Leftridge: Crap for Sale on Craigslist, Back to School Edition

Back to schoolBelieve it or not, it’s almost back-to-school-time, a magical epoch at which parents are freed from the shackles of their godforsaken heathens and once again, almost fully functional people. Gone are the days of expensive summer sitters and Vacation Bible Schools; in their stead are restrictive periods of warehoused dullardry and uninspired days that blessedly grow ever-shortened.

As a not-yet-parent, I don’t fully understand this glee, but I surmise. I’m already dreading the prohibitive costs of full-time child care and fantasizing about a time when I can ship my daughter off to an industrialized learning complex for little more than the cost of a breaded chicken patty and a carton of hormonally-rotten milk.

Don’t get me wrong, I love her. Even so, daycare is ridiculous. For the price it’ll take to have someone stare at her for eight hours, I could lease a brand-new Jaguar or rent a small, fancy house in a reasonably-decent suburb.

So I’m all about saving money. And what better way to save a few duckets than by buying your child’s back-to-school materials on Craigslist? Let’s see what they’ve got.

 

jansport1JanSport backpack – $15 (Lees Summit)

Very nice JanSport backpack black and white with tourquoise accent color. Zippers in great condition, no holes or rips. Asking $15

call or text

(redacted) Rick

jansport2When I was growing up, JanSport backpacks were an absolute necessity. Seriously, you were some sort of deviant garbage if you didn’t have a JanSport. They had a stranglehold on the book-conveyance market at large. And here we have a fine one, with “no rips.” And some bizarre art-pattern poorly suited if your child is an epileptic. And what looks to be a pee-stain in the rear compartment. COME AND GET IT, KIDS.

 

Back to School! Thomas the Train Backpack! – $2 (Raymore)

Frugal Momma Boutique! Thomas the Train backpack! EUC! Perfect for prek or kindergarten! $2.00.

*please note that is has my nephews name written on the inside of the backstrap

Search Frugal Momma to see all my listings!

craigslistbackpack3Okay, it’s hard to argue with a $2.00 backpack. Jesus Christ. Is it haunted? The only catch? Your kid needs to be named Donald Shitface like the seller’s nephew… or your kid needs to be the kind of kid who doesn’t get alarmed by wearing Donald Shitface’s haunted backpack. Either way.

 

 

 

deskDESK – Antique School Desk – $20 (Midtown KC)

ANTIQUE SCHOOL DESK. Beautiful condition. $20 Cash. Thanks for L@@KING.

Are you home-schooling your child? Congrats on raising a terrible, socially inept weirdo who will inevitably get caught beating off in a Macy’s Department Store changing room! In the meantime, here’s a desk they can sit at during “school.” Also: the desk– like that goddamned backpack– is haunted, I promise. I mean, just look at it.

 

 

2 Pencil set’s by General – $15 (SKC)

These pencils have never been used. I have more supplies than I know what to do with so I’m thinning some of them. Both kits have several different leads of pencils, eraser and sharpener. Please contact me with your inquiry’s. Thanks for lookingCLpencils

Look, this seller is going to be honest with you: he (or she—but he, I promise) has art supplies falling out of his ass. HE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH ALL OF THESE ARTS! His loss is your gain, friend. Go buy his unused pencils. Please. Even if they’ve been in his ass.

 

 

3 INCH 3 RING BINDERS = GOOD CONDITION – $2 (KANSAS CITY)

CLBindersTHESE 3 INCH 3-RING BINDERS / NOTEBOOKS COME IN MAROON, RED, BLUE, GREEN AND SALMON THESE CAN BE USED IN OFFICES OR AS SCHOOL SUPPLIES !!! OVER 200 TO CHOOSE FROM THESE BINDERS ARE IN GREAT CONDITION = READY FOR YOUR NOTEBOOK PAPER BUY 5 GET 1 FREE !!!

Holy fuck. SO much going on here.

1) I love how there are options—“CAN BE USED IN OFFICES OR AS SCHOOL SUPPLIES.”

2) All caps denotes insanity. This seller is CRAZY FOR SAVINGS AND/OR BINDERS!

