Paul Wilson: White Fluffy Death is Coming from the SKY!!! Buy Bread! Buy Milk!

buy-cow-milk-freeGrandma VaLue stockpiled aluminum tins…

If it came from the store in aluminum tins, it was washed, saved and packed away. She had a pantry dedicated to every type, size and style you could imagine. Whenever I asked her why she did that, she had a standard, unwavering response; “You never went through the depression, did you, Paul?”

Stockpiling takes all forms, but the one that leaves me scratching my head most each year is the run on bread and milk when the local weather wizards predict our impending doom. Like when they started doing it again yesterday.

I made the obligatory grocery run on the way home from the office after picking up my step daughter and there it was again; near empty bread racks. A few jugs of whole milk were available, with more one percent “blue milk” sitting there, like lonely orphans no one wanted until there was no other choice. One-percent milk is the dairy metaphor of being picked last for kickball when you were in grade school.

There has to be some history that brought us to this point as a species.

There was a day when, like Grandma VaLue out on her farm, you had a cow in the backyard and bins of flour; you didn’t need no stinkin milk and bread!

So as we await the terror from above, are our subliminal thoughts that, “milk does a body good” in some form of emotional rescue? Is the thinking, pretty much anything can go between two slices of bread and we’ll be nourished?

We have a complicated relationship with food, but from Johnson County to North of the River, rarely are we snowed in and unable to leave our home for hours, let alone days.

So this must be more emotional than practical stock piling.

Screen shot 2014-02-04 at 1.41.17 PMBut why don’t we buy things that make more sense?

Because when the power goes out, the refrigerator isn’t going to keep our perishables fresh. Do we still even have a manual can opener? How are we going to open those life giving cans of chicken noodle soup without one? Perishables have an expiration date, so if we’re truly homebound, that may not be our salvation. Our eggs are useless if we can’t cook them.

Bread on its own? Eh, not very nourishing.

I haven’t noticed a run on bottled water, peanut butter and crackers loaded with protein, trail mix or granola bars? No one seems to be buying canned fruits, canned meats, tuna, or sardines…and they have the half-life of plutonium!

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There are fresh fruits that will last a week or two. That way we can eat healthy and be saved at the same time. But instead of a run on produce, what’s missing from the store shelves is bread and milk.

Is there an altruistic motive in our stockpiling? Are we hoarding to help our neighbors through these next few days of white death as it reigns down upon us? The same neighbors who weren’t clued in enough to horde their own ration of bread and milk?

Nah, these are Johnson County residents, who am I kidding?

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21 Responses to Paul Wilson: White Fluffy Death is Coming from the SKY!!! Buy Bread! Buy Milk!

  1. hot harley says:

    you forgot the colas and the chips and dip paul.
    that’s more important than the bread and milk.
    with kids you need the cookies and cakes.
    Ever been stuck inside for 4 days. It’s no vacation!!!!!
    But you’re right. Went to wal mart last night and you would have thought
    it was black Friday all over again.
    Saw many of the baskets filled with junk….but when you’re stuck at home
    why not have some fun and games?
    also…word to wise…stayaway from the meats at wal mart. Terrible. Especially
    the pork chops!
    nice story paul.
    Who picks the pictures for the story? nice choice!

    • admin says:

      That would be, moi, H Man.

      Pardon me while I bask – ever briefly – in the limelight of your compliment

  2. Stephen says:

    I think the run on the grocery stores before snow is simply moving demand up by a few days, so you see it in the highest turnover items, milk & bread.

    That is, if the average household goes through 1-2 gallons of milk per week and 1-2 loaves of bread, and a snowstorm coming on a Tuesday means that most people who would otherwise have spread their shopping over Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday all go on Monday, you’ll see that spike in demand most on those most-consumed products. People aren’t necessarily buying any more than they otherwise would,.

