Leftridge: The Royals Have Turned Me Into a Big Pussy

sweepSo I was wrong about the Royals

Look, I’ll admit it. In the piece I posted before the ALCS, I suggested that Kansas City would win the series, but Baltimore would rack up two victories in the process.

Jesus, Mary and JoJo is my face red.

Apparently I failed to realize that the Royals were some sort of unearthly juggernaut incapable of failure. (Call me crazy, but I don’t think I was the ONLY person who was a little surprised by a second series sweep.)

I mean, they were still the ROYALS, right?

THE KANSAS CITY ROYALS.

I cried after the Wild Card game. I’m man enough to admit it. I fell to my knees in my front room—as silently as possible, as to not awaken my sleeping two-month-old daughter—and I cried. I was four-years-old when they won the World Series in 1985. I’d be lying if I said I remembered a single second of it. I’d also be lying if I said there wasn’t a small part of me that thought it might never happen again. Although a lifetime playoff drought seems statistically improbable, it didn’t exactly seem out of the question, either.

I mean, these were the KANSAS CITY ROYALS, after all.

This was the same franchise I spent a million summer nights at the ballpark with, enjoying the weather but not much else.

chip_ambres_2005_09_25This was Chip Ambres and Terrence Long watching a fly ball drop delicately between them in 2005.

This was Ken Harvey getting hit in the back with a throw from the outfield.

Or Ken Harvey hitting Jason Grimsely in the face with a throw home.

Or Ken Harvey wrestling with (and losing to) the tarp.

This was Eduardo Villacis making his major league debut in Yankees Stadium and getting irreversibly destroyed.

Or Roberto Hernandez being a closer for 35 consecutive seasons.

This was Opening Day starts from Jeff Suppan (3!!!), Runelvys Hernandez, Brian Anderson, Jose Lima (RIP!), Scott Elarton and Bruce Chen.

This was a team so bereft of talent that journeyman shitbag Mark Redman made the All Star Game in 2006. (With a 5.71 ERA, no less.)

This was a million summer nights sitting by the radio—you know, because they didn’t televise as many games during those dark years because why would they?—listening to Denny Matthews dying a little with each loss. There were HUNDREDS of losses in that span. (Over 1,200 since I graduated high school in 1999, in fact.)

I HATED that I loved this team so much. I felt like some dumb teenage girl who gets treated like shit by the dude she likes, BUT SHE KEEPS GOING BACK FOR MORE. The Royals did nothing for me other than make my stomach hurt.

Until now.

I cried again after the ALCS sweep, too. This time, my daughter was awake. I was holding her, and I started crying. And she started crying too, because when you’re that little, and your dad is crying, that’s some fucked up shit I’m guessing.

This team has brought me to tears twice.

Look, I’m not going to pretend like I understand how they righted the ship, or how playing like a 1970’s National League team has worked so well. I mean, we all know that “pitching and defense wins championships,” and that “speed never slumps.” But Jesus Christ, you sometimes have to score more than a run or two or it just won’t work, I swear.

But the thing is, they’ve managed to do it when it counts.

And they’ve made fools out of a lot of analysts and experts and they’ve taken over the city for the first time in almost three decades.

And it’s fucking awesome.

duffybear2So now they play the San Francisco Giants in the World Series (I still can’t believe it as I type it), and I won’t try and analyze it. Baseball is weird enough, and when combined with the ridiculousness of these Kansas City Royals, it all becomes some absurd art-house film where nothing makes sense and Danny Duffy is walking around drinking champagne in a fucking bear suit while Yordano Ventura double-fists beers during his celebratory clubhouse interview.

All I know is that Kansas City played the Giants three times this season and swept them. In doing so, they outscored San Francisco 16-6. In one of those games, they even beat the Giants’ super-human ace Madison Bumgarner.

That was in August.

And that Royals team?

Well, they were good. They had a .655 winning percentage, their highest mark of any single month this season.

But this Royals team? Their winning percentage is 1.000. They do not appear to be bound by the rules of logic or reason; they are, simply put, unfair.

I don’t think there’s any doubt that Kansas City wins the World Series. And because, why the hell not, I think they do it in a sweep.

Because these guys forgot how to lose.

And I’m sure I’ll cry again, when it’s all said and done.

The World Series starts Tuesday, October 21st at 7pm IN KANSAS CITY (and televised on FOX)

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14 Responses to Leftridge: The Royals Have Turned Me Into a Big Pussy

  1. Kerouac says:

    “Leftridge: The Royals Have Turned Me Into a Big Pussy”

    – fortunately, your articles never stink much as… (you know – other pieces, clothing, the Chiefs since 1970, Limburger cheese)

    but, that you

    “cried after the Wild Card game.”

    – and weren’t peeling onions presume, only moldy old memories away…

    “I’m man enough to admit it.”

