Paul Wilson: The April 25th Weak in Review — Flat Earth Edition

lovehatesspringsteenLove Has No Love for Sax

Courtney Love, that bastion of musical history and drug addled commentary, has taken on rocker Bruce Springsteen. While softening her misguided comments with, “He’s a nice guy,” Love stated her problem with the Boss’ music is that “saxophones just don’t belong in rock ‘n’ roll.” It matters not that the saxophone has been used by everyone from The Cure to Pink Floyd, Love doesn’t get it.

Here’s some food for thought, Courtney: if Kurt had put a sax in his mouth, he’d still be in Nirvana.

Circumstantial Evidence

Jeffrey Chapman of Great Bend is charged with first-degree murder. However that’s not the story. Chapman is afraid the tattoo spelling out the word “murder” across his neck might prejudice a jury, so he wants the State to hire a tattoo artist to remove or cover it up.

“Prosecutors say they aren’t opposed to Jeffrey Chapman covering his tattoo, but Barton County’s sheriff says he’s against transporting Chapman to a licensed tattoo facility — the only places tattoo artists are allowed to practice under Kansas law.”

Chapman’s trial is scheduled to start Monday in killing of Damon Galliart, whose body was found by hunters in a roadside ditch in rural Great Bend.

His attorney says in a motion the tattoo would be extremely prejudicial if seen by a jury. I’ve taken a close look at the tattoo and determined that it can easily be changed to the word “DOUCHENOZZLE” which is far less prejudicial.

Michelle Obama is a MAN

Never mind, looks like Hearne covered this one.

 

61352606.jpgOne Abortion from Fame

“F List”  faux celebrity Josie Cunningham said her unborn child will not prevent her from becoming a star.

“I’m finally on the verge of becoming famous, and I’m not going to ruin it now,” she said in an interview with the Mirror.

Cunningham, 23, is 18 weeks pregnant. The baby daddy is believed to be either a Premier League football player, the entire team, or a client at an escort agency she has worked for.

“An abortion will further my career,” Cunningham said. “This time next year I won’t have a baby. Instead, I’ll be famous, driving a pink Range Rover and buying a big house. Nothing will get in my way.”

Cunningham said her decision to have an abortion is based on negotiations she had with the reality show Big Brother. And we all know how many mega stars that show’s launched.

Too bad her mother didn’t think of the whole abortion idea first.

 

Troyer

Troyer

Keeping Kansan’s Proud

Four States still ban sodomy in one form or the other. In Kansas, we are down with you diddling the dearly departed, but if you want oral intercourse between consenting gay or lesbian partners you can still go to jail. Why, oh why, Kansas? The problem is that, “The dead body is a quasi-subject before the law,” according to legal theorist John Troyer in his landmark 2008 journal article on the subject, and “the ambiguous juridical standing of the human corpse in necrophilia cases compounds the sexual monstrousness of the necrophiliac and of necrophilic acts.”

 

imagesEarth Day – 2014

Out of respect for Hearne and tree huggers everywhere I give you the 13 worst predictions on Earth Day, 1970, as reported by Jon Gabriel:

1.  “Civilization will end within 15 or 30 years unless immediate action is taken against problems facing mankind.” – Harvard biologist George Wald

2.  “We are in an environmental crisis which threatens the survival of this nation, and of the world as a suitable place of human habitation.” – Washington University biologist Barry Commoner

3.  “Man must stop pollution and conserve his resources, not merely to enhance existence but to save the race from intolerable deterioration and possible extinction.”New York Times editorial

4.  “Population will inevitably and completely outstrip whatever small increases in food supplies we make. The death rate will increase until at least 100-200 million people per year will be starving to death during the next ten years.” – Stanford University biologist Paul Ehrlich

5.  “By 1975 some experts feel that food shortages will have escalated the present level of world hunger and starvation into famines of unbelievable proportions. Other experts, more optimistic, think the ultimate food-population collision will not occur until the decade of the 1980s.” – Paul Ehrlich

6.  “It is already too late to avoid mass starvation,” – Denis Hayes, Chief organizer for Earth Day

7.  “By the year 2000, thirty years from now, the entire world, with the exception of Western Europe, North America, and Australia, will be in famine.” – North Texas State University professor Peter Gunter

8.  “In a decade, urban dwellers will have to wear gas masks to survive air pollution… by 1985 air pollution will have reduced the amount of sunlight reaching earth by one half.”Life Magazine

9.  “At the present rate of nitrogen buildup, it’s only a matter of time before light will be filtered out of the atmosphere and none of our land will be usable.” – Ecologist Kenneth Watt

10.  “Air pollution…is certainly going to take hundreds of thousands of lives in the next few years alone.” – Paul Ehrlich

11.  “By the year 2000, if present trends continue, we will be using up crude oil at such a rate… that there won’t be any more crude oil.” – Ecologist Kenneth Watt

12.  “[One] theory assumes that the earth’s cloud cover will continue to thicken as more dust, fumes, and water vapor are belched into the atmosphere by industrial smokestacks and jet planes. Screened from the sun’s heat, the planet will cool, the water vapor will fall and freeze, and a new Ice Age will be born.”Newsweek magazine

13.  “The world has been chilling sharply for about twenty years. If present trends continue, the world will be about four degrees colder for the global mean temperature in 1990, but eleven degrees colder in the year 2000. This is about twice what it would take to put us into an ice age.” - Kenneth Watt

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28 Responses to Paul Wilson: The April 25th Weak in Review — Flat Earth Edition

  1. PB says:

    “saxophones just don’t belong in rock ‘n’ roll.”

