Mancow: How to Blow Your Economic Stimulus Check in 5 Easy Steps

Sometime this year, taxpayers are supposed to receive an Economic Stimulus payment…

This is indeed a very exciting program, and I’ll explain it by using a Q & A format:

Q. What is an Economic Stimulus payment?
A. It’s money the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen of it.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thereby stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn’t that stimulating the economy of China?
A. Shut up.

Below are some helpful tips on how to best help the U.S. Economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

* If you spend the stimulus money at Walmart it will go to China or Sri Lanka .
* If you spend it on gasoline, it will go to the Arabs.
* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India, Taiwan or China.
* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala.
* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea.
* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan.
* If you pay your credit cards off or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money in America by:

1) Spending it at yard sales, or
2) Going to ball games, or
3) Spending it on prostitutes, or
4) Beer or
5) Tattoos.

These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S.

Conclusion:

Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day!

No need to thank me. I’m just glad I could be of  help.

This entry was posted in Mancow. Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to Mancow: How to Blow Your Economic Stimulus Check in 5 Easy Steps

  1. harley says:

    mancow….theres no indication of a stimulus check coming in 2012…where
    did you get this information?
    What gave you this idea there was a check coming to american taxpayers?
    righ now i don’t think theres a stimulus check program planned.

  2. mark smith says:

    1) Spending it at yard sales…….
    but people never report yard sales as income, so the government and taxpayers get screwed.
    2) Going to ball games….
    most of the players are from some other country. They send the money home. We get hosed again.
    3) Spending it on prostitutes………..
    I get the clap. Go to the clinic. The Doc is probably Indian or Paki. More of my dollars going to a foreign land.
    4) Beer ……..
    Isn’t bud owned by the krauts now?
    5) Tattoos.
    Probably end up with some Chinese letters. Wanted it to spell out some Confucian type saying. Douche bag tattoo guy puts something on you that actually says ” I blow winos”. The Chi Coms still win.
    Buy gold or domestic weed.
    Your welcome.

  3. chuck says:

    I don’t know what is funnier, the article or Mark’s comment.

    LMAO

    :)

  4. Markus Aurelius says:

    Pssssst. Somebody tell Eric that it’s 2012 not 2008. Apparently someone was asleep at the upload wheel.

  5. the dude says:

    Looks like Glenn Beck or some other neocon idioit is supplying you your information Mangoo.

  6. admin says:

    FYI: There has been some talk of Obama employing a stimulus this year or next

    • Markus Aurelius says:

      The article starts with, “Sometime this year, taxpayers are supposed to receive an Economic Stimulus payment…”

      The verbage “are supposed to” is the problem. Replace it with “might” or “could possibly” and then it’s an arguable point – misinformed – but at least arguable. As written it makes no sense as it’s completely false. I still think someone accidentally uploaded a post from 2008.

      • harley says:

        boycow probably lifted the comments from johnny dare in
        2008 or from randy millers show in 2007!
        boycow is very funny but he has had a history of
        using other peoples material.
        I don’t care…he’s cool.

    • harley says:

      sorry hearne…your sources are wrong….
      your boy boycow needs to really stick to radio schticks he gets
      from randy miller and johnny dare and stay out ofpolitics…
      no word has been mentioned about a stimulus check by the
      adminstration…
      so there goes another one of your crack reports..down the drain.

  7. Super Dave says:

    Why would anyone listen to economic news from boycow anyway. Thats like going to the dishwasher at Winsteads and asking him to do your taxes.

    Very good reply Mark and on the mark.

  8. paulwilsonkc says:

    Why does anyone bother writing a story OR commenting on here when you know you are going to be told you are WRONG AGAIN by Harley.

    It must get old, being THAT right THAT much of the time.

    Harley = ALWAYS RIGHT ALL THE TIME
    The Rest of the World = ALWAYS wrong, even if you have the facts backed up with 8X10′ glossy photos.

    Good lord…..

    • admin says:

      Hey Paul,
      Guess because we know to take him with a grain of something or other at times and not let him get under our skin. That said, at times he can be thought provoking, at others maddeningly idiotic.