    – such is the life & lot a KC fan, any the major professional sports teams locally…

    “I fell to my knees in my front room—as silently as possible, as to not awaken my sleeping two-month-old daughter—and I cried.”

    – you’ve crossed over – that sign post up ahead – your next stop – ‘The Disappointment Zone’

    Oh, how Kerouac would like to cry (he hasn’t since January 1970- no wait, make that December 1971, or was it?… no, getting appendage caught zipper doesn’t count.)

    Have said it before, but hate to see either ‘team’ lose the ‘World Series’ – they both epitomize the concept ‘t-e-a-m’, in lieu ‘I’ndividuals as the worst violater, the Lo$t Angle$ Dudger$ provide.

    San Francisco has lost their catalyst (CF’r Pagan) to injury, yet has persevered. They lost arguably their best or second best pitcher (Cain) same, but now find themselves upon the doorstep history – 3 Championships in 5 years – after they revisited Bobby ‘Ishikawa’s Thompson’s ‘Shot Heard Round The World’ vs STL. A team of destiny by any other.

    Kansas City has been a joke for most of the last 29 years, which is why it has taken so long to wake up/warm up to the ghosts of Jets ’68 and Mets ’69… a KCinderella story to be certain. This will be a Wild Card World Series: both SF & KC were not expected to survive – but – nod ‘The Dating Game’, here they are, a perfect match & date with history, the deux.

    As a former A(thletic)’s fan while they/I was in KC, one who became a Dodgers fan at about the same time, then changed his allegiance to San Francisco for the simple fact that the latter plays as a ‘t-e-a-m’ & not a collection ‘I’ndividual$ as the current lot of Yankees west, Duds do.

    For KC it would be as being born again, baseball Heaven… for SF, further affirmation that a David can slay a Goliath, baseball sense, fat-cat Dodger$ conquered example.

    Best guess: the winner of the first game is usually though not always a leg up on the other team, and as KC has home field advantage the Royals should be favored. Alas, history as experience teaches the GIANTS are major over-comers: swept an Tigers team in 2012 that was supposed to destroy them, and only an slightly lesser extent same the 2010 Rangers, who fell in five games.

    Let the games begin.

    • harley says:

      K…Harley will correct you.
      Many many sports analysts say the Jets win in the superbowl was
      a fluke. They say the chiefs win in their superbowl was for real the
      way they totally dominated their heavy heavy favored opponent.

      • Kerouac says:

        Chiefs were a fluke by virtue even being there: not their 3 wins vs @NYJ, @OAK & @Tulane/Superbowl 4, but by virtue the fact they would not have qualified for post season at all save for a one-year aberration, special wild-card format. An aside, it was also the beginning pro football (as baseball) ‘milking’ the dollar$ from fandom, under the guise “more teams will qualify” for post season – cha-cha-ching.

        Today, so many mediocre teams qualify in every sport that the watered down games result in a poorer product, and in the not too distant future, in the interest their economic $urvival, they will of necessity have all teams make post season, every sport, relegating the regular season anti-climax.

        Upshot, given a second chance, the Chiefs hit a hot streak in ’69. Other than that, have ‘never’ won a Championship (Superbowl) sans coming in through the back door/backing in. The next time KC/MIN met first game regular season after in 1970, Chiefs got clobbered 27-10, and it wasn’t even that close.

        ’68 Jets, ’69 Chiefs, ’69 Mets, ’80 US Olympic Hockey team, ’88 Dodgers, 2014 Royals… flukes, each and every (even ’85, there was controversy KC’s only baseball Championship, a blown call impetus their prevailing.) No dynasty nor dominate team ours has ever won from start to finish with no side doors entered to qualify. Never has KC had a team left no doubt it was the best NFL or MLB. No Yankees earlier 1900’s, no Packers 1960’s & no Celtics basketball or Canadians hockey too.

        Thoroughly mediocre we are, have been and may always will be: Kansas City.

  2. Mysterious J says:

    You were also very wrong that the Royals should have been sellers at the trade deadline. Basically you seem to just parrot whatever the sabermetric snobs say. I do give you credit for admitting you were off base about Vargas (even with some rough outings down the stretch he gave you about 85% of Santana’s performance at 55% of the price), the aforementioned sabermetric snobs never really got around to that.

  3. Nick says:

    Go Royals!

    That said…as much as I’ve enjoyed the Royals resurgence as, you know, an actual baseball team, I think they’ve met their match.

    Unless Glass has engineered a 1919 Black Sox reboot (not totally out of the question; that Glass would think of it, not that it’s in the works), Giants win it in 6.

    The most telling indicator of the Royals’ progress will be their record next year. Oh, and Yost not managing to make his newfound ‘genius’ appellation appear overly ironic.

