Jack Goes Confidential: Sparkless ‘Sex Tape’ Triggers Viral Coitus Cornucopia

sex-tape-posterJason Segel to Cameron Diaz: “Do you remember erections?…..We should have sex sometime.”

But 10 years earlier things sure were different. They couldn’t keep their hands off each other—doing the deed in all kinds of places, settings and positions.

That’s how SEX TAPE begins. Explicit from the get go.

However with busy careers, kids and the trials and tribulations of marriage, whatever little love making that’s left has been reduced to a sparkless, passionless exercise that’s going nowhere.

They still love each other, but the fireworks are long gone.

Segel works in radio and somehow gets his hands on the newest iPad and gives his old ones as gifts to friends.

imagesAbout that time Jason and Cameron come up with the lowbrow idea of taping themselves having sex. Amateur self-porno stimulation. And not just ANY sex but practically every position from the once best selling book, The Joy Of Sex.

Three hours worth!

Just one problem. Segel forgets to erase their F-Fest after mistakenly pushing a button on the iPad that syncs and uploads their raunchy action adventure “up to the cloud,” and in turn sharing it with everyone—especially their friends.

joyofsex220What follows is their desperate mission to track down the iPads he gave away. To chase and erase so to speak in order to keep their private video from being laid bare to the world and cause a major sex scandal.

So far. So good.

At least the first act, anyway. After that the sex tape recovery caper loses steam and it’s downhill from there for the film’s second half.

Thank God for the relatively short running time of just 94 minutes.

If ever a movie might have had the perfect outtakes of their multiple couplings at the end, this one would’ve been it – but no such luck. No need to stay through the end credits.

Remember NEIGHBORS earlier this summer? Or even 22 JUMP STREET?

Well those two flicks delivered the comedic R-rated PUNCH.

TapeSEX TAPE tries but doesn’t even come close.

But kudos to Rob Lowe in a scene-stealing performance as the weird head of a major toy company and Diaz’ probable future boss. As far as I’m concerned he steals the movie. Ditto a brief but quite hilarious uncredited cameo by Jack Black who is quite the scene stealer himself.

One final prop.

And that goes out to Cameron Diaz’ still magnificent arse. It’s sheer perfection, ladies and gentlemen. And she parades it around naked in several scenes. That alone is worth the price of admission.

As for the rest? Pretty ho-hum and forced raunchy.

SEX TAPE scoring a sex-obsessed C.

(Reviewed at Screenland Armour Theatre)

 

JACK GOES TO THE MOVIES every Friday morning at 6:40 a.m. and 8:40 a.m. on KMBZ’s Kansas City’s Morning News.

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8 Responses to Jack Goes Confidential: Sparkless ‘Sex Tape’ Triggers Viral Coitus Cornucopia

  1. the dude says:

    This movie sounds horrible and I don’t think it would warrant a cable watching if it was the only thing on.

  2. PB says:

    Don’t care about this movie in the least, but what I want to know is how in the world does Cameron Diaz keep getting starring movie roles? I must say, I’m flummoxed.

    • jack p. says:

      Hey PB….it’s simple. They make money!!!! Think back to “BAD TEACHER”. Piece of crap but the studio, producers and Ms. Diaz laughed all the way to the bank.
      Remember it’s ShowBUI$NE$$ 🙂

      • SteelyDanMan says:

        I disagree with “Bad Teacher.” If you were a teacher, you would have picked up a lot of the inside jokes in that movie. Stupid premise, I admit, but definitely underrated in my book. Those two writers from “The Office” did their homework for that script (excuse the lame pun).

      • PB says:

        I guess she has been hit or miss there. I believe The Other Woman performed pretty well, but what about The Counselor or Gambit (wtf was that?!)? Maybe the fact that some of her stuff makes $ is the flummoxing (word?) part. I don’t think this flick will be one of those however.

        • jack p. says:

          My prediction is an opening boxoffice weekend of around $ 25 million and an all-in domestic theatrical run of around $ 70 million.

    • the dude says:

      Yeah, I don’t get all the hoopla about some chick with a Joker mouth and definite butterface. Everything neck down is nice though, I will give her that.

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