Hearne: Scary Stones Disappoint in ‘ 50 & Counting’ Tour Kickoff

Gwen+Stefani+Rolling+Stones+50+Counting+Tour+sD6Xw8hTVdjxAt least porn stars know when to hang it up…

Check out these video snippets from the Rolling Stones opening night concert at the Staples Center in LA.

If you dare.

But be forewarned, it isn’t pretty.

Who in the heck did the Stones convince – or who convinced the Stones – they were still good enough to appear and perform in public? You know, without embarrassing themselves and ripping off the general public with ticket prices as high as $600 per.

fun+PNGNo wonder Kanrocksas went with Fun. instead of the Stones as a headliner. These old guys belong on a shuffleboard court, not a concert stage.

And I’ve seen my share of over the hill artists. Including a stumbling, bumbling Frank Sinatra at Kemper Arena in the mid ’80s. But even Sinatra wasn’t this bad.

Clearly 50 years has taken a frightening toll on the Stones. And I hate myself in advance for saying this, but a tribute band would probably have done a better job both musically and aesthetically.

Celebrities in attendance included a Who’s Who of over-the-hillsters such as Jack Nicholson, Eddie Murphy, Nicole Kidman and husband Keith Urban (OK they’re still kinda happening), James Caan, Babyface and Melanie Griffith.

Hey, wanna read something scary from the LA Times’ review?

“Nicholson pumped his arms like a teenager along with the other 19,000 fans.”

Wrap you mind’s eye around that imagery for a second. Speaking of which, University of Missouri grad Randall Roberts reviewed the show for the Times and summed it up thusly:

“On Friday, the vibrations at Staples Center suggested thousands of strings as taut as tightropes. That not a single one snapped is a testament to the Rolling Stones’ enduring, apparently indestructible skills.”

168004381Here’s where Roberts went astray:

Instead of calling the Stones out for their obvious inadequacies, he mailed in a mildly positive review, damning the band with faint praise, rather than serving up the well deserved brickbats.

Rock music scribe Bob Lefsetz called the Stones concert “an insult to history.”

“There’s no energy. The crowd looks like a parody of the seventies,” Lefsetz writes. “The band is so thin they make Gwen Stefani look fat, and she looks like she stepped onto the set of ‘Cocoon’…Why didn’t the band get someone their own age? It’s not like the audience cares about Stefani…Where was Bonnie Raitt?”
Last night’s Stones show wasn’t the first “insult to history” and I’ve got a feeling it won’t be near the last. Unfortunately.

Back to you, Sir Paul

 

 

 

 

 

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33 Responses to Hearne: Scary Stones Disappoint in ‘ 50 & Counting’ Tour Kickoff

  1. smartman says:

    The Stones were NEVER a great live band to begin with. Always brilliant in the studio where sins can be digitally forgiven, the live shows pretty much suck unless you see them in a small venue of less than 1,000 seats. There, for some reason, they shine.

    Unlike the reunited for a while Cream, the Stones don’t have those kind of technical chops. Never had.

    With the exception of the rhythm section of Darryl Jones and Charlie Watts trying to hold down the fort, Ron and Keith seem to be playing nano-seconds ahead of or behind the beat and Mick’s phrasing seems intended to purposefully make it difficult for fans to sing-a-long. The overall effort makes for tunes that are looser than the skin on their aging scrotum. No E-Street Band “tightness” or Pink Floyd click track timed perfection.

    That people still have a desire to see and pay for this kinda crap pretty might be as good an explanation as any why Berry Fey offed himself.

    • admin says:

      Yeah but from what I read, classic rock was the only music Fey still liked.

