Leftridge: Well, it’s the NFL Draft, or Whatever

draftcoverI officially don’t give a shit about the NFL Draft.

Maybe it’s the fact that it now seems to be a month-long process teeming with pre-draft shows leading up to the actual event.

Video vignettes about how a 400-pound orphan from the mean streets of Minneapolis overcame the odds to become a superstar after walking on at the University of Schenectady. Excruciatingly long ESPN: Behind the Balls pieces about the scrappy quarterback who, despite having one leg an inch shorter than the other, defied skeptics by becoming the starting left tackle at Teddy Roosevelt Community College, and now, holy shit, he’s got a chance to go in the seventh round!

Or maybe it’s because the whole production is now about pageantry instead of practicality.

I hate to sound like limp-dicked Old Man Leftridge, but do we really need “walk-up music” as these dull-witted giants make their way to the podium? REALLY? I mean, it makes sense in baseball, and even in professional wrestling—entrance or walk-up music is meant to FIRE YOU UP! I don’t understand the purpose of getting FIRED UP when all you’re doing is walking to a stage where you’ll calmly shake the meaty palm of the commissioner before perching your tiny hat on your gigantic braids/cornrows/dreads/Johnny Manziel peanut-head.

BrandinCooksI like to think of Mean Joe Greene finding out whoever pitched this idea, and punching them in the fucking mouth. Mean Joe wouldn’t have tolerated such unadulterated and unnecessary bullshit, I bet.

But maybe my lack of interest is actually because the Kansas City Chiefs don’t pick until late in the first, and have a total of something like, three picks.


Okay— so obviously I’m exaggerating. But only slightly. They only have six picks total. No second rounder. For a team with a million needs, this isn’t encouraging. And with the uncertainty of picking 23rd in the first, this could go one of 8,000,000 ways.

They’ve been in the 23rd slot once since 1980. In 2007, the Chiefs selected Dwayne Bowe out of LSU. And while I’m not sure Bowe would still be selected that high today (hindsight is awesome), the Chiefs could stand to take SOMEONE of equal caliber, now.

Brandin Cooks (Oregon State), Marqise Lee (Southern California) and Odell Beckham Jr. (LSU) are all receivers who have been mentioned, but it’s hard to tell just how high GM John Dorsey is on any of them, and frankly, which of the three will still be available when KC picks.

The nice thing about any of these three is that they all have better acceleration than Bowe, and would give Smith a better downfield weapon. They’d “compliment” Bowe, as it were. And can anyone actually remember the last time the Chiefs had two legitimate threats at WR?

But WR is only one (giant, gaping, oozing) hole; the play of the safeties last year was miserable, and to add insult to injury, NOW they’re shorthanded. (Not that it’ll be hard to fill the cleats of the departed Kendrick Lewis, however.)

Louisville Football v RutgersIf standout Louisville safety Calvin Pryor is still on the board—and there’s a mighty fine chance he WON’T be—the Chiefs could definitely do worse.

And therein lies the rub: the Chiefs could always do worse. When you’re dealing with so few picks, one bad apple gives you diarrhea and you have to leave the fair before you get to ride the Octopus.

Despite having the number one overall pick last year, I’ll contend that this is a bigger draft for Dorsey, one that could easily define his tenure in Kansas City.

How he spruces up the boat with limited materials will be telling.

But that doesn’t mean I have to watch the draft.

Somebody just tell me who he picks in the comments, please.

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11 Responses to Leftridge: Well, it’s the NFL Draft, or Whatever

  1. balbonis moleskine says:

    Marquise Lee was available but the Chiefs decided to draft edge rusher (OLB/DE) Dee Ford from Auburn who is 6’2 and 250.

    Not a horrible pick but nothing to get excited about. Another unfortunate case of KC picking someone undersized for their position, even from the college film he looks like any tackle that gets him squared up has him stone walled.

    He performed consistently good for Auburn and played well in the Natl Championship game and the Senior Bowl. Was first team All Sec and was the MVP of the Senior Bowl. So we picked someone who performed well when it was their time to shine, so that is encouraging.

    The Browns moved up in front of the Chiefs to pick Johnny Freakin Football because they thought the Chiefs were going to select him.

    • Hali is supposedly 20 lbs. fatter than he should be. If I’m not mistaken, this is his last year under contract. This pick also seems to indicate KC has no interest in extending him.

  2. chuck says:

    One bad apple…

    Heh, heh…

    The Chiefs could have had the first 10 picks and Denver will still beat us like a rented mule this year. Elway is proving to be a better GM than QB and that is a hell of an accomplishment. Pro Football Talk has the Broncos picking up Daenerys Targaryen’s three dragons for a conditional pick next year.


    We are just gonna get fu*kin hammered.

    • CG says:

      CHUCK finally you come around. The Chiefs are worthless and have been for decades. Without a great player to lead the way…nothing. Our front office is horrid, again and so moves the news. This is a repeat of Scott and Todd, year two. Yes I would have picked Johnny Football, God knows we need some excitement around here.

      • chuck says:

        I don’t think they are THAT bad, just average in the same division as the donkeys.

        Denver will roll through the NFL like Grant through Richmond this year.

      • hot harley says:

        another bad analysis.
        without manning (who at the time would never play at kc)
        they’re nothing….nothing!!!!!
        he makes average receivers great. Look at the statsbefore
        manning and during manning for those receivers.
        guy is spot on great qb…not the greatest…
        we’ve seen teams with this much talent not win…and they
        have a ton of talent….but I could see them winning it all
        this year…
        but without manning…must an average team…
        he’ll get hurt this year…probably his last.
        will be hard to repeat what he did last year.

  3. hot harley says:

    first round picks are a huge gamble…as we’ve seen….
    Even ray lewis was the fifth linebacker taken in nfl draft and look what he
    did (not to mention suspected of killingsomeone).
    Lefty….love your work. You’ve got some excellent skills. Don’t know
    where you got them but from the way you write you must be an MU
    j school grad (that’s just the upset wislon).
    good story…and lets hope reed and his buddies know more than we
    Heard that emmitt Thomas felt that this crop of receivers that the
    chiefs could have gotten were not as good as advertised. Hopefully in
    rounds later on we catch a real speedy field eating receiver to take the
    pressure off smith and bowe. Til then…its a crap shoot for next year.
    But as lenny says…you win with defense…and he’s pretty damn smart.

  4. Kerouac says:

    Kerouac came back for THIS? No, I really wouldn’t rather have had a Buick (or Ford, case the Chiefs latest #1 bust to be).

    MOPAR was needed (speed WR or power OL), but when your offense scores 44 yet can’t win, a sieve is suggested defense (45 points, 28 THE 2ND half despite featuring an over-hyped cast starting with ‘I Can’t Cover Grandma’ berry and goes down from there).

    The Chiefs offense will never be able to outscore their own defense.

    Conclusion: too many holes in the dike

  5. Orphan of the Road says:

    Cheer up, Lefty. Goodell wants to add two more days to this circus.

    While the NFL quakes like harley in Historic Northeast when sports betting is mentioned, they are embracing the fantasy football wonks every fetish. Hence pushing the draft back and practically having an orgasm because of the sports radio and ESPN filling hours of their broadcasts with the same no-news.

    I don’t see a Dorsey team emerging for another couple of years because of lack of draft picks and no cap room.

    All those first rounders picked by Pioli were reaches. And yet the NFL and broadcasting STILL think of him as a genius.

    And chuck, of course Elway is a better GM than QB. He doesn’t have Shanahan mucking everything up as he did for years.

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