Leftridge: So You’ve Ended Up in Jail (Helpful Hints for Surviving Incarceration)

Houston Criminal Lawyer admires the new Jail CzarI’ve been to jail. I’m not proud of it, nor do I want to talk about it. It wasn’t a Jim Varney-esque adventure full of hilarity and penal-stereotypes, but it wasn’t scary, either. (Shankings are primarily reserved for MSNBC’s “Lock Up,” apparently.)

It was mostly boring and uneventful, but it sure was a shitty way to spend a weekend, for certain. And while I’d love to be able to tell you how to STAY out of jail, I can’t. It happens to the best of us.

One moment, you’re “innocently” trespassing at a private lake with some friends, drinking and cavorting, and the next thing you know, you’re being given tickets for said trespassing offense. Only YOU’RE being held, Brandon, because your psychopath cousin once got pulled over in North Kansas City for speeding/drinking and driving/in a car with expired tags, and he gave them YOUR name instead of his… he said that he was Brandon Leftridge, goddamnit, and no, he didn’t have his license but he knew his social security number, by God (having memorized yours while he was living with you after his own parents gave up on him because he was kicked out of regular-kid-school for cutting another student’s throat with a box-cutter).

Sometimes, this shit just happens. You can’t help it.

So what can you do while you’re there? Well, you can always perform a song for the warden and hope for early release… except, you know, this is jail and not prison, and you’re not Elvis (or Leadbelly) and there really isn’t a warden.

jail-cell-highest-incarceration-rate-imprsonment-crime-americaSo basically you just cope and wait until the bail-bondsman shows up with his photo he took of the person he bonded out (which isn’t you, obviously, it’s your cousin), and you try to not get shanked.

Here are a few simple tips for getting by:

Give It Up: It doesn’t matter if it’s your shoes, or your jail-issued peanut butter sandwich, if a dude wants your shoes and/or sandwich, you hand that shit over, no questions asked. He’ll probably say it softly at first. He might even pose it as a question.

“You gon’ eat that sammich?”

No. No you’re fucking not. You’re going to give that sandwich to him and offer to cut the crusts off, too. That sandwich isn’t worth your life, bro.

(Unless you’re cousin Brian—then your life is worth much less than a sandwich. Deny the aggressor said sandwich and get beaten to death with a tube of toothpaste. I’ll laugh, and then forget to attend your funeral. Sorry, cousin!)

honebunsHoney Buns Are Your Money, Son: Snack-cakes are inherently white-trash, and in the joint, they’re as good as gold. And for some reason, nowhere is this more evident than with Mrs. Freshley’s (or Little Debbies, or Duchess) Honey Buns. Convicts go ape-shit for this sugary foolishness. So if you’ve got any planning time—if you KNOW you’re going to the clink and have time enough to prepare, I mean—shove a box of Honey Buns up your ass. Since you’re only going to the local jail, you probably won’t be subjected to a cavity search (I know I wasn’t). Once securely locked within your cell, extract the confection from your anus. CONGRATS, you are now KING OF THE CRIMINALS.

Join a Gang: What do you look like? Are you like me—a pasty white dude with one bad tattoo and a fairly reasonable disposition? Are you a dreadlocked black man with a thousand barely visible tattoos, metallic teeth and a healthy appreciation for “rolling gun-battles?” Or maybe you’re a Mexican dude with a facial tattoos, an attraction to Sharpied-on eyebrows and ranchero music? In any case, you need to get in where you fit in (Too Short said that. I bet Too Short would back me up on this). If you’re white, join the Aryans. You need protection to avoid future losses as they pertain to sandwiches and/or footwear! If you’re black and serving time, you might already be covered (statistics, people). Ask a friend or family member if you’re in a gang. Mexican: ditto.

It’s important to belong, and nowhere is this better illustrated than in a place where you could be stabbed without good reason.

Don’t Sag: Sagging leads to unwanted behavior… namely, dudes having sex up your butt. So unless you WANT sex up your butt, keep your pants high around your waist. Seems simple and intuitive, but you’d be surprised.

