Johnny Cuetoooooooooo
First, let me preface this piece with a few facts.
- The Royals are a good team.
- The Royals actually might be a VERY good team.
- The Royals are in first place of the American League Central and have been for most of the season.
- The Royals have the best record in ALL of the American League, and have for most of the season.
- The Royals are 19 games above .500, their best mark this late in the season since 1879. At that time, they were known as the Pennsylvania Spider Fuckers, and Cap Anson’s dad was catcher.
- This last thing is not a fact.
Nevertheless, the Royals are good and, holy shit, it’s mid July. That means that there isn’t a whole lot of season left, and that also means that they need to shore up any shortcomings. And the thing is? Despite their record, and how amazing this team seems to be at times, there are definite shortcomings.
The All-Star, Platinum Gold Gloving left fielder is on the shelf. The expensive second baseman is pretty shitty. The expensive right fielder is probably just as shitty, if not even shitter. The rotation is piecemealed with dudes who were abandoned by other teams because of ineffectiveness, and other dudes who came out of retirement from running a vineyard for a second chance at glory.
So there are holes to fill. Let’s examine some possibilities, why don’t we?
Johnny Cueto: Starting Picher, Cincinnati Reds ( 2.73 ERA, 6-6, 113 K in 118 IP, 0.90 WHIP)
Desirability: High
Attainability: Also high. Will take a nice boat of prospects, though.
Cueto is probably the biggest “get” in the starting pitching market at the moment. The Reds are out of it and Cueto is going to be dealt. KC, Houston and Toronto are rumored to be the most interested parties. While Houston may have the most talent to offer, the Blue Jays are the ones most likely to offer up their best; the Royals, in this case, are likely to be the wallflowers.
Dayton Moore has been reluctant to part with impact pieces in the past, and I don’t know that he has it in him to pull the trigger on what it would take to land Cueto—nor do I necessarily feel that he should. You know, unless the deal includes Jay Bruce. (Who the Reds are also apparently interested in dealing.)
If I had to bet, I’d guess he ends up in Toronto and the Blue Jays give up too much. GO BLUE JAYS!
(Oh, also, Cueto has health issues. So, have fun with that.)
James Shields: Starting Pitcher, San Diego Padres ( 3.92 ERA, 8-3, 137 K in 121 IP, 1.32 WHIP)
Desirability: Low-Moderate. I mean, if they didn’t want to pony up this offseason, what makes you think they’d want him now?
Attainability: Probably wouldn’t be that hard.
Apparently, the Great San Diego Nonsense Experiment is over. Look, I love(d) Shields, but we know he can’t do it in the playoffs. And he’s regressed this season. (In a terrific pitcher’s park, no less.) Would I be mad if he came back to the rotation? Not at all. But would I sell the farm to get him back? Not a chance in hell.
Oakland Athletics starting pitcher Scott Kazmir
Scott Kazmir: Starting Pitcher, Oakland Athletics (2.30 ERA, 5-5, 101 K in 109 IP, 1.08 WHIP)
Desirability: Maybe kinda pretty high
Attainability: Ugh. You’re dealing with the A’s, here.
Kazmir is Zack Greinke-lite, always and forever. And when he’s healthy (he’s battled injuries this year, though), he’s really good. And he’s looked great this season, mostly. So why not just snatch him up? Well, fuck the A’s.
Dealing with the A’s is like fucking that hot chick in school who everyone fucks; I mean, it’s maybe really great when you’re doing it, but you probably got syphilis. The A’s are syphilis.
The Royals could land Kazmir for some no-name, unheralded, low-level prospect, and then Kazmir’s shoulder would break into a thousand pieces right before the playoffs and the A’s would end up with a power-hitting, all-star second baseman who no one believed in.
Because it’s the A’s. Fuck the A’s.
Kazmir will end up in Houston, probably, and he’ll be OK (when he’s not hurt), but the A’s will win in the end.
Cole Hamels: Starting Pitcher, Philadelphia Phillies (3.63 ERA, 5-7, 123 K in 116 IP, 1.22 WHIP)
Desirability: Fever dream
Attainability: Pipe Dream
Cole Hamels is still one of the best pitchers in baseball and he pitches for the worst team in the history of man, and Cole Hamels is a wet dream. See, Hamels is GOOD, but is he, “eight best prospects in your entire organization” good? Because that’s the kind of nonsensical shit the Phillies would ask for. The Phillies are self-absorbed, over-the-top shits. And, well, how’s that working out for them? I’d be surprised if Hamels goes anywhere because Philadelphia is fucking stupid.
Next time out, we’ll take a look at some bats who the Royals might target. Because Gordon won’t be back for a while, and Infante and Rios should jump onto a two-man bicycle and pedal into forever together.