3) The “buy 5 get 1” is a shrewd business move. I mean, who needs just ONE Salmon colored binder?? Nobody, that’s who.

4) “READY FOR YOUR NOTEBOOK PAPER.” Welp, I’m sold.

 

CLPebblesBaby Pebbles Flintstone Doll – $60

Baby Pebbles 15″ doll, blanket and diaper from the 1960s in excellent condition. Box is in fair to good condition. $60 or best offer. Cash only, no trades.

Please check spam/junk or other folders for my reply, as they seem to have a way of not being in your inbox.

If you see this post, the item is available.

Okay, for some reason this popped up when I was searching “folders.” I don’t get it, necessarily, but I don’t give a shit. It’s a terrifying Pebbles Flintstone doll. Please don’t buy this. Because I’m buying this. Because I’m a kitschy, 55-year-old gay man I guess. Oh well. HAUNTED DOLL.

 

lots of clothes – $5 (kck)

I have lots of clothing and misc for sale. Don’t really have time for a yard sale. Have a huge suitcase full of clothes and boxes. Women’s clothes sizes small to med. Baby girl clothes. Not really sure on sizes. 0-12 Mo. Some never worn. A few toddler girls clothes. Not much. And some toddler boys clothes. Also have some women’s high heels size 8-9
And a loveseat. Like from hotel. Will sell loveseat for $10 Have odd and ends if your interested. Will be more than happy to set it out for you to take a look if you are sure about buying it. Bring some Walmart bags. Will sell clothes for $5 a bag. As much as you can fit in it. Lots of granite prices as well. All sizes up to 3’x2 1/2′ all colors. Come look. Will sell super cheap. Buy it all and resell or make projects. $3-$10 a piece. Pick a piece and make an offer.

Can’t imagine how this ad came to be, but sometimes we all just murder a family and assume their identity before realizing it’s just too much work, right? I mean, that’s what happened here? Clothing of all sizes (including some small or large child sizes, we’re not sure), some high heels, some furniture, SOME GRANITE? So if you want a murdered family’s shit, go to KCK.

 

youthmann8 Infant/Toddler/Youth Mannequins – $20 (Liberty)

Set of 8 hanger style youth mannequins. Like new condition. These are great for displaying and taking photos of used kids/infant clothes you want to sell online. $20 for the set. Text or call (redacted) to arrange pick up.

Okay.

 

bulk bathroom tissue, kleenex, paper towels, etc (kaiser)

I have great deals on cases of paper goods!! here are some examples: case of 96 double roll extra soft t.p. = $39.98 WOW !! thats less than $.50 per roll !! case of 30 rolls of paper towels = $21.59 Try finding that good of a deal anywhere! I also have facial tissue, dinner napkins, beverage napkins, multifold towels, centerpull towels, etc….

“Here are some examples.”

I love it. See, Kleenex is always something that’s on the list of supplies, and it’s something that parents never remember to buy. And because I am the proud husband of an elementary school teacher, I understand the importance of facial tissue. (Anyone under 15 is an absolute germ-riddled Snot Monster, I promise.) That’s why you all need to head to “Kaiser” (?) and buy toilet paper for less than $.50 per roll. I mean, “wow!!”

 

Well, they’ll be back to school before you know it. Hopefully my shopping tips will make things that much easier. And if not, I don’t care. They’re not my kids. (BTW, in case you didn’t catch it the theme of this one: everything is haunted, apparently. Oops!)

 

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21 Responses to Leftridge: Crap for Sale on Craigslist, Back to School Edition

  1. chuck says:

    Funny stuff Lefty and I agree, all that stuff could be props for the next “Paranormal” movie.

  2. BrotherSunday says:

    Bahahahahha!!!! Sequel! Encore! MORE! (still PSML)

    • mike t. says:

      yes, lefty, this should be a regular feature. Craigslist Treasures and Other Oddities of the Modern World.

      • rkcal says:

        Lefty, Hearne should take some more vaca time and leave you in charge. Great, funny writing. You remind me of Dave Barry, and that’s about the highest praise I can give.

        • Brandon Leftridge says:

          Wow… Dave Barry?? I’m probably a *bit* more profane. But I appreciate that.

