Hearne: Woodside Ready to Kick Jones Pool’s Butt in Summer Speedo Stakes

woodside-hottiesThe new kid on the block is about to get pool schooled…

The formerly sleepy Woodside Health & Tennis has bankrolled a seven-figure remodel of its pool facilities and plans on reclaiming the hotties magnet crown it ceded to The Jones rooftop pool in the Power & Light District downtown four years ago.

“The pool is clearly built for one reason,” Woodside habitue Craig Glazer said of The Jones in 2009. “To meet hotties.”

That from a dude who a year or so earlier compared Woodside to the Playboy Mansion.

But Woodside’s been getting a little long in the tooth.

Until last fall when  the club embarked on a megabucks upgrade.

The latest?

“It’s going to be the 8th Wonder of the World,” Glazer says of Woodside’s new pool. “It’s going to be the nicest pool facility in the Midwest, not just Kansas City.”

The secret of Woodside’s soon-to-be-unveiled success:

“I don’t know how to describe it,” Glazer says. “It’s got fountains, bars, a new eating facility, cabanas and areas where you can have private parties. My understanding is they’re spending $2.2 million just for the pool area.”

barbie & CRAIG WOODSIDESo how bad was the old pool?

“Well, it just got thread worn,” Glazer says. “You know in its hey day it was kind of the wunderkind, but in the last five or six years it just got dated.”

That’s the bad news, now the good.

“Woodside’s gone way above and beyond what they needed to do,” Glazer says. “And they’ve spent another few million on the inside. So you know, for about $100 a month it’s a really good deal. I think they’re going to sell out the memberships. I’d be surprised if they didn’t sell another 1000 memberships because of this.”

The ETA on Woodside’s new pool?

“It’s supposed to open on time on Memorial Day in about four weeks,” Glazer says.

As for The Jones, “You can’t compare it now to Woodside,” Glazer says. “The Jones is for that middle class, a little younger, less income, see-and-be-seen crowd. And it’s just too small. It just doesn’t have anything going on except for Saturdays when it’s packed.

“It used to be kind of the place to go for strippers and the bar crowd because all you have to do is show up and pay five or ten bucks. Remember when they first opened and they had all those nighttime parties? You don’t hear much about that anymore.”



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19 Responses to Hearne: Woodside Ready to Kick Jones Pool’s Butt in Summer Speedo Stakes

  1. smartman says:

    Thread worn? To describe an aging swimming pool? A bad toupee, certainly but not a swimming pool. Years of harsh chemicals, urine, vaginal and anal secretions are gonna take a toll on a pool.

    You forgot to explain what Glazer means by “hottie”. It’s a “girl” whose IQ doesn’t exceed her chest measurement, annual income doesn’t exceed her waist measurement and has had sex with more men than her hips measurement. He loves those 36-24-36 types.

    I understand the theme for the opening is Crab Kill. The new pool has a water treatment and filtration system that not only kills crabs but captures and isolates them so they can be used in the restaurant.

    Is it true that you’ll be able to buy Plan B and Valtrex in the vending machines?

    In the same way that the yin/yang symbol is half black and half white, the white d-bags at Westside are just as much a burden on the metro as the black urban scholars.

    To paraphrase Groucho Marx, I would not want to be a member of any club that would have Glazer as a member.

    • CG says:

      Smartcoward, get back in your room fatso. Nobody cares what you think about anything. When you can’t even stand up for yourself and want to try and attack someone else, shame on you. Maybe you can to to middle aged military school somewhere and learn to be a man, your dad sure failed you.

      • Jess says:

        Actually, what he said was very funny. Go back picking crabs out of your toupee

        • the dude says:

          And if you want to properly describe anything as a wunderkind, that rug on your head is a real wunderkind the way it clings to your scalp.

  2. Interesting Fact says:

    For a place wanting to bill itself as a family orientated club I find this article describing it far from that. Maybe that is why they are losing members.

