Paul Wilson: The (Mid) Week Review

paula-deen-storyI know, I know – it’s only Tuesday but there’s Just too much going on…

Paula Deen, Racist Baroness of Butter

Deen and her brother “Bubba” are being sued for 1.2 million carbs in a racial and sexual hot mess gumbo.

While your well-coiffed scribe is no fan, a Facebook page sticking up for Deen picked up 225,000 “LIKES” in just two days. I’m assuming the “LIKES” are also Imus in the Morning listeners and fans who hate nappy headed ho’s but love deep fried Crisco on a stick, extra crispy.

Digging into Deen’s dark past they found she used the N-word when a black man held a gun in her face at a bank where she was employed. Kudos to her, that took huge balls. Put a gun in my face and I’ll call you anything I choose; that’s a FREE PASS in my mind.

Deen is also accused of thinking that a slavery-themed wedding was a cute idea. I’m not sure that’s racist, but it’s not very creative and totally redundant. There’s a groom at all weddings a mere five minute ceremony away from becoming a slave.

Apparently Paula’s grease doesn’t fall too far from the pan either. Her brother “Bubba” is charged with showing pornography to unwilling female employees. No word on the the willing one’s takes.

(I don’t mean to offend anyone with this story; consider it a side benefit)

1325286987-fat_city_fulgenzi_and_mccain

Jardine’s – Still Closed

Rumor has it one of the gay dudes is hatching a plan from prison to resurrect the vaunted jazz club and is currently raising capital from 713 investors to cover the rent until his release. Be assured, KCC is all over this breaking news.

July 15th – The Sweet Return of Twinkies

Vote_for_TwinkieHostess closed its doors to prove a point to its union workers, PATCO style. Apollo bought the Twinkies brand and other Hostess cakes for $410 million. In the days immediately following Hostess closing, otherwise normal people turned to eBay, paying hundreds and thousands of dollars for cases of Twinkies that previously sold 10 for five bucks.

I thought these short-sighted fools were hilarious until I remembered that I shelled out $350.00 in 1975 to buy the first red LED wristwatch I’d ever seen at the Consumer Electronic Show only to grimace as prices plunged to around $20.00 over the next 18 months.

Apollo’s head dude is a dude named Leon Black – the Carl Icahn of cupcakes – known for buying troubled brands and turning them around. Black’s had his sticky fingers in Carl’s Jr., Hardee’s, Chef Boyardee and Pabst Brewing among others.

The goodies will taste exactly the same but the new box will say “The Sweetest Comeback in the History of Ever.”

Reportedly, the frequently wrong Kansas City Star wrote at one time that Twinkies had the half-life of Plutonium and wouldn’t spoil for 100 years. I researched that and come to find out, it’s not true. While they spoil more slowly than other bakery goods – about 25 days – Hostess is on record that their typical shelf life is no more than 7 to 10 days.

(I’m sorry, since writing for KCC I’ve been overtaken by the urge to slam the Star.)

Nik Wallenda makes his historic walk on a wire across Niagara Falls.Nik Wallenda, Daredevil, High Wire Artist, Prayer Warrior

A seventh-generation high-wire artist named Wallenda walked a two-inch thick cable 1,500 feet above the Little Colorado River Gorge – a hobby that has killed more than a couple of his relatives. He completed the walk in just under 23 minutes, with no net, while invoking the name our Lord” or “Jesus” nearly 70 times in what seemed to be constant prayer.

I would have been praying “Clean underwear, sweet Jesus, clean underwear!”

Date Night Preparation on the East Side

02442374.interactive.aKansas City Police are investigating two, possibly three related heists. The first happened at 10:10pm when two men with a gun stormed the Fast Stop on Blue Ridge Blvd. making away with $200, a huge bottle of Crown Royal (the store apparently out of Hennessy), and a carton of Newport’s.

Then at 1:35 a.m., a young scholar wearing the same outfit and sunglasses as the Fast Stop robber entered a lingerie and adult gift store on 40 Highway – solo – with a gun. Dude stole $200 (notice the trend?) from Bang Lingerie and Gifts along with some undies. The booty from their combined efforts left them with a big ass bottle of Crown Royal, some smokes, presents for the ladies and enough cash to make it rain, baby!