  4. mike t. says:

    whatever guys…

    the remarkable royals. resplendent in ridiculousness righteously righting the wrongs of 29 years of suck.

    royals in 5.

  5. harley says:

    lefty….we were at game 7 in 1985. The days with no ticket brokers..no internet…
    tickets at $65…not $3000!!!!
    We didn’t cry. WE slopped down so much beer and shots of tequila at
    Kellys the night we won that we slept in the car. And that was a Sunday night.
    You’re young…new baby…new house…and thank god you got your own
    car because that toy train downtown is a freaking mess!
    This whole royalsstory is just another one about life. Read the story of most
    of the players that survivd and are playing. Several were going to
    quit because of too many years in the minors. Moose was sent to the minors
    and came back…people called for him to be sat down or traded..he was
    a dud. Some were called too old. Both teams have guys who were throw
    aways from other teams…Wade Davis was almost given up on and now
    is one of the best relievers and eventual closers in baseball. People wanted
    to hang both managers…fire both of them….
    I and others called for moore’s head……lots of these players were picked
    up…some were supposed to be superstars but never reached their fans
    expectations.
    Gordon moved to left field and at first balked but now hes the best left
    fielder in baseball.
    Its all about persistence and never giving up….and HOPE!
    I have said life is a roller coaster….ups and downs. All of us on kcc and tkc
    have had them. Some got up and got going. Others lied down and just
    gave up.
    The royals are not the best team in baseball…neither are the giants.
    Many of the royals were down on themselves…then Ibanez (spelling?)
    comes in and tells them they are a team with as much talent as
    you need to win everything.
    Believe in yourself. And never stop. The successful ones don’t
    win thru strength…they win thru persistence.
    Go play with your new baby….enjoy the run….because you never want to
    get too high or too low when riding the roller coaster.
    I say this thing goes 6 games…so I invested in buying games 1/2/6. Only
    because I believe that sometimes there’s other forces at work that
    make things happen in our lives. It’s a streak. My gambling friends
    say that 8 game streak will end with a thump. I say b.s.
    Don’t stop believing. You’re a young guy with a lot of talent. You got
    lots of years to cry.
    Go royals. Persistence and never giving up always trumps talent.
    My brain and stats say it’s the giants. But I never root against my
    home team. KEEP HOPE ALIVE!

    • admin says:

      I got news for ya, H Man:

      There may not have been ticket brokers around here in 1985 – but I guarantee you there were ticket scalpers.

      I used to seek Chiefs tickets I wasn’t going to use at the last minute to the young, future head of one of the area’s biggest ticket brokerages. That was late 1980s / early 1990s.

      We used to meet here and there, kinda like drug deals.

      And there were always people at the events and stadiums trying to scalp tickets.

      The high prices commanded so often today are little more than a turn off to probably most everyday, average fans.

      But I suppose it’s supply and demand and there are a lot more people on the planet than there were in 1985 and the stadium sizes remain the same – as in, more potential demand, no more in terms of supply.

      • harley says:

        yes hearne…there were scalpers but remember all that then
        was illegal.
        they were not organized like they are now. We bought and
        sold tickets on the internet thru a ticket broker in
        los angeles….in 85 couldn’t do that.
        Now its a huge business and its high tech…go to the
        broker on college in front of the bank and they’ve got
        people selling all over the nation. They advertise in
        usa today and other newspapers.
        In 85 I think royals drew 2.8 million (don’t quote me there)
        there was a hugedemand for series tickets….but there was
        nothing near the “scalping” that’s going on now. Its
        sophisticated/computerized/and a very efficient but very
        risky business.
        the scallpers would “sell a pen” for $200 andgive you
        free tickets to get around the law.
        Then there were the people at the game selling tickets..
        but its nothing like what I saw on craigs list.
        it’s crazy….but the demand is there.

  6. Raul Ibanez says:

    I am in reciept of many emails from my friends @baseballforlife.com. They told me that this is the first time you spelled a 6 letter word correctly in 6 years.

    Never give up. Don’t stop believing, I cried when I saw my name spelled right. It’s a lapidary moment in time, that no kcconfidential reader will ever forget, even if it takes 29 more years to get it right again.

    Thanks Harley, you are the best.

    • harley says:

      no problem. I anxiously await the opening game. Thanks for helping
      the team.
      Believing in ones self is the key life. I know it. Glaze knows it.
      Problem is that many on kcc don’t!!!!!
      That’s why they’re where they’re at now. Shopping for shoe repair
      shops. Using vile language because they hate others.
      Thanks raul. See ya Tuesday. We’re in 114.
      go royals.
      And again..Harley was right.
      Please call glaze at Stanford and sons comedy shop and have him
      start chanting “IT’S OVER” at midnight tonight. He’s a good sport
      and wants the royals towin!!!!!

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