Hearne: Mancow Sizes Up the (Fat) Women & (Skinny) Dudes of Kansas City

The Cow is, well, wow…

It’s no secret that Kansas City refugee and syndicated shock jock Erich "Mancow" Muller is agast at the fattening of America, specifically Kansas City. Confirming our "rankings" in all of those "fattest city" magazine "surveys." And further, that’s been hammered home to him during his frequent homecomings of late to his all-time favorite concert venue, Knuckleheads Saloon.

Let’s flesh it out a bit.

 "The women at Knuckleheads were shockingly fat," Mancow says. "Here’s what it is; I mean, I’ve had every expert imaginable on my radio show and I know why we’re fat. because our food is great and it’s cheap, that’s why. Everybody’s fat because they’re eating fat, cheap food."

As to why so many local skinny dudes are coupled with fat women, "I really don’t know the exact answer," Mancow says. "Are they ‘chubby chasers’ or did the girls start out skinny? But let me tell you about that – if they started out skinny and then got fat, that’s a bait and switch.

"My wife and I have a rule; she’s not allowed to wear sweats, because when a woman wears sweats that means she’s given up. And here’s the deal. Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg got rich because everybody wants to see how fat their ex girlfriends look."

As for the "science" behind obesity, "Look, the animal hormones are one thing," Mancow says. "I’ve often wondered if what we’re ingesting in meat is what’s causing this. And people used to say, ‘Well, she’s big-boned.’ But you know, I’ve yet to see a fat skeleton."

Mancow’s attractive wife Sandy is 5’2" and weighs a slim 98 pounds after giving birth to twin daughters.

How Mancow would react is she, uh, blossomed to say, a buck-fifty?

"I would have a conversation with her – and we’re together no matter what – nothing will seperate us until our kids are out of the house," Mancow stresses. "But if she got really fat I’d have to have a girl on the side. So you know, there may be another family in my future, but my wife keeps herself in shape."

The bottom line:

"Look, I can have friends that are heavy girls – and I like some curves – but I like a ‘S’ shape not an ‘O’ shape. And some of these women are completely round, and I don’t want to make love to Humpty Dumpty. Fat girls are fine as friends, but you want to make love to someone who’s in shape."

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28 Responses to Hearne: Mancow Sizes Up the (Fat) Women & (Skinny) Dudes of Kansas City

  1. smartman says:

    More Harley Less Mancow
    At least Harley knows he’s an idiot. Mancow is still riding the descending wave with Turd, Erma, et.al from his Q101 days. For all it’s Mensa-like desires the metropolitan Chicago area is crawling with idiots who still liken Mancow, Rodman and Ditka to Churchill.

  2. mike says:

    I will say one thing for Mancow. He may cheat if his wife gets fat but at least he didn’t say anything about duct taping her mouth like Harley does.

  3. Mancow = Moroncow says:

    Yeah, so much for “til death do us part.” If I were that idiot’s wife I’d file for divorce today.

  4. harley says:

    again…the losers are out…
    smartman…known for being a con artist is out again complaining about mancow who went from a small
    market to being on national tv and a national radio celebrity. Mancow was succesful…smartman isn’t…
    so smartman has to jump on people who are successful….jealousy…a way for him to vent his
    inability to do anythikng with his life. So again it’s another guy with nothing to show for himself
    trying to tear down a succesfful probably well off guy who’s made a name for himself.
    This is so prevelant on this board. Losers…guys living in the past…guys who may have once
    had something but lost it and are now down and out…guys with no money….guys who pretend
    to b e something they are not….and all they want to do is cut down guys who are doing things..
    making things happen. They want to try and hurt people who are on the move up while they
    are on the bottom looking up. Its so incredible guys on here (and we know who they are)
    who have nothing to show and cut down hearne and glaze and now mancow. It’s disgusting.
    Negative shit that goes on and on and on. It never ends for these guys. They livein the past
    telling us what they “did” ..nt what they’re doing. It’s horrible.
    Guys like that will write all the time cutting glaze down. We know who they are. But lets see what
    they’ve got. NOTHING. Mancow did something …he left kc and becomes a national personality.
    Great. I love it. I love to see successful people. Glazer took a small business..and used it
    to become a national guy. You low lifes all say what you want but glaze is an incredible promoter..
    of himself and his business. Goive the guy credit. But all you dudes come on and continue to
    beat him with insults and bullshit….while you’re doing nothing. And the insults and the crap continue
    with ev ery piece he writes. I’ve said it before..if you don’t like him or his stories DON’T READ THEM.
    We know who these gbuys are. We know their stories. We know all about them and
    their bull. iTS never ending. Its all the time.
    Guys like mancow and glaze do what they do because they love the spotlight. Guys like the
    ones who constatnly are trying to drag them down with hate and insults do it because
    they’re not happy where they are at.
    Maybe the losers will stop…maybe the constant harrassment of people will stop. As long as the
    losers keep posting here it won’t. Its pure…1000% ….unqualified jealousy by the guys that are
    constatnly putting negative shit up here. THEY ARE ON THE BOTTOM OF THE TOTEM POLE.
    thank you.