    While I realize that she’s had to have said dumber stuff in the past, this statement has to rank right up there. Nevermind Springsteen and the other acts you mentioned, the sax was a staple in some of the earliest songs that were first considered to be rock & roll.

    • mike t. says:

      same thought I had PB.

      an unbelievably ignorant thing to say, especially since the first side man inducted into the rock and roll hall of fame in 2000 was a sax player – King Curtis.

      • the dude says:

        Yeah, what a stupid comment. The saxophone is an awesome rock due to the banned instrument status it used to have in history. Nazis banned it, Hollywood censors deemed it ‘degenerate’ and the Vatican banned it. Can you say that about other instruments?

        • expat says:

          Saxophone in rock n roll is like CG in movies: a little goes a long way. Sometimes people can pull it off in a big way and do something new (like the X-ray Spex) but usually it sounds corny. There’s a reason sax isn’t more widely used in music these days.

  2. Stomper says:

    Seriously Courtney??? Take another listen to Clarence Clemons’ solo in “Born to Run” and tell me that.

    • paulwilsonkc says:

      PB, Stomper, I don’t think she has any brain cells left at all.
      And no, this is a long way from the most stupid thing she’s said; this is pretty mild, comparatively.

    • expat says:

      Is that song rock n roll? More like Easy Listening. Springsteen is elevator music. Pink Floyd too. I agree with Courtney.

      • expat says:

        Born to Run is so rock n roll it has a glockenspiel.

        • the dude says:

          Yeah man, nothing says Rock than a frickin’ glockenspiel!! :)

          • NorthlandGal says:

            All this talk about glockenspiels took me down a Google rabbit hole of discovery. I readily admit I did not know what a glockenspiel was and actually expected to find it was either a gun or a clock.

            FIRST, I found the glockenspiel (German pronunciation: [ˈɡlɔkənˌʃpiːl], Glocken: bells and Spiel: set) is a percussion instrument composed of a set of tuned keys arranged in the fashion of the keyboard of a piano. In this way, it is similar to the xylophone. Thank you Wikipedia.

            To be fair to myself, the famous Rathaus-Glockenspiel is a clock. A really big clock. (insert juvenile jokes about big clocks here).

            SECONDLY, the glockenspiel can be heard in “No Surprise” by Radiohead. Radiohead is sometimes referred to as the British Nirvana. See how I went full circle from Courtney Love/Saxophone to Radiohead/Glockenspiel? Fifteen minutes of my life I won’t get back but I don’t regret.

            LASTLY, I know that the day will come when this tidbit of ‘glockenspiel trivia’ will come spilling out of my mouth resulting in my DNP daughter, whom specializes in Geriatrics, to give me that increasingly common quizzical look that clearly states she is assessing me for early signs of dementia. Priceless.

            IN SUMMATION, thank you Paul Wilson for yet another thought provoking article and on a personal side-note Tam says “Shut the hell up Paul”. I thinks she is softening towards you.

          • paulwilsonkc says:

            I love me some Northland Gal!

    • Rico_suave says:

      Bruuuce even worked in an accordionist on “4th of July, Asbury Park”

      • the dude says:

        Another sexy instrument if there ever was one.
        Got Weird Al tons of strange.

        • Stomper says:

          Ok, I’m sorry but this has got me off on a tangent now.

          How about the harmonica in J. Geils Band? How can anyone not like Magic Dick.

          • admin says:

            How do you mean that, Stomps?

            Northland Grrrl?

          • Stomper says:

            Not sure I understand your question Admin? I know you’re fluent in everything musical so you would know the harmonica player in J. Geils goes by the moniker “Magic Dick”.

  3. Jim says:

    Let me get this straight. A dude got a tattoo on his neck that says MURDER and then he went out and actually murdered someone? Good googly-moogly! Who could have ever seen that coming? Seems like the epitome of a self-fulfilling prophecy, doesn’t it?

    • paulwilsonkc says:

      Jim, it is, and I find it hilarious he now thinks the jury make, uuuh, take it the wrong way….. I love finding these stories because every once in a while you find one that fits under, “You Can’t Make This Crap Up, No One Would Believe it if You Did!”

      • Jim says:

        There’s a guy at my local Sonic that has this huge eagle tattoo’d underneath his chin and down his neck. The wings of this eagle go on each side of his face to just below his eyes. Kid can’t be 20 years old. Scares the crap out of me that in “his” world, this seemed like a good idea. I’m thinking the drive-thru at Sonic just might be the highlight of his employment career.

        • paulwilsonkc says:

          Jim, the only hope is the technology develops and the price comes down to the point they will as cheap to remove as they are to put on! That’s got to be a huge future business unless these kids are just so poorly wired that it always seems like a good idea.
          Oh, the dreaded job killer neck and face tattoo…….

    • admin says:

      Man JIm is conjuring Mojo Nixon!

  4. balbonis moleskine says:

    I speak the truth, hand on a bible:

    Courtney Love has/had the hairyest vagina I have ever seen in person in my life, ever, by a long shot.

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