Don’t Brag About Your Family Fortune: Look, it’s REAL cool that your dad invented that golf visor with the spiky, frosted tips coming out of the top. Really, congrats. But the thing is, if these people know you have money, they’ll expect you to “share” that money with them. So unless you plan on spending your time constantly arranging transfers into their commissary account, just pretend like your dad drives a forklift. Better yet, don’t mention your dad at all. Most of the other guys don’t HAVE dads (again—statistics), so this will lead to jealousy.

Don’t Punch the Biggest Dude in the Joint on Your First Day: In fact, don’t punch him AT ALL, if you can help it. I know this is something that always gets thrown around as a “to do,” but that’s perpetuated by people who’ve never been in jail.

First of all, you’ll probably break your hand on his granite-chin. Second, your data-entry-powered left hook probably won’t do anything to him. Chances are, you’ll punch him and then you’ll end up getting the shit kicked out of you. People won’t “show respect” for your willingness to “throw down.” They’ll probably laugh at you. And then have sex up your butt because they now know for a FACT that you’re weak (and now incapacitated).

Chain Gang 2012Look, I know this list is far from comprehensive. But I’m not your guardian. I’m just a guy who’s been to jail and managed to NOT get beaten up or raped. (That I remember. But I WAS a little drunk, so, who knows?)

In the end, your survival is up to you; with any luck, you’ll remember to keister some Honey Buns like I said. I wish you the best of luck. When you get out, you can buy me a beer for helping you out. (You know, supposing you didn’t do something really crazy, thereby making me afraid to fraternize with you.)

Anyone had any awesome jail experiences? Leave them in the comments! Or—you can all just turn this into a Glazer-Bash-Fest. After all, the piece was about incarceration!

Bon Appétit.

 

Find me on Twitter, @StanfordWhistle.

http://www.mb-kc.com/
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54 Responses to Leftridge: So You’ve Ended Up in Jail (Helpful Hints for Surviving Incarceration)

  1. smartman says:

    Get your doctor to write you a note that says you’re allergic to the smell of urine and that prolonged exposure can be fatal. Get it laminated and keep it in your wallet.

    If you ever get tossed in a holding cell with other alleged lawbreakers, when asked what your in for respond with, squirting Drano in your daughters boyfriends ass with a turkey baster…..allegedly. It’s the kinda thing that let’s people know you’re crazy enough not to fuck with.

  2. chuck says:

    Very funny stuff as usual Lefty.

    You know how serial killers always turn out to be that really nice, harmless guy who always makes with the amenities, wears blue sweaters with clouds on them, carries plastic bags everywhere, rides the bus and does’t own a fu*kin car?

    Thats right pal, I clicked on the top right “PUBLIC ARREST RECORD” on THIS very site on this very page!! I entered Brandon Leftridge. I got to THIS point-

    https://www.instantcheckmate.com/register/criminal_records/#

    I can find out about your criminal record, address, marraiges, divorce records and sex offenses.

    I am tempted to spend the $22.86 a month to keep track of your criminal azz.

    Instead, I think I can draw my own conclusions from the site, by way of deduction (In my mind, Lucy Liu is sitting right next to me.).

    All the categories loaded like a fuc*in Japanese Bullet Train until the program got to SEX OFFENSES. 5 minutes. It took 5 minutes to load and I could here, really faintly over the background noise of a Sasha Grey video I had running, hear sirens (I clicked back really fast in case Sasha, AGAIN was incarcerated AGAIN in a jail with oversexed “Bulls”, nope, there was a Donkey and a guy dressed up as a lion, Lucy is dusgusted, but understands addiction, we are connecting).

    5 Minutes Brandon.

    I am thinking your ankle bracelet must set off grade school alarms in Salina when you go out for the Sunday Paper.

    My color is red. Just got a call. Gotta pee in a cup but when I am off of probation and have a couple extra bucks in my pocket (They charge you for the test!! Who knew??), I am gonna get to the bottom of this Lefty.

    🙂

  3. mark smith says:

    I’d advise against putting an entire box of snack cakes in the safe (your ass). Aside from it being a magical feat on a David Copperfield level, it might send the wrong message to your cellmate. The only remotely awesome experience Ive had locked up is too long to reprint here, so go here http://midtownmiscreant.blogspot.com/2009/01/beauty-is-in-eye-of-beholder-prison.html True story.
    Beyond that, prison or jail is just unending monotony occasionally broken up by the occasional beat down and the rare stabbing. I’d recommend avoiding it if at all possible.

