you’re talking about……………how much did a 3rd rate comedy club owner pay you to suggest this dribble?

    • admin says:

      Now Whitten,

      You can do better, I know you can!

      Fact is, Crtaig had no idea I’d even written or thought this until late this morning when he called about something entirely different.

      Fact is, I wasn’t even sure he’d agree with me or not, but I didn’t have time to call and ask his opinion.

      Like you, I’ve seen comics at clubs all over the country, Caroline’s in NYC to name one. I also saw Dane Cook at Sprint, shortly after it opened and it was awful (and I’m not just talking about Dane).

      I’ve seen a few comics at the Midland and it’s – eh! – kinda okay but tepid.

      Fact is, if you can’t see them at a comedy club or MAYBE a smaller venue like the Uptown, watch their Netflix specials. You save a ton of dough, a modicum of aggravation and have a FAR BETTER experience.

      You know, according to moi!

      • Harley says:

        exactly…this from a guy who runs a blog that s still advertising a concert in the Ozarks from june of 2015.
        Yes hearne…you got it going.
        you are on top of things.
        Are tickets still available for that Ozark festival from 2015.
        Would hate to buy tix where I couldn’t see the bands perform!!!!
        please…help me help you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  7. Harry Balczak says:

    This article is beyond the pale. This website has degenerated into a pop up ad for a mfing criminal’s freaking nightclub,

    • admin says:

      Whatever, Harry…

      But if you’d concentrate on reading the lines – rather than between them – you’d get that as a longtime area promoter and follower of the entertainment scene, this was basically a public service announcement.

      A warning for mostly unsuspecting ticket buyers who I honestly feel are going to be – like I have been in the past – sorely disappointed by the logistics of watching a comic the size of an ant from 100 yards or more distance.

      • Frank says:

        You mean there are unsuspecting people out there that don’t know the size of the Sprint Center compared to a comedy club like Stanford’s and therefore don’t know what they are getting themselves into. Maybe you should give us a professional seat count of the Sprint Center and Stanford’s. I would do my own estimation, but you know better than anyone about us peons and our estimations regarding numbers.

  8. GaryGrammar says:

    Hearne, it’s “fast forward,” not “flash forward. “

    • admin says:

      The only thing more aggravating that “spell correct” is GaryGrammar correct…

      Uh, thanks. I never would have known that, GG!

  9. CG says:

    Wow so I’m a 3rd rate club owner, doesn’t speak well of our city KNOWN nationally for Stanfords…a fact…but hey I had nothing to do with this story…big venues are just hard to do for comics, sound travel is a bitch especially outdoors at like Starlight etc…but hey the big arena is the BIG EVENT and we all love that…with rare exception nearly 100% of all those comics at the large venues played Stanfords in Westport,Legends or even OP way it is…hell we had Kevin Hart and Katt Williams many times when they started…now they make six figures a night. Wow. Good for them…

    Part of the problem is there is no new rock n roll so comics get the big rooms now over hip hop for the obvious reason…and the investment is often far less…some work some don’t.

    • 5150 at stanfords says:

      It has been widely observed that people who put RANDOM words in all caps on the internet have psychological problems.

  10. CG says:

    By the way our last three acts were Tony Henchcliffe, huge podcast with Rogan and tons of TV shows and will have his own series…major young star, Jimmy O. Yang, star with that nobody TJ MILLER ON ‘Silicon Valley’ now with Wahlberg in Patriots huge fall picture…Boston terror attack..and now Pete Correale this week Kevin James new man 3 year tv series deal on network plus Showtime and 99 other tv shows…oh yeah and Kevin Farley that nobody with his own tv series and more..yep 3rd rate..problem you haters don’t KNOW ANY CURRENT STARS NONE COULDN’T NAME THREE OTHER THAN AMY,KEVIN AND UMMMM THATS ALL… sad we are a little behind in KC so I bring in the new stars and try and introduce them to KC like Jim Jefferies, Lisa Lamponelli,Danial Tosh, Lewis Black about 99 more all did their first and more shows at Stanfords ALL OF THEM, ALL OF THEM so thanks for the thank yous haters…as for the normal people thank you for the years of support 41…

    • Harley the One (there is only one "The Greatest"!) says:

      the large venues suck for comedy. Sprint/kemper etc. Cant get into
      the acting and facial abilities of the comics.
      Glazes joint is perfect for me but have to settle for lesser known comics…some I’ve never heard of.
      But glazas good friend Hearne really puts the kibosh on glazes place when he says in his comment:
      ” Fact is, if you can’t see them at a comedy club or MAYBE a smaller venue like the Uptown, watch their Netflix specials. You save a ton of dough, a modicum of aggravation and have a FAR BETTER experience ”
      Seems more and more people are forgoing live concerts (music or comedy)
      and going to AXS or Netflix or sling or over 20 new channels featuring
      comedy and music….getting their music or comedy fix and saving a
      ton of money.
      Glaza really thanks you hearne for your knocking his biz model.
      And hearne why are y ou not putting my comments up? They’re
      very complimentary to others and you know as always: HARLEY IS
      RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  11. On Broken clocks and hearne, titled like a Mellinger story says:

    I haven’t seen comedy at the uptown or other large venues since seeing Gaffigan re-do his HBO special word for word at the uptown.

    I had sweet seats right there in the first row of the balcony (the patricians seat choice for the uptown)

    At least when you go to the Stanfords, Improvs of the world you see them working on new or random material that eventually make it into their special.

  12. miket. says:

    hardly ever been to a stand-up show…. oh sure, Stanford’s in the old Westport days, but can’t recall who I saw except David Naster. saw George Carlin at the MGM Grand — good room, pretty intimate. Steve Martin in his white suit, arrow-through-the-head banjo playing days (opened for…. Nitty Gritty Dirt Band… really?) at the old Hoch Auditorium on the KU campus – also a good room for that. and saw tim allen at the midland. didn’t think it was a bad room at all… I was smack dab in the middle, lower level.

  13. Guy Who Says What Others Think says:

    Jesus, people. Do you not get the overall point? Comedy IS best in a small club, and ticket prices to name acts (music or otherwise) are outrageous. I have to agree with both sentiments.

    • Frank says:

      OOOOOH now I get the point. Thanks Guy. For a while I thought there was outrage that Amy wasn’t playing Arrowhead Stadium. Man, do I feel stupid.

  14. CG says:

    Aw finally you see his point. Has nothing to do with our place really just an observation in general about comedy in large venues…I’ve seen many some work some don’t. Again its more the idea of the event than the show itself too often.

    I think that’s why comedy clubs took off in the 80’s and 90’s seeing new stars and name acts up close and often getting to meet them after the show like Tommy Chong or Mencia or Larry..which at large venues is tough or not possible.

    • Frank says:

      Yes, I believe you are right CG. I believe you are right that that’s the reason comedy clubs and the close up nature of them took off in the 80’s and 90’s, some, what, 30 years ago. But it wasn’t until some 30 years later for us to consciously realize it when Hearne let us in on our unconscious secret. THANKS HEARNE, You are the best!!!

      Oh, and thank you too CG, don’t want you to feel left out.

  15. Pride be not proud says:

    Does my brain look fat in this head?

  16. Jason Nelson says:

    I agree that comedy is best served intimate. I enjoy the uptown arts bar in kc….which we have a show there this Saturday called Drunken Mind Sober Tongue..featuring myself (Jason Nelson) Maeret Lemons ,Woo G Ray and Marquise Moore from Saint Louis.

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