Pretty much agree with you Lefty, I think our most pressing need is an outfielder. Matt Kemp is available and it would not take any prospects- just a lot of salary. I would hope the Glass family would be willing to take some on. He’s probably the best of a very average lot this year. He wants to go and the Padres want him gone. I think the scenery change and a pennant race would bring out the best in him. We could tie his left hand behind his back and still upgrade over Rios.
I like the idea of Kemp, and I think you’re right in most regards. I’m not sure Glass would take on that much salary, though, ridiculous as that may be. He really has no excuse, but we know his tenure hasn’t always been tethered in rationality.
seems like this article could have been written in January 2015.
Again…where do you get you get your info. Marvel comics?
Some players are being dumped because they become free agents
after this year and glass doesn’t need them for 3 months.
We have 6 or 7 starters right now whil other teams struggle with 2.
OUr infield is the best in baseball…and no one compares with esky.
cain can play any of 2 poitions….you have others who can move around.
We’re doing a good job in outfield and the hitting is getting us thru the
division.
Cincy says theyre having a fire sale….maybe frazier but we have pitchers who
can eat up inning til we get t the bullpen.
Harley is always right…here’s what eiland and yost have planned.
With hoch on a tear….and hdh literally being the best 7/8/9 inning relievers
in baseball history….with madsen and others back there you really only need
starters to go 5 innings then go to the bullpen. If you spent more time looking
at stats lefty tha reading crap on craigslist you could see how these numbers
would work.
5 starters…..move other starters to bull pen….started only need to eat up 5-6 innings then move to bullpen with those guys each going one or two innings til you
get to 7/8 or ninth inning.
Perez has mentioned this before….no need like yesterday to send your starters
past 7 (see what happened to duffy to first batter in eighth)….and youdon’t
want to throw ptchrs arm out.
of 5 starters you need that one monster who can win 2 if not 3 in a 7 game
series.
Hopefully yordano can come back….medlen is comin too….
Lefty…like glaze you dream like you’re rex hudler or denny Mathews trying
to give us answers when you know nothing about baseball.
We should get Gordon back early…needs playing tme before he goes FA.
but they have a bare minor league (not even in top 10 last I looked) so they
have this window of immediate opportunity.
Please follow glaze out of hearnes door. Right now the royals are ready to
improve (as they do every second half of he season)
took 3 out of 4 from Chicago and bombed sale. Did you see that?
And now they’re loaded with talent…maybe in off season trade some players…
but right now they hit 2 million in ticket sales….add to that they’re drawing 150-200
k a night on tv beating prime network shows)…plus attendance will climb as season
comesto end…and if you think glass will spend more money on an unhealthy
red you’re crazy.
Of course he may….he owes the fans that…but he’s got so much talent
in line and on the bench with probably the best defense behind a pitcher
ever n kc history….but until that lefty…gt your facts right or go back to
writing whats fo sale on craigslist…..that stuff was funny…just like your
analysis of baseball which was lifted from about 1000 articles on te subject.
Be original…yu have the talent…
ho hum.
your friend
Harley
Huh? Totally incoherent and utterly incomprehensible. Ramble on dude.
sorry….shwnster….you don’t understand baseball and
probably another phony baseball fan.
its spelled out pretty simple. But since you only have a
3rd grade education…and I only have a few minutes to
correct the huge numbers of mistakes made by lefty
and glaze and hearne…I write fast and don’t have time
to be grammatically correct.
but it proves one point…lefty and glaze don’t know shit
from shinola about sports. Glaze needs to stick with
his schvartze hookers and lefty needs to find another job
to pay for his new vehicle.
Cap Anson was a racist
Sam McDowell, a hopeless drunk
And except for one no hitter
Bo Belinsky mostly stunk
John Rocker was a dumb ass
Ty Cobb was filled with bile
Samy Sosa had his cork
Joe Niekro had his file
Yeah, it’s on file
But someone loved them all
Someone loved them all
’Cause they played baseball
Dick Allen had detractors
Matt Stairs, his ups and downs
Ron Leflore had Jackson State
St. Louis had the Browns
Durocher had his lip
And Bob Welch his grapey wine
Piniella had his temper
Mendoza had his line
Oh, and it’s a fine line
But someone loved them all
Someone loved them all
’Cause they played baseball
Yeah, we cheered for them all
We cheered for them all
’Cause they played baseball
Scott Spiezio when psycho
Milton Bradley couldn’t take the stress
LaMarr Hoyt was a coke dealer
Poor Steve Howe was just a mess
And Barry Bonds had a swollen head
Cesar Cedeño may have killed
When Jose Canseco reached deck 5
I admit to being thrilled
Brooklyn called their own team The Bums
Mantle had his bum knees
The White Sox threw the Series
Lou Gehrig got his own disease
His own dang disease
And we cheered for them all
We cheered for them all
’Cause they played baseball
Now Mark Reynolds has his strikeouts
Delmon Young could be a boor
Ryan Braun’s confessing
And A-Rod, well he’s a, he thinks he’s a centaur
No need to idolize them
Or cut them too much slack
You take the bad times with the best
And keep on coming back
I’ll keep coming back
But someone loved them all
Someone loved them all
’Cause they played baseball
Yeah, we cheered for them all
We cheered for them all
’Cause they played baseball
TIL: Scott McCaughey played a lot w/ REM. Huh.