  4. paulwilsonkc says:

    Great story, Lefty AND Mark! Both, however, lack the number of movie stars you met, what a rock star EITHER of you were while inside OR how much action you got! Both stories clearly need Craig’s editing touch.

  5. CG says:

    Craig gets more response than all of your last several articles put together. Oh except the Burnett thing. Wow. Exciting. ON tonyskansascity.com

    • Well, you’re totally right Craig. Maybe we should farm out our writing to a worker at our comedy club…. and then comment 25 times on our own stories using creative names like “Midtown Mom” and “Black Barbie” while using obviously Glazer-like vernacular like, “Huh. Glazer makes some good points. Why so much hate? Seems like a good guy. I like his style.”

      Here’s a tip, Craig– if you’re going to comment on your own shit (which I’d advise against, because, well, shouldn’t you have better things to do?) DON’T SOUND EXACTLY LIKE CRAIG FUCKING GLAZER when you do it. It’s bush-league and embarrassing.

      I know you can’t help the other 75% of the comments– the horribly negative ones that you don’t generate yourself– but do yourself a favor and stop sucking your own dick. It’s weird and sad.

      Cheers!

      • paulwilsonkc says:

        Hey, I was kind of partial to the “Burnett thing”! It was going great guns with new readers and great comments until the KCC Short Bus pulled up and unleashed a pestilence of Biblical proportion!
        Great story, Lefty! I just thought long before now you would be hammered with;
        You don’t know nothin about prison! Your stats are all wrong. That guy wearing his clothes backwards is my cousin, he said you weren’t ever in jail, you’re a fraud and a liar! I work wit the biggest and best warduns in the biggest and best pirzuns in the cuntry! I am the prizun prognosticator. If you’d like my newest report on Prizuns coming out soon email prizuns4life@yooohoo.lmnop.edu.gov.com
        I have 400 of the biggest prizun warduns, most all my cousins subskribing to my nuzletters. I’m always glad to help my fans readers and deciple3s.

      • Super Dave says:

        Awesome retort Lefty, but one I have made to Glazer in so many words, many times and just get called a hater.

        • Brandon Leftridge says:

          I just don’t see what his motive is here. The piece had nothing to do with him– other than a joking reference at the end– and yet he felt the need to show up and remind us of just how great he is. I just don’t know that I’d run around bragging about my “comments” (I mean, really? Who gives a shit??) when a third are me pretending to be other people, a third are people wishing death upon me, and the other third are me as myself in defense mode, telling everyone that they’re all “haters” and “losers.” I’d rather have normal people just read and appreciate my words… I don’t get paid off of comments.

        • Harley says:

          toilet in apartment 210 needs to be fixed.
          grab your plunger super dave and head there
          real fast.
          Then go to apartment 420 and get the dog droppings
          off the interior steps.
          Please get this done asap. Thanks.

      • CG says:

        Hey fucko I don’t comment on my own stuff don’t need to, you do.. again nobody knows who you are or cares…hence no attacks who cares what you think. Dig it…I was just saying the truth…when you are of note people attack, simple as that…here, in all entertainment, when you only write about other peoples lives and such nobody cares about YOU, its about the story…which can also be good…I get crap cause I am a known person who is willing to push the walls a bit, thats all…you guys couldn’t push up a daisy. You just don’t have any ‘brave’ in your tummy, most don’t Brandon, you aren’t alone…

        • Brandon Leftridge says:

          Ladies and gentlemen, Craig Glazer.

          • Jess says:

            Yep. No wonder Hearne kicked him to the curb. What a class act.