  5. PB says:

    Jeezuz Hearne
    Are you just getting lazy after finding marital bliss? At least Glazer’s posts can sometimes be somewhat entertaining in a sad, pathetic sort of way and it can especially be fun as he stumbles all over himself when he trys to tackle real big boy issues, but Mancow, why are you even giving this clown the time of day? Basically two threads now devoted to his amazingly astute observation that much of KC is fat and even worse, one of them under your byline? Please come up with an original thought for your next piece and kick Mancow’s useless drivel to the curb. This post almost has me longing for another future of Jardines thread. Almost.

  6. chuck says:

    KYLE JAMES: *cell phone ringing, “Ice Ice Baby”* “Yo.”

    HARLEY: “Wassup mah brutha?”

    KYLE JAMES: “Who da fuck is diss?”

    HARLEY: “I got your number from a chick you beat down on the Plaza.”

    KYLE JAMES: “Which one?”

    HARLEY: “It don’t make no difference, I called for some roofies, I’m out and she says you are the ‘Hook Up’.

    KYLE JAMES: “Who is this really?”

    HARLEY: “My street name is ‘Duct Tape’. I met you in the drunk tank last week. Hey, by the way, love your work in ‘Slammer’.

    KYLE JAMES: “Thanks, like the man says, ‘It ain’t easy being a pimp.'”

    HARLEY: “Wish I was a pimp.” *gazes whistfully at a poster of Pam Grier*

    KYLE JAMES: “I am not actually a pimp dumbass, that is just something I say cause I am bad.”

    HARLEY’S MOM: *pounding on bedroom door* “Jo Jo!!! Get the fuck out that bedroom and go find a job!! I swear to god, I have been talking to Tony Botello’s mom, and if you both don’t have work by June 1st, we are going to completely quit buying snack cakes in bulk from Costco!”

    KYLE JAMES: “Jesus, that sounds like my house.”

    HARLEY: “You live with your mom too?’

    KYLE JAMES: “Uh…, no. You want some roofies or not?”

    HARLEY: “Hell yeah, Friday night is just around the corner.”

    KYLE JAMES: “30 minutes, Power & Light.”

    HARLEY: *pulling on FUBU “Plaid Time” shorts over his Spanks* “See ya there mah brutha.”

  7. REAL harley says:

    sumbudy help…..
    i duct taped my…….. hairy buns 2gether….. ouchie…..
    sumbudy…..pleeze….. my bunz….. ouch……


  8. the dude says:

    Jardines thread in 3,

  9. paulwilsonkc says:

    Correction, Smartman – Harley DOESNT know hes an idiot!!
    Look at his comments.
    People AREN’T jealous of being a pathological liar. No one wants that name tied to them. But Harley has it.
    Think about it. When he was threatened and “hiding”, there WAS no negative stuff on here. Just good conversation.
    He misses the point. He is universally hated and made fun of, while he thinks HE’S the KING…. come see his house and his art. If he has that, its all he has. And that, my friend, is a sad existance.
    OK, Im outta here.

  10. harley says:

    Do you realize you look like a fool?
    Seriously. Do you understand how stupid you look in this public forum? People are wondering ???????????
    I get comments everday from people who ask what this guy is doing on this site…please shut up. A fool
    needs to be quiet or people catch on to him…GET IT?

  11. REAl duct tape harley says:

    ur just jelous wilson……
    of my megahouse…….alll my businessses….. all my and………glazes…. succcessses……
    ur just………. a hater…………..and a loooooooser……..
    don’t…..make me getout…….. the duct tape…………..and tape………
    my hairy buns……… 2gether…………i warned u………..

  12. paulwilsonkc says:

    Oh, God, Chuck… thats not HATE, thats HILARIOUS!
    Keep up the good work….. but now youre on Asshats radar! He’s got your RECORDS TOO. Watch out!
    (Im sorry, I forgot, no one listens to us….. we are pathetic. The only people on here are Asshats “disciples and reader3s”. We just get in the way)

    Chuck, I think you’d agree, no one hates success; we all have had it to some level, may now, may again. Everyone is for that, you’d be nuts not to be. What people HATE are self absorbed, pathological liars. People who’s ONLY measure is their “house and art” thinking that makes up for telling non stop lies, being a racist, thinking duct tapling a chic is good clean fun, and, in general, being a low life pussy scum.

    Net worth doesn’t affect that. Harley could be broke or worth millions, doesnt change WHO he is. And if he had or ever GETS money, he’s just going to be another one of those NBA like slime balls with cash. He’ll buy RIMS for his HUMMER!! (Not THAT kind of HUMMER, Sluuuurping Real Harley) You can take a boy out of the NE, but you can’t take the NE outta the boy.

