Hearne: Manti Te’o Fake Girlfriend Story, Journalism Light

tuiasosopo-1-24-13-3_4_r536_c534I can’t take it anymore…

Not that I’m mad as hell or anything, but the only thing more ridiculous than the ridiculous tale of Notre Dame linebacker Manti Te’o is the ridiculous, lame news coverage of his fake dead girlfriend story.

Ad nauseam news coverage.

Here’s what gets me.

For all the ESPN and Katie Couric interviews and blogger reporting, nobody’s been able to cut to the chase and pin Te’o down with the truly tough questions and followup questions. Couric tried.

mantiteokatiecouric_620_012413But why not totally nail him on how her could spend four years in a “relationship” with someone without making face-to-face contact? And not date anybody else? Or did he? Who? Why not ask at least?

And in an age where 14 year-old girls regularly use Skype or FaceTime to video conference, it’s one thing for Te’o to tell Couric he got a black screen trying to FaceTime the imaginary girlfriend, but how many times over four years did he try?

How could he buy into that she was the only person in the free world unable to make a FaceTime hookup work? After how many tries?

Or how about, did they ever have phone sex?

The only thing that makes any sense is Te’o is gay.

Or dumb as a rock, but then how’d he did get into Notre Dame? And what’s so awful about being gay anyway?

CNN‘s Anderson Cooper had an ESPN sports hack on last night who said he’d just spent two and one half hours grilling Te’o. Yet after all that, the dude still didn’t have a clue.


“I think he’s probably gay,” says Ann Thompson, a 30-something marketing rep. “And either he was presented with the opportunity to have a fake girlfriend without having to deliver on any of the behaviors of being in a heterosexual relationship – without having to engage with her face to face and play the part of being straight – or he was in on it.”

If Te’o really totally dumb, “The hoax gave him the perfect cover with the least amount of faking it required,” Thompson says. “So for him it was a win-win. Why would he press to have a face to face with her?”

espn_tm_d1_600The flip side of that equation:

“If he was part of the hoax all bets are off,” Thompson says. “But either way he’s probably gay.”

Which is probably the last thing Te’o will ever admit. Not if he wants to bank millions playing in the NFL.

Because as online gay pub The Advocate says, “Although some (NFL players) have come out after leaving, there is not a single out player in all of pro team sports.”

Can we move on now? Probably not but…




This entry was posted in Hearne_Christopher. Bookmark the permalink.

33 Responses to Hearne: Manti Te’o Fake Girlfriend Story, Journalism Light

  1. the dude says:

    Totally teh ghey, not that there is anything wrong with that though.
    I did hear him quoted as saying he wanted to play ‘hide the banana Glaze-style’ with Harlinator though. Where you gonna hide Teo’s banana Harlinator?

  2. harley says:

    +1 for the dude!!!

  3. paulwilsonkc says:

    For the life of me, I have no idea why this is a news story! No matter what his intent, he’s only half a step away from anyone who has ever hooked up with someone based on an evening’s cruise of Match.com! Countless people have swooned over the babe in the picture, only to meet the real life water buffalo for drinks! So badly misrepresented you had to have an introduction to even know that was the person you already had 30 pictures of, fantasizing over where the night might take you! But the first drink you’re ready to offer her a ride to the stockyards, not your bedroom.
    How is this all that much different; it’s all fantasy land. It’s all just fun and games till someone gets an STD or meets the heifer!

    (DISCLAIMER: I would doubt this EVER happens on ChristianMingle.com)

    And if this was his not so brilliant rouge to avoid being seen as gay, he’s done himself more damage than if he would have just said, “I’m QUEER and I’m HERE, deal with it!” When his agent has to deal with the “whole man” portion of the contract negotiation when a team is evaluating the totality of who he is, Heisman quality play is going to go out the window when they evaluate the mental and moral side of this young man. If they take it to the lowest common denominator, he’s going to be a bargain basement pick because this kind of instability is going to show up elsewhere, given any amount of time!

    And that’s too bad! The league is ripe with drug addicts, dealers, ex cons, murderers, gang bangers, cheaters and various low lives. What’s the problem with a guy on a really bad fantasy, real or perceived?

    I guess I have casual curiosity to know the inside workings of his head; but only casual. Did he really think she was real, or did he make it all up from the get go and knew there wasn’t a girl at all?

    Regardless, it’s clear he’s got some serious issues; it’s just not my front page news. I’m too focused on whether or not Kloe is a real Kardashian or not! Buying milk last night, I saw the Enquirer while I was waiting in line at the checkout stating she just found out her mom had an affair and she’s not really one of them! Tragic. What she must be going through right now……. It’s going to take 2 bottles of Cristal and another NBA player to make that pain subside.

    Hmmmm, Te’o, you girlfriend be dead, ever look at the can on Kloe? The two of you just may be in luck!

  4. Orphan of the Road says:

    It is a lot easier to get into Notre Dame if you have excellent hand-to-eye coordination. Ask Junior Nigro.

    Perhaps this was one, big Jerky Boys event.

    Why isn’t this other guys/gal/imposter’s motives being looked at too? Five-hundred hours of phone calls? I realize the guy is majoring in performance art and all.

    This guy probably has harley on speed dial.

  5. Manti Tea'hole says:

    My favorite part of football-the showers!