          • Harley says:

            LEFTY…you will learn in life that it doesnt
            pay to make the king angry.
            lefty..stfu….you’re doing nothing but
            digging yourself into a hole.
            You’ve done some nice stuff…but outside of
            the 5 comments noone cares.
            thats why i’ve suggesed you take your
            work somehwere else…the pitch..ink…
            star….even tonys blog where lots of
            people can see your work.
            don’t be stupid…you have some talent..
            why burn bridges in this town..
            glaze knows everyone and he can make or
            break someones career in this city.
            Every major radio station..every major
            newspaper…every major public official
            knows this guy and yes he may be
            controversial but you need to
            learn at your young age that you can
            prosper quietly.
            And besides lefty…do you really want to
            end up like this old guys …seriously..
            do you want this life like these negative
            guys who write filth on the internet to
            make themselves look like fools.
            i mean seriously lefty…you’ve got so many
            years left to really make a great name for
            yourself…don’t tie yourself to losers in life.
            don’t hang with dredges…you can be
            and achieve some great things…you’ve got
            talent…don’t waste it with these old guys
            here…good luck…

      • Jess says:

        Lefty, that comment just won the internet. Well played sir!

    • Super Dave says:

      Style, class and quality, will win over quantity with no class every time!

      • SRD INVESTMENTS says:

        Memo to Mr. SuperDave

        We asked you to clean up the toilets in apartment 210 and
        230. You failed to do it.
        If you can’t use a plunger please get a broom stick.
        Then make sure to clean the steps of the apartment
        complex so people can walk in without slipping and falling.
        We’ve asked you to do this numerous times.
        Either do your job right or we will be forced to move
        you to the section 8 collection division.
        thanks.now get to work.
        And your request for a raise is denied. You’re already
        making $9 an hour. What do you expect?

  6. harley says:

    Hey guys…i can’t comment on this article..don’t know what it’s like to be
    in jail…never been in jail…not once..not twice…not three times…never.
    I can imagine some of the dudes on here have been in multiple times. They may be
    the one’s commenting. I don’t know…just thought it would be fun to hear each
    of the commentators personal experience…because you guys probably have
    some funny stories like lefty. Lefty’s was good…and since we’ve got some
    pulitzer winning writers on here…this could be a great chance to talk about
    personal experince in jail…jail time…and how “fun” it was to be
    in prison. I mean we all love reading about glazes stories…and we laughed
    at lefty’s stories….letssee some really funny stuff.
    I imagine they’ve been there for serious offenses…lets see maybe each of
    those who’ve been in jail can give a full accounting of what they were there
    for..Now that would be very very very interesting. That would be the
    funniest thing on kcc since we heard about carol burnett. Heck..hearne
    could write 5 or 6 stories featuring the “JAILBIRDS OF KCC”..(NICE TITLE HUH?)
    Why don’t each of you dudes tell us why you were in jail…explain your
    experience…of course everyone in jail is innocent…not one of you
    who were in jail for a real reason. Maybe none of you were in prison and hearne
    can write a story like trying to find an mu bar in lawrence (hahahaha)
    So lets see…maybe it was being a dead beat dad…maybe a traffic
    violation…dui (afew too many cocktails)…maybe domestic violence..
    maybe wife beating…maybe child abuse…maybe someone on here’s
    a disgusting low life sexual offender and they have to registerwith the sheriffs office.
    Maybe they got thrown in jail for obstruction of justice…come on guys..or they
    got thrown in jail for not obeying a courts order. Jail stories are fun…i mean
    we generatedc130 stories on the carol burnett crap..think how many we
    can get when we tell funny stories about being injail.
    Accroding to lefty these are some funny stories…but lets see some really
    funny sh*ttttt!!!!
    Being in jail is a fun time (wrong)…tell us about the food (never ate jail food but had
    some pretty bad crap at the qt)…tell us how fun it was to be handcuffed(I’ven
    ever been arrested but it might be hilarious for you guys to chime in with
    your funny stories. Watched COPS one night and one of the guys arrested
    was complaining about the tight handcuffs. another show i saw was where
    they sent letters tothose who had warrants for beating their spouse and not
    paying child support. The cops sent them a letter that they won a big
    screen color tv and whenthey showed up they got arrested. think that was
    on dateline nbc. So remember guys…if you’re guilty of anythning and theres
    awarrenat out for your arrest…don’t go trying to collect one of those nice
    46″ hd 1080 big screens…not a good idea. Saw one years ago where
    guys who beat their wives and vice versa were involved in a sting…think
    it was on like oprah or some show like that where the men hadto go thru
    anger management…wow…soem of these guys were like doctors/lawyers/
    ceos and they went thru the program to help them avoid domestic violence.
    It was interesting…but since i’ve never been involved inany kind of
    violence/jail/assualt/ etc. I got a rude awakening.
    Wasat a convenience store and saw that paper BUSTED on the counter..where
    people arrested had their name and pciture put inthe paper. Didany of you
    get that kind of great publicity? I mean the paper ws filled with drunk drivers..
    domestic violence …..beatings…assault…obstruction of justice….unpaid child
    support….dui’s….driving without a license…susspended licenses…drug violations.
    I mean seriuosly…left and you guys i think we have a major series on
    this story. Use your imagination…lets have some fun because doing jail
    time is a very enjoyable epxeirnce (wrong…!!!!!)
    hahahahaha!!!!!
    And here’s the deal…i can’t comment…never been in jail so youwon’t
    have to read my comments about your
    “funny” days in the big house!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • If this man wemt to “J” School and graduated from MU, then Vince Young will cure cancer by next Tuesday.