  3. admin says:

    Well, they do have a separate “family pool,” so I think it’s fair to say that they go both ways

    • Interesting Fact says:

      Well my wife’s sister, and her family no longer go due to the meat market attitude they claim is there. She was tired of guys coming up and trying to score with her in front of the kids. As my brother in law claims he was sitting there once and some guy approached wanting her to join them at the other pool. So as residents of Westwood they have to go to Fairway pool and pay non resident prices to find a more family type experience.

      • admin says:

        That is an interesting fact…

        I wonder though if she took her kids to the meet market pool there rather than the family one. My understanding is they are well separated

        • Super Dave says:

          You are very correct they are separated, but all adults are free to roam where ever.

          • the dude says:

            The Glaze shall follow the rug wherever it takes him. It has a mind of it’s own you know.

  4. You guys are the 99 percent says:

    You know who goes to Woodside pool? People who don’t have a pool in their backyard or in their planned community.

  5. CG says:

    First off haters, Woodside has added over 1000 new memebers over the last two years. It is THE most popular club in Kansas City by far, for the young married couples, families who still can have fun with sports and activities. Woodside is not just a pool place, the are has several gyms, work out rooms, places for organized group health events like yoga and even boxing, karate, and spinning classes to name a few. There is an entire building for women to work out in, that is for them, not men. The family pool is below the adult pool and is the largest of the four pools. Kids have everything from swimming classes to family events. Tennis is the big thing at Woodside. My nephew who ended up in the top five players in this state went to classes there for years, good school, good coaches.

    Woodside is very popular, and Hearne mentioned adding 100 members, he misunderstood I said 1000.

    The new pool area is by far the nicest private pool area built in KC history, by far. Give them credit.

    • smartman says:

      Just add a tattoo parlor, offer penis enlargement and vaginal rejuvenation throw in an abortion clinic and it’ll be absolute heaven.

      I heard that they tried to get some of the Jersey Shore cast to show up for the grand re-opening and even they said it’s too sleazy.

      D-bags and Skanks…No Thanks.

    • Jess says:

      1000 in 2 years? How many more douche bags are left to join?

    • Interesting Fact says:

      Also of that membership number is the fact that’s it’s the city’s of Westwoods pool as well. So all the families who join just so the kids have a place to swim for the summer are as well included in that membership number which is a little miss leading.

  6. CG says:

    No its ‘other than those folks who can only use the pool not the rest of the place, no tennis, gym etc..just pool.’ Hard to put this place down it is BY FAR the nicest sports/private club of its type in the midwest. Hey there are some nice private clubs, like Indian Hills has spent a ton of dough, but its a quiet place with far less energy and less to do. I think private country clubs, ala Mission Hills and Kansas City Club are dying out…younger people are into clubs offering more than golf and a restaruant. Yes many have work out areas but not at the level of Woodside. Be glad we have this incredible place that Blair Tanner has created. Fantastic job.

    Smartcoward we have told you to stay in your basement several times. You have not been at Woodside in years if ever, you are not allowed there. You are too much of a nerd chunky monkey to begin with. Even Super Dave doesn’t hang with you anymore. Now write on the chalk board 100 times I WILL NOT COMMENT ON THINGS I DON’T KNOW ABOUT IN LIFE…be a good little smartcoward.

    • cheech lifting weights says:

      lay off the blow and try not too look so swollen-fat in your shirtless pics.

      • chico's bail bonds says:

        Yeah man, lay off the blow, the booze and the ‘roids and you might not look too bloated, oh rugged one.

  7. CG says:

    Hmm….really? Well I think even in this two year old photo I look likely better than most anyone that comments here, that means you fatso. To be a top player you must be in shape, I more than qualify, you don’t. If I’m bloated you are a float. We’ll leave it at that, p.s. check the mulitple photos over the years of the ladies with me, you can make up hater comments, but chunky boy, all pretty hot to very hot. I am unmatched by any man my age or within ten years in this town. Well lets say top five…you…get a trainer.

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