  6. George Wilson says:

    Te’o made up a girlfriend. OK, not smart and not cool, especially for someone in the national spotlight. But Harley and Smartman have made up entire lives. And if Glazer had to pay an extra dime in taxes every time he fabricated or embellished a story about his sex life, we could wipe out the national debt.

    • paulwilsonkc says:

      DISCLAIMER: That statements made by George Wilson are not those of any other Wilson (even though I totally agree with him) on this site. George Wilson is not Paul Wilson or in any way related. He is not one of my other 47 ficticious Wilson names and we have never met. I have no first hand knowledge of Glazers sex life or any fabircation on behalf of anyone, other than my own.
      No Wilsons were inured during this post.
      Please dont forget, you can get all my upcoming white papers (this isnt racist, its a real term) on several current topics. Im glad to counsel anyone needed information on any topic. Please pass your calls through my agent, Lobster Newburg.

      • Orphan of the Road says:

        Don’t lie wilson, he is your father! Margaret Mitchell is your mother. Dennis “the Menace” Mitchell is your half-brother.

        ‘Fess up!

  7. paulwilsonkc says:

    Fifty points to anyone who can accurately identify “Lobster Newburg”.

  8. the dude says:

    Your agent is Ben Wenberg and is not as good as Stan Greenberg@law4life@yahoo.org. Just ask banana boy Harlinator.

  9. chuck says:

    The Quality Inn has a Manti Te’o special.

    Imaginary friends stay free!

  10. balbonis moleskine says:

    Hey guys, the Blue Springs man who pleaded guilty to abandoning his sex partner’s corpse looks hilariously like Le Scribe


  11. Penn or Teller says:

    It is all about diversionary news.

    Think of a magician, and how he keeps your attention on his right hand (or prettyy assistant) as his left hand is ignored.

    Diversionary news has become quite common. A red flag should go up when ever you hear a story which makes no (little) sense (or makes you wonder why would/should anyone care?) (or how could the people involved with the story be this stupid?). Whn you see/think this, be on alert for what real story is being deflected?

  12. mike says:

    I think there are not enough stories like that. There is too much time wasted covering the economy, Benghazi, the Affordable Health Care Act, Syria, the fiscal cliff, etc. We need more stories about Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, etc.

    • paulwilsonkc says:

      In related news, Mike, Kloe may not be a real Kardasian! Her slutty mom had an affair and she may be the byproduct! In your opinion, will this affect her desirability with NBA players?

      • chuck says:

        No, the badonkadonk is the primary focus of any NBA player worth his salt.

        The integrity of the badonkadonk, in Cow…., er…, Clowy’s case to this point ( I am unaware of, but certain there must be schematics, cut sheets and parameters regarding said badonkadonk.), remains intact, therefore, her marketablity to the ‘Dead Between The Ears’ American masses and NBA players is intact.

        Our focus now, should be centered around (And I use the term ‘around’ with the same look on my face as the Japanese at one time had, when the approach of Godzilla was imminent.) the Monowai, rapidly growing, tectonic plate shifting, volcanic badonkadonk, that is, Kim Kardashian’s azz.

        Tides shift, populations are dispalced, civilization is diminished to a Hobbesian state in the face of this expected Breech Birth (Cranial vacuity, the lack of mass, will send those feet first into the light, to be fitted immediately with High Orange Air Jordans.) that will suck the atmosphere pure of coherant thought and deliver us all into the bliss of BET.

        Subsequent divorce and nasty accusations should commence in around 90 days.

      • mike says:

        I hope it doesn’t! That would really be a sad day for our nation if it does!

  13. paulwilsonkc says:

    Chuck, I’m with Mike on this one. If she and Kinta Kanye West don’t make it, the fall out could have a ripple effect. They are clearly, deeply in love! They have copulated, she is with child and a $24million love nest has been purchased in the hills! It’s picture perfect! People magazine has offered $14M for exclusive rights to the baby pictures! (I’m assuming this includes a center spread fold out to get her billion dollar bodacious back side completely in the shoot!)
    If it fails, it could change rap music as an industry, but too, it would indeed open a prospect for the badonkadonk NBA players, who would likely love raising Kanyes baby!
    (Just where DO we live anymore? We’ve lost our collective compass)

    • chuck says:

      Paul, you are right. It is a perfect match.

      Kanye West is an execrable excrescence on the American azz, who has mated with a vacuous, inane, no talent, famous for being famous celebrity with a gargantuan azz, who made her bones getting pizzed on in a video by another POS no talent loser.

      The standard for American culture is an ever lowering bar in a game of Limbo over a pile of crap.

      The Hip/Hop/Holocaust endures and thrives.

    • balbonis moleskine says:

      This isn’t a new thing, in the 50-60s Frankie and Annette were just as vapid.

      The only difference is Annette could actually fit in a bikini without looking like a hottentot. (that dated refernce goes out to chuck)

      Disney is still pumping up their preteen child stars as idyllic cherubs, waiting for the inevitable puberty, then selling the lolita angle and then pushing chips all in when they turn 18. In the last 20 years, this is how Christina Aguillera and Britney Spears were created. Nowadays the person they have just finished doing this with is Demi Lovato. Someone who has kids can probably let the group know who is in the earlier phases now.

  14. Rick Nichols says:

    We need look no further than at what the vast majority of America’s news outlets tend to concentrate on these days (i.e., fluff like this) for a better understanding of the ongoing dummying down of America. May God have mercy on us all!

Comments are closed.