Hearne: Craig Glazer Dissects What’s Wrong With Kansas City

UnknownTalk about reducing us to our essence…

Forget all that City of Fountains bs. Nevermind how great we think the barbecue is. Or how “liveable” Kansas City is. Truth be known, for the past 50 years we’ve been saddled with a small time loser mentality and from the looks of things, that’s not about to change anytime soon.

So says, everybody’s favorite Scribe, Craig Glazer.

“We’re never first at anything that matters,” Glazer says. “We need to get off this evil do-gooder thing because nobody really wants to come here. The handful of great sports players we’ve had couldn’t wait to leave here – Joe Montana, Tony Gonzalez, Marcus Allen – all gone. This city needs some action because we don’t stand for anything, we really don’t. We lose, because we’re boring. Kansas City needs to take the blinders off and be realistic. We need to grow up and prosper. Like our antiquated stripper laws that they don’t enforce.

“We’re a town of Mike Sweeney‘s and Billy Butlers. We’re not a town of Mark McGwires and Jose Cansecos. We’re a town of Matt Cassels and Trent Greens. Not a town of Tom Bradys and Peyton Mannings. Or Johnny Football – he wouldn’t fit in here because he’s not boring.

“I’m just saying that when you look at our sports teams, they have no pedigree because we don’t embrace the swashbucklers, the people who stand out and say, ‘Hey, I’m great,” and then back it up. It’s okay to say, I’m great and back it up, but if somebody does that here, they’re ostracized and people just wait for them to slip so they can jump all over them.”

money-2Kansas City’s a city of born losers, Glazer says.

“Losers lose and the Chiefs are losers,” Glazer says. “And they will always be losers. They’ve been losers for 50 years – they just don’t have it in them to win. And I think our sports teams are indicative of the way this city has operated.

“There was a time when Kansas City was wilder and more hip – in the ’20s, ’30s, ’40’s and ’50s – when we weren’t so uptight. Then something happened and we became Judeo-Christian. George Brett is the best example. George Brett was a great ballplayer, but he has a substance abuse problem and he’s had a lot of public instances. There have been many stories about Brett, like the recent one where a guy came up to him when Brett said he was stalking him and asked him for an autograph. And (Brett) cussed the guy out and threatened him.

“I’ve never met a city that’s as judgmental as Kansas City. And I lived in LA for more than a decade and in Phoenix for half a decade. And those cities are more open minded. You know, they admired Jack Nicholson for dating all those really young girls when he was older. But we’re judgmental, we want to pretend we’re the good guys and wear white hats.

Johnny Dare

Johnny Dare

“Like everybody knows Johnny Dare is a millionaire. Yet everybody pretends he’s the salt of the earth. That he’s got it tough like they do. And then he’s on a plane to England to see a concert. Johnny Dare goes wherever he wants to; in a sense, he’s a jet setter. But his presence on radio is that he’s wearing the same blue jeans he’s had for 15 years and that he struggles to get by, just like you. And people know that’s not true, but they pretend to believe it. Just like we pretend to be something when we’re anything but that.”

KC needs to divorce itself from it’s phony prim and proper self image.

“We really aren’t (prim and proper) but we pretend to be,” Glazer says. “And in that pretending we lose ourselves. It’s an attitude. Like hey, there are gay people and women do like to have multiple sex partners and people do cheat on their wives. And like everything that happens in other cities happens here too. We just try to put a bow on it and that mentality holds people back; that bible thumping; that watching porn on Saturday and going to church on Sunday.

“Because if you don’t take risks and embrace what makes this country great, then you’re never going to win on a consistent basis. You’re never going to be the best. You’ll always be average. And that’s what’s happened to our sports teams.”

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46 Responses to Hearne: Craig Glazer Dissects What’s Wrong With Kansas City

  1. Galzer hader says:

    All that coming from a guy who cant stand not having his name in lights…


  2. Facts says:

    Sounds like a resentment filled rant from an alcoholic in need of treatment.

  3. Super Dave says:

    Then do everyone in Kansas City a huge favor Craig and move since we are all such losers in your eyes. But after all the nasty comments you have just made here I sure wouldn’t want to be living in that glass house of yours.

    • the dude says:

      I am sure this is a lot of hearnia taking his ‘journalistic liberties’ but if the rug hates this town so much please go back to lala to fail spectacularly once again.

      • admin says:

        Journalistic liberties? Please.

        Craig never said he hates this town, He’s calling upon us to abandon our provincial ways and join the 21st Century.

        Stop and think about it; he’s using sports to make his points, but he’s obviously pointing to far larger issues. I think he makes some good points. We can be pretty small town and petty in our thinking.

