The Cow is, well, wow…
It’s no secret that Kansas City refugee and syndicated shock jock Erich "Mancow" Muller is agast at the fattening of America, specifically Kansas City. Confirming our "rankings" in all of those "fattest city" magazine "surveys." And further, that’s been hammered home to him during his frequent homecomings of late to his all-time favorite concert venue, Knuckleheads Saloon.
Let’s flesh it out a bit.
"The women at Knuckleheads were shockingly fat," Mancow says. "Here’s what it is; I mean, I’ve had every expert imaginable on my radio show and I know why we’re fat. because our food is great and it’s cheap, that’s why. Everybody’s fat because they’re eating fat, cheap food."
As to why so many local skinny dudes are coupled with fat women, "I really don’t know the exact answer," Mancow says. "Are they ‘chubby chasers’ or did the girls start out skinny? But let me tell you about that – if they started out skinny and then got fat, that’s a bait and switch.
"My wife and I have a rule; she’s not allowed to wear sweats, because when a woman wears sweats that means she’s given up. And here’s the deal. Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg got rich because everybody wants to see how fat their ex girlfriends look."
As for the "science" behind obesity, "Look, the animal hormones are one thing," Mancow says. "I’ve often wondered if what we’re ingesting in meat is what’s causing this. And people used to say, ‘Well, she’s big-boned.’ But you know, I’ve yet to see a fat skeleton."
Mancow’s attractive wife Sandy is 5’2" and weighs a slim 98 pounds after giving birth to twin daughters.
How Mancow would react is she, uh, blossomed to say, a buck-fifty?
"I would have a conversation with her – and we’re together no matter what – nothing will seperate us until our kids are out of the house," Mancow stresses. "But if she got really fat I’d have to have a girl on the side. So you know, there may be another family in my future, but my wife keeps herself in shape."
The bottom line:
"Look, I can have friends that are heavy girls – and I like some curves – but I like a ‘S’ shape not an ‘O’ shape. And some of these women are completely round, and I don’t want to make love to Humpty Dumpty. Fat girls are fine as friends, but you want to make love to someone who’s in shape."