Hearne: KC’s LaCrosse a Wanker by Any Other Name

harry-treadaway-and-luke-treadaway-in-over-there-by-mark-ravenhill-2-1What’s in a word?

Plenty if you happen to speak French. Which is why when Buick debuted its 2005 LaCrosse all heck broke out among our French speaking neighbors to the north.

Because in French, “LaCrosse”  translates into – to use polite terms – “self love.”

Which brings us to GM’s announcement yesterday that the improved 2014 LaCrosse will be assembled at its Fairfax plant in KCK.

A little history.

“Red-faced officials at General Motors in Canada have been forced to think of a new name for their latest model after discovering it was a slang word for masturbation,” the BBC reported upon the car’s introduction.

“GM officials said they had been unaware that LaCrosse was a term for self-gratification among teenagers in French-speaking Quebec,” the BBC continues. “They are now working on a new name for the LaCrosse in Canada. The car will go on sale next year to replace the Buick Regal.”

2014-buick-lacrosse_100422863_lGM renamed the car the Allure for Canada but continued to sell the blue hair magnet here under the LaCrosse nameplate.

Kinda like when Ford tried unsuccessfully to sell the Pinto in Brazil only to learn that “Pinto” was Portuguese slang for “small penis.”

mkz660I digress.

More to the automotive point, Buick’s new LaCrosse is being heralded for its high tech features as a competitor to the new Lincoln MKZ.

Good luck with that.

While KC’s LaCrosse features a new IntelliLink infotainment system and no less than seven separate alert systems, the one thing it doesn’t come with is what will likely enable the MKZ to kick its ass.

And that’s really good gas mileage.

The Buick LaCrosse hybrid gets a puny 29 MPGs (combined) versus the MKZ’s 45 MPGs.

That’s some serious gas mileage difference and these are serious time.


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6 Responses to Hearne: KC’s LaCrosse a Wanker by Any Other Name

  1. Orphan of the Road says:

    Dealers in Canada were happy to have the Allure changed to LaCrosse with the new rebranding. Saves them a ton of money on advertising.

    The original LaCrosse was launched in 2005 but badged in Canada as the Buick Allure, apparently because someone pointed out the name’s prurient connotation en francais.

    But with a redesigned model debuting this year, the ailing auto giant has adopted the LaCrosse name for Canada too, saving potentially millions in advertising and marketing costs.

    “GM hopes Quebec customers will hear the name and think of Canada’s national summer sport and not the other thing.

    “It was in fact our dealers in Quebec who wanted the name changed,” says George Saratlic, a GM Canada product communications spokesman.”


  2. smartman says:

    They should have done a special Quebec version in yellow and called it Le Frog.

    The french canucks make up roughly one fourth of Canada’s population but act like they run the whole damn place. The standard issue Canadians absolutely hate them.

    Although it’s still damn funny to travel to Quebec and watch
    American tv voiced in french. Particulary classics like All in the Family and MASH.

  3. balbonis moleskine says:

    These pictures of guys circle jerking it in their underoos probably makes Hearne wistful for his old Pem-Day years

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