Kansas City Police have video of the men, wearing the same outfits in the two crimes and are investigating if crimes could be – wait for it – CONNECTED.

Think about that for a minute; take all the time you need.

eightSprint Approves SoftBank Merger

ありがとう、私はあなたにそう言った。

That’s “Thank you, I told you so”, in Japanese.

With 98% of Sprint shareholders voting, break out the Saki and telecom fortune cookies, the deal with SoftBank is done.

Old news; we called it here two weeks ago right down to the total percentage ownership. We also told you the Clearwire bid would fall off Dish’s plate. If you want the facts, come to KCC first. This is much harder than calling a Presidential election with two parties and a wildly unpopular Republican candidate; so our detractors can suck it.

The Star released it online, today at 10:31 and 10:36am. Nice job. Two breaking yet identical stories five minutes apart.

death rayNSA Eavesdropping Saves Governor Cuomo from Death Ray

Two men are charged with building a death ray that would allow them kill miscellaneous Muslims and New York governor Andrew Cuomo. The plan was for two dudes named Glendon Crawford and Eric Feight to mount an X-ray laser on top of a truck to kill Cuomo by remote control without being noticed.

There were just a few flies in their futuristic ointment.

Crawford and Feight never had a radiation source. The bumbling, moronic suspect’s only expertise and seed capital came from the undercover FBI agents assisting them. Assisting isn’t the right word, encouraging would be better. Crawford’s only other engineering knowledge, prior to meeting their partners at the FBI, came from Wikipedia. The FBI goaded them on even as Feight expressed ongoing unease about participating in the plot, and added that he “would prefer not to know” who was going to operate the death ray.

So basically without the FBI keeping the plan alive, all you had were two idiots and a half-baked idea.

Thank God they’re reading all our emails and keeping us safe.

 

Still to Come:

The Kansas City Board of Trade leaves, gun play at the OK Bikers Club on Prospect and much, much more.

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60 Responses to Paul Wilson: The (Mid) Week Review

  1. Bob in Eudora says:

    Oh wise Mr. Wilson, watch this video and explain it to me.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dvvHMM6TF50&feature=player_embedded

  2. paulwilsonkc says:

    Bob, these are the situations I hope the grace of God does NOT extend because there’s not a hell HOT ENOUGH in my book. I’d like to see the outcome of this, that little nanny cam did everyting but provide an 8 1/2 X 11, autographed color picture of the perp.
    Of course you can hear the defense now……. he had a hard childhood; lets have some compassion.

  3. smartman says:

    Only one word is necessary to describe that dude. Sad times we live in. If after watching that you don’t get your wife, lover, girlfriend, baby mamma, cousin or sister a gun you are insane.

  4. Veronica Hornsby says:

    Mr. Wilson,
    Here to for, I’d enjoyed your drivel here and there, but, today, I am both offended and embarrassed to have complemented your writing. If every husband-to-be is minutes from becoming a slave, your WIFE must be the most degenerated slave ever to live! And knock it off with the partially nude cartoon pics. I thought you were uniquely funny yet a gentleman, but you are just like any other man. Disappointing.

    • the dude says:

      Yeah man, what is it with the boob shots?
      If I wanted teh pronz I would go to pronsites.
      Just the facts please.

      • paulwilsonkc says:

        Dude, I had an earlier conversation on this very issue with, ahh, my “editor”. I won’t call him out by name, I’ll let you guess.
        Now, whether or not your comments were tongue in cheek or for real, mine are for real.
        My intent is to walk an edgy line using words, making people think. My apologies to anyone it offended.

    • smartman says:

      That’s just the way it is
      Some things’ll never change
      That’s just the way it is
      That’s just the way it is, it is, when you’re waiting.

