You cannot go to a movie these days without sitting through a primer on cellphone etiquette. You know, about how texting is wrong – terribly wrong.
Here’s what you can do though:
And that’s go to a movie or promotional screening, like last night’s The Odd Life of Timothy Green. You can walk into the theater, take a seat, carefully turn off your cell phone and then sit back and…listen for 104 minutes nonstop to yelling, screaming babies.
Which is what went down last night at AMC’s Leawood Town Center.
“There were like five babies at the screening last night,” says Fox 4 movie critic Shawn Edwards. “It was the craziest thing ever. I sat right next to one. I mean and everybody gets so upset about people bringing their cellphones to a movie, but that baby thing was worse.”
Far worse, according to the critics who spent more time critiquing the annoying babies than the movie on their way out of the theater afterwards.
“It was terrible,” Edwards says. “I mean, has the babysitting industry gone out of business? They should be outlawed, they should be banned. I’d rather have people smoke in a theater next to me than bring a baby and I’m not a smoker.”
Edwards misadventure in baby sitting went down at ultra close range.
How bad was it?
“The movie was 104 minutes long and the baby cried for 63,” Edwards says. “And there were at least four other babies literally. All crying. And it was like coordinated with them all crying at like the same time, it was like a baby orchestra.”
Did any of the offending parents take them out to the lobby until they stopped crying?
“No, not one baby left the theater the entire time,” Edwards laments. “It was like watching a movie in Romper Room”
Did text busting ushers ride to the rescue to silence the little lambs?
“Yeah, right. Nobody works in a movie theater anymore,” Edwards says. “And if they do, they’re like 16. Yeah, it was the attack of the babies yesterday and the babies were not messing around, man.”
Edwards advice to baby bringing moviegoers:
“If you have a baby, man, I’m sorry, you can’t go,” he says. “I’m not the movie grinch, but there’s not a baby on the planet that’s not going to cry at a movie.. Babies don’t belong at movie theaters. It’s like people who can’t dance don’t belong at discos.
Edwards is a critic for Fox 4 who is working like mad on Kansas City’s upcoming Urban Film Fest September 7, 8 and 9 at Screenland Crossroads and Bartle Hall.
“And you know what?” he says of the fest. “No babies allowed. It’s not designed for babies.”