Paul Wilson: Happy Columbus Day! Ripped Anybody Off Yet?

columbusAn unexpected trip to the bank this morning reminded me that it’s Columbus Day

Upon landing on these shores, Columbus journaled, “The Indians are so naive and so free with their possessions that no one who has not witnessed them would believe it. When you ask for something they have, they never say no. To the contrary, they offer to share with anyone. They would make fine servants. With 50 men we could subjugate them all and make them do what ever we want.”

Never in the history of our nation has a wrong been committed against a people that compares to that of the American Indian

Not even slavery.

beachhouseIn honor of this proud, American celebration, rent a paddle board for $60 at any surf shop, find your dream beach house, row ashore, stick a flag in the ground and claim it as your very own!

If the owners object, tell them it’s Columbus Day and, lucky for them, YOU just discovered their house!

If they continue to object, tell them you’re going to throw a really lavish dinner for them at your new home next month and call it Thanksgiving.

After dinner, secretly send them away with diseased presents and a one way ticket to a God forsaken piece of dirt in a tiny corner of Nebraska that you’ll have no future use for and call it even.

Enjoy your new life on the beach – you thank me later – and God Bless America!

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47 Responses to Paul Wilson: Happy Columbus Day! Ripped Anybody Off Yet?

  1. hardly says:

    Ewe woodn’t dew that an ewe no it………ewe mite half to walk over 20 fete too get two there beech propertee…………..hahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahaha

  2. harley says:

    OH G*d….wislun the shoe dog is on another jewel heist. This time its
    Christopher Columbus. Great investigative work.
    Will you be reporting soon on Sprints new merger?
    Or maybe on the royals being in the playoffs.
    timely reporting….hundreds of years late!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • paulwilsonkc says:

      I OWN you, sad little man. You’re OCD is showing, checking KCC 60 times and hour looking for my next story. What a sad little guy you are.

  3. Jeffrey Heavin says:

    The Indians were wiped out because they made war with the whites. The whites were more cunning and more numerous. Hail Columbus !

  4. Orphan of the Road says:

    It should be fun reading what the Yancys have to say about this.

    Thank Henry Wadsworth Longfellow for the bad history. Pop culture again trumps fact.

    La Nina, la Pintada and Maria Galante were the ships and definitely not saints.

    C’mon, Yancy, name the first six Presidents of this Nation.

  5. Steveo says:

    Prior to the Europeans arriving, Native Americans killed, raped, stole, and subjugated other tribes to slavery. There were haves and have-nots and many tribes did not like others simply because they were different. Survival of the fittest is the way of human expansion since the dawn of time.

    The real crime is the story of Government “help” since the Indians surrendered. As the 1st welfare recipients in the 1880’s, it is instructive of where free food, shelter, and clothing gets you. Namely, a 90% unemployment rate on the reservations and a mortality rate of about 50 years.

  6. harley says:

    no…the author is dumber than a box of rocks…
    its 600 year old story.
    whats next:
    MUMMIES ARRIVE IN D.C.?
    ALIENS SPOTTED AT AT JARDINES?
    PLUMBER EXTRICATES MAN FROM CAR DASHBOARD.
    I mean seriously…hearne printing stories like this is a total joke.
    can we do something that’s maybe 100 years old.
    even the cobblers were a 30 year old story.
    come on hearne….wake it up….
    WHOGIVESA F*CK?

    • admin says:

      Forget to take your meds today, H Man?

      You know what happens when you forget to take your meds!

    • Orphan of the Road says:

      Still waiting for your next Pull-it-zer prize winning piece.

      List the first six presidents of this Nation.

      • paulwilsonkc says:

        Orphan, he’s “been busy” and big news “is coming” according to him. It’s hard to buy art, managed your massive estate, run multiple companies, check 60 KCC 60 times an hour to see what I’ve said…….and ” right a solid piece of jurnulizm.”
        I made 300 copies of first and only story; I use it as recycled toilet paper.

    • mike says:

      I’ll give you one thing. Nobody else can write like you do.