      • paulwilsonkc says:

        The New Orleans, Bruce Hornsby obscure reference was not lost on me there…. equally clever…

  5. harley says:

    hey Wilson….your stories are getting harsher reactions than anything glaze
    or I ever wrote.
    Wow…one guy wants to spit in your face (which was totally out of hand)…you get all the jews p*ssed at you with the lawya gag….they’re calling you a racist…bigot…and
    now Veronica just k.o’s you with her “commentary”…your cartoons are a bit
    racy (lol) …….but it all comes with being a “journalist”!!!!!
    maybe you should stick to your day job!!!!!! i’msure its a lot less stressful.

    • cheech lifting weights says:

      zzzzzzzzzzzz………

      boring drivel as usual

      Rx: 2 mississippi of down arrow

  6. Orphan of the Road says:

    June 25, SPRINT gets their Arrow shirt ala George A Custer. A good news-bad news quip by Custer, well, boys, we’re finished. Good news, we don’t have to go back across Nebraska…

    Follow up on the FBI-leads-dolts-into-terror plot, see if the agents don’t end up promoted and honored. Of course their actions didn’t lead to the death of an innocent wife nor the incarceration of people who didn’t burn a trailer killing KC firemen nor the deaths of children, it is still early in their careers.

    • paulwilsonkc says:

      I dont know, Orphan, I’d likely take death over a trip back across Nebraska, I’ll give it some thought and get back to you…

  7. Super Dave says:

    But will SoftBank like NASCAR?

    • Mysterious JJ says:

      SD, I represented Sprint, in Japan, on a number of business ventures and have a better handle than most, stateside, with regard to Japanese business practices and psychology of the Japanese business mind.
      These guys want a foot hold in the US. Whether or not the Sprint NASCAR relationship survives will be in direct proportion to how well Sprint Marketing can justify the cost/benefit, both real – bottom line, and perceived – image.
      Perception and image has a huge value. As long as they can prove that in, under a different set of deliverables than what they are used to, I absolutely think it will survive. But it won’t be because SoftBank loves OR hates NASCAR, it will be based on benefit and image.

  8. chuck says:

    Dear Paula,

    As the lastest victim of self annointed “Thought Police”, you join luminaries in a modern day circle of PC scarlet letter hell, where over the door, in lieu of “Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here”, the inscription reads, “Did I Say That Out Loud?”

    Hale and well met my racist friend. Your efforts to get through life on the public stage are now over. Join Jimmy the Greek, Mel Gibson, Michael Richards and a long list of folks who got caught speaking the truth as they saw it, in a moment of personal honesty which nuked thier carreers and exposed themselves to world wide opprobrium by billions of self appointed monitors in the “Thought Police”.

    Count your blessings dear, in England the police would be reading you your rights.

    http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/blogpost/post/british-woman-suspected-of-a-racist-rant-on-a-tram-has-been-arrested/2011/11/28/gIQA8GnR5N_blog.html

    That video posted up above, by “Bob in Eudora”, makes me wanna move to Eudora. The entire nation is preoccupied with you Paula, how could you be so crass and offensive as to use harsh language with regards to minorities. Even while I type, you are in the “Green Room” on the Today Show, waiting for a Nationally viewed trip to the woodshed courtesy of Matt Lauer and the billions of horrifed adults all over the world who have covered their children’s ears and eyes in an effort to shield them from your most grevious offense.

    Maybe NBC will play 2 Live Crew’s “Pop that Pussy” for your entrance.

    Then Jamie Fox (Who loves to make jokes about KILLING white people.) will assist in the interrorogation.

    Take your medicine, don’t feel bad, we are all terrified and it will get worse.

    I made a call to Geroge Zimmerman to ask him his opinion of your predicament.

    He told me, your gonna like the way you hang, he “gaurantees” it.

    As

  9. chuck says:

    “as”?

    Beats me…

  10. Paula Deen says:

    I couldn’t tell, but maybe the prosecutor in Zimmerman’s case could get his “Voice Expert” to listen to “Bob in Eudora’s” video that he posted, bucause I think she said the “N” word too.

    Misery loves company and I think she should stand shoulder to shoulder with me in the Star Chamber at NBC today and suffer the consequences of her sins.

    By the way, I really want to apologise for the horrible things I said and if that lady in the video said that same horrible word, I want to apologize for her too.

    Mea Culpa, please forgive me, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.

