Leftridge: A World Series of Suck

is_this_cardinals_fan_racist_or_just_stupidUntil I sat down to write this piece, I honestly didn’t know that the ALCS between the Detroit Tigers and the Boston Red Sox was tied 2-2. It’s not that I haven’t been watching—I have—but something about the way things have unfolded made it feel like the Tigers were up three games to one. Or maybe that the series was already over—in Detroit’s favor, or course.

Same goes for the NLCS. The St. Louis Cardinals hold a 3-2 series lead against the Los Angeles Dodgers, but it felt like the Cardinals took that one a while back, too.

There’s still baseball to be played, but the pessimist in me has already written a World Series between Detroit and St. Louis, a World Series that I, for one, will care nothing about.

If what seems to be an inevitable conclusion actually comes to fruition, I’m going to have a really hard time giving a shit, in other words.

The thing is, we’ve been there before. And quite recently, too.

The Tigers were there last year, getting swept by the San Francisco Giants. The Cardinals were there the year before that, beating the Texas Rangers in seven.  And in case you’d forgotten, they played each OTHER in 2006 with the Cardinals taking it easily in five.

It’s all just so… anti-climactic.

There are no underdogs to root for between the two, no lesser of two evils.


Scenic Detroit

The Tigers got where they are—and always seem to be—with deep pockets. They spend money with all the discretion of a drunken oil tycoon at a Indonesian massage parlor, bringing in people like Miguel Cabrera, Torii Hunter, Prince Fielder and Anibel Sanchez with reckless abandon. (And credit where credit is due: they also make some pretty excellent trades—exhibits A and B: Doug Fister from the Mariners and Max Scherzer from the Diamondbacks… but now I’m just shitting on my own point, so I’ll stop.)

The Cardinals are the Cardinals, and their approach to building a franchise is a little more Midwestern. They’ll occasionally pepper in a handful of big name free-agent types, but their scouting, drafting and development methods are rivaled only by the Tampa Bay Rays, really. You’d think this would make them harder to hate, but come on… they’re the St. Louis Cardinals. (In a series between St. Louis and the Munich Hitlers, I’d have a hard time deciding who to root for.)

As far as the actual cities go, Detroit is a barren, apocalyptic wasteland full of misery and decay. I’ve never been, but I don’t need to have my genitals gnawed on by a raccoon to tell you I’m not into it, either.

I’ve been to St. Louis on multiple occasions, and I actually LIKE the city. Oh sure, there are dirty, grimy parts, but we’ve got those here, too.

oualadeenThe problem with St. Louis is that it’s full of Cardinals fans, the self-proclaimed “Best Fans in Baseball,” a legion of idiots so blinded by their own self-righteousness that they spawned the most hilarious Twitter account ever, @BestFansStLouis. And yeah, yeah, I know that EVERY team has ridiculous fans, but you’d be hard-pressed to find another group so unapologetically vocal with their misogyny, racism and homophobia who then so proudly and unrepentantly proclaims itself to be “the best.”

But I digress. No one will force me to actually GO to either of these cities to watch a World Series game and quite honestly, no one can force me to watch it on television, either.

So if this all shakes out the way I think it will—with the Cardinals and the Tigers—I’ll have some free evenings in about a week. Maybe I’ll catch up on Breaking Bad (I’m one of the fuck-ups who didn’t watch it while it was on), or take up a new hobby… knitting or wreath-making, perhaps.

Seriously, anything will be better than another St. Louis/Detroit World Series.  Therefore, let’s go Red Sox, and let’s go Dodgers.

Follow me on Twitter, @StanfordWhistle

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5 Responses to Leftridge: A World Series of Suck

  1. Boston wins! Hopefully this means I’m on my way to being wrong.

  2. Kerouac says:

    How quickly they forget… the 1968 World Series DET vs STL was a great one – the better Cardinals going down nonetheless to the opportunistic Tigers. Then again, so too was the world greater then, sports at minimum (as proof, Chiefs actually had an great ‘team’ thence the offing; haven’t since.)

    Am reminded of the old ‘Smith Barney’ commercial: do it the old fashioned way – they ‘earn’ it. Sports, I’ve been a Dodgers fan (since 1958), but am totally fed up with their modern day tack trying to Yankee it/buy a Championship, as well their overabundant share of prima donnas, MLB in general full of them today.

    Between the histrionics of Puig, Ramirez & Kemp via bat flip/posing, imitation ‘I see you’ goggle wearing finger jives, chest thump/sky points ‘hey, look at me everybody’ machinations, the deference to ‘team’ has given way ‘I’, making the game less sport and moreso theater, diamond as gridiron become like a day at the circus or zoo. In a modern-day world megalomaniacs, would rather watch spontaneous clowns such as Bobby Knight do his famous “game faces” routine than pre-planned, choreographed self-aggrandizing fare now par for the course.

    Too, today’s ‘fans’ are but another symptom of the disease fueled by a desire become a part the stage participate, rather than a guest whose ticket merely allows them watch. Interfere with balls hit down the lines baseball, even though they are told not to do so, throwing things onto the field several sports, fighting with & even killing opposing fans at various venues.

    All that to say: Red Sox vs Cardinals my pick, a replay the 1967 World Series if anyone cares about ‘the game’ itself any more, in lieu player super egos run amok variously…

  3. the dude says:

    Lefty, don’t hate my Cardinals because we are successful as of late.
    Winning happens when you have owners that give a $hit and want to bring home shiny hardware. I hope the Dodgers get punked by my Cards because it will hammer home the fact that you can’t always spend your way to class and rings. And don’t get me started about the A-hole Bahston fans, I’ll take the Tigers any day as opponents.

  4. Guy Who Says What Others Think says:

    Poor lefty. The Cardinals kicked him in the balls again! Cardinals bitch slap the Dodger$ and that buffon Yasil Pig. Learn to play the game the right way, rookie. You suck.

  5. RickM says:

    “The Cardinals are the Cardinals…” The chasm between those five words and any genuine team analysis is too vast for me to contemplate. Well, the Royals are the Royals, too.

    Your ennui is not impressive. Write about something else.

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