New Jack City: Lame, Annoying Phrases We All Could Live Without

I’m German and have been putting up with your curious American customs for some time…

Like the annoying, meaningless pleasantry, HOW ARE YOU? Meaningless because chances are you probably really don’t care how I am.

Am I wrong?

Even the stock answer,  "Fine" is annoying because it makes me wonder about the person being questioned’s ability to express themself.

Okay, maybe I’m reaching, but if every second caller on talk radio skipped the How Are You? schtick, they could maybe squeeze in two or more lame callers every hour.

You know, more is less.

KMBZ afternoon drive chatterbox Scott Parks has evelavated the meaninglessness of this question to new heights. Or is it depths?

When a caller asks Parks how he is, he usually answers, Thanks for Asking. Which naturally messes up the caller because it was an insincere sentiment to begin with. He doesn’t give a flip how Parks is doing, he just wants his 15 seconds of Gomer from Raytown fame.

When I’m asked how I’m doing, I generally play the honesty card and spew something unexpected like, "Not So Good" or "I’ve Been Better."  At least that jars the questioner out of their mundane routine.

Here are some other pointless questions and useless statements I’d liked to see banned:

* How was your weekend? Like, you really wanna know.
* Any plans for this weekend? See above.
* Can you believe this weather? Do I look like Gary Lezak? I’d rather walk my dog than stand around and rap about the weather.
* That’s a good question. You saying I’m dumb?
* How’s it going? How do you think it’s going? I just got back from Vegas, I’m broke and I need a checkup.
* When did you get in? What, you forgot to pick me up at the airport?
* Good to see you. Wish I could say the same.
* Have a nice day. What are you, some smiley-face ’70s loser?
* How’s it hanging? That’s a little personal, don’t you think?
* Going up? Why, you need directions?
* No problem. That’s easy for you to say.
* What’s up?  You’re still poaching lines from a 10 year-old Budweiser commercial?
* And of course, Hearne‘s favorite: Getting any? Hey, I’m not complaining big guy.

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11 Responses to New Jack City: Lame, Annoying Phrases We All Could Live Without

  1. Super Dave says:

    That had to hurt! “Why yes it did you Fucktard”
    George Carlin did a take on this several years ago that was very good. But as with you and him both I agree that saying have a nice day is pure bullshit.

    Just maybe I wanna have a completely fucked up shitty day and don

  2. chuck says:

    No asshole, my name is not Flock of Seagulls,
    I have a Conceal and Carry, and YOU are deader than Fried Chicken.

    I do like the ‘Fro’ though.

  3. mike says:

    what is even worse
    What I hate are questions where the answer is completely obvious. When I walk in the door drenched and someone asks “is it raining?” is an example. It is hard to not give a smart ass answer to those kind of questions.

  4. Brisbane Craddock says:

    Sorry to Offend
    Sorry to offend your Tutonic sensibilities! In the future, let’s greet each other with, Heil Hitler! How’s that?

  5. paulwilsonkc says:

    Hot enough for ya?

  6. jack p. says:

    Note to brisbane craddock
    Sorry big guy but you’ve got the wrong decade and generation. I grew up in the old ‘German Democratic Republic’—a.k.a. East Germany. We didn’t have Hitler but were forced to worship Stalin, Lenin and the East Block. So a ‘Heil Comrade’ might have been more on target.

    Nice try though.

  7. randyraley says:

    Jack 1 Brisbane 0. Next?

  8. Harry Balczak says:

    What happened to Rome
    Where the fuck is the Jim Rome show? What is 610 thinking?

  9. jack p. says:

    what are they thinking, harry?…
    …they’re thinking LOCAL! Local origination vs. national syndicated programming (with very few expections) always wins out. One of those few exceptions being Rush Limbough’s top rated program.
    And with WHB being local during Rome’s show you can’t blame KCSP-AM for trying.

  10. Nick Wright says:

    Rome doesn’t have any more takes
    and he SUCKS!!

  11. reggie the weggie says:

    Hearne, where did you find this dud who claims to be a writer? He’s triple boring. Punt him through the goalpost and let’s move on.

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