    I hope the man in that video above can find it in his heart also, to forgive me and forgive that lady whom he was “interacting” with.

    Lets face it, she brought it on herself.

    Forgive us both, please, please, please we are so sorry.

  11. To all the Paula Deen fans: I have never been a fan of cooking shows but Paula seems like a very lovely and genteel southern woman, who I could grow to like. Having said that I have to give you (the fans) some very bad news. Paula’s life as we know it, is over. The MSM and talk show hosts like Bill Maher have already declared Ms. Deen a heretic, she will be sacrificed on the alter of political correctness. She will be ridiculed and verbally eviscerated with vial and rude names, (many names considered as rude as the word Ms. Deen is reported to have muttered).

    For the current condition of the nation is sadly contorted into a backward mutation of a once great union. We are living in the Post-Constitutional America and this nation must pay for past sins according to it’s ultimate leader, President Barrack Hussein Obama. The nation must pay and the form of payment the compensation will manifest itself as will be the suffering of white people, specifically white people who do not bow down to the alter of President Obama and political correctness.

    The persecution and punishment will be cruel and unusual (as the constitution matters not) and the persecutors (no matter how vulgar they become) will remain immune from the rules, for they are endowed by the all powerful President Obama.

    Taken as tongue-in-cheek by most and revered as an axiom by Black America it was very much overlooked by the MSM back in November of 2012; Jaime Foxx on BET declared as his introduction: “First of all, give an honor to God and our lord and savior Barack Obama”. This was not a joke.

    So I ask all Paula Deen fans who did you vote for, do you vote and what are you going to do about it? If you’re not prepared to participate and prepared to be called names, just roll over and spread your cheeks.

    • paulwilsonkc says:

      Wow. Well, once again, “Peter” you irritate me by summing things up with words in a way, with a talent I don’t have…and I wrote the story!
      Thanks, as usual, for your comments.
      We are living in a day where the Alex Jones, Art Bell, black helicopter (not racist) fans seem to now be making the most sense.
      Cruising through Scottsdale I saw a bumper sticker. Bear in mind I hate bumper stickers and have had ONE on a vehicle ever, it’s one inch tall, 6 inches long on the SRX and it says “Pensacola Beach”, but this one’s message jumped off the bumper.
      “If you aren’t OUTRAGED, you aren’t paying attention!”

      And so it goes…..

    • mike says:

      If the mainstream media is going to crucify people for using racial slurs and want to be consistent, they need to pick on most of the rap musicians and African-American comedians also. We all know they won’t because they have an agenda that this would not fit.

      • paulwilsonkc says:

        Mike, short story here as you made a good point.
        Back when Imus went down over the “nappy headed ho’s” comment directed at the Rutgers women’s B ball team, it was clear what they were going to do to him. He’s a comedian, a satirist, a talk show host. And in a world where Chris Rock can say he’s not racist because he hates “all you cracker ass crackers” and it’s protected as “comedy”, it was clear Imus was going down.
        The Rutgers girl’s complaint? It was disrespectful to them and lowered their image on campus among their peers.
        Now, this isn’t a Harley/Craig I know people braggadocios comment, but I’ve long been a fan of Imus and had some connections to him. So, one of my contacts got me his personal email and voice mail. I left him two messages the day Rev Al demanded to meet with him and demanded an apology, in person, to the girls. I knew the apology wasn’t going to do a thing but tighten the noose because that’s all the misc. Reverends wanted.
        So the message in the message I left I discouraged him from doing so, but said, since it’s clear you are going to do it anyway…. here’s what I’d like you to consider. Take a set of portable MP3 speakers. Tell the girls you came to apologize but ask them to reiterate their complaint and what hurt those most. When they repeat the charges, it was devaluing to them as females, put them in bad light to their peers, it was disrespectful to them as black women, tell them you agree, you’re sorry and it won’t happen again.
        Then take the next step. Pull out your speakers and say, “Girls, take your iPods out of your purses and don’t tell me you don’t have one, you all do.” Take each one, one at a time and plug them in to the speakers. Run down the play list to the gangster rap, play the songs that range from “smackin ho’s” to all the derogatory female comments made on each song. Ask the girls to repeat the lyrics they just heard… and then ask them this.
        “This is all pretty disrespectful to black women…. By buying it, you participate in that and it shows you in a lessor manner than you should be seen. Based on your peer opinion of you, who each of you represent for Rutgers, do you maybe owe an apology to yourselves, your teammates and student body?”
        Needless to say, that didn’t happen and he was on the outs for months. Yes, he got bought out of his contract and yes, he came back better and bigger than ever…. But double standards a little?
        Thanks for your comments, as usual. Insightful as always.

