While I was wrapping up a column about former Star scribe Jason Whitlock‘s failed recent attempt at courting mega controversy – the one about Canadians like KU one-and-doner Andrew Wiggins being lazy and unmotivated – I backtracked over Whitlock’s far more successful PR stunt two years back.
The one with former Knicks star Jeremy Lin.
By tweeting that Lin would be nailing “some lucky lady in NYC” with his shrimp cocktail sized Asian penis, Whitlock lifted his name out of the dustbin of life and drew fire from media of every size and stripe. He even garnered a demand for an apology from the Asian American Journalists Association.
So proud was Jason that he added it to his homegrown Wikipedia page.
Unfortunately his attempt at recreating the firestorm by dissing Wiggins and Canada in the midst of the LeBron James media frenzy was limited to a handful of sports blogs and some Canadian media. None of whom took his “critique” very seriously.
Ah but the Lin diss, that one was huge…no pun intended.
It got me thinking…
We live in a world where we all must carefully watch our every step.
In terms of political correctness, that is. Especially when dealing in racial or ethnic stereotypes. Even white dudes (like me) are keen to seize on and take offense at the use of words like “cracker,” if only in retaliation for the minefield they feel they must walk when dealing with African Americans, Latinos, Jews, women – you name it.
Deep down though, don’t we all secretly either know, wonder or suspect, that there may be grains of truth buried in some of those verboten stereotypes?
So I decided to look into Whitlock’s infamous inference about Asian men having small dicks, and lo and behold…
The most interesting “study” that I came across – revisited on the website 11 points.com – came from research published in the scientific journal, Personality and Individual Differences.
Setting aside the more mundane aspects of the two-year old study, the key “difference” focussed on by 11 Points and Britain’s Daily Mail, had to do with penis size.
And you know, and far be it from me not to share it with you guys.
“A fairly controversial psychology professor out of Northern Ireland published a report where he analyzed penis sizes in 116 countries — based on other people’s studies and reported data, he wasn’t walking around Senegal with a tape measurer and an incredibly convincing shpiel — and drew some conclusions,” 11 Points columnist Sam Greenspan writes.” Some of what’s in the report is thought-provoking, some is borderline racist and some you just lightly skim so you can study the chart of penis size data.”
“The 11 countries with the largest average penis size. Since it’s definitely the point that inspires the most curiosity I figured I’d lead with it. The 11 countries with the most endowed men are: The Congo (average of 7.06 inches erect)… Ecuador (7.0)… “Evil” Congo (6.82)… Ghana (6.81)… Colombia (6.7)… Venezuela (6.7)… Lebanon (6.62)… Cameroon (6.56)… Iceland (6.5)… Sudan (6.48)… and Jamaica (6.42).
“Yes, sub-Saharan Africa and northern South America are very well represented. And Iceland gets the ‘How the hell did they sneak in there?’ award.”
Which brings us to Whitlock’s Jeremy Lin slight:
“The 11 countries with the smallest average penis size. And now, the other side. The 11 countries smallest in the pants are: North Korea (average 3.8 inches erect)… South Korea (3.8)… Cambodia (3.95)… Thailand (4.0)… India (4.03)… Taiwan (4.24)… Philippines (4.27)… Sri Lanka (4.29)… China (4.29)… Japan (4.3)… and Hong Kong (4.41).
“Technically North Korea and South Korea tied at 3.8 but I gave last place to North Korea because, ya know, American media devil. Also, I assume North Korea’s study was heavily skewed because the average man had, like, a 3.5-inch penis then Kim Jong-Il brought the average up by reporting that his was 14,917 inches long.”
Getting down to the “meat” of the controversy, what Whitlock somewhat obviously was doing – aside from his favorite pastime of pimping readers – was cocking back as an ostensibly well-endowed black man and taking a shot at stereotypically undermanned Asians.
In other words for the most part – per the study – Jason appears to be on the right side of the big dick/small dick stereotype and study.
However, he was on far shakier ground in calling out Canadians for being lazy, since just about everybody who’s ever worked with or around Whitlock knows him to be one of the laziest sports media guys in the game.
Let’s take it a step further…
Because we Americans didn’t come out all that well in this dick measuring contest either…starting with, of all the countries, Canada.
“A poor U.S. showing This was not a good showing for the U.S., which came in 96th out of 116 countries with an average of 5.08 inches. That beat out Ireland, Romania and basically all of Asia — but lost to everyone from Canada (5.48) to France (5.33) to Iraq and Iran (both 5.73). On the plus side, at least I’m making all of them read this in good all-American inches instead of the centimeters of their beloved, logical metric system. We get 40 rods to a furlong and 5.08 inches to a penis and that’s how we like it.”
There you have it.
Whitlock half ass apologized for calling out Lin and Asians for being short hitters, even though it well may be true (and he probably really still believes it).
So while Jason may indeed be hung like a horse, who really cares?
How many hotties do you know that would be interested in unfurling all those fat layers to get to his goods? I wonder.
As for Whitlock’s contention about Canadians being slackers, I say, let he who is without similar sin cast the first stone.