Until I sat down to write this piece, I honestly didn’t know that the ALCS between the Detroit Tigers and the Boston Red Sox was tied 2-2. It’s not that I haven’t been watching—I have—but something about the way things have unfolded made it feel like the Tigers were up three games to one. Or maybe that the series was already over—in Detroit’s favor, or course.
Same goes for the NLCS. The St. Louis Cardinals hold a 3-2 series lead against the Los Angeles Dodgers, but it felt like the Cardinals took that one a while back, too.
There’s still baseball to be played, but the pessimist in me has already written a World Series between Detroit and St. Louis, a World Series that I, for one, will care nothing about.
If what seems to be an inevitable conclusion actually comes to fruition, I’m going to have a really hard time giving a shit, in other words.
The thing is, we’ve been there before. And quite recently, too.
The Tigers were there last year, getting swept by the San Francisco Giants. The Cardinals were there the year before that, beating the Texas Rangers in seven. And in case you’d forgotten, they played each OTHER in 2006 with the Cardinals taking it easily in five.
It’s all just so… anti-climactic.
There are no underdogs to root for between the two, no lesser of two evils.
The Tigers got where they are—and always seem to be—with deep pockets. They spend money with all the discretion of a drunken oil tycoon at a Indonesian massage parlor, bringing in people like Miguel Cabrera, Torii Hunter, Prince Fielder and Anibel Sanchez with reckless abandon. (And credit where credit is due: they also make some pretty excellent trades—exhibits A and B: Doug Fister from the Mariners and Max Scherzer from the Diamondbacks… but now I’m just shitting on my own point, so I’ll stop.)
The Cardinals are the Cardinals, and their approach to building a franchise is a little more Midwestern. They’ll occasionally pepper in a handful of big name free-agent types, but their scouting, drafting and development methods are rivaled only by the Tampa Bay Rays, really. You’d think this would make them harder to hate, but come on… they’re the St. Louis Cardinals. (In a series between St. Louis and the Munich Hitlers, I’d have a hard time deciding who to root for.)
As far as the actual cities go, Detroit is a barren, apocalyptic wasteland full of misery and decay. I’ve never been, but I don’t need to have my genitals gnawed on by a raccoon to tell you I’m not into it, either.
I’ve been to St. Louis on multiple occasions, and I actually LIKE the city. Oh sure, there are dirty, grimy parts, but we’ve got those here, too.
The problem with St. Louis is that it’s full of Cardinals fans, the self-proclaimed “Best Fans in Baseball,” a legion of idiots so blinded by their own self-righteousness that they spawned the most hilarious Twitter account ever, @BestFansStLouis. And yeah, yeah, I know that EVERY team has ridiculous fans, but you’d be hard-pressed to find another group so unapologetically vocal with their misogyny, racism and homophobia who then so proudly and unrepentantly proclaims itself to be “the best.”
But I digress. No one will force me to actually GO to either of these cities to watch a World Series game and quite honestly, no one can force me to watch it on television, either.
So if this all shakes out the way I think it will—with the Cardinals and the Tigers—I’ll have some free evenings in about a week. Maybe I’ll catch up on Breaking Bad (I’m one of the fuck-ups who didn’t watch it while it was on), or take up a new hobby… knitting or wreath-making, perhaps.
Seriously, anything will be better than another St. Louis/Detroit World Series. Therefore, let’s go Red Sox, and let’s go Dodgers.
Follow me on Twitter, @StanfordWhistle