Today: Don’t Waste Your Money on ‘Ted’ – Rent ‘Ishtar’

Far be it from me to lobby for you guys to become homebodies…

Get out, party, have a good time, go to a concert, movie, comedy club – anything. Why waste away at home if you don’t have to?

There are times however to pull back and not get sucker-punched by Hollywood.

And one such time is staring you in the face in the form of the new Mark Wahlberg movie Ted.

I know, I know, Jack stuck up a bunch of fingers and it’s taking names and kicking butt at the box office. But don’t get fooled, like I did yesterday.

Stick with the laffs you’ll get watching the trailer and quit while you’re ahead.

I found out how bad Ted was the hard way yesterday at a 4:20 p.m. screening in a packed theater.

OMG, I can’t remember the last time I was this bored and didn’t unleash a single laugh.

And I’m an easy mark. I’m even thinking about going back to see Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter a second time since I missed it in 3D the first time. And I liked Dark Shadows.

But I wasn’t alone in being underwhelmed by Ted.

There were predictable, scattered laughs throughout the theater, but by and large the crowd was pretty quiet. Like me.

And none of the laffs I heard could be described as "uproarious."

Trust me, Ted may have done business like The Hangover but it’s no Hangover. Not even close.

I finally bailed early after wrestling more than half an hour with slipping into another theater or asking for a refund.

Now check out what director Seth MacFarlane said about Ted in an interview.

"One, it’s my first movie so there’s going to be a lot of eyes on it. Two, if it doesn’t do well, eh, it’s just my first movie, I’ll get better. For me, it’s got to be received well enough that it doesn’t seem insane to make another one. My first movie can’t be ‘Ishtar.’"

Talk about prophetic
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12 Responses to Today: Don’t Waste Your Money on ‘Ted’ – Rent ‘Ishtar’

  1. Merle Tagladucci says:

    Great example of movie marketing and trailer editing convincing the public that a movie is going to be better than it really is.

    ps – Wahlberg is a hack

  2. huh says:

    well looks like $54 million disagrees with you. money talks. bullshit walks.

  3. the dude says:

    Say hi to
    your mother for me. Did you see the Perfect Storm goat?

  4. Hearne says:

    My mother died four years ago but…
    Thanks for thinking of me.

  5. Bob Sacamano says:

    Dude, you must be quite the square. The movie was funny, and is definitely worth seeing.

  6. mike says:

    It just goes to show
    how much of an inexact science humor really is. Something can be hilarious to one person and not the least bit funny to another. It is almost impossible to explain why something is funny or not. You either laugh or you don’t.

  7. the dude says:

    That was a dig at Walberg
    Hearne, I was quoting an old SNL skit. Wasn’t poking fun at you.

  8. smartman says:

    Good God Mearle, give it a rest. Did you see The Departed or The Fighter? Mark Wahlberg has wicked acting skills. Don’t be such a pissah.

  9. PB says:

    Hearne Established Himself
    As a killjoy long before this, but we now know he’s completely devoid of any sense a humor and this latest post might even bring into question his manilinees if Ted couldn’t even raise one laugh out of him. WTF is wrong with you and theatre audience you saw it with because there was non-stop laughter at the showing that I saw. You’re either a complete idiot or more likely, just resorting to being the typical internet contrarian on this particular subject. I’ll give Glazer credit, at least he’s more original, in this case, you’re basically a troll. Should have expected as much, dude likes Keane.

  10. smartman says:

    In defense of Hearne
    I know this is normally Glazer’s gig but I’m taking a day off. I thought Bridesmaids was godawful! It makes That’s My Boy look like Animal House. It takes a lot to make me laugh and cliche, juvenile, predictable SNL, Family Guy type stuff doesn’t do it for me. Leno, Letterman, Conan, et al. Useless as bird shit on a Ferrari. It’s all relative. To each his and her own. Supposedly ignorance is bliss so that at least explains Larry The Cable Guy and Dane Cook.

  11. Merle Tagladucci says:

    That’s right, he’s a hack with the range of a nerf dart gun.

  12. Craig Glazer says:

    Thanks PB
    I appreciate when anyone mentions me.

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