Leftridge: Dispatches from ALCS Game Six

ALCScoverWe are born with two kidneys, and, having been told that we really only need one to live, I decided to sell my surplus to fund my trip to game six of the American League Championship Series. The stakes were high, both in terms of my back alley medical procedure and the ramifications of the sports contest.

Here are my observations concerning the game. (The less said about the kidney thing, the better. Question to the readers, though– is it normal that I’m coughing up tiny bits of urine today? Let me know, please.)

Holy hell, what a game. I mean, I’m never going to see another game like this again, right? I was there opening day in 2004 when Mendy Lopez (!) hit a three-run home run in the bottom of the ninth to tie it against the White Sox, and then Carlos Beltran hit a two-run shot to win it. The K exploded that day, unlike anything I’d ever seen.

Until Friday night.

When Lorenzo Cain scored from first on Eric Hosmer’s single in the bottom of the eighth, I was pretty sure I was going to die. Later, when Wade Davis got Josh Donaldson to end the game by grounding out to Mike Moustakas I did die. I collapsed to the rain-soaked ground, littered with the corpses of a thousand peanuts, and my soul flew high above I-70, into the clouds, above the fireworks and passing Peterbilts. I am dead now, writing to you from the great thereafter. It’s nice here; the weather is always whatever you want it to be and you can wear pants made out of pizza. Moving on.

ALCS6twoKansas City fans made me proud. There was a row of genuine Canadian dudes in front of me. They reeked like maple syrup and kept acting out skits from SCTV. Anyway, when the Jays were doing well, they remained quiet, and who can blame them? It’s scary to be 16 hours from home and in enemy territory. But then the Royals won and they started the long, slow procession back to the land of mooses and Tim Horton’s.

But on the way out, a curious thing happened: most fans on the aisles stopped them as they passed, shaking their hands, high-fiving them, and assuring them that their team played a tremendous series. No one spat on them or made really bad Canadian cliches (like me, just before).

We are good fans, and it made me happy.

My section was pretty quiet, though. Which was weird, considering the circumstances. It seemed loud elsewhere, but I was a little surprised that it wasn’t exactly “thundering” in 208.

Except for a handful of loud assholes. I’m pretty sure the group in front of me ended up at the game by accident. You know, like their bus took a wrong turn en route to the Blue Collar Comedy show. They were chomping Skoal and yee-hawing and between the seven or eight of them, took down approximately 175 25 ounce cans of Bud Light. (I spent an extended period of time of real concern wondering who was piloting their tractor back to Fucksville.)

And then there was the dude behind us wearing a choker like the guitarist from the band Creed and absolutely nothing featuring a Kansas City-based logo. He spent the last four or five innings shouting things like, “JOSE BAUTISTA YOU FUCKING FAGGOT. YOU ARE A FUCKING FAGGOT WHO NEEDS TO DIE,” in the vocal styling of “Man Who Has Been Kicked in the Throat.” I glared several times– not really for me, but mostly because the adorable little red-headed eight-year-old girl in front of me looked terrified, and, holy shit, have some fucking decorum when there’s a kid within 800 feet, asshole. He stopped eventually, though I don’t think I necessarily had anything to do with it. Maybe his lady–who appeared to be hanging on by a thread herself–finally sobered up enough to ask him to stop.

The worst person at the ballpark is the guy who never drinks, then gets shitfaced and doesn’t know how to act like a normal human being. If you’re the kind of person who gets aggressive when you drink too much, stay the fuck home. Nobody likes being around you.

Anyway, it was a totally amazing experience, regardless.

NEW YORK, NY - JULY 13: Jacob deGrom #48 of the New York Mets looks on against the Miami Marlins at Citi Field on July 13, 2014 in the Flushing neighborhood of the Queens borough of New York City. The Mets defeated the Marlins 9-1. (Photo by Jim McIsaac/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Jacob deGrom

And now the Royals go on to face the New York Mets in the World Series. The Mets, unfortunately, have the best starting pitching trifecta of anyone the Royals have faced this season. (And quite possibly, the best three starters in the majors.) They throw hard, and throw hard often. The good news, as counter-intuitive as lots of 95+ MPH fastballs may seem, is that the Royals are a good fastball hitting team. So the Mets’ pitchers can either: feed the Kansas City batters what they love to eat, or work off-speed and lower their effectiveness.

