New Jack City: It’s True! It’s True!—Well Maybe?

U.S. citizens remain some of the most sexually repressed in the world…

At least outwardly.

Ever notice that when a sexual topic comes up people’s voices drop to a hushed tone?

For that matter, some of our most common sexual practices are actually against the law in Kansas. Straight and gay.

If the K.B.I. ever decided to enforce those outdated laws, half of the state would probably be behind bars. To that end allow me to offer up some of the more bizarre sexual urban legends….

Believe it or not but……

* In Connorsville, Wisconsin it’s still illegal for a man to shoot off his gun while his female partner is having an orgasm.

* In Clinton, Oklahoma it’s allegedly illegal for men to masturbate while watching two people having sex in a parked car.

* In Skullbone, Tennessee the law bans women from ‘pleasuring a man’ while he is sitting behind the wheel of a moving vehicle.

* It’s against the law to install bathtubs in Topeka.

* Motel owners in Hastings, Nebraska must provide each guest with a clean nightshirt. Couples are not allowed to have sex in said motels unless wearing one of these clean, white cotton nightshirts.

* In Kirksville, Texas pigs are not allowed to have sex on the city’s airport property.

* It’s illegal to purchase sex toys in Alabama.

* In Harrisburg, Pennsylvania it’s against the law to have sex with a truck driver in a toll booth.

* Willowdale, Oregon forbids a husband to talk dirty in his wife’s ear during sex.

Then again,  internationally speaking, thing’s aren’t much better at times.

*  Like in Cali, Colombia where women may only have sex with their husbands. And the first time this happens, her mother must witness the act.

* The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.

* Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool—but only in tropical fish stores.

* Muslim undertakers are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. Sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or a piece of wood.

* In Lebanon, men are allegedly allowed to have sex with animals. But only if they’re female. Doing so with a male animal is punishable by death.

* Laws in Bahrain forbid a male doctor to examine a woman’s genitals directly. Instead he must study their reflection in a mirror.

* It’s against the law in Belize for any man to have sex with or marry his own aunt. Lawbreakers are tied to a tree and flogged.

* In Paramaribo, a man who rapes a single woman won’t be punished—IF the rape victim agrees to marry her attacker.

* Bolivia prohibits a man from having sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.

Back to the good, old USA…

* Finally in Mormon heavy state of Utah it’s illegal to marry your first cousin before the age of 65.

Believe the legalese or not. Or better yet, add your own urban sex legends to the slagheap.

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3 Responses to New Jack City: It’s True! It’s True!—Well Maybe?

  1. Reggin Tnuc says:

    So if my wife and I are driving through Skullbone, Tennessee and she does not speak to me, that is illegal?

    We have lived in both Montana and Wyoming during our marriage where many archaic laws existed regarding beastiality. In some cases it was legal if you had boots on and your trousers were not completely removed.

    We took our neighbor out one night to have his first sex with a sheep. We promised that we would not laugh but could not help ourselves when he chose the ugliest one.

    He took that sheep home and carried it up the stairs to his bedroom where his wife was. He declared “This is the pig that I’ve been f#%king!” She said, “That’s not a pig, that’s a sheep!” He said, “Shut up, I was talking to the sheep!”

  2. Super Dave says:

    Till death do us part…” Not if you live in Egypt.

    Picture it, your wife just died, your sad, and maybe a little horny; what better way to say goodbye to your beloved then with a farewell death f**k. It’s not like she’ll mind. She’s dead; you can totally bypass that whole consent thing. Corpses can’t protest, after all. And if the Islamist-dominated Egyptian parliament has anything to say about it, it’ll be your legal right. As long as you stick to a six hour time frame. If you’re wife’s been dead for more than six hours, you’re s**t out of luck if this new law passes.

  3. Rick Nichols says:

    No, what really seems to be taboo is a frank discussion of the planet’s population problem and how best to deal with it.

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