New Jack City: What’s Next in Airline Travel—Pay Per Pee At 35,000 Feet?

With the latest hint by the airline industry being it will introduce yet another add-on fee, it’s always fun to check on Europe’s largest discount carrier RYANAIR to see what its brain trust is up to…

That’s because a bunch of today’s most irritating fees were originated by RYANAIR and made it across the pond and were adopted by America’s major airlines.

But before we go there, here’s what could become North America’s latest passenger squeeze play.

According to USA TODAY the newest gotcha could be a fee of up to $20 for the privilege to be among the first persons to exit the aircraft upon arrival at the gate.

Hey, an early exit could give passengers more time to make their connection. And frankly we’re already halfway there. Most airlines now offer early boarding—for a price.

So this would really just be a reversal of that process.

Back to RYANAIR, which already is passing along the merchant fees they’re being charged by credit card companies to passengers. They’ve just come up with another little add-on. The discount airline has increased the cost of a checked bag to 20 British Pounds—but only during the busy summer (vacation) season.

Why? Because they can.

And you’ll be relieved to know their controversial pee-for-pay possibility has raised its ugly head again.

So since RYANAIR always seems to be a step ahead in dehumanizing the flight experience with its breakthrough ways of nickel and diming customers to death, there’s a good chance some of our carriers will eventually adopt their latest schemes.

In its in-flight magazine, RYANAIR has just reintroduced the notion of toilet charges aboard their aircraft.

"By charging for the toilets, we are hoping to change passenger’s behavior so they will use the bathroom before and after the flight," the article states.

As silly as that may sound, the economics are all in the airline’s favor.

Take a typical Boeing 737 workhorse equipped with three toilets – one at the front of the plane and two in the rear.

By removing the toilets in the rear of the aircraft, the company could add at least six additional seats.

Allow me to do the math for you.

Say that jet makes eight legs per day. That’s 48 additional available seats. At an average of $175 per flight segment that would bring in an extra $8,400 per operating day, per plane.

And that’s not even counting a possible $1.50 fee for the actual use of the one remaining toilet. 

I know, I know. It all sounds pretty far-fetched, but can Standing Room service instead of Seating Only be far behind?

Leave it to RYANAIR to set the standard of future aviation for the world.

Welcome aboard.

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28 Responses to New Jack City: What’s Next in Airline Travel—Pay Per Pee At 35,000 Feet?

  1. harley says:

    obese seating coming
    when i was on a southwest flight from phoenix i had to sit between 2 sumo wrestlers. It was quite a flgiht.
    I asked the gate people what the policy of southwest was. It’s that if someone can’t fit into the
    extended seat belt they have to buy 2 seats. Its supposed to be enforced at the gate but can
    be enforced in the plane (although i would not want to be near a person who was just told they
    wuld need to buy anoterh ticket)…i think this is a fair program…especially for people who
    work out…maintanin a healthy lifestyle and don’t grow to be 400 pounds.
    The airlines are like every other company…finding way s to make extra money with wht they
    have. Why should airlines be different than ge/the oil companies/agri business etc. in how
    they do business.
    Maybe the next charge is for the sickness bags….

  2. tiad says:

    Ummm…
    “Back to RYANAIR, which already is passing along the merchant fees they’re being charged by credit card companies to passengers.”

    Ummm…. if the American carriers aren’t already doing that – only they are burying it in the stated price of the ticket – then they are just plain stupid.

  3. the dude says:

    air travel
    has become the new bus travel, they have made it as horrible as possible to where people would rather just rent a damn car and drive then board a plane and get frisked, cornholed, nuked and then get your pocket cleaned out by tacked on fees.

    Who cares to put up with this crap anymore? So much for the jetset lifestyle.

  4. smartman says:

    Life Imitates Life
    Harley, as I see it in my moment of Zen, the two sumo wrestlers were balls and you were the little dick between them.

    Good luck getting pay toilets approved by the FAA and the Congressional Black Caucus. Pay toilets are racist. It’s bad enough that black people have to be inconvenienced to show an ID to board the plane, ( but somehow can’t do it to vote ), now they’re gonna have to have a credit card to pay and use the toilet. That, is RACIST!

  5. wackoffman says:

    remember…don’t shake hands with smartman!!!!!
    smartman 09:02:02 PM – Sun. Jul 8. 2012

    Ernest Borgnine passed away. What a great guy. Never will forget him being on Fox and Friends in 2008 to promote his book. Steve Doocy asked him the secret to his vigor, vitality and longevity. He leaned in to Doocy’s ear and whispered but the mic still picked it up, ” I masturbate a lot.”. It’s sure like most of us Ernie probably rubbed a few out to Ann Margret.

    smarmyman….no real men don’t “rub a few off” like you do!!!!!!! I advise anyone meeting smartman to avoid at
    all costs shaking hands. No…we don’t have to jackoff ourselves like you do. We have girlfriends/wives
    that we’re with. You are a loner…loser….liar and a very strange dude. Have fun tonight with yourself
    and don’t forget to clean up your mess or mommy will ground you. Sick!!!!! You are not like most/any
    of us….youre sick strange m-f.

