Glazer: Drunk Floozy Gets Scribe Arrested & Jailed Over 4th of July

This is a story I mentioned in a recent column…

What happened to me is important for many reasons and needs to be explained. We live in the greatest country on the planet, no argument. However many of our freedoms and fair treatment are being taken away and we need to step up and stop this dangerous trend before we look more like Germany in 1938.

I realize I’m a high profile guy. And I know many of you think of me as a womanizer.

Regardless, that has little to do with the insane police action taken against me one year ago.

On the evening of July 4th, a young lady I was seeing took a cab to my condo around 11 PM. It was already late, but it was a holiday.  And she was clearly wasted when she arrived. She has a bad drinking problem and often carries a bottle of whiskey in her purse like she did that night.

To conceal her identity, let’s call her Julie.

I was aware she had a few DUI’s, thus the cab ride. Julie lived near Westport in Missouri and I live in Fairway on the Kansas side. You can see by her photo the reason I kept seeing her. So yes, there were red lights, but I never expected something like this to happen. I’m pretty nice to the young ladies I see.

Julie came in and continued to drink as it got later. I’d known her off and on for 15 years; she’d worked at Stanford’s in Westport as a cocktail waitress in the early 2000s and was always a looker. But she always had a boyfriend, so I was always kinda the back up guy. Which was fine.

Now Julie’s around 30 and wants a full time man. Oh boy.

Later the phone rang around midnight and it was a different girl wanting to know what was up. And Julie got mad because the other girl had called. But hey, we weren’t a full time couple and it was an innocent call.

A few minutes later another call came in. Now Julie’s really pissed, plus her bottle is empty and I’m out of booze. So she leaves without a word, just takes off. Oh well, I wanted to sleep with her, but what could I do?

A few minutes later the phone rang – well after 1 AM.

“Mister Glazer, we have a Julie here with us. This is the Fairway Police. She says her boyfriend hit her.”

I said, “Really, did you get the guy?”

“Well not yet,” the officer responded. “She says you’re the boyfriend.”


I said, “Look officer, I’ve lived here 8 years and never had one problem as you must know. I’m not her boyfriend, just a guy she sees now and again. And looking at her you can see why.”

Then the officer said, “Can we come talk about this?”

And I responded, “Look, I’m an ex cop. I know you want to come over here and arrest me because she says so, but she’s lying. The story is made up. However, since you may know already this is b.s. if you promise not to arrest me – remember tomorrow is a national holiday and I wouldn’t even get bond for two days – I’ll take your word for it. If I don’t convince you its not true, just send your detectives over Tuesday and they can decide. Fair enough?”

He said, sure.

The police arrived at about 2 AM, moments later. I was getting in bed and had done nothing wrong. Soon I would learn there was no evidence against me at all. It was clearly a made up story and I think they knew that.

But in the middle of the night, I was arrested, taken from my home for no reason and placed in jail out in Gardner, Kansas. I got there at 5 AM. The handcuffs cracked each of my wrists. Nice.

Where did reasonable cause, evidence, etc. go?

The answer is down the drain folks.

Part Two tomorrow.

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21 Responses to Glazer: Drunk Floozy Gets Scribe Arrested & Jailed Over 4th of July

  1. This will end well says:

    “You can see by her photo why I kept seeing her.”

    Well I don’t see any money in an envelope on the bathroom counter there so I’m left to assume that it’s because she’s a good cook.

  2. Super Dave says:

    Your’re so stupid if you threw a rock at the ground you would miss

  3. rkcal says:

    a Groundhog Day kinda life
    How is it possible to live more than half a century and not learn anything? “I like big boobs” really isn’t much of an excuse.

  4. the dude says:

    Jesus Glaze,
    this is exactly what happens when you get yourself involved with mentally unstable floozies.
    Sooner or later you get burned.
    Be lucky she didn’t send some dudes to loot your house when you were gone.

  5. smartman says:

    Thighlight Zone
    So far you have submitted for our consideration of your sexual prowess, Black Barbie, then the single mom/porn star who brought her son to a m

  6. chuck says:

    smartman might be onto something.
    Just marry Mermaid Glaze. She was very nice and liked you.