    Thanks for your words, Chuck, Asshat never told us he knew Kyle. I love what I learn here.

  13. paulwilsonkc says:

    REAl duct tape harley, I apologize
    Please dont tape your buns together because of me. Im sorry if I caused you that much stress.

    I can’t talk now, Im getting hundreds of emails from my disciples and reader3s telling me what a fool you are.

    Im glad you have a megahouse, and again, I’m sorry. I meant no harm to your buns. It would be like you though, to get all confused, duct tape and slap YOURSELF around. Thats safer, no DV charges that way.

    REAl duct tape harley, I have to go now. I have some REAL fun to partake in. Not any that you would approve of, though, its just more lies. Come down to Brio tomorrow night, I’ve rented the private room for a pre-party for 50. I’m having to go to Cash for Titles today to get the money to pay for it all!! You know, since I’ve got nothing….

    Just come to the security at the door and say “Sluuuuurp” and they will let you in. Fact check that, Asshat!!

  14. harley says:

    thanks for the invite…would love to come
    but i’m going to cpaital grille…i’llspend more with 4 people than you’ll spend with 50….
    Get some real party going. cheap…cheap…cheap…….blow some bucks…
    get real. who cares …maybe you could buy some new furniture instead

  15. REAL harley says:

    still trying to find cpatial grille….
    google maps says….cpatial grille doess…. not exist………
    can’t find “asian” language….. to wish hearne……. happy ending………
    I am…… a failure…….i wil……. duct tape….. my hairy but cheeks……
    2gether and….get my exit bag….. ready…..

  16. paulwilsonkc says:

    Read your email Asshat
    I’ll be with my family, my son, our friends and his wedding party. You can’t top that, no matter what you lie about. I don

  17. paulwilsonkc says:

    REAL harley – let me try to help you….
    find cpatial grille…. Its on Jefferson, on the Country Club Plaza. Pretty easy to find.

    But this will make it easier. If Asshat actually manages to GET a reservation there, which he doesnt as of NOW…. depending on what part of town you are coming from, here it is. And, for the sake of my assistance, we’ll assume the following; (1) youre coming from South of the Plaza. and (2) Harley actually gets reservations and goes there. Go NORTH till you smell it, slightly East till you step in it!!

    But since theres not a chance in hell he’s going to be there, just load 4740 Jefferson Street Kansas City, MO 64112 into the ole Garmin and it’ll drop you at the front door!! Glad I could help. Ask for Stephen, he’s a great guy. Takes care of us all the time.

  18. Hearne says:

    You guys…
    Anybody getting bored bashing Harley yet? Hope so.

  19. paulwilsonkc says:

    One more, Hearne, then Im gone for the weekend!!
    Here’s the brain power of this guy, and, to some extent, more of his inbred pathology that can

  20. the dude says:

    harley bashing
    never goes out of style or gets boring, it is the gift that keeps on giving.

  21. mike says:

    One thing
    that kills me is after being called out about recommending to Glaze to bring duct tape along in case a woman starts shouting, he never recanted it, said he was just joking or anything. He immediately called in to question our “expertise” on abuse as if we were stupid for thinking duct taping a womans mouth shut would qualify as such. Even though we have all joked about it, it really isn’t funny when you think about it.

  22. mike says:

    @the dude
    It also kills me that he would say what he did after the tirade he went off on you about domestic abuse when all you did was call HIM a bitch. Now we may know why he was so familar with all of those domestic violence laws. Next to lawyers and cops, perpetrators usually know the laws better than anybody.

  23. Hot Carl says:

    Harley and Paul…
    just go ahead and fuck each other and get it over with. Your inane back and forth in EVERY comments section has gotten really old.

  24. the dude says:

    I don’t think harlinator
    is man enough, personally.

  25. Cliffy says:

    Hot Carl nailed it. Sheesh.

  26. harley says:

    you’re punked!!!! You’re off kilter!!!!! You are one nutty dude!!!!! Get real!!!!! You’ve made a fool of yourself!!!

  27. paulwilsonkc says:

    Im sorry, Hot Carl… You can have him, he’s
    all yours. Consider it an act of charity. And I’ll give the poor boy a break, a whole weekends worth!!

    Dude, Mike, et al; we have learned something again today. Heres the NEW defense any time anyone catches you in a big, fat lie. You look them square in the eye and say, “I DIDNT LIE, I PUNKED YOU!! HAHAHAHAHAHA”.

    Hot Carl, while you’re having a tender moment with him, convince him to go away or STFU and we’ll all respect that and leave him alone. Face it, when he’s not here, doesnt happen.

    Have a great weekend. See you Monday. I am out.

  28. mike says:

    Have a great weekend!

Comments are closed.