In a strongly worded letter published in the form of a paid advertisement in the Kansas City Star, Accurso politely asked Royals President David Glass to sell the team. For the privilege of making his feelings known, Accurso and his team of financial backers are out a cool $5,100.
And for what, I wonder?
What difference did it make?
The unequivocal, simple answer is: none. It made “none” difference, that’s what.
Before Accurso wastes (though I’m sure he’d NEVER categorize his contribution to the local sports scene as a “waste”) another five grand pleading for a leprechaun-hug, I’d like him to consider a few things.
First, David Glass read this piece. I heard so myself on Channel 9. So… there’s that.
BUT—and this is the hugest ‘but’ to takeaway, way bigger than that butt from the Sir Mix-A-Lot video—he doesn’t care. His tenure as owner of this team has proven time and time again that he simply doesn’t care what the fans think. All he cares about is the bottom line: his net worth. And as long as he’s turning a profit, we can all collectively stand on the street-corner with sandwich-board signs and megaphones screaming about what an unflinching asshole he is and it won’t make a lick of difference.
It doesn’t matter.
Second, what was the point? I mean, REALLY—what was the point of this? Was the expectation that Glass would read this, tears of shame plopping softly into his crystal brandy snifter and blubberingly agree to sell the team? Is that what you REALLY thought would happen, Mr. Accurso? For the sake of my sanity, I truly hope that I’m wrong. Perhaps—and I suspect this is the case—you simply wanted to make a point. And look, you ended up on the news, I’m talking about you and almost certainly, this will get some minor national attention on modestly traveled sports-blogs and the like.
But to what end?
You’re not opening anyone’s eyes with your missive. Everyone in the world knows that David Glass is a cheap, insufferable tycoon who cares more about money than he does the happiness of the Royals fans. Consider your investment for what it is: a large-cap “no-shit” stock with almost no growth potential.
Third, and this goes without saying, nobody reads the paper. Never in the history of journalism has the phrase “bird-cage liner” been more astute. Newspapers are used as blankets by the destitute, windshield cleaners by hobos and last vestiges of a forgotten yesterday by elderly folks too terrified by technology to own a computer.
In this vast landscape of continual digital birth, wouldn’t it have made much more sense to start a blog and get a million followers? Create an online petition for the entire world to sign? Establish a Facebook page called “Dan Glass: Undercover Cheapskate Cocksucker”? Twitter directly @ImportantSportsPersonWithLotsofRecognition and have someone with more of an audience take up your cause?
Fourth: why now? Isn’t this letter akin to the last confederate soldier still proudly fighting for the South? A deranged lunatic with a rebel-flag tattoo losing a battle that took place 150 years ago? Glass has owned this team for well over a decade now, and it has sucked from Day One.
But here’s the rub: in the past handful of years, he’s actually been spending! Believe it or not, he has. With record signing bonuses to draft picks and an aggressive push toward Latin American spending, the Royals are no longer the bottom of the barrel when it comes to shilling out shekels. Even when it comes to MLB roster salaries, the Royals are rarely the cheapest of the cheap. In 2010, nine teams spent less than the Royals did on major league talent. In the past 5 years, they’ve never spent more than $6 million less than the Tampa Bay Rays, a team that, through premier talent evaluation, drafting and development have become perennial contenders.
Furthermore, let’s ask the Phillies ($174 million), the Red Sawx ($173), the Marlins ($118) and the Brewers ($97) where all that spending got them in 2012. Or better yet, let’s ask the tens-of-millions of Cubs fans how much fun they’re having in Wrigleyville this year with their bloated payroll and embarrassing lack of success.
Remember what I said a paragraph ago? About the Rays? Because that tells the whole story. Just to restate the secretly obvious conclusion to my blabbering: “through premier talent evaluation, drafting and development, (the Tampa Bay Rays) have become perennial contenders.”
Point being, Glass could throw a gazillion dollars at the problem, but if you’re not signing the right people for those gazillion dollars, or not hiring people who know their shit, it’s all just a handjob from your cousin.
Look, I know I’m coming off as a Glass apologist, but I swear to you, I’m NOT. I dislike the legacy that he has crafted for my beloved team as much as anyone.
I WAS FOUR THE LAST TIME THE ROYALS MADE THE PLAYOFFS. I DO NOT REMEMBER THIS BECAUSE I WAS TOO PREOCCUPIED WITH GI JOES, POP TARTS AND NOT MAKING UH-OHS IN MY UNDEROOS.
But seriously, to think that his lackluster spending is the sole source of this organization’s failures is very short-sighted. And a letter—no matter how eloquently crafted—does nothing to promote change. Real change comes through revolution. Take my advice to heart and organize something.
Remember when 810’s Kevin Kietzman staged a walkout over a decade ago? That was kind of noteworthy. And now, with the Facebooks and the Twitters and the Tumblrs and the Hot-Social-Media-of-the-Month, imagine how epic you could make a NEW walkout, Mr. Accurso.
Just something to ponder for next time, before you decide to spend $5,100 just so that Old Man Rutherford can agree with you by saying things like, “darn tootin’,” while sitting around in his bathrobe, a shaky hand on his cup of Sanka, his memories of a winner fading faster than his cataract-riddled eyesight.
There’s nothing wrong with your passion, but the execution was questionable.
Better luck next time.