Hearne: KCK’s Eric Stonestreet in Love Triangle With Two Hotties, Dog

Let’s start with the premise that human beings, animals and sex are not s good mix…

Can we agree on that? Now let’s take a look at one of Hollywood’s most un-hunky actor / heartthrob types, KCK refugee Eric Stonestreet of the hit sitcom Modern Family.

Whoever would have looked at Stonestreet and figured he’d be engaged in a high profile, romantic balancing act with not one, but two hotties? And a pooch.

I mean, look at the dude.

Which brings us to the National Enquirer story, “Modern Romance Going to Dogs.”

Uh, read on.

“The plus-size Emmy winner’s gal pal Katherine Tokarz is howling mad over playing second fiddle to his mutt Coleman, sources say, and she’s threatening to pull the plug on their 2 1/2 year romance.”

” ‘Katherine is at the point where she thinks Eric loves Coleman more than her and she’s basically told Eric to choose between them,’ the insider says.”

OK, now I’m confused.

Not only is Stonestreet dating a smoking hot babe – no small feat given his total lack of smoking hotness – now he’s about to lose her because she’s jealous of his 12 year-old dog?

I give up.

The source goes on to say Stonestreet’s been with the dog since 2000 – which I guess is about nine years longer than the hottie – so if Tokarz doesn’t like it, “she can take a hike.”

Fortunately there’s more to the story.

Stonestreet was photographed partying with ‘Happy Endings’ star Eliza Coupe in May at a New York City nightclub, the Enquirer reports, whereupon “Katherine, a theater actress who hooked up with Stonestreet in December 2009, hit the roof.”

Am I buying into 31 year-old  babe Coupe dating Stonestreet? No, I’m not, but anything’s possible, I suppose.

Amazingly, the convoluted story ends on the jealous pooch note, adding that Stonestreet was about to pop the question to Tokarz a few months back but now she’s poised to dump him “because she’s sick of competing for his affection.”

Check, please (reality check)