I’ll leave you with two fun facts that, while completely useless in terms of real life, make me feel better anyway.

Five AL teams have made a return trip to the World Series the year after losing a “winner take all” game and all five won it on their second shot.

The Mets will have five days off between clinching the NL and playing in the World Series. Five of the last six with that much time went on to LOSE the World Series.

Go Royals.

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36 Responses to Leftridge: Dispatches from ALCS Game Six

  1. Kerouac says:

    This will be a close World Series by appearances. A few days ago my choice the Royals were my choice by the slimmest of margins, but after watching Kansas City’s previous two games vs Toronto, and having seen New York’s games earlier, this KC bullpen is a concern – the edge KC’s pen no longer. Mets superb starting pitching will end up being the difference, my guess, enough to offset Kansas City’s opportunistic & relentless but either great nor star-studded offense.

    Upshot: good pitching bests good hitting – Mets the pick – Kerouac’s. Momentum the thing, whoever wins game 1 has it, and will go from there win the World Series, likely. Royals do so, it’s them; Mets the victor, Amazin’ once more.

    [ Thank you in advance for all the hate cards & letters ]

    🙂

    • Super Dave says:

      Very nice common sense with real facts look at the World Series.

      • the dude says:

        I have to admit- I did not puke at all compared to the other guy that utterly fails at attempting to write sports stories on the site. That guy- vomitorium the likes of which Rome has not seen.

    • hou eaarley says:

      BROTHER K….THROW EVERYTHING OUT THE WINDOW ABOUT THE
      REGULAR SEASON AND WHATS HAPPENED IN THE POST….
      THIS IS THE YEAR OF THE ROYALS………GET OUR STARTER TO 6
      AND ITS ALL OVER…
      HERE WE GO ROYALS FAN…ANOTHER GREAT SERIES
      SOMETIMES THERE’S A THING CALLED DESTINY….

      you picked against the royals versus Toronto so your bullshit means nothing!!!!go back to the sports desk you worked at and let KC take over.

      • Kerouac says:

        “BROTHER K”

        – yes, what is it now, ‘h’knave?

        “….THROW EVERYTHING OUT THE WINDOW ABOUT THE
        REGULAR SEASON AND WHATS HAPPENED IN THE POST….”

        – do that, and distant relatives the A’s aren’t even a part of this conversation; upon hearing your proffer, Mr. Spock did Royally rebuke – “totally illogical.”

        “THIS IS THE YEAR OF THE ROYALS”

        – that’s what you said last year too, and the one before that; pacing yourself, presume.

        “GET OUR STARTER TO 6 AND ITS ALL OVER…

        – translation: if ‘ifs & buts were candies and nuts’ (the 3rd base coach hadn’t held up the runner WS 2014, Bumgarner was not the Left Arm of God, Elliott hadn’t missed those 3 field goals in 1997, ditto Stenerud ’71; if only, yeah but-yeah but and woulda coulda shoulda, ad nauseam)

        “HERE WE GO ROYALS FAN…ANOTHER GREAT SERIES”

        – GIANTS, formerly Dodgers & afore that the A’s, Kansas City… ne’er a Royals fan was, ne’er will Kerouac be.

        “SOMETIMES THERE’S A THING CALLED DESTINY….”

        – and sometimes there is not; as Haley’s Comet exited KC in January 1970, and a false positive 2011 nod Todd same, and only once in 46 years has it visited that other loser lot across parking same, things aren’t looking good in Mudville…

        “you picked against the royals versus Toronto so your bullshit means nothing!!!!”

        – might want to reconnoiter… Kerouac said no such thing about that series. Did say before post season began, would be another ‘wait till next year’ for the Royals. World Series now presenting, am sticking with my prediction… as my prediction ’14 GIANTS would beat KC same affirmed this Lays Potato Chip of Blogdom.

