Leftridge: We Can Finally Close the Book on Bill Cosby

cosbyIn a stunning astonishing mind-blowing hollow, irrelevant move, the MU Faculty Council recently agreed to rescind the honorary degree of former cultural icon Bill Cosby

Cos,” as he will never again be affectionately called, was best known for portraying Dr. Heathcliff Huxtable on the culturally omnipotent 1980’s television program The Cosby Show. But while he was busy breaking cultural and societal boundaries with his innovative look at a successful black family, he was also (allegedly) raping lots and lots of women.

LOTS of them.

And now Mizzou is giving it to him good.

While some might advocate, oh, say, cutting off his terrible old-man dick and forcing Cosby to choke to death on it, the esteemed Faculty Council saw fit to rescind the honorary degree they bestowed upon him before everyone knew he was a garbage piece of elephant shit.

That’ll teach him.

I can just see him now, sitting comfortably in his enormous mansion, cataracts fogging his Satan-eyes, when the phone rings.

Honey,” his delusional, horrible and enabling wife says, “it’s the University of Missouri. They’re going to take away your degree. I’m so, so sorry. But you’re still the doctor of my heart, baby.

And while Cosby wants nothing more than to sit there in his creepy bathrobe, fondly remembering the 3,000 women he (allegedly) drugged and raped, a solitary tear rolls down his cheek.

Now THAT’S what I call “justice: served.

But the best part is, they’re not even the first to rescind one of his honorary degrees. Hundreds of universities, once bewitched by Cosby’s charms (or who had possibly been drugged by him), have done the same. Rescinding an honorary degree is a stern, no-nonsense way of saying, “Hey, fella—we don’t approve of the way you were always running around raping, and because of that, we’re going to cross your name out of the ‘honorary degree ledger’ or take your name off of our ‘Wall of Honorary Degrees’ or whatever stupid thing it is that we do. Rape is bad and you shouldn’t do it, Mr. Cosby.”

Entertainer Bill Cosby meets with athletes during the Penn Relays athletics meet, Friday, April 25, 2014, in Philadelphia. (AP Photo/Matt Rourke)

Because, in the end, maybe Cosby doesn’t feel bad about the countless women he (allegedly) took horrific advantage of; he has never admitted guilt or said “I’m sorry” or slit his throat in the bathtub like someone decent might. Instead, he has puttered around his mansion talking to walls, spilling soup down his chin like the invalid he has become.

But maybe this will do it. Maybe losing his honorary degrees will finally drive home the point that, man, I’m a terrible person and I should eat a bunch of pills and then put a plastic grocery sack over my head for good measure. Beboppa-skoodle-doo-bop!

So kudos, Mizzou, for having the balls to step up and say, “We do not support the way you rape.” (And I’d also like to note that it’s outstanding that they made their revocation public so that we all know it happened… I mean, otherwise, I might be still sitting here stewing about the fact that maybe they held him in high regard. Because unless they told me, how would I even know???!!)

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9 Responses to Leftridge: We Can Finally Close the Book on Bill Cosby

  1. Nick says:

    It’s almost as stern an admonishment as not keeping someone in your thoughts and prayers.

  2. Kerouac says:

    Until Bill, Wilt was Philly’s most prolific scorer; no one believed ‘The Big Dipper’s claims either…

  3. chuck says:

    Bill Cosby, why is there air? And why are you still breathing it?

  4. B.G. says:

    Was this decision supported by the football team?

  5. CG says:

    The entire mess so damn sad. We all grew up with him as THE funny guy. I feel bad for all involved including Cosby. Why was he so sick? Who knows.

  6. miket. says:

    not saying you’re wrong, but…. lots of men (and women) have bigger egos, more power, greater arrogance (and more money) than cosby and don’t go around abusing the opposite sex.

    instead, a good many of them buy the most outrageous super-yachts trying to impress and outdo each other — you know, whose is bigger, longer — that sort of thing. if not yachts, then exotic sports cars and supercars (“I must have every model, in every color, and no one else can buy one but ME!!”)

    • Camilla says:

      Okay, so add sex maniac.

      Or, to add another monkey to the wrench, they are not as public a figure as Cos and their deeds are never known but to their hapless victims.

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