      As far as the Stones live, one of my favorite albums used to be their live release, “Get Yer Ya-Yas Out”

  2. harley says:

    “never a great live band to begin with”
    smarmyman…where did you get this..
    having seen them over a dozen times including arrowhead…wrigley…
    fenway….they were the ultimate rock band…one who survived and
    still garnered millions 50 years afrer their start.
    aren’t many if any bands that can do that.
    and smarmyman…from a business standpoint they were marketed
    with precision. This tour will still make them money…but thats not what
    the stones are about.
    “tghey need the money”…wrong smarmyman…hardly…seen micks houses
    ..they don’t do it for the money. They collect probably 90 per cent of the
    gate…its considered an honor when a prmoter brings them to a town.
    As for business standpoint…i’d hardly listen to stock tips or business
    data from a guy who has to sell used hot tubs to make car payments…
    not a good match.
    Their shows have been incredible. If you’ve not seen them you will never
    understand the atmosphere of a stone concert.
    sure they’ve probably slowed down a bit…time does that…but
    the market for their shows ….their merchandise…their music is
    beyond that of almost any other band.
    Probably should have waited a while before this tour….but don’t
    fool yourself …this will mae them a lot of money.
    But if you know anything about the stones…touring is not exactly
    for the money. they’re addicted to the roadie life. It’s what they
    enjoy. Its what they do. It’s their unqiue lifestyle and sitting at home
    is not their cup of tea.
    I hope you do some reasearch before making further comment
    about any business. We’ve seen your “business acumen” and its
    pretty close to that of a hobo collectingchange at I35 entrance.
    Youknownothing bout business…go back to craigs list and
    hawking those hot tubs you’re famous for.
    Leave the business analysis to me and others who know what business
    is about. In fact my middle of mya newsletter goes into detail about
    the used hot tub business….should be interesting reading.
    thanks.

    • smartman says:

      Again harley you say a lot but prove nothing. Clearly, you are not a musician or have any technical proficiency on an instrument, save the skin flute.

      The Stones are a sloppy live band.

      The “roadie life” is what George Thorogood and the Deleware Destroyers did when they played 50 states in 50 days touring in a checkered cab. The Stones are hardly road warriors by any stretch of the imagination.

      So they make money. So does the Sham-Wow guy.

      As for the Stones and yourself, let me quote Styx. ” You’re fooling yourself and you don’t believe it.”

  3. chuck says:

    Oh, and there we were, all in one place
    A generation lost in space
    With no time left to start again
    So come on, Jack, be nimble, Jack be quick
    Jack Flash sat on a candlestick
    ‘Cause fire is the devils only friend
    Oh, and as I watched him on the stage
    My hands were clenched in fists of rage
    No angel born in Hell
    Could break that Satan’s spell
    And as flames climbed high into the night
    To light the sacrificial rite
    I saw Satan laughing with delight
    The day the music died

    The Stones may or may not be the greatest Rock Band, who knows, but Jagger’s voice is a one octave clunker. He missed his real chance for immortality when the Hell’s Angels didn’t beat him to death with pool cues (I always like to think they brought Viking Pool Cues to the event.) at Altamont. Americans love dead icons far more than having to watch the indignity of age steal the talent from same.

    At this point Jagger has got to sound like Mike Garozzo chewing out a cook for fu*king up the Spedini.

    The Stones used to have drug dealers show up before the concert, now Tony Siragusa hands out Depends right before the sounds of “Satisfaction”.

    Brutal.

    Gimme fu*kin shelter.

  4. chuck says:

    Ya know, a little credit here…

    I just remembered Mick Jagger on SNL a couple of years ago.

    The music was terrible, HE was very funny.

  5. Orphan of the Road says:

    “When I’m 33, I quit.”
    ― Mick Jagger

  6. Nick says:

    The last rock ‘event’ of any size I attended was the Stones’ tour in ’81, which was then being bandied about as their ‘farewll’ tour. If George Thorogood and The Delaware Destroyers hadn’t been on the bill it would have been a waste of $16 – Mick’s voice was shot even back then.

    Hell, even John Cougar blew the Stones away that tour.

    If memory serves it was about that time that the corporatization of rock really started, resulting in the overblown, hundreds of dollars a ticket non-musical spectacles so common today.

  7. Super Dave says:

    True fans of the Stones will stay on board till the very end. If you think I am wrong look at the Chiefs, they suck as well, but those true diehard fans will keep buying those tickets to the very end.

