Enough with the phony surveys..
A funny thing happened during yesterday’s breakfast interview/meeting with Mancow in Chicago. In what came across quite innocently – at least at first – Mancow called out the women in Kansas City for being overweight.
Fat, actually.
"Are you shocked by how big the women in Kansas City are?" he mused. "They are so huge."
Hey, it’s not like this comes as a news flash or anything.
The Cowtown’s been on the receiving end of countless "Fattest Cities" surveys over the years.
Personally, I don’t put much stock in these "reports." Fittest, fattest, best place to raise kids, start a family, retire, party – the list is endless. The way I view them is as contrived means for magazine’s like Men’s Fitness to bolster flagging readership and sales by working up phony formulas that they know will get picked up, reported and discussed by local newspapers, magazines and radio and television stations.
Instant PR.
Aside from the contrived hype, it’s not like there’s zero basis for reaching some of these conclusions. Take Men’s Health‘s 2010 ranking of KC as the country’s 6th fattest city…
You needn’t go much farther than the Plaza to support that case, but have you been to Topeka lately?
And after spending a few days wandering around Chicago I can see where Mancow’s coming from. The sidewalks are crawling with people of every age and stripe here, who with rare exception appear far skinnier that the people we see waddling about in KC.
So yeah, from my observations there are far fewer women of great weight roaming the streets of Chicago than Kansas City. It’s fairly obvious.
That said, after assigning an F to Kansas City in fattness, Chicago barely eeked out a D from Men’s Health, coming in as 22nd fattest. Frankly, I don’t get it?
Most of the fat people I see in Chicago here look like they’re from out-of-town.
Like from Kansas City or Topeka.
Or that state I rambled through on the way here – what’s it called? – oh yeah, Iowa.
You can’t get much fatter than Iowa. Yet the only city out of like 100 to move Men’s Fitness’s Fat Meter was Des Moines with a C- and in 39th place.
Look, I just have one question:
Who is Men’s Health trying to kid with these bogus rankings?
Monsters Of The Midway
Hearne, where are you doing your survey? Michigan Ave… W Hotel? Go check out the Golden Corral or Costco in Buffalo Grove and get back to us. Beware of runaway Rascal Scooters!
an interesting survey idea
The city with the shallowest blog site? I’m sure this gets my i.p. address blocked again but it is so worth it.
Who is Men’s Health trying to kid with these bogus rankings?
People like you Hearne who read that shit then try and write a story about it.
Jim Croce Lives
On the east side of the city
That’s the fattest part of town
If you go out there
You better just beware
Of a gal named Shaneekwah Brown
Shaneekwah likes her chicken
She likes watermelon too
And if you got food stamps
When she’s got the cramps
She’ll beat the shit out of you
CHORUS
Big phat phat Shaneekwah Brown
Phatest gal in the whole damn town
Ass about six feet wide
When it shakes from side to side
Shaneekwah heard these crackers
Named Mancow and Hearne
We’re making’ fun of her
So she said no sir
I’m gonna make them peckers learn
CHORUS
She found that Hearne and Mancow
On Chicago’s southern side
The Fiat wouldn’t start
So she lit a fart
And them two crackers fried.
CHORUS
The moral of the story
Is that fat girls need love two
You’re gonna have to beg
Cause the story Craig
Is she got eyes for you
CHORUS
KC Phat rules
Why:
1. Sedentary lifestyle
2. Poverty rate
3. Cultural cuisine is meat with a meat side and bacon on top
4. racists (see above) feel impotent so eat more to compensate
I’m doing my part in tipping the scales….
…. but only to fulfill a committment. I don’t know if you guys ever heard of Luciano Pavarotti , but he was a good friend of mine. I knew a girl who lived in the same town as his producer and she, well…. its a long story. Anyway, I was with him in his final days. One of his last requests is that I would carry the torch and assume his role as leader of the sexy chubby guys. I apologize for my onwership in tilting the KC scales, but I couldn’t let him down. It was his dying wish.
RKCAL? Where can you get meat with a meat side and bacon? Im munchy!!
Puccini
Turandot car around, we passed Gates Bar B Q.
I like your version better smartman.
LMAO
Handsome Harley Racist
Forgot to point out that there is a direct connection between intelligence and overall health, wellness and fitness. So the fact that the metro is crawling with so many stoopid fucks doesn’t help matters any. You can thank LBJ and Arthur Benson more than you can blame Arthur Bryant and Ollie Gates.
Wilson if you do the meat+meat+bacon with Kobe beef +Bison+turkey bacon it’s pretty damn healthy.
Hey Royals fans! Wake me up when it’s OUR TIME!
we’re all fat
The whole country is fat…or sorry, Rubenesque.
“…mama mama mama leve your skinny girls at home, I want to make it with a big fat blonde…”
2+1= tons of fun
We are fatter because BBQ is better than Chicago Dogs
I thought only latent homosexuals who masturbate to pictures of men’s abs read Men’s Health magazine.
Well Hearne does drive a fiat.
I don’t doubt the people you see walking down Michigan Ave were quite fit. However, income and weight are correlated (inversely). The more money you make the skinnier you will be on the average. I doubt the view from the front windows of your boutique hotel provided a big enough sample size.
And I could give a shit whether the rest of the city is fat. Just as long as my girlfriend isn’t and Im not too fat to get a hot girlfriend.
Did you get a chocolate shake at the Weiner Circle?
Smartman, dont do that to me….
…when I dont have anyything handy to wipe the droooool off my mouth!!
She ain’t heavy…
she is (a real) woman, hear me roar (with approval). That statute of Marilyn Monroe in an uplifting dress (main picture this story) – the flesh & blood version MM would be considered ‘fat’ today, for crying out loud.
Give me ‘The Blonde Bombshell’ and her doughy look 24 / 7/ 365 in lieu modern silicone / trout-pout / sunken eyed / tweeker-looking gals.
Mystery (false eyelashes, torpedo bras & girdles as the rest) is one thing… medicinally enhanced ‘frauds’ another.
I did try the Chicago Dog at Portillo’s…
I’ll park that disappointing memory right next to my first Deep Dish Pizza in Chicago years ago. And the ribs there at Portillo’s – they tout them heavy duty – were between poor and awful.
Good point on Michigan Avenue but check out the Plaza sometime and see how the comparison holds up.
I would but every time I go there I am besieged by “urban youths” 🙂
Bienvenidos a medio oeste,
They are just as fat if not fatter in cheecago, just a stone’s throw away from Milwaukee, the dairy state.
Chicago sucks
Seriously, Chicago can kiss my KC-fat-a$$!
kc is not filled with just fat ass fuckers
its filled with lazy/worthless/lying/old/crabby/ugly mother fuckers! HAHAHA
reply to pokeman
I’m SURE you’re the one exception, Harley/JoJo/Asshat!
Look out Glazer!
Shaneekwa Brown got eyes fo’ you!
Mike exposes Asshat!! well done!
I’m proud of you son. Here’s on other tip on how to find him any other time; go South till you smell him, East till you step in it. Go MIKE, the newest, official Asshat detective.
Smartman.knock it off
you……….loser
I know Harley, harley is………………..a friend of mine and yur know Harley………………..
.you toilet licking blad fat old no future guy…………..
Harley works with sum of the biggust law firms in the nation and he nos people and you better hope to god I dont tell him you said……………………………. hes a racust or that he looks like handsome harley and I dont no what you really meant so Im jus going to be safe ………and say you ment both of them and ……………….your going to pay now fat ass.