If only I could get MY own disease. *sigh*
A case of dude-sease?
Hmmmm….
after reading all of the comments, I admit I had forgotten what the post was about!! lord.
well, in retrospect, after “ace” ventura went down in flames and hochever right behind him (lookin’ at you Harley), I think it’s safe to say that a sterling post-season run to the pennant, the ALCS and the WS, demands pitching. we do okay, most of the time, at bat and defense, despite Gordon being out (coming back early, Harley? not a chance – too much risk). but we do not have a certified Ace (without quotes) and that’s what it is going to take. imo of course.
Gordon will beback…heard from royals that he’s wanting a run in the
playoffs…..there will be questions about him going into the offseason
but if the royals bull pen stays hot…they could unload a bullpen
pitcher and have money for Gordon…..
the risk for Gordon is the 100 million he’s going to get…but as we’ve
seen he’s about winning at all costs and I doubt he wants to be
on the bench during the post season.
As far as a certified ace mike t….the royals are changing the way
teams use starters. If you watched white sox game they had pitchers
who blew their arms out with 130 pitch outings. As valuable as starters
are…the royals new system with their starters going maybe 6 or 7 innings
then having the bullpen to come in makes a lot of sense.
as far as ventura…don’t count him out. Hoch was probably never destined
to be a long term bull pen pitcher but he’s had some good outings
lately.
Last night was just one of those games….you can’t win them all….
and they’re doing good since the break. Keep that up and they’re still’
division winner.
maybe price? doubt tigers give him up…but it would be nice to have
one monster pitcher who could win 3 or 2 in a 7 game series.
up to moore and yost. There’s plenty of good starters available but the
royals minor leagues are pretty bare right now. And teams are looking
for good prospects.
oh, I agree Harley that 6 or 7 strong innings, then turn it over to a good bullpen, is our model. and i’m not counting ventura out. sophomore slumps, hitters figuring him out, etc., just that he’s not the dominant force he was last season. plenty of time to turn it around, but I still think we need a pitcher more than anything at the plate or on the field.
Gordon? he’ll be back for the post-season i’m sure, but they will take their time with him to be sure he’s 100% for that very reason. he may see some AAA to get back into game shape, shake off the rust…
Yeah, if you’d have told me that Vargas would be on the DL more than once, Ventura wouldn’t be able to put it together consistently (nor Duffy, for that matter), that you’d be counting on big starts from Chris Young and Joe Blanton, AND that you’d have the best record in the AL in late July, I would have suggested that you share your very strong drugs. But here we are. That said, I don’t think it can last, can it? They need a starting pitcher to anchor this staff.
lefty…repeat this line 3 times with 4 hail marys!!!!!!
ITS NOT OVER! ITS NOTOVER! ITS NOT OVER! ITS NOT OVER!
I’m jewish so instead of hail marys I say:
baruch attah odonoy…ellohanu…melluch hoolum….boray pary hagafen.
STOMPER: SORRY ABOUT THE SPELLING BUT YOU GET MY DRIFT!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Harley, thanks for the mention.
Borei pr’ri hagafen. My absolute favorite blessing at Seder. Elijah and I party every year together!!
When is the Pennsylvania Spider Fuckers throwback jersey promotion? I’m totally in the ballpark for that one. Just keep the mascot away from my kids.
Ha! Yeah, their mascot is horrifying, but necessary.
1879. Curiosity got the better of me. Here are the teams in the NL that year and their records. A few interesting facts below that:
National League W L GB Pct.
Providence Grays 59 25 — 0.702
Boston Red Caps 54 30 5 0.643
Buffalo Bisons 46 32 10 0.59
Chicago White Stockings 46 33 10.5 0.582
Cincinnati Reds 43 37 14 0.538
Cleveland Blues 27 55 31 0.482
Syracuse Stars 22 48 30 0.314
Troy Trojans 19 56 35.5 0.253
Champions from other leagues:
National Association: Albany Blue Stockings
Northwest League: Dubuque Rabbits
September 30, 1879 – Word leaks out that the National League owners have secretly agreed to reserve 5 players per team that other clubs will not negotiate with. This agreement will be the main factor in player movement for the next 100 years.
September 30, 1879 – Will White pitches his 75th complete game of the season for the Cincinnati Reds, and finishes the year having thrown 680 innings. Both statistics are records that will probably never be broken.
Insane. All of it. 680 innings? 75 complete games? Mother of pearl.
Also, the MLB is discussing expansion and I will be irate if they don’t revive the Dubuque Rabbits. (“Bisons” is a pretty cool team name, too.)