  6. Markus Aurelius says:

    Fat people cost more – how about a per pound fuel surcharge?
    The heavier the plane the more fuel it takes to get it from point A to point B. If the airlines aren’t making enough money for their execs and shareholders, perhaps they should add a fuel surcharge for anyone weighing more than 260 lbs. At 260 lbs a 6’6″ person is considered ‘obese’ and most of us are not 6’6″. Fat people are not a protected class.

    For a more carrot than stick approach, the airlines could offer price discounts for anyone with a BMI under 25 (which would classify their weight as ‘normal’).

    Ultimately, they should be free to operate in whatever way they think works best. Let the market dictate what business practices are viable but make it clear that there is no govt bailout or public money to save those who make crappy business decisions.

  7. paulwilsonkc says:

    Smartman – hahahahaha
    wackoffman = Harley, harley, jojo, et al
    If youre going to take a fake name, change your style.

  8. smartman says:

    @ harley
    Their are two kinds of men. Men that masturbate and men that lie. I’ll put you in the latter classification.

  9. Guy Who Says What Others Think says:

    I’m on board with the fuel surcharge per pound…
    Unfortunately, all the fat tubs of goo will file a class action civil suit against any airline that imposes such a surcharge as being discriminating against obese plops of crap.

  10. harley says:

    smarmyman
    there are two kinds of men…
    winners…
    losers

    you’re the loser. Posting on here yu have to do yourself…come on buddy…get real…get
    on the train and grow up…..
    Go home to mommy and jack to the old magazines under your bed. You’re a loser..no doubt
    about it. don’t need to do it by myself. You do….or as you tell everyone “go rub a few off”…sick!!!!!

  11. smartman says:

    OK Harley
    Here’s the deal. I’ll arrange and pay for TWO lie detector tests. If you can pass both and honestly state that you don’t / have never masturbate(ed), I’ll donate $10,000.00 to the charity of your choice. You flunk you pay ten large to my charity. Sounds like a slam dunk deal.

    You let me videotape the tests and I’ll up my end to TWENTY THOUSAND DOLLARS if you pass both.

    You in?

  12. jack p. says:

    About the airline story at hand…..
    ….a friend (Scott) emailed me the following interesting thought:

    “They might as well add a fee for the convenience of having a pilot, co-pilot and cabin staff. Call it a ‘flight assistance fee.’ ”

    Touche…..

  13. the dude says:

    Tip your cabin staff
    if you feel you had a woonderful flight!

  14. mike says:

    @smartman
    Harley may win that bet. He doesn’t need to masturbate when he has women duct taped to chairs in his basement.

  15. Super Dave says:

    @Smartman
    mike does bring up a good point.

  16. chuck says:

    Fuck!!!!!
    I’m blind!!! I’m Blind!!!! AAGGGHHHGGGG!!!!!!!

  17. smartman says:

    Limited membership
    Jack:

    If you rub one out in the lav of a 737 does that get you into the Mile High Club?

  18. jack p. says:

    hey smartman….
    ….that would depend on whether you’re using a discount airline’s 737 or legacy carrier’s aircraft.
    If it’s on one of RyanAir’s planes a surcharge could apply—not to mention an add-on for tissues.

  19. paulwilsonkc says:

    Smartman, count me in for $10K too!!
    Lets see the rubber meet the polygraph. This will either produce the facts, or again, the blow hard.
    You need warm up questions too. Here are a few:

    Were you on MORE than 5 flights to Vegas with Mr K
    Is Stan Golberg your attorney?
    Did he retire to Arizona, rich, from a class action law suit?
    Why do you now claim law4life1000@yahoo as YOUR email if it was your “attorney’s” email?

    And no bull shit reponses like “You looooosers dont HAVE $10LARGE”. Lets get on with it. I’ll lay it on the table, in cash, day of the exam. We can even have the accounting firm who does the Oscars certify the results!

  20. smartman says:

    @wilson
    I’ve got the dough! I’ll bring cash on the day of the exams. Let’s do this Harley. There is THIRTY GRAND on the table for charity. I know that’s not much compared to the millions you raise but just think, you show up, ace the tests and Wilson and I are your bitches for life.

  21. the dude says:

    Boys, he can’t handle
    the truth!! His microchips would blow!!!

  22. chuck says:

    I don’t know if this will help or not, probably not, but…,
    I will flog my dolphin on Natinal TV for 30 Large.

    Just sayin…

    🙂

  23. paulwilsonkc says:

    Come on, Chuck……
    you’d do it for FREE if asked nicely, wouldnt you?

    You notice, he’s commented on everything else under the sun, but hasn’t come back and revisited the lucrative offer?

  24. the dude says:

    Liek i said before Wilson,
    his microchips can’t handle the truth!!!!

  25. chuck says:

    @paul
    Final offer. $50.00

    🙂

    I could use the 30 Large though. I got a line on Drakes Rolex Watch.

  26. paulwilsonkc says:

    Chuck, love my panerai luminor….
    …never been a huge Rolex fan and a Panerai is as deep as I want in a watch.

    OK, I’ll give $50, but only for a late night cable wanking. Its not worth any more than that.

  27. chuck says:

    Oh damnit!!
    I guess this is a pickle in my pocket.

    Raincheck?

  28. boston guy says:

    what was going on during the
    all star game? sexting?

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