    Very few groups or single artists put on a good live show. The last what I call really great concert I saw was the Pink Floyd tour Division Bell. Least PF knew after the last tour it was time to quit regardless of what the fans wanted.

  8. cheech lifting weights says:

    I want to see Hearne live blog from Rockfest

  9. randyraley says:

    The Beatles hung it up on stage before they got old. Stones, Who, Fleetwood Mac (it isn’t FM without Christine), Yes, et al. should probably do the same.
    Zep always had this live mystique when in fact the three times I saw them, they were awful.
    If the Stones were playing next door in my neighbor’s back yard for free, I’d tell them to turn it down because I’m watching Happy Days.
    Speaking of the Beatles, Paul still KILLS it at 70.

    • admin says:

      Well…

      I saw Sir Paul at Sprint three years ago and left early because I was…bored. So kills? Eh, guess it’s in the ear of the beholder, but I will say he didn’t sound totally shot like the Stones do on that concert snippet I linked to.

      I’ll give Fleetwood Mac credit for what they accomplished, but to me, they never really were Fleetwood Mac, just some all but totally different band using the name.

      Fleetwood Mac was about Peter Green.

      Yeah, the drummer and bass player from the original group remain. But FYI, Christine came from another Britsh blues band called Chicken Shack.

      • randyraley says:

        uh yeah, I knew that. since most of the rest of the old band are dead, then Christine would be one to make it FM. Paul was tight and rocking with a band he’s spent years with…so, yeah, I like redheads, too. Bored? get a new hobby or something. I know you’re the critic but…

        • admin says:

          My new hobby is listening to new, young bands. Up and coming, fresh sounds, no time to rehash because the juices are still flowing.

          Hey, I’m no more a critic than you are. Just a pair of ears attached to a big mouth.

  10. chuck says:

    I am 63.

    I fall asleep extemporaneously all day long with my clothes on. Then I am up all night.

  11. StillAtMyMoms says:

    The only band that sounds good live after all these years is Steely Dan. That is if you want to argue about their band of studio musicians. Top-notch talent. That and The Police when they came here a couple years ago, too.

    And Chuck, I will now not be reading any more of TKC. What a crock; especially when Tony claims his blog is the only uncensored comments for KC.

    • the dude says:

      The Police and Costello tore the roof off the mother. I am very tempted to get Steely Dan tix (It was always just Faegan and Becker btw) and I could weather the Stones in this form if they were buy 2 for 10 lawn seats.

  12. CG says:

    Chuck I’M SURE you know that comment wasn’t mine. First off Hearne, this attack of anyone over 50 something ‘please go away’ can be fired at MOST Hollywood stars today from Tom Cruise to Robert Downey. As I have mentioned even the ‘young movie stars and most rock stars that are left’ are over 40. Even Jeremy Renner is 41 and Leo is now in his mid 40’s…way it is…why put them down for still being on it and loved at over in this case 60 or even 70…we all age. Hearne even you. Is it time to go bury yourself? I watched the tape, the crowd overall looked kinda spread from teens to 60’s..more younger under 40 than over…sold out, sold out, sold out….so there you have it, somebody cares. Mick and crew are thin, Mick looks to be in good shape for anyone that is over 50, let alone 70. The guy wants to stay in the game, he sure doesn’t need the dough, he’s a mega millionaire.

    I respect older stars, I did when I was a kid, we all get old and die. No it doesn’t sound great, but a few comments said that latter they adjusted the sound and it was dynomite. I’ve seen the Stones three times in my life, ASU, KC and LA that one in a small venue..great..and I was never a big fan, but loved their energy and the fact they represent Rock n Roll maybe more than anyone ever has…and as they age and leave the theater so does Rock N Roll….its over, let them leave in peace and fun. We are all on that same bus and nobody gets out alive…so go enjoy U Tube and Facebook..joy what talent.

    • admin says:

      I killed the fake CG comment FYI.

      They dumped thousands of $600 and big buck tickets at the last minute for $85, it was hardly a true sellout.

      They don’t need to curl up and die – I’m not saying that – but when it’s o-v-e-r, somebody needs to heed the clarion call.

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