I’m German and have been putting up with your curious American customs for some time…
Like the annoying, meaningless pleasantry, HOW ARE YOU? Meaningless because chances are you probably really don’t care how I am.
Am I wrong?
Even the stock answer, "Fine" is annoying because it makes me wonder about the person being questioned’s ability to express themself.
Okay, maybe I’m reaching, but if every second caller on talk radio skipped the How Are You? schtick, they could maybe squeeze in two or more lame callers every hour.
You know, more is less.
KMBZ afternoon drive chatterbox Scott Parks has evelavated the meaninglessness of this question to new heights. Or is it depths?
When a caller asks Parks how he is, he usually answers, Thanks for Asking. Which naturally messes up the caller because it was an insincere sentiment to begin with. He doesn’t give a flip how Parks is doing, he just wants his 15 seconds of Gomer from Raytown fame.
When I’m asked how I’m doing, I generally play the honesty card and spew something unexpected like, "Not So Good" or "I’ve Been Better." At least that jars the questioner out of their mundane routine.
Here are some other pointless questions and useless statements I’d liked to see banned:
* How was your weekend? Like, you really wanna know.
* Any plans for this weekend? See above.
* Can you believe this weather? Do I look like Gary Lezak? I’d rather walk my dog than stand around and rap about the weather.
* That’s a good question. You saying I’m dumb?
* How’s it going? How do you think it’s going? I just got back from Vegas, I’m broke and I need a checkup.
* When did you get in? What, you forgot to pick me up at the airport?
* Good to see you. Wish I could say the same.
* Have a nice day. What are you, some smiley-face ’70s loser?
* How’s it hanging? That’s a little personal, don’t you think?
* Going up? Why, you need directions?
* No problem. That’s easy for you to say.
* What’s up? You’re still poaching lines from a 10 year-old Budweiser commercial?
* And of course, Hearne‘s favorite: Getting any? Hey, I’m not complaining big guy.