When people compare KC’s airport to a bus station, they ain’t joking…
My misadventure last week started there when I got to KCI at 6:50 AM Saturday to fly to LA to work on my King of Sting movie script. As usual the airport was a total ghost town, which I guess is a good thing if you mainly just hate lines. However it makes Kansas City look pretty lame, small time.
As I got to ticket counter the guy there noticed that my drivers license had expired a couple weeks earlier. They last something like 10 years, so I hadn’t looked at the expiration date in a while and got no notification.
The dude said he knew who I was – thank goodness – and said he’d let me board this time. Then he notified ahead that I was OK to travel domestic with an expired drivers license. But all that took a half an hour and I was worried because the flight was 25 minutes from take off, but he told me they’d get my suitcase there on in time, no worries. Then he asked me how I planned to rent a car in LA with an expired license? Great!
That cute girl Ghia in photo that Hearne posted, was waiting for me at the airport.
So I used her to her distract the guy at Hertz while he was doing my paperwork. Lucky they aren’t used to Kansas IDs so he didn’t notice the expiration. And dumb me, I’d upgraded to a nicer vehicle, but he didn’t tell me there was a $1,000 credit card hold on the upgrade. Thanks.
So when I checked into my hotel and they wanted to add more money to my card for extras that put my card over the limit. My other cards were in the car in my wallet, which had been valet parked, so I had to get that back. Another wasted half hour.
Then I found out that hotel I’ve stayed at for 30 years off and on, had sold so they didn’t know me anymore. And didn’t have the records of me staying there 45 times. Next although I had a reservation, they said they only had a penthouse suite left. WTF?
Supposedly they were sold out because I was late getting there.
Great, that doubled the cost. And turns out they were really only half full. Just my luck.
Lucky for me though, 0n Monday I moved to the director’s home to work, which saved a small fortune.
However the real nightmare was about to unfold.
I left for LAX three hours early on Thursday as not to be late for the check in. But when I’d looked at my return flight online – I’d flown in on American Airlines – the return had said American Airlines.
Of course it was WRONG.
So by the time I got my rental car checked in, and with all the bumper to bumper traffic, I was just an hour and a half from take off. And I waited in line at American to check my bags, but when I got to front of the line I was told, “Oh Mr. Glazer, this flight is on US Air not American. You need to go four buildings down to get on that plane.”
Great.
Then when I got to the front of that line – only 40 minutes before take off – I was told, “Sorry sir it’s too late to put your bags on. You’ll have to take a flight in the morning, we don’t have another one today”
She told me to try Southwest if I wanted to leave that day.
So then after taking a shuttle to Southwest, they charged me 600 bucks additional to get out that day and land in KC after 1 am. Nice.
But I had to get back to do Friday media with the comics. On top of all that, I get no refund on the other flight. So now I’ve spent a grand total of $1,200 on airline tix for a single trip. Great deal, I could have gone to Europe and back for that kind of money.
The only good news is almost every flight I’ve been on lately has been full.
Except for this one, that was going only to KC and leaving at 8PM LA time – it was empty. Hmmm.
KC tourism, huh?
And it turns out the rules for bags varies from airport to airport.
I’ve missed two flights in Vegas over the last couple years beause they have a 60 minute rule. LA’s is 45 and KC is – well who knows?
I spoke to several other people who’ve been screwed like me and had to buy another ticket. The airlines could get the bags on or send them later, it’s just a scam to make money under the pretense of security.
Remember the good old days with the late bag stickers?
No mas.
Nowadays, you both have to be on the plane – you and your bags. Nice trick. And with the lines everywhere in busy airports, there’s a good chance you won’t make it!
Finally, I put my three seats across armrests up – and of course there was no tv and no movies on a three plus hour flight. Figures. Then when I asked the attendant for a pillow and blanket, she said, “We don’t do that anymore sir. You can use your jacket for a pillow if you like.”
What jacket, it’s 85 degrees out?
THE FRIENDLY SKIES, RIGHT.
No hate here, just remembering Mike & Tom’s 1970s experiences flying. Wonder how the song would go now?
I always have to sit between a fat lady and a soldier on the plane
Next time I go to San Francisco gonna ride a train
My seat back’s busted and the over-head lamp it ain’t workin’ no more
Fat lady’s got nothin’ to say and the soldier just talks about the war
Lord, Lord, Lord, ya know I just ain’t got nothing to do but fly, fly, fly
I always get the hostess with the ratted hair
Never get the sweet and tender-loin
Beef stroganoff lyin’ on a plate they’ve been savin’ ever since Des Moines
Talkin’ to a priest thinks he’s goin’ to Acapulco….never could explain
Next time I go to San Francisco gonna ride a train
Blessed are the dumb ‘cause we really ain’t got nothin’ to lose
Why is the old guy in the top photo wearing a motorcycle helmet indoors?