  3. Kerouac says:

    “buying your child’s back-to-school materials on Craigslist”

    – Kerouac doesn’t know Craig’s List from Angie’s or Groupon & still dresses like Pete from ‘The Mod Squad’ 1968. As the stripling my loins long ago departed, am resigned but embrace how things have changed in the last half century plus.

    Still recall Sears ‘Back to School Look’ being en vogue, earlier still mom turning me into a living mannequin clothing aisle, holding underwear, shirts & pants upon me while the occasional classmate mine happened by, snickering.

    Anyone else’s mom sew their name or initials into their jock? While you were wearing them?

    • mike t. says:

      oooh… sorry Kerouac… that had to have been brutal (the sewing thing that is). but I do remember the snickering, both object of and active participant.

      I also distinctly remember brand new, very heavy and stiff, blue jeans, too long so I’d grow into them, on hot September days, and the smell of an also stiff and scratchy madras shirt.

      • Jim a.k.a. BWH says:

        3 new pairs of Sears Toughskins every September. No idea what those things were made out of, but it WASN’T denim. They looked the same at the end of the school year as they did on the first day. For a lad that longed to be one of the cool kids with faded Levis, Toughskins were a ultimate soul-crusher. Damn you, I say. Damn you.

        • the dude says:

          Ouch, YOU were that Toughskins kid.
          Sorry about that man, hopefully the extensive therapy sessions you have been in will help with the psychic trauma inflicted upon you in your fragile youth.

          • Jim a.k.a. BWH says:

            Therapy has its limits, Dude. Few are ever able to escape the ego-robbing vortex of a Toughskins childhood.

  4. paulwilsonkc says:

    Wow, I dont think you have a CLUE how good you are!! I love this!

    • Brandon Leftridge says:

      Too kind, man, too kind.

      • the dude says:

        BTW, I think I will see this kind murderous chap in KCK for his spoils. I have a nose for these types of irresistible bargains that you would want to kill for!
        That and I refuse to buy any used pencils that have not been up the owner’s ass. And I do know the difference between people lying about shoving their CL baubles for sale and the ones that actually have. Again, I have a nose for these things and it all smells green to me!

  5. Hot Carl says:

    When I saw the word “duckets” I figured this had to be a Glazer article. Nobody else who writes here is that stupid. Brandon you get a pass because I like your stuff but for future reference it’s “ducats.”

    • the dude says:

      And you are obviously not down with the slang of the hip kids these days.
      Look it up Voltaire.

    • Brandon Leftridge says:

      yeah, it’s actually the preferred “urban” spelling, but good eye.

  6. harley says:

    bravo…bravo…bravo…whatever you’re doing lefty this is classic funny funny stuff.
    call jimmy fallon…call seth Meyers….call dave leterrman before he retires.
    AS an MU GRADUATE ( yes halrey graducated with a dgegree in journalism
    from mu….) you are missing your future lefty.
    this is hilariousi….ifv you go into some fuddy duddy career and miss your chance\to
    become a greatcomedy wrtier it will be the biggest waste of talent ever.
    call glaze…hook yourself up with tj or lewis…or jj….you are our hero to make it
    big in comedy.
    luv ya…Harley…………………………………don’t waste that talent~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  7. glenn says:

    You missed the BEST Crapslisting recently. Some dude is trying to sell a grocery store shopping cart for $20.00.

    FYI I’ve done a lot of selling on Craigslist. KC has the dumbest patrons of CL. It’s like everyone is on meth.

    • the dude says:

      Or like one guy that responded to my ad for a speaker cabinet that decided the stuff I was selling was too rich for his account and the cabinet was too large.
      He wanted me to call him even though he wasn’t going to buy anything so we could talk about them.
      Look man, I am not trying to say I am the busiest chap in the world or anything but I sure as $hit don’t have time to shoot the bull when you are not going to buy anything. Move along and quite giving me your number man.

  8. mark smith says:

    Funny stuff Lefty. Maybe your funniest. You really hit your stride by the time you got to the desk. You could crank out one of these a week just off the free $hit section. Now if you’ll excuse me I gotta see a man about 3 plastic milk jugs and a half bag of kitty litter. Free.

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