        For some people – many people perhaps – that’s part of Kansas City’s charm. For others, that’s why they move to New York, Chicago or LA…or St. Louis even.

        • Davey Jones Locker says:

          Commenting is useless because there comes a time when the absolute absurdity of the article and line of thinking is completely delusional. You like LA, Chicago, St. Louis pack the Lotus and the Fiat and hit the road.

          • Markus Aurelius says:

            Amen. Nobody is holding Glazer or Hearne captive here. If it’s so “small”, so stifling, so depressing then, by all means, head off to where, in your not-so-humble opinions, the action really exists.

            Truth be told, I think both Craig and Hearne like at least thinking they are the big fish in a small pond because they know that in a big pond they’d just be chum.

            KC is great and the vast majority of us like the fact that we’re not praising guys for being geriatric man sluts. As far as petty thinking? Ummm, you’re gonna find that EVERYWHERE. Cities don’t eschew petty thinking, individuals do. Hearne, perhaps journalists like you shouldn’t make fun of the Clay Chastains of KC (I realize he doesn’t still live in KC) who are willing to throw out a bit of forward thinking and instead embrace them.

            Praising Glazer’s bitter hatchet piece hardly makes one part of the solution, instead of the problem.

  4. Davey Jones Locker says:

    Probably the more compelling tale in this is there is someone out there that judges the entire city based on sports. Bit like judging the entire meal based on the silverware. The city that has fostered his business through generations is now in his own eyes “Loserville.” Way to pay back the generosity and support of your city. I hope all remember this when they choose to buy tickets for your club and opt to remember your Loserville comments. Suffice it to say this is probably the definition of takes one to know one.

  5. Libertarian says:

    KC is for those who’s lifes ambition is to have a movie made about their life, but just cant quite…..never mind.

  6. Jess says:

    I am getting to the point where I am asking myself why I even click on this site anymore? It is really going in the gutter quick.

    • admin says:

      I dunno, Jess.

      How long have you been reading? We have a long and winding five year track record of being pretty much all over the map.

      • Jess says:

        Craig has been all over the map…not you…I blame this one on you. Lowering your standards to get page views is not a long term solution.

  7. Louis C.K. says:

    I agree with Craig. Kansas City is a terrible, awful place. A shit hole.

    • louie ck says:

      Yeah, the jackass tried to get me high and I hated his filthy, greasy place. Couldn’t wait to get on that plane.

  8. Not quite says:

    What about Mark McGwire and Jose Canseco?

    (Also, I agree with the above commenters. All of them.)

  9. Static says:

    So move, Dickweed. Move to Los Angeles. How’d that work out for you last time? Pretty well as I recall (ha!)

    Welcome to Uninterestingville. Population: kcconfidential.com

  10. rkcal says:

    Got it! Right after I download some porn, I’ll hit the strip club, pick up a much younger gay lover, then go tell these Judeo-Christian rubes that’s what makes this country great, so get with the program. Then the Chiefs can win a playoff game.

  11. CG says:

    FIRST off I love my hometown. Its been good to me and my family. This was an interview about our sports scene. I am upset with the long run of ‘bad years’ and much of it is our attitude towards who we embrace. We are all human and make mistakes. None of us are God like. That was my point. Hearne took it another direction…I never called our city loserville. He often puts his feelings into mine and there you have the final cooked cake…rather baked cake. If you felt I was to harsh on KC, as much of this sounds, I am sorry about that. Like you, I love our city, just wish some things were better. Happy New Years.

    • Jess says:

      Wow, that was almost a genuine human response. Maybe there is hope for you Glaze. Maybe Hearne just makes you sound like a insufferable douche in the stories he writes, on your behalf.

  12. StillAtMyMoms says:

    Glaze forgot to mention how dismal the dating scene is around here. Talk about a timewarp back to the 50’s where everybody seems to stick with their high school or college sweetheart and immediately play house followed by breeding spawn like no other. Maybe it’s because I’m in my late twenties (when college was the last prime opportunity to pick up chicks), and not to mention my handle I use on here *joke drum roll*.

    Is there any chick around here that ignores the ticking of her biological clock and just prefers genuine companionship as opposed to going through the conventional motions? Who I am kidding, right?

    • CG says:

      Don’t know you but if you need some female attention maybe you need to gain confidence by going out and trying some wilder gals. After a few adventures move to the more serious types, if that’s what you seek. They are out there, just not at Starbucks…I’ve seen some pretty nice looking ladies, late 20’s with guys that aren’t exactly movie star looking young men…you can do it.