Is he demonstrating how they ride their ‘cycle together — with him riding behind – holding on to her?
She just taking the ‘waiting fo’ the check ta clear’ pose.
craig… no…. the state of KS does NOT notify you that your license is about to expire, offers no provision for notification, and doesn’t care one whit either way. like you, I found out the hard way after having my car towed in for repairs once and rented a car from Enterprise. not only did they pick me up, but they also went with me from 99th and Wornall clear out to the Mission DMV, where I got it renewed with only minutes to spare before the office closed. of course I had to drive the guy back too.
august 2018 is the next renewal date. it is permanently imprinted onto my brain.
“I’d upgraded to a nicer vehicle, but he didn’t tell me there was a $1,000 credit card hold on the upgrade.”
So you are the one fool in the history of renting cars that ACTUALLY upgraded?!?!?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Hate to break it to you guys but I DID receive a drivers license renewal notification in the mail last year from Kansas.
And Craig when you booked (changed) your return flight it probably carried both an American number as well as a USAirways number.
They call that code sharing. On top of that they are sister companies and soon will be one. But I bet UNDERNEATH the American flight information—in smaller type—it said something like: ‘Operated by USAirways.’
I’m just saying……
how did you get a notice from KS about your DL? I’m shocked.
somehow via U.S. Mail if memory serves me correct. Of course that was BJW instead of AJW. (BEFORE Jurassic World….:)
Was the address on your old license correct? I’ve always gotten notices too.
Skimmed this article because I don’t really care, but did I read you complaining about how empty KCI was, and then complaining about long lines at busy airports and you and your bags not getting to a flight? …..
Glaze, i am sympathetic but these are all self inflicted wounds.
+1
As my father used to remind us before every trip…the most important thing to pack is a little common sense.
Bad flight…hardly! I thought everyone had bad flying experiences, but, outside of your wallet, the damage was avoidable and minimal. It was Christmas eve and we were flying to Kansa City from Bozeman to spend Christmas with family. We were also sick. We boarded at 6PM and the flight to Salt Lake was uneventful, arriving at 7:15 for an 8:00 flight to KC. We arrived at the gate to find no plane. The weather was foggy. We noticed people leaving the airport, and when we asked, we were told flights were being diverted, but Atlanta really wanted our plane so we would be flying. At about 10, all the shops closed in the airport, so the only accomodation we had was the bathroom and the drinking fountain. At midnight, we were the only passengers in the airport. There were about 15 of us, but we were assured we would be flying. At about 2 AM Christmas morning, a flight came in at another gate. It was met by airline officials, but the flight crew was having nothing of it. They were out of time. They could not fly. They refused to fly, and in front of us, they were screaming at airline officials. Thry were hustled off to a hotel to get sleep, but we were told to stay at the gate. It took the airline another two hours to determine that without flapping our arms, we were not going to fly, and at 4 they instructed us to go back to the main terminal. As we approached the main ticketing desk, the outside doors opened and all the passengers who had been diverted and bussed to Salt Lake came screaming through the doors to line up in front of us. By the time we got up to the counter, it was 5, and we were informed that our flight would leave at 9:30 Christmas morning, a scant 4 and a half hours. Did we want a hotel room? You bet! The airline that had kept us waiting all night was going to pay. We didn’t sleep. Saving grace came when we discovered the flight crew that had refused to fly at 2 AM was indeed ours. I think I got my exercise working the stewardess call button, as did every othe passenger on the flight. Bah humbug anda Merry Christmas to them.
Sounds like grounds for murder!
Ummmm, I believe the KS DLs expire on your birthdate. How hard can that be? Sounds like you need Jack to help nail down these mundane, albeit simple, travel details for ya’.
Did you really leave a wallet and credit cards in an auto to be parked by valet service?
How risky is that?
Please rob me blind then destroy my credit risky.
Well thanks for all the advice. Point is travel today is really a drag…no blanket, no pillow, no late bags, extra fees, time limits to get this on plane that are done to make money not security reasons, no meals, long flights with no movies, lines everywhere to everything, poor treatment and too few employees where needed to speed things up..on and on…travel is no fun anymore. Unless you have your own jet.
Buses that fly is what you have now. You will enjoy no part of it.
Glaze, you’re right, travel does suck. But you also didn’t do yourself any favors. A little planning goes a long way to avoiding the BS you encountered.
book with jack and avoid all those hassles.
jack and his boss are the kings of travel.
why put yourself tru all that b.s.
but you’ll need to know a little german.
harley
No problemo!
Just file for bankruptcy again.
Don’t get it, I never have..or do you mean the airlines?
How many narcissistic articles can this guy write?
How many hours in the day is there?
Just when you thought Joe Biden had the market cornered on creepy old man.