        By the way, last check your ‘this is our year’ part 2015 verse 45′ prediction swiss chiefs seems be taking on water/underwater/is in the tank. Kerouac stopped keeping track your annual errancy aft it reached double digits… tbc…

        “go back to the sports desk you worked at and let KC take over.”

        – why revisit old glory when Kerouac can revel in another today, tweaking your ample ‘philistinism’…

        🙂

        • the dude says:

          Left arm of God, indeed.

        • hou eaarley says:

          so far k I’m 100% right….and you’re 100% wrong…
          HARLEY HITS A GRAND SLAM………………
          METS HAD ALL THOSE GREAT YOUNG PITCHERS…
          WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THEM NOW?

          HARLEY IS THE KING…..TODAY AND FOREVER…..

          just because you don’t win a world series doesn’t
          mean you didn’t have a greatyear.

          I WILL SLICE YOUR JANGLES OFF IF THE ROYALS
          WIN ON KCC….GET READY…..YOU’RE ABOUT
          TO BECOME (AS WISLON WOULD SAY) PE***LESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

          HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

        • hou eaarley says:

          XCUSES…EXCUSES…
          YOU AND GLAZE BOTH SUCK ATPREDICTIONS…..4
          I’VE GOT MONEY TO PUT AGAINST BOTH YOU
          SUCKDEE5RS………………………………….
          YOU’RE BOTH NOTHINGAT SPORTS….GLAZE IS
          JUST A B.S ARTIST…AND K BAFFLES US WITH
          HIS NEVER ENDING B.S. AND KNOWS NOTHING…

          Harley is the king………….
          today………and …………………….forever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. Kerouac says:

    Typos: should read “but NEITHER great nor star-studded offense.”

    Mea culpas profundo…

    😉

    • Fake Name Guy says:

      Nobody cares. Get over yourself already.

      • Kerouac says:

        This is a little story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody.

        There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it.

        Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.

        Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody’s job.

        Everybody thought that Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn’t do it.

        It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.

        Nobody cares for Everybody, though Somebody cares more than Anybody should… ‘you’.

        🙂

      • Miss Manners says:

        Well that was certainly uncalled for.

  3. hou eaarley says:

    was there too lefty. We saw a whole group of obnoxious Canadians
    starting chanting lets go blue jays (clap clap)….we drowned them
    out with USA…USA….USA……that seemed to quiet it down.
    this is a great leasson for a young guy like you. Never give up….never!
    lifes too short to think short term…if you’re 50 live like you’ll be 100.
    Wit the new wife/home/baby…you’re living the dream dude. You may
    just not know it.
    Ive been to about 46 royals games this year. There wasn’t onethat
    was any differernt. Young players who never said no. Despite the pundits
    and the naysaysers like k and glaze (who wasthe worse)…despite those who
    hated moore and his plan…it worked! And now the rest of baseball is trying
    to replicate his program.
    But most importantly lefty….keep that chin up. that game was incredible…
    and there will be more incredible games to come.
    I used to say and get glaze to recite ‘ITS OVER…ITS OVER”AND EVERYTIME
    the wizard (that’s me) brought the victory home.
    but remember one thing…its never over til the lights go out.
    Be young…think young…and remember that nothings ever over…there’s always
    next year.
    good luck to you…hope life is good…
    and don’t get too down…because the mets haven’t got the best thing going for them…
    THE LOUD MOUTH JERK mets AIN’T GOT THE HARLEY MAN PULLING FOR
    THEM…AND THATS WHY WE’LL ALWAYS BE IN THE GAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    your pal
    Harley the magnificent!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • chuck says:

      Harley should change his name to “Buffering”.

      • Kerouac says:

        Or ‘Bufferin’ – “you’re a pill” comes to mind his case, KCC in need pain relief aft being subjected his sports non-littérateur.

        🙂

        • hou eaarley says:

          ya got any money to bet big mouth loser?

          • Kerouac says:

            You ought to stop while you’re only thousands of miles behind Kerouac & not thousands of dollar$.

            Had I taken you up 2014 your desperate pleas to bet on the royals – and swiss chiefs – would have taken not only all of your money, but also what little (if any) dignity you may per chance retain.