      • iharley says:

        sad…very sad.
        how can you make these kidn of comments? you look like a loser
        and more people hate you everyday.
        wilder gals? wilder than black hookers? women who fuck
        you in front of their kids? where are there any wilder women
        in kc???????????????????????????????? amazing!!!!!!!
        seriously…stop writing…..stop giving hearne more
        ammo to make you look like a f**king jackass .

  13. CG says:

    Hearne contacted me and said, ” he was too harsh in the headline” which I appreciate. Look both Hearne and I are true blue KC boys, that are now older men. We have seen the struggle of our city to be special all these years. Sports has been a window to view the struggle, hence its tremendous almost insane popularity nationwide. Most of that in football for some reason.

    We all want to take a step forward with pride in what our city represents and how we are viewed. The Chiefs for half a century have been that yard stick. After Lenny Dawson and Hank Stram brought us some national respect and attention in 69/70 its been uphill and worse. George Brett and his team did it in 85, then it ended BOOM.

    All I’m saying is its time for KC to move forward with being more open minded and finding a way to lead in some areas nationwide, that matter. I’m sure younger people than me and Hearne will show up and get that done one day. Maybe one day our football team will talk about winning a Super Bowl and not one play off game..the rest of teams in the post season are doing just that.

    As for the dating scene someone mentioned, well that’s a tough one everywhere these days I guess. Maybe you have to be more aggressive out there in your social skills, don’t know. It is out there, believe me, KC has some very attractive young ladies and grown up ones as well.

  14. mike t. says:

    i get it. i’m basically a life-long resident, minus the 5 years i spent in L.A. in my late teens and one God foresaken 6-month period in Lincoln fucking Nebraska. talk about Loserville! take away Big Red and there’s nothing (except maybe the Zoo Bar).

    kansas city has never really thought big, taken chances, rolled the dice. we’ve always played it safe and conservative since the ’50s. this does reflect some in our baseball and football teams, tho’ one could argue both Kauffman and Hunt took big chances in their time bringing the teams here. as craig pointed out, we haven’t had that “championship year” since 1970 and ’85. but that isn’t the city’s fault. that’s the result of conservative owners and small-time thinking.

    that’s why sports fans in this town get giddy over a single post-season appearance. we’ve come to expect mediocrity and anything that even sniffs of exceeding that, we go freakin’ bonkers. it’s the same in how KCMO and JOCO are run. KC has had numerous opportunities, for example, to develop a thriving riverfront modeled after Laclede Landing in STL and in the Baltimore area. nothing ever came of it and nothing, probably, ever will.

    all in all, i agree with craig – mostly in the comments he’s posted in regards to the article.

    meanwhile, craig, why do people hate on you so much? jesus, it’s like they come out of the woodwork to slam you at every opportunity.

    happy new year folks! – mike

  15. Goose13 says:

    Sporting KC? How old is the franchise, and they won. Losers??? I am not a soccer fan, and I know they are help putting KC on the map. Look how many things are coming to their stadium and they are located by your business. They are not helping your business and KC?? I think they are. Granted, the Royals and Chiefs have sucked, but I think things are turning around. No one thought the Chiefs would have this many wins, one behind the Broncos, and they pretty much played the same teams. The Royals, who knows, but people are talking about them and going to the stadium. Yes, we have not won a championship in Football since 1970 or Baseball since 1985, but things are changing. Look at Cleveland. We are doing pretty good.

  16. Libertarian says:

    Everybody have a safe and happy new years!

  17. balbonis moleskine says:

    Happy New Year, Craig Hearne and everyone else here at KCC!

  18. PB says:

    I’ll agree to the point that KC suffers a bit from an inferiority complex as compared to toher cities, but the sports teams analogy really doesn’t reflect the persona of this town’s residents as they are controlled by private ownership entities. I actually think that Clark Hunt has started to settle into his role as top dog of the Chiefs and has injected some new life into what was recently a moribund franchise. As for the Royals, buy it or not, the excuse was David Glass couldn’t afford or simply wouldn’t bring in the type of star power that Glazer is asking for so I really don’t see how that has anything to do with the citizens of this sleepy burg.

    I think Hearne answered Glazer best in regards to KC’s supposed small town mentality…

    “For some people – many people perhaps – that’s part of Kansas City’s charm.”