    • mike t. says:

      agree. maybe just buying earlier than they would to avoid a ‘must’ trip when the streets are hazardous.

      meanwhile, paul, i don’t know about you, but I open my soup cans, and other canned goods, with a handy pull-tab they put on many brands now.

      and cooked eggs? ha! I’ll eat’em raw. in fact, I DO eat them raw, two a day, blended into a breakfast drink with a banana, milk and packet of instant breakfast. salmonella? I don’t get no stinkin’ salmonella. been drinking these for so long, I’m immune.

      besides that, at these temps, you can keep everything nice and fresh out in your garage.
      🙂

  3. paulwilsonkc says:

    Wow…….I spent 5 minutes cranking out a piece of drivel just to give Harley something to hate on me for; I didn’t mean to send you guys into an analysis frenzy!

    • mike t. says:

      it’s snowing. too early to shovel yet, too early to drink. we’re bored.

      • paulwilsonkc says:

        Mike, I find solace in the fact you’re bored; reading me, however, will only exacerbate the boredom. But I do appreciate you humoring me in my meager efforts.
        My boredom found me leaving for the office at 7:30, knowing I’d be virtually alone. Wrote two stories, did three days work, left at noon and went to the cigar lounge where, between you guys comments and a great, new Fuentes blend, a smile broke out on my normally disgruntled face.

        • mike t. says:

          hmmm…. Fuentes. sounds nice.

          well don’t sell yourself short that by reading your articles exacerbating our (my) boredom. I’m easily amused. and, I seriously doubt you have a disgruntled face. now mine on the other hand…

        • hot harley says:

          paully….was at outlaws last Friday…where were ya…
          first time there…really cool…

          • paulwilsonkc says:

            I’m normally there Tuesday night with a couple friends…. You have my number, I’d meet you there any time.
            Nice joint, if Kendal left out the “Hooters” element in his party pics, he’d have a wider crowd.

    • hot harley says:

      I luv you Wilson….who else looks out after you? Or defends you and the
      glaze?????????????????????????
      just stuck in our subdivision and I can’t watch any more TV…
      so I comment on all my blogs across the country….
      thanks for the ink……

  4. Jack Springer says:

    You know how to end this — stop watching local TV.

    They are not ‘working for you’ and they aren’t ‘calm during the storm’.

    They are after rating in a dying local media.

  5. R.Palmer says:

    I get milk and bread only, because they ARE perishables. I am fully stocked up on non perishables, so do not need them come storm time or what have you.

  6. The essentials are beer & pizza. Keep up, citizens.

  7. balbonis moleskine says:

    Were all the divorced parents buying up all the lunchables?

    LUNCHABLES(tm) the lunch that lets the counselor know they have to have a talk with you about the divorce not being your fault.

    • paulwilsonkc says:

      Ok, that may be one of the funniest things you’ve said! Thanks, always nice having you around; even when you’re just here to bitch slap me!

  8. Last night’s snow storm was like a Grateful Dead concert…
    It seemed like it would go on forever

    • paulwilsonkc says:

      We share an opinion there! Now I know who to count on if I get on a Dead rant because you KNOW Harley is going to know them personally, been to 47 concerts and tell me it’s another failed story and I should just kill myself. And people will take HIS side because, as he said, he’s 90% of KCC!
      Thank you, Mark, I appreciate your comment. Harley’s had me feeling so small and insignificant.

      • hot harley says:

        actually paul you read my mind . Seen them at least
        4 times….one time at the famous freedom palace
        when I was very very very young…..
        loved the spinners…they were very very entertaining…
        but their concerts did go on forever….
        final time saw them at red rocks in Denver….outstanding…
        Please don’t do anything to harm yourself…we need
        you since you account for a lot of the excitement here
        at kcc.
        have a great day
        your friend:
        harley

    • balbonis moleskine says:

      last nights snow was like a grateful dead concert but only cause it was too cold to crack a window

      “…snowed so hard that the roof caved in…”

      • paulwilsonkc says:

        Oh, thanks for that, Balbo, now you know what ear worm I have?
        “The ROOF, the ROOF, the ROOF is on FIIIre. We dont need no water let the MoFo BURN!”
        I’ll be all day getting that out of me head and when I do, it’ll likely be replaced with P’funk’s “FLASHLIGHT!”

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