        • mike says:

          I find no redeeming value whatsoever in 99 percent of gangsta rap. However, I have to admit that I actually find Chris Rock, Carlos Mencia, Dave Chappel and others who do ethnic jokes to be quite funny at times. The only think that offends me is that if a Caucasian gentile comedian does similar and equally funny material, they are labeled as doing brownshirt humor and treated with contempt. If it is done in a lighthearted way and is actually clever and funny, it should not be taken seriously in either case. People need to lighten up and be able to laugh at themselves.

          • paulwilsonkc says:

            My point exactly, Mike, but there is no equal playing field there. I listed to Rock say, “Im not RACIST, I hate ALL you cracker ass crackers the SAME” and I find it funny. I’m not offended. But let me go to open mic night at Craigs House of Jokes and say, “Im not RACIST, I hate ALL you N-words the SAME!” and what do you thinks going to happen?
            Now, that doesnt cover Michael Richards, I think that poor guy had a TOTAL break with reality and just lit up a racist rant! I dont think an ounce of that was meant, by him, to be funny. Im not sure he even knew he did it when he was doing it! He just went insane!

          • mike says:

            Michael Richards was neither lighthearted or clever in his rant, nor was he trying to be. I found that rant to be offensive myself, much the same way as I find much of the rap music to be.

        • admin says:

          Guys, guys, guys…

          have you not been paying attention the past 20 or so years?

          People of color or whatever ethnicity are allowed to make fun of one another. People of a different color or ethnicity do so at their peril.

          And everybody gets a pass on making fun of white people because we’re not considered an underclass, past or present.

          That’s the way the game of life is played. Some of you act like you’ve never heard that before, but it’s really pretty simple.

          Might as well get over it is my suggestion.

          • mike says:

            I have heard it before. It just doesn’t mean I have to agree with it. A stereotype is a stereotype no matter who is using it to get a laugh. What it sounds like you are advocating is falling in line with political correctness. I think PC is BS. A behavior is either right or wrong. How much melanin you have in your skin has nothing to do with it.

          • paulwilsonkc says:

            Mike, I like watermelanin; I assume that makes me racist too.

    • paulwilsonkc says:

      Here’s a great introduction to Paula, if you’re a newby. I dont watch her show, but this explains her in a nutshell. I think she’s a well meaning, good ole Southern girl where that kind of talk is still about half ok….even though its not. But she sure shouldn’t be drawn and quartered over it.

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aJNMxJ0jQps

  12. That video is horrible, but it would have been worse if she had a gun.

    Well, thank God she didn’t have a gun!! She would have shot herself or her child with it, and, as everyone in New Jersey knows, guns cause crime.

    The Trayvon Martin case has taught us “Whites” that we’d better suck up and accept a savage beating; if you die, well that’s too bad. What’s important is that you didn’t defend yourself or fight back.

  13. How long is it before a woman like her defends herself with a gun and gets charged like George Zimmerman. There would have been no story without the camera.

    • Orphan of the Road says:

      How about you file a domestic abuse charge and then are evicted from your apartment because you called the police. So-called-quality-of-life laws make a complaint against your spouse/lover/parent for beating you and you too get punished.

  14. Libertarian says:

    Paul, I will now refer to you as a professional summarizer.

    • paulwilsonkc says:

      Thank you, Lib, and I will refer to you as “friend”. That sounds better than “follower, fan, reader, discip3le”.

      • paulwilsonkc says:

        My moto is; I read the news so you don’t have to. Just check here a couple times a week, I’ll boil it down, sum it up, wrap it in an old KC STAR and throw it at you, face first with BULLET force!
        Don’t thank me, it’s just what I do.

