Maybe it’s the fact that it now seems to be a month-long process teeming with pre-draft shows leading up to the actual event.
Video vignettes about how a 400-pound orphan from the mean streets of Minneapolis overcame the odds to become a superstar after walking on at the University of Schenectady. Excruciatingly long ESPN: Behind the Balls pieces about the scrappy quarterback who, despite having one leg an inch shorter than the other, defied skeptics by becoming the starting left tackle at Teddy Roosevelt Community College, and now, holy shit, he’s got a chance to go in the seventh round!
Or maybe it’s because the whole production is now about pageantry instead of practicality.
I hate to sound like limp-dicked Old Man Leftridge, but do we really need “walk-up music” as these dull-witted giants make their way to the podium? REALLY? I mean, it makes sense in baseball, and even in professional wrestling—entrance or walk-up music is meant to FIRE YOU UP! I don’t understand the purpose of getting FIRED UP when all you’re doing is walking to a stage where you’ll calmly shake the meaty palm of the commissioner before perching your tiny hat on your gigantic braids/cornrows/dreads/Johnny Manziel peanut-head.
But maybe my lack of interest is actually because the Kansas City Chiefs don’t pick until late in the first, and have a total of something like, three picks.
OBAMA ALEX SMITH.
Okay— so obviously I’m exaggerating. But only slightly. They only have six picks total. No second rounder. For a team with a million needs, this isn’t encouraging. And with the uncertainty of picking 23rd in the first, this could go one of 8,000,000 ways.
They’ve been in the 23rd slot once since 1980. In 2007, the Chiefs selected Dwayne Bowe out of LSU. And while I’m not sure Bowe would still be selected that high today (hindsight is awesome), the Chiefs could stand to take SOMEONE of equal caliber, now.
Brandin Cooks (Oregon State), Marqise Lee (Southern California) and Odell Beckham Jr. (LSU) are all receivers who have been mentioned, but it’s hard to tell just how high GM John Dorsey is on any of them, and frankly, which of the three will still be available when KC picks.
The nice thing about any of these three is that they all have better acceleration than Bowe, and would give Smith a better downfield weapon. They’d “compliment” Bowe, as it were. And can anyone actually remember the last time the Chiefs had two legitimate threats at WR?
But WR is only one (giant, gaping, oozing) hole; the play of the safeties last year was miserable, and to add insult to injury, NOW they’re shorthanded. (Not that it’ll be hard to fill the cleats of the departed Kendrick Lewis, however.)
And therein lies the rub: the Chiefs could always do worse. When you’re dealing with so few picks, one bad apple gives you diarrhea and you have to leave the fair before you get to ride the Octopus.
Despite having the number one overall pick last year, I’ll contend that this is a bigger draft for Dorsey, one that could easily define his tenure in Kansas City.
How he spruces up the boat with limited materials will be telling.
But that doesn’t mean I have to watch the draft.
Somebody just tell me who he picks in the comments, please.