  19. Sigh says:

    Craig Glazer has to be one of the saddest, most tragic guys in Kansas City.
    I know he’ll shoot back “What have you done with your life!? I’ve had a book! I’ve stung criminals in dangerous operations! I’ve helped some of today’s biggest comedy names get big! You haven’t done anything near that!”
    What he doesn’t realize is…. he’s right. Most people in Kansas City haven’t done anything near as interesting as the things he has. But that’s why he’s sad. Because with all that great stuff in his background, all those crazy fun things that make up a life worth talking about, he still has to get on this site, and Tony’s, and argue in the comments section with people he’ll never see in real. And that’s why no matter how big he gets or what he does, movie about him or no movie, he’ll always be a loser. The only one who can change that is him, but, unfortunately I dont’ see that happening anytime soon.
    I feel bad for him.

    • CG says:

      Well sir thank you for some kind words and some that are a bit off the mark. I am not on these sites to argue. I was invited to write entertaining stories. None of my stories attacked anyone I can think of really. It is the comments that were the attacks on me, mostly for just being different, opening up on life, my life and how I felt. Believe it or not many readers agree with much of my thoughts. Many are entertained by the stories or sports takes. Yes there are those who are offended, there always will be, right.

      You are right about two things, I shouldn’t respond to those attacks so often and I won’t meet 99.9% of those write that nonsense. It’s the nature of the beast I suppose.

      As for being happy. Well that was easier when I was younger, the game was on, the battles to be fought were right there and in my window ahead. As we grow older they do dim. Most of us have lived much of their excitement in life by 30 maybe 40. I got to keep going. So in some ways thats lucky, in some it is sad, cause it ends. It ends for all of us in one way or another. I hope I have a few big moments left, don’t know. As I have said before we are all on that same bus….life just does end for everyone. I guess its how you lived it that matters or counts, if anything counts at all. Happy New Year to you.

      • iharley says:

        blah blah blah….glaze just stfu and stop writing or letting
        hearne make a jackass out of you with his writing.
        its gone on long enough.
        hang up your pen or your keyboard….the stories are
        stale and old and you won’t have to put up with the
        personal attacks against your family or business.
        hang it updude….a good comedian knows when its time
        to exit stage left….its that time for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  20. iharley says:

    glaze…if you’d get away from the gold digging young girls who think you
    got big money….came into the nicer more sophisticated side of this great town..
    didn’t hang in the sleazy low rent bars that you hang in….you might see
    some of the incredible events in Kansas city.
    The new years eve event at Kaufman PA was incredible…one of the
    nicest ny eve parties I’ve seen in kc in a long time…classy…upscale and
    the real great people of kc were there!!!!!!
    Of course it will never replace the early hyatt parties on Nye when it was
    b*llsto the wall wild…or my 5 newyears eves in vegas…but the kaufman
    people did an incredible job with that event.
    Glaze…stop hanging with these floozies…theres lots of classy/sophisticated
    and very intelligent women in this town….if that’s what you’re looking for.
    You should get a life change in 2014….those women are so much classier
    than the sleaze balls that populate those clubs.
    You can do better….
    happt new year to all my fans/disciples and readers and I look forward
    to your reading my comments in 2014!!!!!!

  21. Jack Springer says:

    I think KC would be a lot better off without drug addicts like Craig Glazer.

    … just saying.

    • CG says:

      I don’t know you sir, but I can assure you that I am no more an addict than you are. I’m sure several hundred thousand people in our city have used drugs that were not legal over the last several years. So if we followed your advice and anyone who used such a thing moved, our city would be pretty empty, save you maybe.

      • Davey Jones Locker says:

        Well if everyone is doing it that must make it okay. Awesome grade school logic.

      • the dude says:

        Hey Glazer, I heard everybody was jumping off the Bond Bridge today, you gonna join in the herd fun too?

  22. jeff says:

    My new years resolution- never return to to this blog. I’ve had enough stupidity. Adios.

  23. Boogs says:

    Glazers a troll but theres an element of truth in there. I live in Des Moines and we always seem to have an inferiority complex about the perceived sophistication of minneapolis, kc, and even omaha. David Byrne wrote a blog about his visit to des moines this summer and its essentially a backhanded compliment version of Glazers “piece” here- Byrne basically labeled us a small urban simple life. A place is what you make it. Love visiting KC, a town with a very unique character-Up yours Glazer!

  24. Jeebus says:

    Poorly written with vague reasoning, but the core idea has some truth to it. KC culture is pretty pitiful and our local institutions (radio, bands, writers etc) aren’t very impressive. People that are very talented or ambitious leave, and those that remain are of a lesser ilk creatively. I guess Glazer would be an example of that.

    Yes, our sports teams are losers but I’m not sure how that is translated from the populace. You could probably blame that at least partly on a local media and community of journalists that print fluff and don’t demand much from their audience. If you aren’t challenging fans and local organizations to achieve more or at least initial change, then you aren’t doing your job.

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