    You would get to stay home!!!

    Eat decent meals!!

    Go to a flick or something.

    Sit around and watch Sitcoms.

    Jesus buddy, that fuckin life you lead wears me out readin about it.


    I’m goin to bed.

  7. Rick Nichols says:

    It would appear here that “Julie” clearly wanted to get back at you for something, perception being reality, you know. In any case, you were definitely going to get busted one way or the other. Heck, if those were brains she’d be dangerous. Rocket science material at the very least. As it is, she’ll simply have to be content with trading her natural assets for a little “stability” here and there. As for you, like the old song goes, if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, take an ugly girl for your wife – or something like that.

  8. KCMonarch says:

    Freudian slip?
    “so yes there were red lights…”.

    I am assuming you meant to scribe “red flags” but now I have to wonder if maybe you didn’t call a prostitute, get into a squabble about something’ (price?) and she had you arrested.

  9. Guy Who Says What Others Think says:

    Here’s an idea…..
    Quit dating cokehead strippers, drunken barflys, and women with severe emotional issues. Otherwises, I have no sympathy.

  10. ranger danger says:

    Besides that Horrid Wig….
    You must pack a full deck of STD’s. You should be rolling on three condoms at a time.

  11. bubba says:

    you aren’t being quite honest here
    and you should be. You went on and on about lie dector tests, etc… The simple matter of the fact is that the woman didn’t show up to testify against you. I went through a similar situation. I pissed off a woman and she called the police, gave them a bogus story, I was arrested just like you and then after paying bond fees, lawyer fees, supervision fees, she never shows up in court.

    The reason I am saying this is that if someone is going to file that type of police report and then not show up in court to back up their story, they should be held in contempt. This has gotten to be a free and easy way for a woman who felt she was wronged to get back at a man. There should be come back on them for doing this.

  12. mark smith says:

    Just 2 things
    I looked on the JOCO district court webpage.
    You probably didnt impress them with the old ” Im a former cop” line. Considering you have a 1974 delivery of a controlled substance charge on the joco site.. Im not judging you, but cops tend to frown on the whole gonzo pharmicist thing. In their eyes it nullifies any work you may have put in for them.

    and Two…….
    Your middle name is NORMAN. Frankly they should arrest you once a week for having a fruity middle name like Norman. I gotta tell ya killer, that middle name kind of tarnishes that Outlaw mystique you are always claiming.. Craig Norman Glazer. Jesus tits thats a goofy name.

  13. Real Ex-Cop says:

    You were never a cop, dirtbag,
    so stop saying you were.

  14. goombaugh says:

    mark smith
    his middle name is worse than norman. its norton. snortin norton.

  15. mark smith says:

    I stand corrected and issue the following apology
    you are correcto mundo mr Gombah. It is , in fact, Norton. I take back everything I said. Norton is much better than Norman. lolrz

  16. chuck says:

    I had a 750 Norton Commando.
    Great bike, with the exception of the Lucas Electrical System which only worked during certain phases of the moon.

    Norton is cool.

  17. the dude says:

    sounds like you
    let the vaunted “smoke’ out of your electrics, Chuck. Damn near impossible to get the smoke back in those Lucas electrics when it seeps out. I would love to have a commando in my stable.

  18. chuck says:

    Went through clutch cables like crazy too.
    Neat bike though.


  19. Craig Glazer says:

    Real Ex Cop
    Know what now I’m going to write a story about my cop years…just to prove my point…you can read all about it in KING OF STING…p.s. I presented this in front of a federal judge, court records, media, the book don’t you kinda think if I was not a law man it might have been found out by now hater…quit being so jealous dude, I know everyone wants to play lawman once in their lives, you did it in the backyard I did it in real life…

  20. Craig Glazer says:

    My Bad, My One Cop Year
    Only was a special agent for a year…not years..sorry.

  21. Pete says:

    good comparison, Glaze
    They played it in the backyard while you did it in real life, eh Crag? Funny that you’re still playing a game that most people grew out of in high school. “Check out this pic look at her tits man! Awesome. Ima email hearne and put it on the internet!” Doesn’t sound any different than the stories in the paper about kids sexting each other.

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