      • harley says:

        $1000 cash bet….all monies go to help the
        jj’s employees and families.
        Or are you another chicken sh***t p.o.s…
        come on you people….

        • Ok, I am ok with the bet, but first we have to make sure we have the bona fides established, dead on the money.

          You, Harley (Whatever your name is…) went to MU and graduated, finished, actually received a Journalism degree from college (MU).

          I think you should, in the interest of clarification, name a few teachers you had, what buildings you were in, some famous clasmates maybe and some details that would lend credibility to your bona fides.

          I don’t come here very often, but when I do, I see your comments and wonder about the “J” School claims.

          Let me put my fingers in the wounds, or maybe just one of the wounds.

          I wanna believe and $1,000.00 is a lot of money.

          • Harley says:

            we’ll arrange for an arbitrator to establish
            the rules…
            he will be the final decision maker…
            all monies will be collected in advance…
            we can get attorneys to draw up papers..
            i don’t need anything but trasncripts…
            authentication of graduation…offical paperwrok
            from the university…whatever we decide.
            the arbitrator will handle all paperwork and
            monies…
            cash will be required…no checks or money
            orders..don’t know you but i know jj’s well
            and want to make sure this money is given
            to help the families.
            arangements can be made…youvcan
            contact me at law4life1000@yahoo.com.
            No more need to get this done…if you
            have anattorney we can get this taken
            care of within 24 hours with all paperwork
            that you need signed…sealed and delivered.
            Harley is right….don’t doubt me…if you
            need names i think i remember some of them
            buildings etc…but thats irrelevant…paperwork
            authenticated thru the university should be
            sufficient….
            as far as people i graduated with in j school…
            i haven’t really followed many except for
            one whois now a nationally known sports
            broadcaster…did many college football games..
            voice for l.a. lakers…not sure where he is
            now…but he has a huge track record.
            I did get into one of the 10 finalists for an
            internship job thru mu that eventually was
            won by jim lampley…i screwed up in a
            test and jim eventually got the deal and we know
            how successful he was over the years and i think
            he was from notre dame….
            get the details ready/ you know where to
            get a hold of me…and we can finalize this
            bet pretty quickly.
            thanks…

    • Harley says:

      funny…love the photo…no we weren’t drinkers…we were lovers.
      we did the stephens girls and after that the columbia college women. Our
      favorites were pillsbury and tower halls….ohlala….
      And by the way…my fraternity had the highest overall grade point
      average in greektown for 6 straight semesters.
      But nice pic..looks more like the ATO or Kappa Alphas in columbia.
      Now those KA’sknew how to drink…was in lauderdale with about 10
      of them…they didn’t drink beer…WILD TURKEY…straight from the
      bottle….good times.
      The night before finals most of my bros were studying…but after
      finals…look out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
      funny….thanks for the pic and the memories..
      now…were you ever in jail dude?…i’m sure yo have some funny stories…

  7. Jim Lampley says:

    I have no idea who this guy is. I went to the University Of North Carolina.