  15. harley says:

    paula deen got the shaft. honestly….unless we hear that she carried out
    more racist acts than just a joke ithink tht its been overblown.
    she’s not like chuck…who uses every story/issue/comment to brazenly
    spew hate. A story about Disneyland and he gets to put his vile
    racist language intothe story.
    But as I have said…this world is changing and everyone better get used
    to it. We better learn to live together or we’re in trouble….we said this
    before but the demographic change that’s occurring here and on
    other continents makes it even more important as the world changes.
    Paula…I never knew much about her before this story…but theres probably
    more to this story than the public knows.
    Andn where was her attorney in this deal. They should have settled
    it and moved on ….bad legal advice and now her career’s been destroyed.
    But with 24/7 hate and news on the tv…with confrtonational tv….with
    people actu ing uncivil in dealing with others that’s what we’re headed
    to.
    Watched the cable news stations last night for about an hour. Where do
    these people come from…..sad state…
    hope paula comes back…should be interesting.

  16. fatty fatty eyewash says:

    Too much beetus, not enough white meat chicken breasts

    http://tinathetoad.files.wordpress.com/2010/06/random4.jpg

  17. StillAtMyMoms says:

    Let’s not forget the Imus debacle, too. He still has his show today.

    • paulwilsonkc says:

      StillAtMoms, I’m a huge Imus fan. I stream WABC every morning starting at 5:30. This may label me as a geek, but I have an EXTENSIVE collection of Imus collectibles ranging from signed books, every 45rpm promo record he ever did, point of purchase poster giveaway pieces from his Stern days, you name it, if its Imus, I own it!
      My son was in my office last month and I told him he needed to know where the stash was, in case I just died….I want it to go to the Broadcasting Hall of Fame and not taken to the dumpster by janitorial, since each item it wrapped and packed for now.

  18. neurodawg says:

    Really, Hearne? This is the best you could do? I read that you were looking for new writer’s and I assumed that meant you were looking for a qualified , thoughtful, intelligent sort- not this guy.

    • paulwilsonkc says:

      That’s very hurtful. I’m getting out of my car, right now, standing on the railing of the Broadway Bridge and will jump if you don’t apologize, right freaking now.

      OK, it’s hot; I’m just going to get back in my car.

      I’m sorry I’ve bored you with my unqualified, unthoughtful, unintelligent submissions, I was enjoying writing them.

      I quit, you ruined my life.

    • mike says:

      If you are so intelligent, why did you put a comma on a plural? They are supposed to be used on contractions and possessives, not plurals.

      • the dude says:

        He may be neuro, but he still just a dawg. Cut him some slack mikey.

        • mike says:

          He was basically saying Paul was not qualified, thoughtful, or intelligent. If someone is going to question the intelligence of someone who actually is intelligent, they should display intelligence in how they do it. There have been times where I didn’t agree with Paul either, but he always has had thoughtful reasoning behind his opinions, thereby showing intelligence. I think some people have a hard time differentiating when he is being serious or using humor to illustrate the points he is making. If someone takes sarcasm literally, he could easily be misinterpreted.

          • paulwilsonkc says:

            “I think some people have a hard time differentiating when he is being serious or using humor to illustrate the points he is making.”

            Actually, you struck upon one of my primary goals. I generally hope no one can really tell where Im coming down on something for that very reason.
            I want people to scratch their heads and ask themselves, is he serious or kidding, is he for or against, just to make them think. Thats the fun in it for me, Im sorry if that upset Dr Dawg.
            Oh, who am I kidding… ?

      • paulwilsonkc says:

        Thanks, Mike, I appreciate the support, I still quit. You won’t have Paul D Wilson to push around any more. No one can ever miss me if I don’t leave.

    • admin says:

      I’m still looking for writers, neurodawg.

      Hit me at hearne@kcconfidential.com and I’ll see about baptizing you.

      • paulwilsonkc says:

        Thanks for adding to the pain, Hearne. Maybe he can run me off and replace me all in the same story, sniff, sniff. Get me a Kleenex……

Comments are closed.