    • paulwilsonkc says:

      I OWN YOU. You’re a piece of three day old room temperature Canadian bacon and I’m E.coli! Getting in your pea sized brain is as easy as taking candy from a diabetic who can no longer eat candy! It’s good to know that in the course of running your intergalactic business empires you have time to check KCC every five minutes to see if I’ve uttered a word. I bet you’re at Lifetime check your phone from the tread mill! (Don’t ever forget, I hold the keys to who you really are; don’t make me leak stuff…I’ve been honorable so far but I’m not past doing so…)

  7. mark smith says:

    Was it Seattle that just changed Columbus Day to Indigenous American day or some such thing? We get this same hand wringing bemoaning of the plight of the Native Americans this time every year, nect it will be Thanksgiving.. Its probably one of the single most hypocritical exercises in political correctness. The same sensitive nimrods who cry for the Native Americans do so for one day, then go back to living their lives here, on stolen grounds. If the white people that feel such a great injustice has been done are really riddled with guilt, I suggest they return all of their money and property to the first Indian they can find, then go back to your ancestral country of origin. Did a bunch of cracka ass crackas take this country form the natives? Yes. Countries fall to invaders, most every country has had its fair share of usurpers (look it up harley). Thats just the way it is. But here’s the rub, the very white and very guilt ridden souls, who claim to hold some high moral ground because they care about Native Americans, show their concern by bitching about a sports team name, or the misdeeds that transpired hundreds of years ago. You wont find them wasting their time on the plight of todays native american, high drug and alcohol addiction, high infant mortality rates, high suicide rates, and low educational achievements. So move out of that house and give it the tribe who once occupied that land, or shut the fvck up about the evil people who made it all possible.

    • Orphan of the Road says:

      There is iron in the words of mark smith.

      But celebrating a false history is how we got to where we are today.

      What the average Yancy knows of the history of the tribes (the only Native American is the bison) is not true.

      Ninety-per-cent of the population in the Americas died from disease in the 200-years from the time of the explorers to the first settlers. Indiscriminate death from diseases from which they had no immunity. And this wasn’t like the US government’s actions in the 1800s but just from contact.

      That nothing was done when the Removal Act of 1830 was declared unConstitutional proves this is not a Nation of laws but a Nation of scoundrels.

      “In 1491 the Inka ruled the greatest empire on earth. Bigger than Ming Dynasty China, bigger than Ivan the Great’s expanding Russia, bigger than Songhay in the Sahel or powerful Great Zimbabwe in the West Africa tablelands, bigger than the cresting Ottoman Empire, bigger than the Triple Alliance (as the Aztec empire is more precisely known), bigger by far than any European state, the Inka dominion extended over a staggering thirty-two degrees of latitude—as if a single power held sway from St. Petersburg to Cairo.”
      ― Charles C. Mann, 1491 (Second Edition): New Revelations of the Americas Before Columbus

      • mike says:

        The Vikings, who were arguably some of the fiercest people to come out of Europe, were ran off by the Native Americans long before Columbus ever came here. If disease had not wiped out as many of them as it did, the other Europeans probably would also have been run off, even with superior weaponry. Another thing to consider is that the Native Americans were not unified. If they had been, the Europeans still probably would not have conquered the American continents.

        • paulwilsonkc says:

          Yes, but the Vikings wore those silly hats with the rams horns. They just looked like sissy boys even if the were badasses. Then when the first one introduced himself as “Leif” the Indians likely laughed and told them to get the hell back on their boats!

    • admin says:

      Food for thought, mark

  8. the dude says:

    If you talk to some republican Christians they might argue they are the most persecuted people in the whole history of the world.

  9. SteelyDanMan says:

    It should be a new tradition that we all read chapter one of Howard Zinn’s “A People’s History of the United States” today.

    • paulwilsonkc says:

      Dan, don’t know if you meant that satirically or not but Zinn authored a fine piece in Peoples. Read it in the 80’s, again in the 90’s and past due to hit it again. Should be required reading as it presents history in and engaging and different light for the reader. And, I’m all for any one who had a stated goal of “quiet revolution.”
      Southerland is the book review god, I’d like to read his take.

  10. Sorry I am so late to the party. In honor of “Indigenous People” day, I was outside in my buffalo robe, trying to make a fire with sticks and horse poop. White people suck so bad. I killed my Border Collie to boil up a great dinner and ended up sitting in the mud leaning up against my Prius. To make things worse, I lost a filling chewing on pemmican. That sh*t is tough.

    I’ll smoke signal you guys later, this computer is goin in the trash with all of those other terrible inventions those white devils came up with!!

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