    This me on the phone with Harley telling him to shut the fu*k up!

    http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_1x1mvb2W23Q/Sba29_afCOI/AAAAAAAAA6c/KAJ3_bhkm_s/s400/lamp.jpg

    • Harley says:

      sorry…for some reason thought he went to notre dame..
      anyway….i was involved in abc program….screen test went bad
      but made the first 2 cuts…
      nice….especially when guys on here are such losers they
      never went out of their comfort level…mikey 51/chuck 65/
      smarmyman selling hot tubs…
      i mean sorry guys…if you don’t take a shot you get nowhere…
      maybe its too late…sad but true..and then you end up
      making some of the most racist remarks on tonys blog.
      some people got it…some people wait for the train that never came..
      some people wait for the train but the train already left the station..
      and some got on the wrong train going the wrong way in ther first
      place…
      lets hear some of those funnystories….i mean lefty had a nice
      article…where’s the fun guys?????????????????????/

    • Harley says:

      creative….must have taken an hour to find that…
      come on boys…wheres the stories..
      i know you guys got some hilarious stories about jail…come on..
      if we’re going to get to 129 comments we need lots and lots
      of stories…
      come on guys…hearne needs the readers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  8. No bet Harley.

    I really do believe you graduated from journalism school.

    Lewis Duigiud draws a check from the Kansas City Star, so…

    Hey good idea though buddy. You have inspired me to contribute to a noble cause.

    Maybe we can bring Geert Wilders to town!!

    • Harley says:

      typical chicken sh****t…you say yes..then back down…
      so at least give some money to jj’s fund…jasper jr. did an
      incredible job along with the other restuarant people.
      was down onthe plaze last night…like a reunion…
      see guys…maybe youshould get off this computer and help
      someone…it feels good…its revitalizing…its refreshing…
      try it…maybe it will give you and alternative
      to the trash talking b.s. on me and glaze you losers revel in.
      As far as j school…loved the heidelbuerg…dale gaston…favorite
      teacher…took j 101 from a guy from memphis commercial
      appeal….was donrey media winner….wrote at trib for hank
      and his dad while in school….
      had accounts while selling ….harpos…deja vu…..etc….
      worked with frat brother at kcbj doing morning shows…good
      morning columbia in tiger hotel…great times…
      i appreciate your gracioussness to contribute to the jj’s
      fund….take care…jimmy appreciates it too.
      love to all.

      • chuck says:

        Just got home. Read Harley’s many posts.

        Hey buddy, you’re are confused thats all. You didn’t go to “j” school, you went to JJ’s pool.

        There, I am guessing, you let Chaz Bono sit on your face. That must be confusing as hell.

        A greatful nation, a greatful city thanks you and your legion of friends and aquantances for all the donations to all the charities and especially for all the great stories.

        Our very best to Chaz.

        • Harley says:

          nice chuck…very nice….great language…
          hearne said he was going to clean up this spot.
          Noone uses language like you do…noone
          uses the trashy talk you do…
          you are really making a name for yourself
          chuck…
          why? you have some talent too…we may disagree
          but we are civil without the lude comments you
          are becoming famous for.
          stop chuck…your commentsvon tonys blogs are
          so hideous i’m getting emails that are
          saying you should be banned.
          prosper quietly….and stop the horrid…vile language
          ….whats gotten into you chuck.
          i am worried about you…something is going on…
          stop….

  9. Harley says:

    JJ’S FUND RAISING
    While many of the people on here were writing about jail house rocks/fireplace
    stories/used hot tubs and the rest of the usual stuff that’s on here
    some important people in kc were involved in raising money to help the
    employees and families of JJ’s restaurant.
    I’ve spent many birthdays down there and there was no better and more
    enjoyable eating establishment in this town.
    Jimmy built an incredible operation with a staff that was second to none.
    The servers were some of the best people at their trade…the wines were
    superior and were featured in national magazines.
    Many of my friends and friends of my family participated in the
    fundraising effort. There were too many to mention but they included
    jasper jr. and the other restaurantuers in this great town.
    Having been in the business for many years it was beyond belief how
    many great people participated in the fundraising event to help
    these people in their times of need.
    We visited the plaza and places were packed. I heard that the restaurants
    who participated were packed from the moments they opened their doors.
    Suppliers and vendors helped out enormously also.
    It was very very cool to see and experience what this town is all about.
    Hopefully some of the readers of kcc will contribute some money to this
    effort. Everything counts.
    But if shows how great a city we are.
    I contribute many hours and money to the charities in this city. I do
    a national campaign every holiday season with clients that provide
    transportation to needy families.
    All this proves that we are a great city…even with our “small” problems
    we have a heart bigger than any other city in the nation.
    I congratulate those who took part…those who gave and hope and
    pray for the victims and their families of this tragedy.
    god bless all.
    The real harley.