            So again, thank you, but Kerouac has plenty of $, no need of more.

            🙂

      • hou eaarley says:

        your names ia already Adolph jr~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
        except your bald old nasty and hated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
        at least hitler had hair and girlfriend……you’ve got
        not even a potto pissin.

    • rww says:

      Didn’t you mean—The Mets AIN’T GOT THE LOUD MOUTH JERK HARLEY MAN PULLING FOR THEM!!!!!

      • hou eaarley says:

        you fool….Harley is true blue…..nota mets fan and when
        I see a winner…I get behind it.
        glaze….lose
        k- lose
        adilph chuckles….- lose
        Wilson- decent guy….needs some training in how
        to be classic….
        hearne: well….good guy….lost his zip.

        AND RWW…..I PICK WINNERS….THE BEST IN AMERICA….
        YOU’RE JUST ANOTHER SMALL TIME FISH WITH
        A GO NOWHERE ATTITUDE……………………………..

        GO ROYALS…..100% ROYALS SINCE 1969!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. Jim a.k.a. BWH says:

    Nice article, Lefty.

    I was reminded yesterday at the Chiefs game why this 50-something much prefers watching his sporting events on TV. While the annual trip with 20 friends and family on a party bus to Arrowhead is always a fabulous time, the in-game experience typically leaves much to be desired. From the complete drunken D-bag in front of us sporting a Lake Dawson jersey (enough said, right?) to the 350 lb. Steelers fan that insisted on swinging his terrible towel directly above my head like a helicopter, I enjoy the confines of my abode, mancave garage or my local watering hole much, much better. Anyways…..

    I’m down with K-Rac’s logic. I think Game 1 is uber critical to the ultimate outcome of the series. I do, however, like the flaming throwing starters of the Mets and how they match up with the Boys in Blue. It’s the soft-tossing “junkers” that seem to give the Royals fits. Right-handed heat might be right in our wheel house. I guess we’ll see.

    My buddy summed it up pretty succinctly at our watch party last Friday night: “These sons-a-bitches just don’t know HOW to quit.”

    Agreed.

    Prediction: Royals in 6 using the same formula they did in the ALCS. Sweep the first two at home, steal one on the road and finish it in Game 6 at home.

    • Brandon Leftridge says:

      “Prediction: Royals in 6 using the same formula they did in the ALCS. Sweep the first two at home, steal one on the road and finish it in Game 6 at home.”

      This feels right. At least I hope so, anyway.

      • hou eaarley says:

        you have the secret to success…although kccould win
        2 of 5 in new York….would love to see game 6 and or 7 in kc.
        If you needtickets…Igot diamond club: $3800 each/2 per
        game……………………………..the Harley guy rules the world!

  5. Nick says:

    I’m so befuddled the Royals are in the Series, I can’t even parse what you just wrote.

    But, you know, rock on!

    • Brandon Leftridge says:

      Back-to-back WS appearances, even. What a time to be alive.

      • the dude says:

        You have to hope they don’t become another Braves who were also GMed by Moore. They did pull one ring out of all those WS appearances though.

  6. gigi says:

    Funny, funny article, Mr. L.

  7. miket. says:

    don’t think it’s it going like the ALCS, 2 W at home, 1 on the road, win in 6. i’d like to think it will.

    something tells me this is going to be like that one Rocky movie (oh, they’re all the same anyway), where they go 14 rounds and both come out for the 15th wobbling, with little birdies and stars flying above their heads, barely able to lift their arms, let alone punch.

    it could very well be an historic come-from-behind win, down to the bottom of the ninth, game 7. because, ya know, it’s baseball, and that stuff really happens.

  8. kriskle says:

    “I mean, I’m never going to see another game like this again, right?”

    Did you happen to catch their very next game?

    • Brandon Leftridge says:

      I got home at 1:15, didn’t get to bed until 2, and was up at 5. I’m feeling every bit of it, but man was it worth it.

      • hou eaarley says:

        you got the fever!
        you got the royals fever!
        if you would have read Harleys columns back inmarch
        and april….you would have seen Harley had it right from
        the start………………………………………………………….
        there is no cure…for the royal fever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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