  10. Jesus says:

    Read the book of your people. The man who brags about his good deeds has already received his reward on earth. My Father won’t reward you in heaven as you chose to reward yourself, yelling from the mountain top what a good and generous man you are. Such conceit and bravado gets it’s only reward in the hollowness of your own words. That’s the full measure. My Father would not have wasted the time on the Beatitudes if “blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the kingdom” didnt mean something profound.
    Your Father is not pleased with you, Harley, you’re too busy being pleased with yourself.
    (Refute this if you like, but it’s out of my Fathers words, you’ll be arguing with someone bigger and smarter than you; I know you find that difficult to believe.)

    • Harley says:

      i imagine this was written by the famous one himself.
      He who lives in glass houses should not throw stones.
      I’ve received about 6 emails with nothing but glowing
      extolling stories about one individual and all he;s
      done in the world.
      If he wrote this fine…i can movevon.
      “But he who has committed the worst of sins will never
      be cleansed of the blood and vile acts that have been done”
      for me…sir…i can forgive the sinner…but never the sin.
      cleanse your soul….for you have done the worst of the worst.
      You know what i mean…its written in all books…bible…koran…torah…
      thewords say simply….don’t cast spells…you shall never make
      the light when you sit in the dark…
      my good friend jesus…i know people who have committed the
      worst sins imagined. Sins that would make your cringe..
      sins that they refuse to repent for. It is for that reason
      that i call on all sinners to cleanse their souls…reach out and
      accept the blame and the punishment for those sins…
      for as the books say…” he who has sinned…is the last one to
      enter…..for we may forgive…but we WILL NEVER FORGET!!!!
      never forget…never forget…never forget…never forget!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Donna says:

      What are you talking about “Jesus”?
      You can’t get even the name right!
      “the checks in the mail”? Right!
      Bam. Ouch!

  11. Harley's mom says:

    Harley did go too j scoool…..he was a gud student two…..is still a janitor…..he is such a good/sweat boy……pleese be nice to him

    • The Real Harley says:

      Im sorry, mom. U did the best yu coud
      but my thinkin is stinkin and
      Im so hateful to
      everyone because
      I has to
      breath the fumes from the
      OP Poop Plant
      all the time.
      They say garbige in garbige out but this is
      wurse then garbige, its poo.
      Eye have a purdy view of Lake LottaHockey
      though.
      You are not to blame, you did all you koud.
      Now the hellhounds is on my trail.
      If I wood have listened and cud
      go back to square 1 and start ovur
      when they first said to nock it off I wood
      have bin bedder off.
      its a down hill ride from hear on out.

  12. Dean Whirley says:

    J school = Jag off school.

  13. harley says:

    if everyone does something good…regardless of whetehr they extoll their
    goodness…makes no difference…good is done.
    what have youdone good tody
    Many of you don’t know me so even if i tell of the good things I’ve done/do
    it doesn’t make any difference…
    I know many people on here do good things…lotsof good things…they
    too choose to tell us about them…great…if its good thats all that counts.
    I choose to be anonymous to many on here so essentially my things i do
    are anonymous to many.
    love to all…
    stay safe.

  14. Orphan of the Road says:

    Well Brandon & Paul, this is why we can’t have nice things here.

    I was working a show and a cop came to the entrance and demanded to go in. I asked for his ticket. Said he didn’t have one. I said no tickee, no entree. He fumed around, went to his car, came back and arrested the manager.

    That bitch Karma has saved my butt a few times. We were all rebels without a clue. Good/bad but not evil.

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